Author's Notes Presents

An actual conversation my sister and I had about a fanfic she wrote and posted back in middle school that I didn't know about until a few days ago.

AngelicDemnX: ARGH! I hate that story!

PrincessRose: Really? I want to read it.

AngelicDemnX: No! It's awful! I hate it!

PrincessRose: I'm gonna read it.

AngelicDemnX: No! I don't want you to! I'm going to take it down!

PrincessRose: Don't! I want to read it!

AngelicDemnX: I'm taking it down now!

PrincessRose: NO!

AngelicDemnX: Hmm…Maybe I should keep it to see how bad it was in comparison to what we have now.

PrincessRose: If you're leaving it up, I'm reading it.

AngelicDemnX: You're a jerk!

(I read)

AngelicDemnX: ARH! I hate it! I hope you hate it too so we can talk about how much we hate it!

PrincessRose: I'm gonna add it to my favorites list.

AngelicDemnX: If you do I will KILL you!

PrincessRose: Heh, heh. His friends were like a cold sore.

AngelicDemnX: I hate that! It's not a very good analogy!

PrincessRose: I think I'll use it in my story.

AngelicDemnX: No! It's awful!

PrincessRose: You're making it really hard to read!

AngelicDemnX: Good! I hope you skip ahead so you don't read some of it!

PrincessRose: There! I skipped ahead to the last two lines.

AngelicDemnX: The last two lines are the worst!

HOMEBOUND

They had been walking for days. DAYS. Iikiba had long since led them out of the valley. They had covered farmland, wandered through endless forests and even ran into an occasional city. It took every ounce of Makoto's will power not to take the map back from Iikiba and yell that he had gotten them lost again. But it seemed that Makoto was too stubborn to give up on what she saw as a battle of wills against Mascara. At this point it was just a contest to see which girl would admit that Iikiba had messed up. By this time Mascara knew she had made a horrible mistake, but she still didn't want to lose face.

"I am sure we will be there in no time." Mascara said in a fake cheery voice that clearly said she thought otherwise. Makoto just glared at her.

"According to the map we should be getting close." Iikiba said as he held the map in front of his face, not even watching where he was going.

Of course they weren't close. They were wandering through a town district with residential homes and small shops. It wouldn't be long before they reached downtown and got held up by traffic. That was when Makoto blinked and looked around at the houses. "This place looks familiar."

"Does it?" Mascara asked, looking around.

Iikiba peered over the map and stopped walking. "That's weird. This looks like one of the streets in Nerima."

"That's impossible. There's no way we're back in Japan." Makoto said.

"Well then someone has a house that looks exactly like the Tendo dojo." Iikiba said as he pointed towards a house just down the street.

Makoto fell over in dismay. "No way!" She ran down the street to stand in front of the dojo and the others followed. "There is no way we're back in Nerima!"

If it was someone else's dojo then it was a scary resemblance. There was even a panda standing on its hind legs sweeping the porch.

"Grandpa!" Makoto called in surprise.

Genma panda looked back in his granddaughter in shock. 'Could it be?' He held up a sign. 'Akane! Get out here!' Genma waved the sign towards the house. But he roared towards the house as well because the sign (of course) didn't make any noise.

"What's all the ruckus?" Akane yelled from a second story window. "Shouldn't you be out- MAKOTO!" She yelled, having just noticed her.

Genma ran towards them. 'We were so worried about you-' Akane pushed him out of the way as she ran out to her daughter and grabbed her in a tight hug.

"Oh Makoto! I've been so worried! What were you thinking?" Akane let go of Makoto and started examining her hands instead. "Ranma and Ryoga have been looking for you two for two weeks!"

"Mom! I'm fine, I'm…what are you doing?" She asked as she pulled her hand away.

Akane gave a huge sigh of relief and hugged Makoto again. "I was checking for a ring! Oh Makoto! I'm just so happy to see you home and unmarried!" She sobbed.

"Marr- what?"

"Yeah, Jatsuma told us that you had eloped with Iikiba." Akane said.

"HE WHAT?" Iikiba and Makoto shouted together.

"I am confused." Mascara said, glaring at Iikiba. "You are my fiancée."

'That hurt you know.' Genma held up another sign to Akane.

"Makoto!" Daichi ran out of the house as quickly as he could without falling. He was closely followed by Soun. "You're back!"

"Where have you been young lady? You had us all worried sick!" Soun said in his most parental voice.

"I knew you missed Iikiba, but I didn't know you had gone insane!" Daichi said. "You can't get married! You're 14!"

"Would you all just chill! We're not married! We didn't elope!" Makoto yelled.

"But Jatsuma said…" Daichi started to say, and then stopped. "I should have seen that one shouldn't I?" He sighed.

"Well someone almost got married." Makoto glared at Mascara and Iikiba.

"We are still going to!" Mascara grabbed hold of Iikiba's arm.

"No one is married OR getting married!" Iikiba yelled with an edge of fear in his voice.

"Wait. You got engaged?" Akane asked.

"No!" Iikiba yelled. "She's an Amazon! I…kind of accidentally defeated her."

"But you know about the Amazon law." Daichi said.

"I forgot! Okay!"

Just then Iikiba felt someone push him forward. He managed not to fall and spun around in a fighting stance. Only to come face to face with someone he REALLY didn't want to fight.

"So help me God, you had better still be a bachelor, boy!" Ranma advanced towards Iikiba. Ryoga and Yuri and her fan club were coming up behind him. "Because if I find out that you've done anything to my daughter, ANYTHING-"

"Ah! Help!" Iikiba squeaked.

"Sorry, got to go with Ranma on this one." Ryoga said.

"We never realized you were such a beast." Yuri hung her head in disgrace and her fan club nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, I missed you guys too." Iikiba said sarcastically.

"They're not married, Ranma." Akane said.

"Oh…good!" Ranma said, still looking suspiciously at Iikiba.

"But he did manage to get himself engaged." She added.

"WHAT?" Ryoga and Ranma yelled at the same time.

"It wasn't my fault!" Iikiba yelled as he tried to push Mascara back as she hugged him again.

"Pffh." Makoto scoffed and Iikiba glared at her.

"Iikiba, when you defeated me it bound us together." Mascara said. "Surely you feel it?"

"Uh…"

"Wait…when you defeated? She's an Amazon?" Ranma asked. That got everyone's attention.

"An Amazon? You were in China?" Soun asked.

"You defeated her? Why did you do that? You know their law!" Ryoga yelled.

"You really ARE a beast!" Yuri asserted.

"How the heck did you get to China?" Akane asked.

"We have no idea." Makoto answered her mother.

"Didn't you have to cross the Sea of Japan?" Daichi asked skeptically.

"I suppose they could have fallen asleep on a boat or something." Soun said, pondering.

'Or a plane.' Genma added, holding a sign.

"Well as long as Iikiba didn't marry Makoto." Ranma clapped his hands together and smiled. "He might as well go ahead and marry this other girl!"

"Dad!" Makoto yelled angrily.

"But…but…" Iikiba stuttered. A look of terror was growing on his face. Mascara looked ecstatic.

"Thank you for your blessing!" Mascara said. "You are Ranma Saotome, right? You are not nearly as bad as everyone says."

"What do they say?" Ranma asked with a raised eyebrow.

"It's not your blessing to give!" Ryoga said angrily as he pushed Ranma away and took his spot in front of Iikiba and Mascara. "Iikiba, you need to think about this. Are you sure you want to get married?"

"But…"

"I won't stop you if you're really sure! But you're still so young! Maybe you should wait a few years! You can't just leave me all alone!" Ryoga started tearing up.

"Uh-hem. What am I then?" Yuri asked. The Fan Boys glared.

"Geez, man. Cut the umbilical cord." Ranma said.

"He's almost an adult now. He can make his own choices and there's really nothing you can do change his mind." Akane said as she patted Ryoga on the back.

Ryoga sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're-"

"I DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED!" Iikiba tried to make a break for it but Makoto and Mascara stopped him before he could get anywhere. "Gah!"

"Apparently he's afraid of commitment." Makoto said as she struggled to keep Iikiba in a headlock.

Everyone was silent for a moment. "Yes!" Ryoga cheered.

Iikiba managed to get free and stood up, glaring at everyone angrily. "I've had it! You all make fun of me, and Jatsuma tells everyone I was getting married!" He turned to face the dojo. "JATSUMA! COME OUT AND FIGHT ME YOU COWARD!"

A few seconds later a second story window opened and Jatsuma stuck his head out of it. "Hey! Some people are trying to take an afternoon nap here!" He yelled, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Oh, it's you guys! You're back!"

"Don't try to act all friendly now!" Iikiba yelled. "You told everyone that Makoto and I were eloping!"

"Oh…uh…you…weren't?" Jatsuma said with a quick look towards his parents.

"Jatsuma, you made us worry half to death about Makoto!" Akane shouted.

"But there's a very good explanation for it!" He insisted.

"Yeah, he didn't want you to know that he was there when I left." Makoto said.

"Makoto!" Jatsuma hissed. "And after all I did to cover for you!"

"Well you did a great job!" Makoto yelled back.

"Well now you're both in trouble." Ranma said. "I don't know what your punishment will be yet. But I guarantee…it will be swift and merciless!"

"If he lives that long." Iikiba said angrily.

"Wait! Can't we talk about this?" Jatsuma jumped out of the window. "I really didn't do anything! Makoto was the one who ran away to China and-YOW!"

Jatsuma landed hard on something and fell down. He sat up quickly and rubbed his head. "What the-?" He looked up and saw that everyone was staring at him in disbelief. "What?"

That was when Jatsuma looked down and realized he had landed on top of a girl, Mascara to be exact. "Ah! I'm sorry! I didn't see you there!" He jumped up and helped pull Mascara to her feet.

She looked into Jatsuma's eyes for a few seconds then turned away, blushing as red as a tomato. "I…I am fine."

"Phew, that's good. I can't believe I fell on such a pretty girl though. Guess I'm just a lucky guy!" He said, smiling.

Mascara blushed even deeper. "Your name is Jatsuma, right?"

"Yeah, that's me!"

"I am Mascara." She turned towards him with a big grin on her face. "And you defeated me!"

"Huh?"

"Jatsuma you just landed on top of an Amazon." Ranma said with a heavy sigh.

"I what?" Jatsuma asked quickly, and then Mascara hugged him. But before Jatsuma could do anything Iikiba pulled him away from her.

"Hold it you player! She was already engaged to me!"

"Shut up Iikiba!" Makoto yelled. "Just let Jatsuma take her!"

"No! He's always trying to beat me in everything!"

"Am I hearing right?" Jatsuma asked. "You actually won a martial arts battle? Good for you Iikiba! I knew there had to be someone out there who was weaker than you!"

"Shut up!" Iikiba threw a punch at Jatsuma, who dodged the attack.

"Iikiba! Please do not hurt him!" Mascara stepped between them.

Jatsuma took her hands and looked into her eyes. "Mascara, please don't get hurt on my account." She blushed even more and giggled.

"Stop that!" Iikiba yelled and hit Jatsuma on the head. "That jerk doesn't need protecting, Mascara!"

"Iikiba I understand that you are jealous. But I have not forgotten you." Mascara said. Makoto grunted.

"How's that?" He asked, annoyed.

"Well you both defeated me, did you not?"

They were silent for a moment. "Come again?" Jatsuma asked.

"You're saying you're engaged to both of them?" Daichi interjected.

"Well…yes."

"You can't do that! Can she do that?" Makoto turned to her father.

"I don't know! Since when am I the expert?" Ranma yelled. "Jatsuma, you are not allowed to be engaged!"

"I wasn't trying to be!" Jatsuma yelled back. "I just jumped out a window!"

"Look, maybe we all just need to calm down." Soun said. "Take deep soothing breaths."

"I guess…things could be worse." Akane added.

Genma held up a sign. 'It could be worse.'

Just then there was a crack of thunder and the rain started to fall.

"We do have such unpredictable weather this time of year." Yuri said as a fan boy held an umbrella over her head.

"Barkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark!"


Two chapters to go!