AN: The Teen Titans are not owned by me, myself, or even I!
Chapter 4
He stood outside of her door. He hadn't told the others that he was going to attempt to talk to her, because he knew they would just tell him that it was committing suicide. But he figured that he really couldn't make the situation any worse. Now all he had to do was pick up his hand and place it against the door three times in a rhythmic fashion. Such a simple action. Even a baby could knock on a door if persuaded. This was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do.
After about five minutes of arguing with himself in his head he found his hand moving up and finally knocking. He didn't even feel attached to it; like someone else was controlling him. The moment he did it he regretted it and wanted to run. But he couldn't stop now. He swallowed what little spit he had to try and coat his dry throat and began to speak.
"Raven? It's me. I know what I did last night was really… wrong. The truth is that I don't really remember what I did. All I know is that I really embarrassed you and for that I am totally sorry. I know that you probably will never forgive me and will hate me until the end of time, but I just want you to know that I really am sorry. And if you choose to never speak to me again I totally think I deserve it. Well… that's it. I just wish I could have said this to your face instead of through the door."
He waited a few seconds, just incase she was going to respond. She didn't. He sighed and turned around to leave. He had gone two steps when he heard, "Why me?"
He quickly turned around and saw himself face to face with her. He hadn't heard her door open or anything. She was so stealthy sometimes it really was a wonder. He guessed that she must have teleported into the hall.
"What?" he asked, after the shock had passed.
"Why did you have to sing to me?" she asked. Her hood was pulled up and all he could see were her pale, deep gray lips.
"I don't know," he said, trying to sound like he genuinely hadn't a clue. He couldn't tell her that he was secretly sweet on her. "I really can't remember what I did."
"You sang a love song to me, stumbled off the stage, took my hand, and got down on one knee," she said, trying to keep her emotions out of the conversation. "I just want to know why me? You could have sung to any other girl in the room, but you came straight to me. Your eyes never left me for a second."
Beast Boy felt his heart racing and his tongue and throat go as dry as sand. He began to choke, but he attempted to act nonchalantly. "I honestly don't know why I…"
"I know, I know," said Raven sighing. "I'll probably never get an answer, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop asking that question. And the fact is that you mortified me out in public and now I can never show my face again. I can not forgive you right now, so stop apologizing. But maybe someday in the far far future I can find it in my heart to forgive you. But not now." And with that she retreated back into her room.
Beast Boy sighed and closed his eyes. "I sang to you because I like you," he said in a very soft whisper. "I like you a lot." He turned and decided to go back to his room. He suddenly felt very tired and a tad sick again.
Raven sat on her bed and sighed a long sigh. Why did these things always have to happen to her? Why couldn't they happen to someone else for a change? Of course she knew that this wasn't true, but when something bad happened to her she always felt like she was singled out.
Her anger towards Beast Boy hadn't left entirely, but it had dulled down a bit. She was really angry that he couldn't give her an answer as to why he had done what had had done. That was the only thing she wanted to know. Why did he choose her? What, in all his drunken glory, could have possessed him to sing a song like that to her?
There came another set of knocks upon her door that startled her out of her thoughts. 'Who could it be now?' she thought.
"Raven, it's Robin."
"Of course," she said to herself. She got up and opened the door. "Can I help you?"
"I was just making sure you were okay," said Robin. "We haven't seen you all day. Beast Boy is really sorry about what he said…"
"I know," said Raven. "He came and apologized to me."
"He did?" asked Robin, shocked.
"Yes, he did," said Raven. "He also says that he can't even remember last night and can't give me an explanation for his actions."
"Well, he was pretty drunk," said Robin. "But he promised to cut down on the drinking so something… like that… doesn't happen again. Anyway, do you need anything? You haven't eaten all day and it's almost dinner time. We were gonna go out for pizza."
"No!" she said quickly. "I mean… no thank you. I still have some meditation to do. Wouldn't want me to blow up the tower now, do we."
"Okay, but if you need anything…"
She shut the door quickly. She really didn't want to go out. She could never show her face outside again. She knew everyone would be pointing and laughing at her. She couldn't handle that. She just couldn't.
Robin looked at the cold steal door in front of him and sighed. He knew where he had to go now. He had to find Beast Boy and ask him what the hell he was thinking when he went to talk to Raven.
Beast Boy was lying on his bed, looking up at the ceiling. He hadn't felt this low in a long time. He hated feeling this way, but he couldn't help it. Hey, that sounds kind of familiar. So he lay there letting the time pass by as slowly as it wanted to.
A repetition of knocks invaded the sanctity of his quiet thoughts. "Come in," he sighed.
Robin entered and saw Beast Boy lying on his bed looking very depressed. At first he was going to scold the guy for talking to Raven, now he just felt sorry for him. "Hey Beast Boy."
"Hi Robin," he said in a low voice. "What's up?"
"I heard that you talked to Raven," he said, venturing into the mess that was Beast Boy's room.
"Yeah, and I survived to tell the tale," he said, trying to cover his depression with humor. "And I know you're probably going to tell me that it was a bad idea, I know. I just felt like I had to say that I was sorry to her face. I didn't want you guys to say it for me."
"You took a big risk," said Robin.
"I know," sighed Beast Boy.
Robin watched Beast Boy, who was just lying on his top bunk, twiddling his fingers. He had never seen the guy likes this before. At least, not in a long while. "You really like her that much?"
"Yeah," said Beast Boy sadly. "I don't know why."
"Well, I know this sounds stupid, but have you tried to just ignore her?" asked Robin. "You know, push her out of your mind?"
Beast Boy began to chuckle and he sat up and turned so he could face Robin. "Dude, I've been trying to do that ever since I realized I liked her! I knew that it was a stupid crush and that if I just ignored it it would go away. But after a while it didn't. No matter what I've tried over the years I can't get her out of my mind."
Robin couldn't believe he hadn't noticed this sooner. How could Beast Boy have hidden this affection he had for Raven this well? The guy couldn't even tell a joke without ruining the punch line. "How long, exactly, have you felt this way for her? I mean, I know you said years, but can you pin point it?"
"Yeah, I can," said Beast Boy. "I can tell you very instant I started to feel something different for her. It was right after I found out that Terra was no longer stone and she rejected me. I was feeling so depressed that I went up to the roof a lot to think. Then, one day, Raven came up to see how I was. I told her that I was upset about Terra and she said that I shouldn't be. That I should just move on, like Terra had. And then, I don't what it was Robin, but the sun hit her just the right way and… something changed. She looked… beautiful. And I'm not talking about movie star beautiful, or cover girl beautiful, or even that hot waitress at the pizza shop beautiful. Just naturally beautiful. I had never seen anything like it in my enter life. That's when it happened. That's the exact moment it happened."
Robin just stared at Beast Boy. He was secretly beating himself up inside. Here he had thought himself to be one of the world's best detectives and he couldn't even see this happening right in front of him! "Beast Boy… I never knew that you…"
"Yeah, I know," said Beast Boy. "That's why I didn't want you guys to know. That's why I don't want Raven to know. How can I tell her that I know the exact moment I found her to be the most beautiful girl I had ever seen? And I knew you guys wouldn't believe that I, Beast Boy, could feel and think like this. I'm not exactly known for being deep, you know?"
"Yeah," said Robin with a slight chuckle.
"And now I've blown it big time," said Beast Boy lying back down. "She said that because of me she can never go out in public again. Do you have any idea how that feels? I just want to crawl up and die!" He put his pillow over his face and let out a long sigh. He sure had been sighing a lot lately. The whole tower seemed to be sighing along with him.
Robin hated seeing him like this. The poor guy! He's practically in love with Raven and he'll never be able to tell her how he feels. Or maybe… "Maybe you should tell her how you feel."
Beast Boy was still for a moment and then threw the pillow from his face. "What!"
"Maybe you should tell Raven how you feel about her," said Robin again. "It would definitely explain why you sang to her and she may even go easier on you. Besides, you can't just watch her from afar for the rest of your life."
"Robin, are you insane?" said Beast Boy. "I can't just go up to her and tell her I like her!"
"Why not?" asked Robin. "You've practically done it already. I think that it would do more good than bad if you told her how you felt."
"I… I don't think I can," said Beast Boy growing quiet.
"Well, then, you have to make a choice," said Robin in his leader tone once more. "Either confess to Raven and tell her that you like her, or get over her and move on."
"I can't get over her," said Beast Boy looking at the floor.
"Then you only have one other option," said Robin.
