AN: The Teen Titans are not owned by me, myself, or even I!

Chapter 5

Raven looked out into the hallway and saw that the coast was clear. She was starving and really had to use the bathroom because of that whole pot of tea she drank. She slowly and cautiously moved through the quiet hallway. She guessed that the others must have gone to their rooms for the night, not to bed, though, since it was early. She first went to the bathroom and then made her way into the kitchen.

She sat down at the table with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and another cup of tea. As she took her first bite she felt much better. She tended to get cranky if she hadn't eaten in over two days. She seemed to be able to go without eating no problem. The others weren't sure how she survived on tea and eating one meal every other day.

As she finished one half of her sandwich she paused to sip her tea. Then she heard the common room doors swoosh open behind her. She groaned silently and wondered who it was. She could handle it if it was Robin or Cyborg or maybe even Starfire, but not…

"Uh… hi Raven."

Beast Boy.

"Can I help you?" she asked coldly.

"I was, um, wondering if I could talk to you."

"What did I tell you earlier?" she hissed. "I don't want to talk to you for a very long time. I don't even want to see you right now."

"I know, but this is really important," said Beast Boy sitting down across from her. "It's… it's about last night."

"What? Some of your drunken memories flood back to you?" she said, trying to suppress her anger for him.

"No," said Beast Boy. He couldn't do this. He just couldn't. She hated him, and with good reason. She would really never speak to him again if he revealed his secret to her. Worse yet, she may even leave the Titans! He had never thought of that. What if she was so upset that she just decided to leave, to get away from him? No, he couldn't do it. He just couldn't.

"Then what is it?" she finally asked. He had been quiet and staring into space for the last minute and what little patience she had was running short.

"Nothing," he said at last and stood up to leave.

Raven starred at him and watched him leave. 'What the hell was that about?' she asked herself. "Beast Boy, you came to tell me something, so tell me," she ordered.

"It's nothing, really," said Beast Boy. "I shouldn't have bothered you."

"Damn right you shouldn't have," she said going back to her sandwich.

That last comment just about broke Beast Boy's heart. She really did hate him. She truly and honestly hated him. Maybe he should choose the second option. Just forget about her and move on. But he had tried that many times and had failed in each attempt. He really was at a dead end now.

"That was mean," he heard her say suddenly.

"What?" he asked.

"I said that what I just said was mean," sighed Raven. "Listen, you know that I'm very upset right now and yet you still came up to me to talk to me. So, please, just tell me what you wanted to say."

"Raven I… can't," said Beast Boy.

"Why can't you?" asked Raven.

"Because… I don't know," he said hanging his head. "Because I'm a coward I guess."

"A coward?" asked Raven. "Beast Boy, what in the world are you trying to tell me?"

"Please, just forget that I said anything," said Beast Boy.

"Well I can't now," said Raven. "You tease me with a bit of information and then you refuse to tell me? This is just ridiculous at this point. Now tell me what you want to tell me."

"You don't understand," said Beast Boy looking up at her. "I can't tell you. To tell you what I need to tell you would just cause both of us pain and I don't want to hurt you anymore. I've already ruined our friendship with that stupid karaoke night and I don't want to do anything that might cause any more harm."

Raven just looked at him, shocked. He was looking at the floor again and she actually felt… sorry for him. She could feel the pain he was feeling and she knew that whatever was on his mind was really troubling him. As much as she had hated him the minute before, she didn't like to see him like this. Whether she liked it or not, he was her friend and she wouldn't be a good friend by letting him feel this way. She slowly stood up and went over to him. "Beast Boy, whatever it is… you can tell me. And… and I promise I won't get mad. So what is it? Did you break something of mine?"

Beast Boy looked up and saw that she was so close to him. She was staring right into his eyes with her own violet ones. "No."

"Did you go in my room?"

"No."

"Did you see me in the shower then? What is it?"

"I can't tell you!"

"Why not?"

"I just can't!"

"Beast Boy please tell me!"

Then he did it. He did it before his mind even knew he had done it. In one quick motion he cupped her cheeks in his hands and kissed her with all the passion that had been building up over the years. He kissed her so suddenly that she didn't even have time to think, nor did he. He had just done it, as if, once again, he had been controlled by another person. In that kiss he revealed everything to her. What was in his mind, in his heart, every secret feeling he had for her. It was all exposed in this one quick action.

In reality it only lasted three seconds. That's when Raven's powers suddenly blasted the two apart, sending each ten feet backwards. They both ended up tumbling onto the ground and landing on their backs.

Raven lay there for a few seconds, trying to figure out what had just happened. But by the time she sat up to ask Beast Boy why he had done that, he was gone. She sat there in a daze. She touched her lips, which were still tingling, and felt that her heart was still racing.

Beast Boy had gotten out of there as fast as he could, before Raven could really respond. He turned into a fly and flew out of there and into the hallway leading to his room.

"What the hell was I thinking?" he screamed at himself once he made it to his room. "Why did I do that? I can't believe I just did that! She's never gonna be able to talk to me again. Hell! She won't even be able to look at me again. I've really done it now. What an idiot! What a fucking idiot!" He began to hit his head against the wall he was so furious with himself.

Raven finally got to her feet, though she felt like she was going to fall back down to her knees. All of the confusion she had felt before was now quadrupled. Had it really happened? Had Beast Boy just… kissed her? Or had she had some bad reaction to her peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Was it all a peanut induced dream? No… no, it couldn't have been. Why else had she been on the floor? Why could she feel her emotions skipping around inside of her?

She had to talk to him. If she didn't then they never would be able to talk about it. She had to do it now and avoid the horrible awkwardness they would feel later. Not that they wouldn't feel any less awkward now in this moment. She calmed herself and then headed for his room, where she guessed him to be.

Beast Boy was sitting on his floor. He didn't know why. He was sick of being up in his bed, maybe. Or maybe he really didn't know where he belonged anymore. Everything was so topsy turvy. His head was swimming with a million thoughts and regrets. Soft knocks fell upon his ears. He looked to the door and his heart stopped. She wouldn't be there. There wasn't a snowflake's chance in Hell that she was there. It must have been someone else. But he didn't want to talk to anyone, anyway, so what did it matter if it was her or not? It did matter, a great deal.

"Beast Boy, may I come in?" he heard her voice say. The sound of her voice rose him up and broke him down at the same time. How was that possible? It was her. It was the magic of her being. The magic she held over him.

"Yes," he said. He didn't even realized that he had said it. He didn't want her to come in; and yet he wanted her there with him. He was split in two, and he wasn't sure which half was winning. It seemed to be the one that took over his body and gave him no say in what he was doing.

She slowly opened his door and looked inside. She saw him, sitting in the middle of the piles of clothes and other various piles that littered his room. He was looking up at her and as their eyes met she saw the pain he was feeling. There was something in his eyes that she had never seen before and it captivated her.

She closed the door and moved over to him. He sighed and found the strength to stand up. She stood about three feet from him. Just close enough to talk, but not close enough to feel awkward.

"Look, about what I just did," said Beast Boy. "I'm… really sorry."

"Why did you do it?" she asked, unable to look in his eyes. He had some trouble looking to hers as well.

"It's… complicated," said Beast Boy.

"I don't think it is," said Raven. "I think it's something that's… confusing, but I don't think it's complicated. But I need to know… what is it?"

"Don't you know?" asked Beast Boy in a laugh that almost sound like he was going to cry. "Don't you know now?"

"Beast Boy, please… just come out and say it to me," said Raven, feeling her heart race. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be happening.

"Raven I… I… I like you," he said, looking at the floor and closing his eyes. These words pained him as much as they relieved him to say them.

"You… you like me?" asked Raven.

"Yes," said Beast Boy, trying to stay strong. He felt so pitiful, so pathetic. Like a serf who tells a princess that he loves her. It sounds idiotic to the princess, but it's the most important thing the serf's ever done. "And I'm sorry."

"For what?" asked Raven. She had never, in all the years they knew each other, seen him like this. This was a completely different Beast Boy. Like he was aging before her eyes; maturing into the man he was to be for the rest of his life. A transformation was taking place, and Raven was witnessing it.

"I'm sorry that I feel this way about you," said Beast Boy. "I'm sorry that it's because of these feelings that I embarrassed you last night. I'm sorry that I just kissed you. And I'm just…. I'm just sorry, Raven."

Raven looked up at him, since he was now taller than her, and tried to now catch his eyes. She wanted to see them, to see if they had changed along with the rest of him in that moment. She could feel the energy around him shift and even his voice seem to deepen and hold more wisdom than it had before. But he did not look up at her. He couldn't. These words that were escaping his lips, they were attached to his heart. And with every word he spoke he felt a bit of his heart being torn away.

"Beast Boy… this thing, what you feel for me, it's just a crush," said Raven, trying to sound normal, but failing. "It will go away."

"No it won't," said Beast Boy desperately and shaking his head. "As much as I want it to, it just won't, Raven. You have no idea how long I've spent trying to get you out of my mind. Trying not to watch you when you make your tea because I think it's cute how you scrunch your nose up on that first sip. Trying not to gaze upon your beauty when you're meditating in the sunshine in front of the window in the common room." At this point he looked up finally and caught her eyes. "Trying to avoid your captivating violet eyes when you rarely speak to me, not scold me. Trying to hear any trace of a giggle in your sarcasm." He reached up to her face with his left hand softly brushed her cheek. "Trying to stop myself from dedicating every moment I have with you to making you smile."

The feel of Beast Boy's hand on her cheek made Raven's heart race and the cheek he was touching to blush, just as the other was. The words he was speaking to her, she had never heard anyone talk to her in such a way. It was beautiful and made her see him in a totally different light. And she closed her eyes in that moment, without knowing why.

She then felt something creeping into her eyes. Tears? Yes, they were tears. She was crying? He had moved her to tears! No, she had to get out of there. She opened her eyes quickly and took a step back. "I… I have to go," she said and then turned and ran out of the room.

When she reached her room everything was moving about and exploding. Her emotions were all over the place and she knew that there would be no calming them any time soon. She closed her door and pressed her back up against it. Her heart was still racing, as was her mind. She placed her hand to her mouth, as if she had gasped, and closed her eyes. The tears she had been trying to hold back poured down her cheeks. But they were the only ones she would allow. She was not meant to cry.