Downfall
When he opened his eyes again she was staring off away from him.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't…I don't know why I've said…I'm sorry." Her voice was so far away.
"No, don't apologize." He sat down next to her. He wanted to say so much, but he wasn't sure how to say any of it. He wanted to know what she thought of him, but could he really just ask? "I…I would have asked if you hadn't spoken."
She looked at him curiously. "Why? Why would you care?" She grimaced when she realized it sounded harsher than she had intended.
He shrugged. "I've…been watching you, from a distance, for a while."
"I noticed. Why?" She turned to face him more directly.
"Why have you been watching me?" he asked a bit defensively. She looked down and was about to answer when he spoke again. "No…I'm sorry. I don't know, really. There's just something about you that has been troubling me."
She looked up sharply.
"Something that…I want you to trouble me." He grimaced. "No, that doesn't make any sense." He clenched his jaw and swallowed before continuing. "Look, I don't really know how to explain myself. All I know is that ever since my father was arrested I've looked at the world differently. I've tried to figure out how I think and feel about things. I know that every time I saw you, you seemed to be studying me. You seemed to understand. You seemed concerned."
He shifted his position. Her eyes were searching him and it was making him uncomfortable. "I just…somehow knew you saw through me. I knew you could tell something was bothering me. You knew I was changing, or at least trying to. Then the comment you made about being angry…you were right. I know that I want you to believe in me. I know that I want you on my side."
Her eyes had grown wide and she stood. At first he thought she was going to walk away, but she just started pacing.
"Look, Draco…I…" she stopped pacing and faced him. "I…you fascinate me, yes, but…" she clenched her jaw and started pacing again. "I'm glad you're changing; I'm glad you're finding out who you are. I'm sorry you've been through so much. I wish I could help, I really do, but…I…"
He stood and got in her way. Grabbing her wrists, he caught her eye. "I know we're both ashamed of being broken in, of really opening up to someone, and I know that we will both fight against it, but I want so much so bad…We both need someone. We both need to be understood. We both need so much! We've seen it, we've noticed it, we've been there for each other from a distance all year! You know I've always been with you, you feel it! You know we need this! Give all that's within you! Gin…be my saviour." His last words trailed off quietly.
She had to break eye contact. The intensity with which he was pleading was more than she could stand. "You'll be my downfall," she whispered.
He half laughed. "You'll be my saviour and I'll be your downfall." He shook his head. "Gin…I want you to agree with me, please."
She looked up at him and found his eyes again. Looking at him accusingly, she said, "You aren't ready to change yet. You don't want to change."
