AN: The Teen Titans are not owned by me, myself, or even I!
Chapter 6
Beast Boy stood out on the rocks that lay on the shore of the island that held his home, the T tower. After Raven had run away from him the night before he hadn't been able to pull himself together to do anything. He had lied down on his bed, but sleep never came. He had gotten up and tried to eat breakfast, but his appetite had disappeared. He had tried to play video games, but his fingers just couldn't seem to remember where the buttons were. His actions were really worrying the other Titans.
So now he stood upon the shore, looking out over the horizon. It was almost lunch time, but he could not feel the hunger that was tearing at his stomach. He was already in enough pain. How he wished he could just change in a bird and fly out into the horizon, never stopping. Just enjoying the flight and never letting it end. Never having to worry again. Never having to feel anything for anyone, not even himself, again. Now, he knew that he had the ability to turn into a bird, he just didn't have the strength to actually lift off and fly.
A cool breeze passed him and made his arms quiver and cover with goose bumps. He looked down and saw a small pool of water that held a solitary crab. It was just scuttling about with no real purpose. Just going about its daily business and waiting for the tide to come back in so that he may return back to his home in the sea. He didn't know why, but he felt like he had more in common with that little crab than with anyone else on the island. But he bet that that crab had a nice little wife crab and a few little crab children.
Slowly he bent down and moved the crab into his hand. It was a little hesitant, but did crawl into his palm after he persuaded him with his finger. Beast Boy stood up and made his way down to the water. He knelt down and let the crab go. Its little legs moved quickly and soon it was back in the water and heading for his little crab home, under a rock somewhere with his little crab family.
"That was nice of you," he heard her say.
He knew it was her, and somehow he had known when she had arrived. He sighed and stood back up. He turned around and saw her standing there. Her cloak was blown out from around her by the cool breeze that had chilled him minutes before. "Well, the little guy needed to get back home," he said with a nervous, forced smile. "And that's our job, anyway. To help the helpless."
Raven took a few steps over to him. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe he was living in that little pool you scooped him out of?"
Beast Boy hadn't really thought about that. But, why would he live in a little pool of water? He walked back over to the little pool, which lay at Ravens feet, and looked in. "Why would he live here?"
Raven used her powers to move one of the rocks that lie in the pool. Under it lie another crab and two little baby crabs. Beast Boy had broken up the little crab family he had pictured. He had just grabbed this poor little crab's husband and thrown him back into the ocean that he had probably spent his whole life escaping. Beast Boy's ears drooped.
"Oh crud," he said in a sigh.
"I haven't heard you use that phrase in a while," said Raven. "Usual you say… something else."
"Shit?" said Beast Boy looking over at her.
"Yeah, shit," said Raven plainly.
Beast Boy gave her a weak smile and sat down beside the placid little pool. "I just can't do anything right lately, can I?" he said sadly.
"Not necessarily," said Raven. She slowly sat down next to him. "You're intentions were good. You just never asked the crab if he wanted to leave."
"Well… it's too late now," said Beast Boy in a sigh. "I've probably sentenced the poor creature to death out there."
"Maybe, maybe not," said Raven. She lifted her hand and a black aura encased it and pushed out into the water. Beast Boy watched as the little crab he had let loose into the water was brought back in a little black orb of Ravens powers. She placed it back down with its family.
"You always know how to save the day," he said with a sad smile.
She grabbed the rock that had once covered the crab family with her powers and moved it into his hand. "Why don't you fix the home you've broken?" she said in a calm, almost kind voice.
Beast Boy looked down into the pool and saw that four little crabs. He gently placed the rock back to where he found it and the crabs made their way for it. He had the funny feeling they were cursing up a storm at him.
"See? Everything can be fixed," said Raven.
Beast Boy chuckled softly to himself. "I know what you're trying to do," he said. "But I know that what I've done can never be fixed."
"Beast Boy, you can't help your emotions," said Raven. "Trust me, I know. I may not show them, but that doesn't mean that they're not there, fighting to get out. So don't apologize for being human; it's all natural. And don't apologize for what you said to me last night."
"I made you run out of the room," he laughed bitterly. "Why wouldn't you want me to apologize for doing that?"
"Just because I ran doesn't mean I didn't like what you said and want you to take it all back," said Raven.
"Then what do you want me to do?" he asked, turning to her.
"I haven't asked anything of you," said Raven. "I'm just trying to talk to you about what happened. About you kissing me, about you telling me that you like me, about the words you spoke to me. I just want everything to be cleared up so my mind can think straight."
"Yeah, I know what that's like," said Beast Boy. "I haven't been able to think straight for years, if I ever could in the first place. My whole life's so fuzzy; I can't remember what's real and what's your sarcasm from over the years."
They sat there in silence for a few minutes. They listened to the water lap upon the rocky shore and watched as various boats and such moved about the water. The cool breeze blew once more and Raven wrapped herself up in her cloak. Beast Boy just ignored it.
"Beast Boy, you know that I can't feel what you feel for me," said Raven at last in a sigh.
"Yeah, I know," said Beast Boy in a defeated tone. "I've always known that you didn't feel anything like what I felt for you."
"No, it's not that," said Raven. "I can't feel anything for you. It's just… not allowed, because of my powers. I'm… not meant to love, Beast Boy. It's forbidden to me and I've accepted it. Now, I need to know that you accept it, too."
"I don't think I can," said Beast Boy shaking his head. "And if you can't feel love or anything, then what was that whole deal with Malchior, then?"
"Malchior… hurt me deeply," said Raven looking away from him. "And I have realized that when I do feel certain emotions I become weak, and I can not have that. Not as long as I am a Titan and have a responsibility to the city and the world."
"So, your powers become weak?" he asked.
"No, I become weak," said Raven. "My soul, my very being. I have to be focused at all times and developing crushes and such just isn't allowed. I hope you can understand. You can feel all you want for me, but I can never repay you with feelings of my own. It's… just how things are for me."
"I can't believe you've accepted that," said Beast Boy. "I don't know how you can do it."
"It's not easy," said Raven sadly.
"No, what I mean is that after all you've been through, you believe that this can't be changed," said Beast Boy. "Didn't you learn anything when Trigon came? Not everything you believe is true really is. You thought that you would end the world and that your father would rule over it for all eternity."
"Beast Boy, I did end the world," said Raven looking away painfully. She hated thinking about it. Too many painful memories.
"Yeah, but then you saved it," said Beast Boy. "The prophecy might have come true, but it wasn't final. You did become the portal and Trigon did come, but here we are! What you thought was going to happen didn't happen."
"Is there any particular reason you're bringing all of this up?" she asked bitterly.
Beast Boy sighed. "Just because you think that you can't feel love or anything doesn't mean that it's true."
They looked at each other for a few minutes, silently. Then Raven sighed and looked away from him. "Beast Boy, I don't feel for you what you feel for me," she said plainly. She slowly stood up and looked out over the horizon. "Once again, I ask for you to accept that." She turned and headed back to the tower.
Beast Boy closed his eyes and leaned back, so that he was now lying on the rock. He looked up at the blue sky with patches of clouds here and there. It might have been a hurricane outside, for all he cared. This day was turning out to be even worse than the one before.
"She doesn't like me," he said to himself at last. "But I knew that. I've known that all along. There was no way she could feel anything close to what I feel for her. But then why does it still hurt? It's like putting the wrong answers on a test and then flunking it and feeling sad that you didn't do better. It's just stupid. Oh well, you got a kiss out of it, anyway. And she didn't kill you, which was nice. Thank goodness she's not one to kiss and tell or anything."
As much as he was talking, it wasn't helping. He didn't want to accept that she couldn't feel anything for him. Stupid Malchior. He ruined everything. If he hadn't tricked her like that than maybe she would feel a little more secure in feeling her emotions.
"Wait a second! Did she say that she liked what I said last night?" he said to himself suddenly and sat up. "She said that she didn't want me to apologize and that she liked what I said to her! Maybe… maybe she does like me. Maybe not in the way that I like her, but maybe more than I thought she had before. She actually likes me… as a friend. It's not much, but it's a start!" He quickly jumped to his feet and began to run back into the tower.
