"He's waking up" the nurse called to him, but John chose not to listen and kept walking, screwing his eyes up trying to hold back the tears.
The nurse turned to Sam and smiled "you want to go in?"
Sam looked at the disappearing figure of his father, "sure" he sighed, not knowing how he was going to tell Dean their father had left.
"It'll take a few moments for him to be fully awake, just let him come round in his own time" the nurse was busy checking machines and charts as Dean stirred.
Sam sat at the side of Dean's bed watching the nurse fuss over his brother, and how he seemed to be enjoying ever second of it "I'll be back in a short while" she said smiling at the recovering hunter. She got a wink back for her trouble and she then left the brothers alone in the private room.
"You okay?" Sam asked feeling again somewhat guilty about the condition of his brother.
"I feel like crap" Dean answered, his voice raspy and weak but he had that smirk on his face "but I'll live. You okay, you look like you got a nasty cut there?" he twiddled his finger in an attempt to point to Sam's arm.
"Hurt's like crap, but I'll live" Sam grinned back.
"Glad to hear it" Dean tried to move slightly to get more comfy, but his body protested with a sharp pain in his chest, he had to accept where he was, was good enough.
Sam didn't know how to say it, so he just tried to come out with it "Dean, Dad had to"
"So I did see him, man I thought I was dreaming, where is he?" Dean interrupted lifting his head to look around the room, relieved he wasn't seeing things.
"Yeah he was here; he went back and finished up at the house" Sam started to try and explain.
"Good, though I wouldn't have minded whooping the Annabelle's ass myself"
"Dean, Dad's gone" Sam finally said soberly.
The smiled that had graced Dean face was wiped off "What? When?"
"Just a few minutes ago, he said he had to leave, it wasn't safe if he stayed"
"Well, if he had to go, I guess" Dean's heart almost broke, he desperately wanted to see his dad, to know, but if he was gone, there was nothing he could do.
"You guess what? You're okay he went without saying anything to you?"
"Sam he knows what he's doing, if he said its dangerous then we got to believe him" Dean surely couldn't tell Sam what he truly was thinking, of course he wasn't okay his father left without saying nothing, not even those three little words he wanted to badly to hear.
"Bullshit Dean, he could have waited and he'll be here now to say goodbye himself" Sam erupted, he couldn't understand how Dean could take the way he was treated.
That was enough for Dean, his mind telling him not to, but he could no longer help himself the built up emotions came out "Don't you think I wanted him to Sam, don't you think I spent those years with him listening to him go on about how proud he was of you, how you've made a good life for yourself, do you think he ever said that about me, NO! I'm not his son, I'm the good little soldier he trained me to be, what do you think, I don't get it? When mom died that was it, I lost my family, Dad went all marine shit on us, and I ended up being your protector, you got to play, be a kid, watch tv, I got to make your dinners, clean the guns, keep you safe when dad left our ass's to fend for ourselves, you think he's disappointed you, you've got no idea. Me? He doesn't give a rat's ass as long as you are okay!" Tears flowed down Dean's cheeks, the effort he had put into his rant was also taking its toll.
"Dean?" Sam wasn't expecting any of that, wiping his own tears away as he looked down at his wounded brother.
"He doesn't give a shit about me Sammy, as long as I'm protecting your ass. If this was you, do you think he would have left, I know you called him when I was dying before, he didn't come then, hell he didn't even call." Dean let out a sob, his eyes slowly opening and closing.
"I'm sorry" Sam couldn't think of anything more to say, he knew there was some truth in his brothers words.
"Don't be, I don't blame you, hell I don't even blame him, that's the way I've been brought up, forget it" Dean was trying to pull himself together, realizing he had already said too much.
"Dean you're my brother, why didn't you say this before?" Sam wiped a tear away, hoping to talk to his brother about what he just said.
"Yeah I know" Dean half smiled "look I'm just doped up, forget it, we'll speak in the morning, now dude I'm tired, go away so I can catch some z's" Dean in an attempt to shut his brother out, closed his eyes and turned his head the opposite way.
"Dean?"
"Seriously, if you don't go, I'll get up and kick your ass" Dean said in almost a whisper, but sounding like he meant every word.
"Yeah, course you will" Sam gave up, acknowledging his brothers reluctance to talk more, he left the room.
Dean lay back in his bed, his eyes opened to watch Sam walk down the corridor and out of sight, tears ran down his face, a weakness his mind was telling him as he tried to deal with his emotions, he shouldn't be crying, he shouldn't be feeling this way.
"How is he?"
Sam turned to see his Dad leaning against the wall.
"Dad? What?" Sam's jaw almost fell to the floor.
"I'm sorry son" John had walked over to Sam, and hugged him, his hand wrapping round his head as he kissed it.
"Dad, I don't understand" Sam said as he pulled away from the embrace.
"I couldn't leave not knowing, I don't want you to think I don't care" John's face was sincere, looking at his young son, he saw the pain he was in.
"Dad, Dean feels alone, he feels betrayed by you, by me, you should have saw his face when he knew it was you he saw, and then when I told him you'd left, Dad, Dean's hurting"
"I know son, I know, I'm going back to tell him something I think he needs to hear" John smiled as Sam as he put a hand on his shoulder.
Sam smiled; his Dad perhaps wasn't such a bastard after all.
Dean shifted in his bed; he couldn't find that comfortable position, and it didn't help the pain relief wasn't doing my relieving! Tears gone now from his eyes, he had gone back to soldier mode, telling himself to stop being like a chick, he knew better than that, besides he was too scared what might happen if he did actually finally breakdown.
Turned away from the door, Dean heard someone open it. He didn't want to deal with anyone right now and snapped his eyes shut hoping however it was would go away.
"Dean" the voice whispered "Dean, I'm back" John swallowed, not actually sure if he wanted his son to be awake or not.
Dean, hearing the voice opened his eyes but waited.
"I'm so sorry I left son" John took in a deep breath "I love you, you got to know that"
Dean slowly turned over to see his dad.
"Hey kiddo"
Dean nodded not really sure what to say.
"You okay?"
"I'm going to be fine" Dean's voice cracked with emotion.
"Dean son; I'm sorry I left, I'm sorry I left you all that time ago, I haven't been much of a father to you have I?" John had never seen Dean in such a way before; he was finding it hard to take in.
Dean looked sheepish, wanting to say 'no you haven't' but not having the guts or the will to do so.
"That's a 'no you haven't look'," John reflected "I can't stay Dean, I wish I could, but you are in danger the longer you are around me, I can't take that risk."
"I was dying, you didn't even call" Dean said bluntly.
"I know" John answered ashamed "I knew Sam was taking care of you, and I did find out you were okay through the hospital, but you're right I should have spoken to you"
"So why now, why did you come?" Dean was subdued, he was listening to his father without really wanting to hear him.
"Because Annabelle was setting a trap" John starting to say but stopped " because you need for me to tell you I love you!"
Dean almost burst out crying "do you?"
"Dean of course, you're my son, like Sammy, nothing on this earth will change that"
Dean didn't know whether to laugh or cry he had just heard his dad finally tell him he loved him and all he could think about was why his dad couldn't stick around and what was so dangerous.
"Dean, where's your necklace" John sounded panicked.
"Oh shit," Dean reached at his chest to feel it "they must have took it off"
"I told you never EVER take it off" John's voice changed instantly, from an apparently loving father he was now a stern marine.
"Like I had an option" Dean whispered. That was it, no more niceties.
"Get your necklace back and wear it, you'll be safe enough" John almost ordered.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Dean was getting confused; the pain relief was finally kicking in.
"Don't worry I'll get Sam to get it, wear it Dean it'll protect you" John looked through the window, checking Sam was still waiting outside.
"What about Sam… and you?" Dean was beginning to panic as his dad was getting more anxious.
"Don't worry just take care and stay safe, I love you son"
Dean didn't have time to say anything; John was out of the door and talking to Sam. He watched as it appeared Sam was nodding like he was taking orders, Dean was even sure he had said 'yes sir' about three times, before his own eyelids became too heavy to keep open, his world went black.
The End – Well of this story anyway… BUT there is a sequel called Protector on the way and it will deal with Dean's pendant!
BIG Thanks to all those who spend/spent a few minutes letting me know what you think; very much welcomed and appreciated!
Protector coming soon!
