The darkness of the night hid several dangers in the deserted streets of the city, the complete lack of lighting left the environment in total darkness, making it impossible for anyone to walk at that hour.
The sky was black, there wasn't even a star to stop the poor desperate souls from succumbing to the darkness, and it only made the surrounding atmosphere a little colder, somber.
The silence didn't help, in fact, it seemed to make things a little more frightening, more suffocating.
Lee hugged the little girl tightly on his lap. After what happened just a few hours earlier, he went to the one place he knew could be safe, his parents' pharmacy.
He and Kenny made sure to cordon off the place, preventing any zombies from accidentally entering the establishment. And the good thing was, they left some supplies behind, since they couldn't carry them earlier, so they both had a meal that night. It wasn't exactly the best thing in the world, but, granola bars and chocolates were better than nothing.
The environment inside the pharmacy, as in the rest of the city, was completely dark, Lee literally could not see anything, it didn't matter if his eyes were open or closed, he saw the same thing.
A darkness so intense, it seemed as if it would swallow him up completely.
He wouldn't sleep that night, as he had on several nights before that, but he couldn't afford to, his body just didn't feel safe enough to rest.
He had sat down in the corner of the pharmacy, just behind the counter, so that if any of the zubis managed to get in, he would have enough time to react, would not be easily found by the corpse, and had a good view of the rest of the store, well, not at the moment.
Clementine had her back pressed against his chest, she hugged one of his arms tightly against her body, and rested her head just under his neck. The girl's small body, so fragile, so delicate, was one of the main reasons he stayed awake, his body didn't feel safe enough to leave her vulnerable.
Clementine- Lee...?
The girl's low voice echoed through Lee's head, and he lowered his eyes in her direction, though he couldn't see anything. The girl didn't look frightened, sad, desperate, nothing, she just remained ...neutral? Maybe that wasn't the right word, but she didn't show any intense reaction, nothing that would be natural for a child to show.
He noticed her crying on his shoulder as he ran from the bandits, but after that she didn't shed any tears, no pleas.
Nothing.
And that worried Lee a little, although he wanted to think he was being paranoid, deep down he knew she was being affected more than she was letting on, the horrible events she had seen and experienced were building up inside her, and changing her from the inside out.
Lee- Yes?
He whispered back, lifting his head and propping it against the wall, feeling the girl's grip on her arm grow stronger, but she remained quiet, as if wondering what to say, or hesitating to do so.
Clementine- Why did Kenny abandon us?
In her voice, there was no trace of anger, hurt, or any other feeling of any intensity, in fact, she asked as if she already knew the answer, as if she just wanted to hear it from Lee's mouth, and make sure she was right.
Lee sighed slightly, as always, Clementine could be more mature than many adults he had ever met, and all of this, demonstrated with just a few simple words.
Lee - Because he hates me.
This was the truth spat in his face, naked and raw, Kenny hated him, and he had shown it many times during the last few days, whether it was with the attempts to kill him, or not helping him deal with walkers when they were cornered, caring only for his own skin.
Lee was stupid, careless, naive, all because he still had hopes in his chest that he and Kenny would be friends again someday, but it was time to get rid of that useless hope, to accept the reality that Kenny saw him only as an enemy, an obstacle, something that should disappear.
And the first chance he got, he dumped him, he looked into his eyes before he took off with the RV, he knew what he was doing, and he felt no guilt in doing it. He got rid of him.
Even though it meant getting rid of Clementine, Kenny didn't care.
Clementine-...Do you hate him?
She propped herself up on his lap after the question.
Lee was a little surprised, being taken aback by the girl, but pulled himself together a little later, he should have expected something like this from her.
Lee - For abandoning ME? No, I should have done something long before this happened, but instead I let things unfold, part of what happened is my fault.
He explained, closing his eyes in the process, feeling each word echoing through his throat, as if his heart were speaking instead of his mouth.
It was as if he was confessing how he felt, only instead of being to an adult, or a priest, it was to a little eight year old girl, he didn't know if it was something worthy of a few laughs, or if he should be worried about being that desperate.
Lee - Now, because he forgot about you, or simply didn't care about you, yes, I do hate him.
A slight irritated crack ran through his voice and settled into his words, no matter how much he hates someone, or how much he wants that someone to go away, Lee would never abandon a child, or a person who has nothing to do with his fight.
What Kenny did was inhumane, and he had become exactly like the people who succumbed to the world. He and the St Johns, had no difference, they were the bad in humanity, and unfortunately, Lee could only watch this happen to his friend.
Clementine-...Do you want to kill him?
Silence, in an instant, they couldn't even hear the moans of the zombies outside the pharmacy. The girl's question made Lee stay quiet, it wasn't that simple, "I hate you, I'll kill you," although people do exactly that nowadays, for Lee, it was something much more complicated, and for a few moments, he didn't know how to answer that question.
And once again, he sighed.
Lee-...Hurt him, maybe, but not kill him, I'm not like him.
He answered, satisfied with his own answer, and happy to think that way, since it was only right. He had always tried to remain himself since it all began, even when the people around him started to change for the worst, and even after so much shit had happened in his life.
Clementine was silent for some time, minutes that seemed like hours, digesting his words, or trying to understand the whole situation, which was rather complex, in search of something that really made sense.
Even Lee couldn't understand how people had fallen so far, much less with a close friend.
Sometimes he wondered if he was the only one who was still trying to be like he was before, or if he was the only one who still cared about his morals.
Of course, besides him, there was Carley, before that there was Mark, but he felt as if he was the most tested of them all, he was always the one who had to deal with these horrible situations, always the one who had to choose to abandon his humanity and do what he had to do, or to keep being himself and risk dying a few moments later.
Clementine- Why?
The little girl's voice brought him out of his thoughts again, this time she had said it a little louder, no longer whispering below him, almost as if demanding an answer.
Lee smiled humorlessly, it was a somewhat unusual situation for him, never, not even in his dreams, did he think he would have a conversation like that with such a young girl.
Lee - Because things are not that simple Clem, it's not because I don't like someone, that I'm going to abandon them to die. It's not because I hate a person that everyone close to him must suffer along with 's not how things work, even if other people think differently.
He answered almost immediately, feeling the girl shrink from under his arms, perhaps satisfied with the answer, or perhaps too tired to keep with the conversation.
Whatever it was, he was thankful that she finally surrendered to sleep, she needed rest, she had been through too much, too much for a little girl.
His thoughts raced through his mind, reliving so much that had gone before, remembering all the choices he had made, and now, worrying about the choices he would still make. The city was gone, and he had to find a way out of it as soon as possible.
Without many supplies.
Alone.
And without weapons, other than a machete and a pistol with no bullets.
Lee laughed humorlessly; his luck was simply fascinating. But even though the situation seemed precarious, and it seemed like the whole world was against him, he wouldn't give in like Kenny did, he wouldn't stop being who he was just because things were tough, and he had hopes that things would get better for them.
Sooner or later, for sure.
