Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter.
For as long as I can remember, there has been pain. Nothing could relieve it, as I never let anything or anyone become close enough to help. Not even that blasted headmaster that tried so hard to break such morose feelings. That twinkle always served to anger me further because I knew that it signified meddling. Sometimes I thought that perhaps I should let him meddle in my sorrowful life, and then I would finally find some miniscule amount of happiness. But my guard is thick, far too thick for even myself to break.
That is why when I saw her exit those doors for the last time, I felt all hope leave with her. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, with so much light that could bring even the darkest of men out of their emotional coma. I should not have placed my hopes in the arms of said young woman, with her darkened honey eyes and mass of unruly curls. She was the object of every young man's fantasies, the embodiment of loveliness and intelligence. However, I saw her dejected far too many times, because she remained in fantasies, those school boys too intimidated by her presence to move forward. How many times had I thought about asking her to stay behind after class and tell her just exactly what she was worth to me. How I wished I could find the courage in my cold heart to tell her that I needed her to be whole and happy. But all I could do is stand nearby and sneer as Weasley made clumsy attempts at trying to woo her, without seeming obvious. I insulted her intelligence in class because I couldn't say how I truly felt about her.
Damn my insolence!
I had made her cry the last day in my class. I belittled her in front of her peers, while they snickered at her beautiful back. I had done this so many times over the years, but it seemed that that day was different. Her large eyes looked at me with pain that could have rivaled my own. How I longed to take my vengeful words back as she tried to hide the tears from everyone.
Malfoy had had to open his mouth and put his two cents worth in, and that only served to upset her further. She had gathered her things in a calm way, looked serenely up at me with a tearful gaze, and delivered the most heart-wrenching sentence I had ever heard.
'I hope that your life turns around and gives you a second chance. Then perhaps you will recognize what exactly is placed in front of you and won't kill it with your sour words.'
With that, she whispered a goodbye, and walked from my presence. She had looked over her shoulder once, and for a moment, I allowed her feelings to berate me.
Sadness, anger, heartbreak, and love is what hit me.
Love.
Her thoughts followed feelings. Mental images of her staring secretively up at me while my back was turned. Admiration as my hands moved, slicing ingredients with astute accuracy. How it stung when I had delivered yet another insult at her for completing the potion perfectly or answering a question no one else could answer. Longingly gazing at me from the table, as I stared grumpily at my dinner plate. Relief when I came back to the castle, limping in pain to tell everyone that the Dark Lord was finally dead, and I would submit myself to judgment for my actions in killing Dumbledore. Determination as I saw her scan through books to find any sort of loophole or proof that I was innocent. Love and happiness as she watched me step off the stands and walk out of the Wizongamot doors, found not guilty.
Love. Hermione Granger had loved me, and I her.
I had closed my eyes as I heard the door close. I should have gone after her and apologized. I should have stopped her from walking out of those doors after her graduation. I should have told her I loved her.
But alas…Thus is my curse. Doomed to my pain. Even now as I sit staring at my desk, I can feel her moving farther and farther from my reach. Her light will never reach me.
'Professor Snape?' The most beautiful voice in the world enters my ears. My obsidian eyes look up and behold a dream.
Hope has returned with a nervous smile on her face…
