Chapter 6: The Balcony

That night I was sick and, even after a warm shower, was unable to go to sleep, or even get drowsy. I sat on the plush bed, my heart beat accelerating at any thought of the next day, which was basically every moment.

In exasperation I gave up and walked out of my room. I quietly went out to the balcony and sat down, gazing at the Capitol's buildings and people. Lost in my thoughts, I almost didn't notice when Andrew came and joined me.

When he sat down, and I smiled wearily at him. He didn't say anything for a long time, but instead came closer until our arms touched.

''They know everything we say and do,'' I whispered.

''Not if we're very quiet,'' Andrew replied. I nodded.

''Kerra won't be very happy.''

''She isn't.''

''You need to get back for her,'' I said, looking back at the city again.

''It's complicated,'' he said. ''You were right, I shouldn't have volunteered without thinking. Only one of us can win, and that's hardly likely. Even if one of us does, what if it comes down to just you and me? It could happen, and the Capitol would make a show of it too. Not to mention you have your family to think about...''

''I'm not gonna make it, Andrew. I'll be dead in the first day. I don't have the skills to be a victor,'' I said despairingly.

''Don't say that,'' Andrew insisted. ''I can't go back, so we'll be in this together and I wouldn't want it any other way.''

I was silent. He would have it another way, if he could, with Kerra, not me. His affection for her was not like his friendship with me. At least, not anymore. Not since I was 13 or 14. Now we would be violently ripped apart, likely both of us dying (more so with me, less so with Andrew).

''It's really a problem, isn't it?,'' I sighed and crossed my arms, drawing my knees up to rest my chin on.

''It's all a problem,'' Andrew said. ''The Hunger Games are wrong on so many levels, and how long will the ''punishment'' last? The war was almost three generations ago.''

''I know,'' I said, ''and there's nothing we can do. The Capitol owns us and treats us at their every whim. I hate it, and them.''

Andrew elbowed me.

''Don't say that around here,'' he said in even more of a whisper. ''I'd rather you not be whipped.''

''Not like that's any less worse than executing me in their games,'' I muttered. ''Everyone's too afraid to stand up, including me... Sometimes it'd just be easier to be shot.''

''We've lived our whole lives without the easy way, and I'm not going to let you take it now,'' Andrew said.

We both looked out over the city, our heads filled with different thoughts. Thoughts about home, about our lives, about the future, about the Capitol... My mind wandered back to the days when we were 10 and best friends.

''Remember that time we drew dragons on the peacekeeper's barracks? We got in so much trouble,'' I said with a snort.

''Yeah,'' Andrew smiled, ''that was fun. They never got it off, and I think they kind of like it now. It was more fun to play thieves and peacekeepers in the woods though, before they put up the fences.''

''Heh, not like the fences kept me in. Don't pretend like you never snuck out, there's a reason you're so good with the sword.''

''And there's a reason you're halfway decent with a spear,'' he parried.

I sighed. ''I wish you hadn't moved to beyond the mill. I never see you much anymore and

at first I was so lonely... still am. I stopped trying to make fiends after Katie and Caspian died.''

''I know,'' Andrew looked at me. ''I missed you a lot too.''

''Really? You had so many friends after you moved and started working, I was jealous the few times I visited. It was really hard that first year.''

''I only have a few friends, and the rest just came around because you were new, and, same here. That first year was bad. Still is though.''

I gave him a disbelieving glance.

''Come on, you're not that emotional. Even I've hardened up after 5 years,'' I said.

''Yes I am! I haven't changed a whole lot; not in that way, at least. I cried all the time, even now sometimes,'' he said quietly.

''You did? Why didn't you tell me?,'' I asked.

Why didn't you tell me? It sounds like it was the same for both of us,'' Andrew said.

''I don't know,'' I said. ''I was just happy to see you when you came down every year to watch the games, I would forget that I was lonely, I guess.''

''Oh.''

There was silence for a while, and then I spoke again.

''I just wanna say thanks, for coming and all. It means more than you know, and I'm sorry that I reacted to badly. I just... didn't expect it.''

''Like when you were 14? Another bad reaction,'' he chuckled.

''Hey, at 14, I just wanted to be friends. And besides, if I had said yes, I would bet that we would've broken up for sure before three or four years. The distance was a big problem, and I couldn't handle another heartbreak. And, being friends, we don't have to keep that kind of thing going, especially when I rarely see you. That's why I wanted to wait until we were older. Plus, you have Kerra now,'' I finished.

''I know,'' he said, and paused. ''Well, whatever happens tomorrow, we'll face it together, Shae.'' Andrew took my hand and squeezed it with a smile. My heart jumped. Then he got up to leave.

''Night,'' I said, and he nodded and left.

After a few more minutes, I myself did the same, finally tired.