The girl looked at the light rain drops through the broken window of the building she was in. She didn't mind the cold wind that hit her face and shivered her skin, in fact, she even wanted a little more of that contact, in the false hope that the cold would put out the fire of feelings inside her.
It had been a week since they had left Wellington, or what was left of it. After that, they just kept walking to random places, hunting what they could, taking what they could.
Clementine sighed as she watched the rain get a little heavier, it was already becoming a cycle.
Survival, that's all. They did nothing but survive.
Apart from the few friendly conversations they occasionally had, where they remembered those they had lost or how the world was before all this, they had no grounding, nothing to make them live, at least a little.
Their hearts beat in their chests only for the purpose of keeping their bodies alive, there was no room for happiness, love, nothing of that kind.
And until that moment, after the events in Savannah, she hadn't worried much about that.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the low cry of the baby on her arms.
Kenny had gone out hunting with Duck and Sarita.
Mike, Luke, Jane, and Carley, in addition to standing guard, had gone to check the buildings nearby, and Clementine was in charge of taking care of AJ, much to the girl's displeasure.
She didn't like babies, she had discovered as soon as she had taken AJ on her arms. At best, he was annoying, crying almost all the time, besides being very noisy.
- AJ, don't be an asshole.
Clementine said softly, looking slightly annoyed at the boy in her arms, and amazingly enough, he actually stopped crying and stared at her surprised face.
"I can't believe it worked... I think you and I are going to get along really well, kiddo" - she thought, slightly amused.
She turned away from the window and walked towards the next room, where the small fire was the only thing that lit the dark room, even though it was daytime.
Sarah was sitting in the corner of the room, her depressed eyes staring at some random point outside one of the nearby windows.
They hadn't spoken to each other, which was fine with Clementine, and amazingly enough, Sarah had actually helped someone do something when she went out in search of supplies with Jane and Luke.
Sarah avoided looking at her and Clementine knew, maybe in fear, maybe in anger, or just couldn't look at the person who shot her father in the head.
And whenever they stood in the same place, a strange mood hung over Sarah, where her discomfort was evident. But, Clementine didn't give a shit, she wasn't going to be bothered by something so " silly."
She sat down by the fire, looking gently into AJ's face.
She didn't like babies, but she envied the boy in her arms. He had people who cared for him, who fed him, who put him above themselves.
He was the priority there, whatever the others would decide to do, they would think of the boy first.
Clementine was jealous of this, it had been a long time since she had anyone who put her as a priority or took care of her as well as the others take care of AJ.
She had to fend for herself, solve her problems on her own, hell, sometimes even solve other people's problems, or suffer the consequences of other people's actions.
She even laughed humorlessly, thinking herself pathetic for feeling jealous of a child, but she couldn't help herself. He was getting the treatment that, deep down, she wanted.
Maybe that was why, deep down, she also envied Sarah, who, until recently, still had someone to protect her.
None of the people in that group would willingly sacrifice themselves for her, or think of her as a priority, and she knew that.
Maybe Kenny, the man had proven himself truly sorry for what he did and always tried to help her, but she also knew that Kenny had Duck and Sarita as priorities, so if he was going to sacrifice himself for anyone, it would definitely be for them.
-Lucky little bastard...
Clementine said softly as she looked at AJ, who was still staring at her, as if mesmerized by her face.
Clementine stared at the flames of the fire ahead, allowing herself to be mesmerized by their gentle movements for some time.
She sighed slightly and raised her head, looking at the people around her, so familiar, yet so different.
Her gaze fell on Kenny, and she felt a slight urge to laugh at the size of the man's beard. A little longer, and he would look like Santa Claus.
Duck was walking a long way to look like Kenny, but he had walked far enough. The features of the two were similar, and Clementine could imagine Duck older and more like Kenny.
Perhaps, even with a beard about the same size.
She lowered her head again, letting out a slight, low, nasal laugh with that image in mind.
-... Hm, time passes quickly, even in a situation like this.
Luke said, breaking the tense silence that had settled in the place, and drawing the attention of the others around him.
- My birthday was a few days ago. At least, I think it was. I completely forgot it was my birthday.
He said with a sad and nostalgic smile on his face, bowing his head and laughing humorlessly as he ran his hand through his hair.
- Have you been counting?
Clementine asked, slightly surprised that someone still remembered his own birthday; she had stopped counting after she turned nine.
- Yep. Every day, in the morning, i remember it. i just woke up and figured it was just another day, and didn't even realize i was turning 27.
He answered, bending his knees and resting his arms on them.
- 27? You look a little younger.
Mike said with a slight smile, alternating his gaze between Luke and the fire.
- Well, i certainly feel a lot older.
Luke replied, scratching the back of his head.
- Oh don't even start with that shit.
Kenny said amused, rocking AJ lightly in his arms.
The man had become attached to the boy, said that he reminded him of Duck when he was a baby, and missed that, because he was not very present in the boy's childhood.
- Well, happy birthday.
Clementine said, more out of politeness, because she knew that, besides being "useless," a birthday in that world would be anything but happy.
- Happy Birthday Luke.
Sarita said, with her typical kind smile and sympathetic look.
Everyone else congratulated him too, even Sarah opened her mouth to wish him a happy birthday.
-Thank you. Sometimes i feel that i really should celebrate that i have survived one more year in this world. The way things are going, it's almost a miracle.
He said, raising his head and looking out a nearby window, focusing his gaze, just for a few moments, on the top of a tree whose leaves swayed slightly in the light wind from the light rain.
- I know well how you feel. I've been through near-death experiences so many times that I'm surprised I'm still alive.
Carley said with a wistful tone, staring at the low flames ahead.
-... A friend of mine told me that... that's because it's not your time yet, that you still have a chance to do something before you die.
Kenny said wistfully, squeezing Sarita's waist tightly as he hugged her, looking at the ground.
-Like what? Because, not to disrespect your friend or anything, but I have nothing left to do on this earth, nothing to fight for. Nothing but survive.
Mike said, his slurred voice deeper, and his words had a greater impact.
-... You can help someone, before you die. Save someone. Do something, that in the future, even after your death, will still impact someone's life, even if they never know it. Or maybe, find redemption for the things you have done.
Kenny explained, his hoarse voice, mixed with his downcast appearance, gave him another air. In a way, even a wiser air, maybe it was the beard, or the way he said those words.
It was possible to feel his feelings in those words, and that was something that only someone who had been through one of those situations would be able to say.
-... Maybe you are right... Fuck, that's already something positive to think about.
Mike said, after thinking about those words for a while. They knew that anything, any positive thought already helped, especially one that made sense.
-You talk as if you have been through something like this before.
Jane said after some time in silence, looking sympathetically at Kenny, who just sighed as his mind flooded with memories.
-... Yeah, that's right. I went through it myself... a sin that haunts me to this day. My biggest regret.
He said with a heavy sigh, putting his hand over his eyes as he tried to push those memories away.
- I was supposed to die, for what I did. Instead, my wife died in my place.
He said after a while. His voice was choked, and he seemed to control a few tears.
It was obvious that he would stay that way, it was a delicate matter, although everyone involved had already forgiven him.
But even after all this time, he still hadn't forgiven himself.
Sarita looked at him in surprise, and Clementine remembered that Kenny hadn't talked about his past, at least not completely. He always said some things vaguely.
- This... this friend, that I mentioned, we... well, I didn't really like him, you know? A long time ago, just a few months after the dead started walking, he did something... he did what he thought was right, and looking back now, I realize that he really did do the right thing... But...
He began, pausing between his lines, searching for the words, or perhaps the strength to get it off his chest.
Kenny had been with this group long enough to feel comfortable enough to "confess", but more than that, he had wanted to get it off his chest for a long time. But he never allowed himself to say much.
- At that moment I... I don't know, I couldn't think straight, I thought that he... that he had turned against me because of that decision... and I did... hah, I did some fucking stupid thing.
He laughed humorlessly, thinking himself pathetic for having done what he did, as he always did. He always scolded himself, every time he remembered it.
- I started to wish him gone...that he would just disappear...then I started to wish him dead...and even tried to let that happen. I let him turn on his own against the zombies a few times, hoping he would get bitten. But he never was...he was...no, he's a tough son of a bitch.
He broke the embrace with Sarita and supported both arms on his knees, leaning his body a little further forward while still staring into the flames of the fire.
The others just listened quietly, curious, sympathetic, each one with their share of mistakes they regretted, each one with acts that still haunted them.
- One day, we were attacked by bandits... gunshots, zombies, everything was thrown at us... I got into an RV and waited until some people got in... I saw him save a little girl, and at that moment, I didn't even think... I just shifted gears, and sped off... I left him, and a little eight-year-old girl to die.
A lone tear rolled down his cheek, and hesitantly he looked up, expecting to find judgmental eyes, angry eyes, whatever.
But, he was surprised to see that no one there judged him, they all just looked at him the same way, as if they had also done similar things.
- My... my wife was bitten... in the attack. Some time later, I found the little girl again, she... she had survived the attack... and had been kidnapped by a crazy man.
He said, and the surprised looks of the people fell on Clementine.
The girl just stared into the fire, listening intently to Kenny's words. These were difficult memories for her too, and she was just trying not to cry in front of everyone.
- This... my friend, the guy who took care of Clem for so long, was also alive... Like I said, he's a tough guy. He broke into a college with dozens of people, and infested the place with zombies. He killed everyone who stood in his way, until he found Clementine again and got her out of that place.
Clementine closed her eyes as she remembered that day. The worst day of her life, no doubt about it.
Her chest ached with the memories, her throat closed and her eyes grew moist, feeling the tears almost roll down her cheeks.
That was too close.
Carley was not in a very different situation, although she was not as discreet as Clementine, she was also trying to control her emotions.
- But, he was badly hurt... he was going to die. He was bitten, he tore his arm off by himself with a machete. He was stabbed in the eye, lost a lot of blood.
Kenny looked away, staring into Sarita's sad and sympathetic gaze, along with Duck's curious and attentive gaze.
- I found him, took care of him as best I could. Until he woke up a few days later. The son of a bitch had cheated death once again. Sometimes, I like to see this as part of my redemption, although I still have a lot to do to achieve it.
He finished saying, wiping his face with his hands and turning back to look at the fire.
Silence filled the place, everyone thinking about what they regretted, and compared to Kenny's story, or simply using that story as a stepping stone, for they were not dealing with things from the past alone, they had others in the same, or similar situations along with them.
-... I told you... I forgive you.
Clementine said after a while, just after she felt well enough not to cry as soon as she said a word, but, it was evident that her voice was shaking, although she didn't mind.
- No matter how many times you say it Clem...it won't change until I've done something that deserves your forgiveness.
He said, taking Sarita again by the waist.
- ... Although, it is a little difficult. I've seen you take care of yourself better than three adults put together. There's not much I can help you with when you don't need help.
He said, a little amused, trying to soften the heavy atmosphere that had settled around them.
The evening, for the first time in a long time, passed quickly for them. They were so engrossed in their conversation that they didn't even realize it was morning until the sun's rays shone through the window.
None of them slept that night. And in fact, they didn't want to.
