Chapter 4 – Reunion: Confrontations
Author's Note: This is the first sequel chapter. ^-^ Enjoy!
And just so no one gets confused, this is not canon Vader, okay? Vader in here is a completely different person, even if he's still a Sith, because things unfolded very differently. He's a mess in a very different way than canon Vader is. :)
~ Amina Gila
Leia laughs at her brother's words, sounding and looking as young and carefree as she should be, given her age. She's only twenty. If it was up to Vader, he would have ensured that both of his children remain young and innocent for as long as possible. He would have shielded them from the horrors of the world. He failed them too, it seems, but it's a failure which they both seem content to ignore. They love him. They want to try and build a family together, even if it is two decades too late.
Nearly three months after the peace talks first began, representatives of the Empire and Rebel Alliance have reconvened to discuss the changes which have been made. The initial talks took almost a month before both sides parted to begin their side of the bargain. Vader has reinstated many powers to the Senate, though he had insisted upon smaller, local gatherings in the various regions of the galaxy. Not only does it take much of the burden off the Imperial Senate, but also, it will allow the different sectors to become more responsible and take a more proactive role in resolving conflicts in the area.
This meeting is going to be different for many reasons, one of which is that neither side has engaged in armed conflict since the peace talks began. Another reason is that they'll have additional… guests at this meeting. Obi-Wan and Ahsoka have finally returned from the Unknown Regions, reuniting Ezra Bridger with the rest of his family on the Ghost, and bearing word of Thrawn's demise.
Vader ought to celebrate, but he only feels sick at the thought of seeing Obi-Wan again. It took years before the realization that everyone he loved was dead finally sunk in, years in which he'd operated almost robotically, doing what he was told in a numb daze. It was the fourth year after the formation of the Empire before he broke down and grieved for what he had lost, for what he could have had. He's long blamed himself for everything which happened, and it was jarring to learn that he was wrong, that Obi-Wan was still alive, that he had yet again deceived him.
But then again, it's not as though he had a reason to announce his survival. He'd already denounced Vader, denying whatever relationship they used to have, so he owed Vader nothing. Logically, his actions make sense – and really, Vader deserved nothing more after everything he did – but that doesn't mean he finds it easy to accept. Was he surprised by the truth? Perhaps not as much as he should have been. He's already accepted that Obi-Wan will never see him as anything more than an enemy, a monster to be put down. So, no. He's not looking forwards to seeing him again.
It's different with Ahsoka. Their last meeting on Malachor wasn't the most pleasant, but Vader thinks that she saw him for a moment before she went unconscious. He thinks that she might have glimpsed him through the mask he's grown accustomed to wearing. Whatever and whoever he used to be is now irrelevant and unimportant. He's only a shadow of the man he once was, but he's okay with that. He can never become the hero Ahsoka used to worship. He can never become the good man she used to know. Apparently, that man is dead anyways, if Obi-Wan is to be believed.
Perhaps he should have responded differently when he met Ahsoka there, but his mind was… broken, still, just as it is now, even if time and his children's presences have helped. He had wanted death. He had sought it out. And Ahsoka had refused to leave, so they fought. He thought he could kill her before the Temple did, protect her from the Dark Side storm which would rip her body apart, shred it down to its last molecule. He didn't want her to feel it, to experience it. She knew, though, that he didn't really want to kill her. He could see it in her eyes, and when she drove her white blades into the floor.
She wanted to save him. She knew what he wanted there, and she couldn't let him go. In that last moment, Vader realized that she was willing to sacrifice herself, that was willing to risk her own death if it meant that he'd be spared. So, he did the only thing he could. He bodily tackled her to the ground, and they'd fallen into the depths of the Temple together. Anakin, she had whispered, half-unconscious from the fall, staring up into the red lens of his mask – one of them was broken – and his Sith-yellow eye. I know you're still in there. There was so much hope in her bright blue eyes, that he had been unable to look at her, so instead, he used the Force to suggest her into sleep before leaving.
He hasn't seen her since, and that was four years ago.
"Father, are you alright?" Luke asks quietly, his smile dimming as he peers anxiously up at Vader. He might not be able to see Vader's face – he is wearing his armor as he always does, even if the Rebel Alliance knows who he used to be – but he can certainly feel Vader's conflicted emotions through their bond.
"It has been a long time since I have seen either of them," Vader admits. It's not really an answer, but it's the only thing he can say to give voice to the conflict within him.
Leia links her arm with his. "Don't worry," she declares reassuringly, smirking. "If either of them tries to hurt you, they'll have to go through me first. Besides," she adds in a conspiratorial whisper, "I might be interested in becoming a Sith, so they'll have to watch out."
Against his will, Vader's lips twitch into a small smile. Leia's fierce protectiveness reminds him of his own. Luke is similar, though his is more hidden. He knows that Leia isn't seriously planning to become a Sith, but she'll pretend she is if it means that she can get back at someone, namely Obi-Wan. After hearing the truth, Leia had called Sabe at the soonest opportunity. While Vader doesn't know what all went down – though he imagines his daughter did a lot of screaming – he did hear from Luke that Sabe explained that Obi-Wan had been adamant that neither of the twins learn the truth about Vader for their own safety.
Vader's cape blows in the wind as he and his children stand on the landing platform, watching the shuttle land. Already, he can feel those familiar presences, and it makes him want to flee. He isn't Anakin anymore. Anakin is dead and gone. Obi-Wan said so himself. Why are they coming here? With what purpose? Ahsoka might not hate him, but it's possible that her opinion has changed over the past four years, especially given that she would have been subject to her grandmaster's influence.
"If either of them tries anything, I'll never talk to them again," Luke vows under his breath as the ramp lowers.
Perhaps Vader was wrong about the twins' attitudes. They've changed a lot over the past few months, mainly because of how much time they've spent with him. When the peace talks ended, they went with him to Coruscant. Their assistance was invaluable as Vader faced all the finer intricacies of politics and running an Empire.
Ahsoka walks down the ramp first, and Vader realizes that his heart is pounding. She looks much the same as she did on Malachor, except maybe a bit older. Her Force signature has changed only slightly, but she's – Force, he's missed her. The solemnity on her face fades, replaced with happiness when she sees him standing there, his children on either side.
"Hello, Anakin," she greets him. She doesn't really sound surprised; she must have known, of course, what he's done in her absence.
"Ahsoka," he acknowledges, suddenly feeling awkward. He doesn't know what to do, how to handle this. She doesn't make him wonder either, rushing towards him. Vader only has the presence of mind to step forwards before she's slamming into him, her arms wrapping around him tightly enough for it to be painful if he wasn't in his armor.
"I've missed you," she whispers against the cold durasteel. "I've missed you so much." After a pause, Vader wraps his own arms around her, holding her securely against him. She's always been his little sister, and even time can't change that. "I thought…" Her voice trails off, and she pulls back, eyes shiny with unshed tears. "I – I realized what you were planning, and I was afraid I'd never see you again."
He exhales slowly, realizing that there perhaps are others who care about him, who haven't given up on him the way he's long since given up on himself. They'll only be disappointed because he is not the man he once was. He's not good. He is Darth Vader now. He won't deny that learning of his children's existences, that getting to know them has helped him immensely, but that's only been his mind. The darkness inside of him won't fade simply because he now has someone he can rely on. Ahsoka… doesn't seem willing to accept that, or maybe he's just being cynical.
"The Force, it seems, has other plans for me," he tells her. At times like this, he's glad for the vocoder, for the way it alters his voice so as to make it emotionless. She doesn't need to hear the bitterness in his voice. It's enough that she knows how suicidal he is – was?
"We really need to talk and catch up," Ahsoka declares decisively as she steps back from him.
With no other excuses, Vader is forced to look at the other person who is standing at the bottom of the ramp: Obi-Wan. He's much older now, hair completely white, but he's still unmistakably the man who Vader once knew. That realization sends a white-hot pang of anger and grief spearing through him, momentarily stealing his breath. In the privacy of his own mind, once he'd finally come to terms with what happened nearly six years afterwards, Vader had wondered occasionally – more than he wants to admit – what might happen should Obi-Wan still be alive. They were only fantasies, daydreams of what he's always wanted, meant to inflict as much pain as possible.
While he knows he deserves nothing more than endless pain and suffering, he's learned that illusions of an offered kindness and acceptance hurt him even more. He played with that fantasy, ran through endless scenarios in his mind, all of which only served to deepen his contempt for himself. He is his own focal point. He is the reason he can never step back from the embrace of the Dark Side. It's convenient because it means that he'll never have to worry about losing his power. As long as he lives, all he needs to do is remember how much he hates himself, and the power he seeks will be at his beck and call.
"You look worse for wear, not to mention unmarred by the fire," Vader says stiffly, crossing his arms. The Dark Side draws closer, swirling around him as it feeds off his pain. "I would have thought you'd at least be injured… or was that all a lie too?" The derision and mockery in his voice is audible, even with the vocoder.
Obi-Wan raises his chin, his gaze cool and distant. "The Force saved me," he answers, and yes, Vader remembers that accent. It's haunted his dreams, and his nightmares even more. "The floor had collapsed already, and I fell to the lower level which was still unscathed. It was easy to leave." His tone is almost smug, almost as if he's glad that he was able to fool Vader for so many years. It's been so long, so many years, and yet… Vader still loves him.
It hurts, because he knows the feelings aren't mutual, and they never will be. He closes his eyes against the wave of pain and grief that threaten to drown him, keeping himself in check through sheer willpower. He'll never give this Jedi the satisfaction of knowing how much he's hurting him. Showing weakness is not the way of the Sith. He could cry, probably, but… the pain is too deep. It almost always has been. When he breaks, he breaks all the way down before pulling himself back together and moving on. He can't… he can't seem to move on, and he doesn't know why. When his mother died, the grief was harsh and unyielding, fading in intensity as the Clone Wars progressed. By now, it's pretty much gone entirely, so why not for anyone else?
The growl that escapes him sounds entirely unhinged and animalistic, especially through the vocoder, and he stalks forwards, whipping out his lightsaber in one fluid motion and leveling the red blade at Obi-Wan's throat. "Give me one good reason not to kill you right here," he snarls, ignoring the spikes of alarm from behind him. He knows he could never do it. He might be furious at Obi-Wan for… what he said, but he doesn't think he can bring himself to actually kill him for it. It's not like he's wrong.
Obi-Wan stills, eyes sharpening. Vader knows that calculating look all too well. He's assessing the situation and trying to decide if he should react with violence. "You can try," he replies, a hint of challenge in his tone.
"And you'll kill me, right?" Vader hisses venomously. "I killed your Padawan, after all, or does it no longer matter to you? Because you let go like all Jedi do." He didn't realize until now that he's uncertain if Obi-Wan still cares about Anakin, if he cherishes those memories, or if he's moved on and forgotten him entirely. "He was a fool," he continues mercilessly. "He was weak and pathetic. He suffered, begged before he died." Vader doesn't know why he's saying any of this, or maybe he does. Maybe he wants to force Obi-Wan to yield, to force him to reveal his true thoughts and emotions. Maybe he wants to see if Obi-Wan has hurt even a fraction of how much he has these past twenty years.
"I will do justice to his memory," Obi-Wan answers, the first flickers of anger in his eyes.
It's sickening to continue this charade, because they're both speaking about him as if he's not really here… and perhaps it's true, to a point. Vader will be the first to admit that he destroyed Anakin Skywalker, but he never killed him. Oh, he might have tried. He did try. He never succeeded though. No, that was all Obi-Wan.
The twins and Ahsoka don't say anything, remaining silent, obviously realizing how important it is for both of them to have this conversation. Vader is grateful to them. He doesn't think he could manage to stand up for himself without having them here at his back, knowing that, despite everything, they care.
"He cursed you before I killed him," Vader sneers, stepping closer, using his bigger size to tower over the Jedi Master. He is well aware that Obi-Wan can easily draw his own lightsaber and stab him, but he also doesn't think that he will. If he tries to kill him, then not only will Luke and Leia intervene on his behalf, but also, Obi-Wan will try to drag it out and make it hurt. "He hated you for what you did to him." It's not really a lie, is it? He can't really remember the specific emotions of that day. He can't really remember exactly how Anakin had died anymore. He only remembers the soul-crushing pain that had been left in his wake.
"He understood that I did what I had to do," Obi-Wan retorts, seemingly unconcerned by the lightsaber at his throat. It's close enough that he must be able to feel the heat of it.
Vader swallows a scream and locks the pain in his heart. He won't be able to hold onto it for long, but he can control himself for long enough that he can finish this conversation and go somewhere more secluded. "He was a child," he scoffs scornfully, "Too trapped in his own conflict to see the true cruelty of the galaxy he lived in. All he 'understood' in his last moments was that he was abandoned by you to my nonexistent mercies. He begged me for death long before I granted it to him."
"You're lying," Obi-Wan states with conviction.
Is he? All he remembers is dragging himself away from the edge, even as he was so tempted to let go and fall into death's welcoming embrace. Every second, every moment was torture. It still is. "No, Obi-Wan, you are lying to yourself, but then again, you excel in lying."
Vader extinguishes his lightsaber, clipping the hilt to his belt as he roughly shoves Obi-Wan backwards a step before turning and stalking off. "Father!" Luke calls after him.
He can feel them hurrying towards him, so he slows his pace to be considerate. "How exactly would I go about joining the Sith anyways?" Leia asks, a bit unnecessarily loudly. "What do I need to do?" Vader is gratified to feel his former master's muted shock at her words, allowing a feeling of triumph to echo into the Force before he shields his emotional turmoil fully once again. "Do I need to get down on one knee and make some special declaration? Do I need to say something like 'I pledge myself to thee for all eternity, my Lord and Master'?"
Vader chokes on a surprised laugh at her words. It doesn't really negate his pain, but it momentarily distracts him. "That is not necessary," he assures her. "You only need to express your intent to join me."
"Oh, it's simpler than I thought then," Luke admits. "I thought there was some formal ceremony or something."
Vader slows, turning to look at his children. "I wish to be alone for a time," he tells them. "I will take a speeder, and I will return later." He plans to go to the woods which is some distance away. If he doesn't unleash his emotions, he'll end up lashing out and hurting someone, possibly seriously. There's only so long that he can hold in so much of the Dark Side.
The twins look at each other, seeming to be having a telepathic conversation. "Call us if you need anything," Luke requests. Vader inclines his head in acknowledgement, climbing onto a nearby speeder bike and revving the engine, speeding away. He needs to put some distance between himself and everyone else. He knows that all Force sensitives – trained or not – will feel what's coming. The least he can do is ensure that no one is around to be hurt.
**w**
"Come on," Leia announces icily as soon as the speeder is out of sight. "We have a Jedi Master to talk to." Luke glances at his sister, sensing the fury simmering within her. It's an anger which he himself shares. While he doesn't know if Uncle Ben was intentionally trying to hurt Vader, he definitely did.
I'm dead to him, Vader had said. Luke hadn't really understood what he meant, naively thinking that because Uncle Ben was clearly fond of Anakin – he spoke of him often enough – he would be willing to welcome Vader, and his change in heart, with open arms. His father had declined from speaking about Uncle Ben at length or at all really. Neither Luke nor Leia could piece together the exact reason, though they did speculate. Apparently, the truth is far deeper and more sensitive than anything they could have imagined.
Luke will never be able to unhear the bitter argument, the cutting words exchanged between Uncle Ben and Vader, the way they both were speaking of Anakin – Vader – as if he's dead. He shudders inwardly. It stung to hear it, and it must have been even worse for the two of them. For a moment, Luke had felt his father's pain, felt it growing stronger, ready to crash over him and everyone and drown them. But Vader held it back. Somehow, he hid it, even if it must have been killing him. He doesn't need to ask to know that Leia feels the same way as he does.
"What was that all about?" Aunt Soka's voice is accusing, and she's practically glaring at Uncle Ben. "Why were you acting like that to him?"
"You don't understand, Ahsoka." There's a profound weariness in Uncle Ben's reply, and it momentarily makes Luke feel bad for him. "Vader destroyed Anakin and everything he stood for. He's a Sith. You can't trust him. I saw him killing Jedi with my own eyes. He's dangerous."
She jerks back. "How can you say that?" she demands incredulously. "What happened between you two? Obi-Wan, what did you do to him?" The last question is quieter, almost pleading. It's clear that she, like Luke, has realized that whatever the Jedi Master said or did is still tormenting Vader, even now. Luke doesn't want to lose his father, not when he just got him back. He can't lose him to whatever darkness lies within him.
"Nothing," Uncle Ben insists firmly. The Force rings with truth, but somehow, Luke isn't sure he can believe that. Just because he thinks it's the truth doesn't mean that it really is. "I did nothing to Vader. Whatever happened to him is a result of his own doing. He destroyed Anakin. You shouldn't take that lightly."
Aunt 'Soka's eyes narrow. "So, you expect me to ignore that I saw him trying to commit suicide right in front of me?" she challenges, and Luke barely holds in a gasp of shock. "You expect me to pretend that he wasn't hurting so much that he thought it was the only thing left for him? You expect me to ignore that he saved my life when he didn't have to?"
He doesn't answer, and when Luke sees that no response is forthcoming, he takes the opportunity to join the conversation. "Uncle Ben, why did you lie to me? Why didn't you tell me the truth? I could have killed him! I could have killed my own father, not knowing the truth."
"I had to protect you," his uncle tells him somberly. "I knew that should Vader learn about you, he would take you and forge you both into weapons. Neither of you would be safe unless Vader never learned of your parents."
Leia utters a swear word which Luke didn't even realize that she knew, and he's mildly scandalized. "That is pure rubbish, and you know it," she hisses. "Father would never hurt us!"
"You might not see what he's doing to you, but he will hurt you," Uncle Ben warns her. "He's a Sith, and he wants you to join him."
Leia only gives him a nasty smile. "I suppose that's why he's been asking me on a daily basis to become the Empress," she says sweetly.
"Why is it so difficult for you to accept the truth?" Luke questions, not even giving his uncle a chance to reply. "You knew Father. You raised him. How can you, of all people, refuse to admit that Vader and Anakin are the same person?!"
"Because they're not," Uncle Ben replies calmly.
"Yes, they are!" Luke and Leia chorus angrily.
"Father was known as Anakin until he Fell to the Dark Side and took on the name Darth Vader." Luke continues. "It doesn't take a genius to figure that out."
"I don't understand why it's so hard," Aunt 'Soka comments with a frown. "When I saw him on Malachor, I initially had a hard time accepting that he could really have Fallen so far… but I did. He saved my life there!"
The Dark Side shifts around them, crashing down over them hard enough to make Luke flinch. He can feel the storm on the edge of his senses, the pain and grief and fury twisting the Force into a maelstrom. It's Vader. Of course, it's Vader. Force, how did his father manage to hold all of that in for so long? If he feels so much and so deeply all the time, how does he withstand the burden? It's no wonder that he's being crushed under it all.
Luke raises his shields, knowing that his sister does likewise. Vader couldn't shield himself, so he left to a place where he could let go. It's fine. They can weather the storm together and wait it out. Luke can only hope that he'll be alright when it's all over. Aunt 'Soka's expression is stricken, and he can see the sorrow in her eyes when he looks at her. Uncle Ben seems similarly pale, but his face is stony. It's clear that he's no closer to admitting the truth than he was before.
The twins look at one another, an idea forming in their minds. They can read each other so well that they don't even need to confer to know that this is their best shot at getting through to Uncle Ben. Luke refuses to sit back and watch his father suffer, especially not when he can do something about it.
"How do Sith Lords get their names?" Luke questions. Something like realization dawns in the Jedi Master's eyes, but it vanishes just as quickly.
"Presumably from their Sith master, I never asked," he replies, tone cautious.
"Then what was Vader's name before he became a Sith?" Leia asks, her triumph audible.
Uncle Ben doesn't answer, but Aunt 'Soka quickly realizes what they're doing. She gives them a look of approval, before turning her focus on the older man.
"Obi-Wan, who was he? Who did he used to be?" she asks, her voice gentle and patient.
There's a flare of pain, but it's smothered, lost in the storm around them. "He was always Vader," he insists stubbornly.
Luke can almost hear her suppressing an exasperated sigh. Her expression becomes calculating as she seems to find a new angle of attack. "Did you love Anakin?"
Uncle Ben is visibly taken aback by the question, and he closes his eyes for a moment, anguish flickering across his face. "Of course," he whispers.
"Then you need to stop this, Obi-Wan," Aunt 'Soka states with finality. "If you ever, even once, loved Anakin Skywalker, then you need to stop this. How can you not see, not feel how much you've hurt him? How can you not realize how much you're hurting him even now?" Her voice cracks, and Luke can see the sorrow on her face. She's in pain too, he realizes. She's known them both for years and seeing this – the conflict – must be tearing her apart.
"But he's not Anakin. He killed Anakin," Uncle Ben points out, sounding frustrated.
"No, he didn't!" she screams, her last shred of composure finally cracking. Luke isn't sure who's more surprised between the three of them when she breaks down into tears. "Stop lying to yourself," the Togruta practically pleads, her voice shaking. "You're killing him. You can feel it. I know you can. I never thought you could be this cruel."
"What do you expect me to do?" Uncle Ben asks finally, barely above a whisper. The agony on his face is filtering into his voice and echoing into the Force. "He's – he's a monster." He chokes on the words. "He's done terrible things."
"And we haven't?" Aunt 'Soka snaps, glaring through her tears.
The Jedi is shaking his head almost as if he didn't even hear her. "Anakin would never have done any of the things that Vader did! Never! He was a good person."
"He was being groomed by a Sith Lord from when he was a child!" exclaims Leia. "He had no one to trust, no one who could help him. He told us some of it. Ahsoka wasn't around anymore, and you, you had already proven that you would choose the Council over him. What was he supposed to do?"
"It's not like he would have let us – and our mother – die if he'd had a choice!" Luke agrees. "He would never have openly gone against the Emperor, knowing that would doom all of us to death. That's not who he was. You're right. He was a good person, and he still is, but he's been enslaved to the Dark Side for years, because he never had any reason or way to find his way out. I don't know what you did to him, but he can't even bring himself to talk about you."
"But Vader can't be Anakin," Uncle Ben asserts.
"Why not?" Leia doesn't even try to conceal her irritation.
"Because – because he's a Sith!" the Jedi exclaims in a rush. His control has been frayed to the point where his façade is not nearly as serene as it usually is. "Because I can't love a monster!"
There's a long pause of silence as the words hang heavily in the air between them. Aunt 'Soka sniffles, wiping at the tears on her face, even though more take their place. "Obi-Wan, he's in pain," she chokes out. "Don't ignore him. He can never let go; you know that. Don't you – don't you know how much you mean to him? You caused this. The least you can do is fix it."
"He won't listen to me," Uncle Ben says dully. "He never has."
"You need to listen to him," Aunt 'Soka helpfully points out. "You can't justify your actions." Her expression twists. "You tried that after you faked your death, and – and he's never been able to let go of that."
"Woah, wait. He faked his death?" Leia blurts out, aghast.
"A story for later," the Torgruta replies, not looking at her. "You need to go talk to him. You need to make sure that he knows how you really feel and about everything. Talk. Use words. It's what you're good at. If Anakin doesn't listen to you after you tell him… everything that's in your head, then I'll never make you talk to him again."
The Jedi Master's expression is shattered. "Fine," he breaths, resigned. "Fine. I'll go."
"Help him, Obi-Wan," Aunt 'Soka murmurs as he turns to walk away. "You're his only hope."
Luke couldn't agree more. Much as he would like to help his father, the help that Vader needs most can only come from one person right now.
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