Lee suddenly woke up again. He lifted his body and looked into the dark room, focusing his gaze on the girl sleeping soundly beside him.
This was already the third time he had woken up at once that night. He couldn't sleep well, his dreams always focused on him pointing the gun at Alice's head, and he always woke up as soon as he pulled the trigger.
He sighed tiredly, going back to bed, but this time, feeling all sleep leave his body.
He was used to spending nights like this, unable to sleep because of nightmares, or waking up over and over again every time he fell asleep.
It often happened right after he killed that senator, a long time ago.
Then the nightmares focused on the zombies and the things he saw, which, at the time, were still new to him, still terrified him.
Then his dreams focused on the St John's, this was the period when he slept the most holding Clementine in his arms, afraid that something or someone would try to get her during the night.
Or afraid that something or someone would go after him instead of the girl.
It was no surprise that he was like that. At least it wasn't in the middle of the forest, where it was hard enough to fall asleep without nightmares haunting him.
He decided to get up, cautiously so as not to wake Brenda. Taking slow steps, he walked towards the chair and pulled it slightly to the side, sitting down facing the window, watching the dim lighting in the village.
He could see a few guards keeping watch, a few people walking around occasionally. The few candles illuminating the inside of the houses and places they used for various types of business, where the soft dance of the flames was reflected in the shadows created by the light.
He just sat there, looking at the window, trapped in his thoughts.
Many things surrounded his mind, many worries, he felt different, although he felt the same. He felt that something in his head had changed, maybe his way of thinking, maybe his sanity that had diminished a little more by pulling that trigger, and would continue to diminish more and more from then on.
Physical conflicts, for him, were easy, pain was temporary, no matter how excruciating and agonizing. He adapted to it.
But mental conflicts were different, these were much worse than a punch in the face, or a stab in the eye. These did not heal, not completely, but unlike bodily wounds that left scars, the mental and emotional wounds never closed completely. They always lay bare, and anything could pull them back, make them hurt again.
He thought of Clementine, as always. The girl had never left his mind, no matter what the situation, she never left his head.
The longing and anxiety increased every day, to the point that he could no longer even control his impulses properly. It was difficult, as well as tiring, to control his own body, his own emotions.
He wanted to get out of there and just walk back to Wellington, not giving a flying fuck about the community itself, but about Clementine.
He couldn't go even crazier, he couldn't let that happen. His mind was the only thing keeping his body from doing something stupid, something irrational. However, he was becoming slightly worried as he realized that his own mind was giving in to his emotions.
Sometimes even the simplest of things were enough to start a conflict in his head, and it was getting harder and harder to control himself.
He just hoped that he didn't become like many people he met, insane. He prayed that he wouldn't go insane before his journey was over, for it was better that he die than lose control of his own mind.
He didn't even realize that he had been sitting there for hours until the rays of sunlight bothered his eye. He looked up at the slowly lightening sky and was surprised at how quickly the time had passed.
He stood up slowly, stretching as he walked towards the bathroom.
He looked at his reflection in the mirror, still impressed with his own appearance, and smiling slightly as he remembered Brenda's reaction to seeing his face without all that hair.
It looked like she was looking at a stranger, wide-eyed and an incredulous expression, that being the first time she had said anything since they had arrived at that camp.
"Who the fuck are you?"
He widened his smile as he remembered her words, as soon as she saw him coming out of the bathroom.
It was strange to see his face like that, without that grotesque appearance he had. The big hair and huge beard reflected well his insanity, his madness.
Looking at him now, he just looked like a decent man. Far from looking like someone who had killed hundreds of people, at that point.
He sighed lightly and splashed some water on his face, feeling his hair shiver at the contact of the cold water on his skin.
He stood up and dried himself on the towel beside him, staring at his reflection once more before turning and walking to the bedroom door.
His gaze fell on Brenda, who was still fast asleep. The girl was exhausted, sleeping on the hard forest floor or on the freezing metal of a container didn't exactly help her relax.
He walked over to the table in front of the bed, and picked up one of the pens on top of it.
He felt slightly nostalgic as he held it in his hand. It had been a while since he had used a pen... well, at least used one to write something.
The last time he had used a pen was to stab a man multiple times in the neck.
Lee shook his head, pushing those thoughts away. He took a blank sheet of paper beside him and wrote a short letter to Brenda, saying that he had gone out to talk to Lilly.
As soon as he finished writing, he left the paper on the desk, right next to the bed, turned toward the door, and cautiously left the room.
As he descended the stairs, he looked around, taking a closer look at the surrounding houses, the living environment that was so different from the dead cities outside.
He looked like a tourist, visiting the place for the first time. He had decided to go for a walk, to get to know the place more. Some people looked at him curiously, and even stared at him with a certain intensity, but Lee just ignored it, and in some cases stared back when he realized that the person was trying to intimidate him.
It was something he simply got used to, it was already part of his being. If someone tried to intimidate him, he would intimidate back, just as intense as the person.
After some time walking, he looked at Lilly, a little further ahead, just beside a pickup truck with some of the boxes of supplies they had brought the day before.
The woman was wearing dark jeans, along with a black shirt, with a dark gray jacket over it.
Lee smiled slightly, remembering when she said she liked dark clothes.
He walked over to her, watching as Scott and a few other men left the building right behind her.
- Hey, Lilly.
Lee called out to her, stopping just behind her as he watched the building in front of him, seeing some of the boxes of supplies inside the place, mostly on some tables.
They were probably doing the count, and putting them away soon after.
- ... damn...
Lilly said, in an even light tone.
Lee looked at her, being confused to see her looking at him with a sideways smile as she put a hand on her waist.
-You look much better than before, I have to admit. From a crazy troglodyte to a decent man. I'm surprised.
She complimented him, at least Lee thought she complimented him.
He ran his hand over the short beard he still had on his face, slightly embarrassed by the compliment.
- Yeah, I'm still having trouble accepting that this is me. I look so different.
He said, looking at Scott, who was coming down the stairs toward him.
- All set, Lilly. Who's that?
Scott asked, looking confused at Lee.
Lee looked at Lilly in complicity, and they both laughed lightly at Scott's question.
- Come on, Scott. Do I look so different?
Lee asked with an amused smile on his face, which widened when he saw the incredulous expression of the man in front of him.
- Lee?! What?! I didn't think you were so handsome! What happened to that caveman?!
He asked incredulously, looking at Lee as if he had just heard a zombie speak. Which only made Lee shake his head in amusement.
- That caveman got a haircut and a shave, remind me to thank Zoey again. By the way, what did you think I looked like?
Lee asked, looking curiously at Scott.
- I don't know! I thought you were a grouchy middle-aged man with a face full of holes and expression marks! If I ever get a girlfriend, remind me not to show you to her!
he said mockingly, giving Lee a light tap on the shoulder. Lee laughed at his friend's remark.
- What have you come to do so soon?
Lilly asked, recovering from her "initial shock" at seeing Lee's face in a "decent" shape after so long.
- Looking for something to do, that I can help with.
He said, watching as some guards walked right up beside him, going in the opposite direction from where he was going.
- There's not much to do, actually. After we get so many supplies, we won't need to go out for a long time, not to get food, at least. But let's talk to Ellen, she asked me to take you anyway. You can wait at the door.
Lilly explained, turning to Scott, who was still looking at Lee in surprise, and with a slight spark of envy.
Lee nodded to her and did as he was told, walking to the building ahead, while still observing his surroundings.
-I'm a little jealous, I admit.
Scott said suddenly, causing Lilly to look at him with an arched eyebrow.
- Why is that?
she asked, slightly amused as she looked at Lee.
- What do you mean "why?" Lilly, look at his Jawline.
Scott replied, shaking his head to the side as he went back to doing his work.
(Some time later...)
Lee looked around the small park they were in. He expected to find Ellen in an office in one of those buildings, and not in an open and very relaxing place, by the way.
The woman was further ahead, talking about something with Victor while they looked at a map.
- Ellen.
Lilly called out to the woman, approaching her as she nodded slightly to Victor in greeting.
- Oh, you didn't have to come so soon. But I'm glad you're here already.
Ellen said, turning to the two of them as she looked at Lee with an arched eyebrow.
- Hah, who knew that the beard hid all this. Is it the same man?
she said, causing Lee to bow his head a little, slightly embarrassed.
- Yeah, I thank Zoey for that. And thanks for the room, it was... it was a very different night than the ones we had outside.
Lee thanked her, looking at Ellen with a slight grateful smile, nodding to Victor shortly afterwards.
- No need to thank me, not after the stories I've heard. If what they told me is true, you won that room.
She said, taking a few steps closer to the two of them.
- I've heard a lot of good things about you. Which is surprising, considering.
she said, looking at her arm, and then at Lee's eye.
- Well, what can I say... You have to adapt.
Lee replied.
- Many people wouldn't think that way, not when losing an arm and an eye in the same day. I respect that. And I've pretty much heard the whole story, the girl you're looking for and all, and I'm sorry if you didn't want the others to say it, but I hope you understand.
She said, leaning on a stool beside him and crossing her arms.
- Okay, I understand. And it's not like it's a secret.
Lee replied, running his hand along his chin.
- Good. Here's the thing, we are planning to expand the village, start growing more food, connect a safe path to the nearest river for fishing. That would be fine, but because of the noise, a lot of zombies are attracted in that direction, and they spread through the area.
Ellen began to explain, looking deep into Lee's eye, who did not look away.
- There are many, enough to form a small horde. From what I' ve heard, you are a very capable guy, your help would be welcome to kill those outside the walls and help burn the bodies. It's a somewhat dangerous job, but you've survived a long time out there, so it shouldn't be anything new to you.
She finished explaining, turning away from the bench and looking in some direction in the village. The direction of where the zombies were, Lee assumed.
- If it's just zombies, then the job isn't too difficult. Zombies are easy to deal with. I'll help.
Lee replied, looking at the people around him, who were walking to their respective jobs.
Ellen giggled nasally and looked at Lee, slightly puzzled.
- Apparently the stories I heard were true. Go with Victor as soon as you finish breakfast, he will explain more.
She said, nodding to Victor, before turning and leaving the park.
- Well, let's get going.
Victor said, closing the map and placing it under his arm, clinging to his body.
He walked past Lee, and Lilly followed him.
Lee took one last look at the park, before walking behind them.
