Kurt was on the verge of having a mental breakdown.
He had tried so hard not to give into all the hate, to ignore it but everyone kept pushing and pushing him and he felt like he was about to snap.
There were still the same hateful texts that he got telling him that he broke Blaine's heart and that he was a terrible person (as if he cared), the phone calls he got from his dad and people like Rachel and Santana that he ignored (he had answered a call from Carol to tell her that he was doing okay but they didn't talk about anything else) and then there was the hate he was getting online.
People really thought that they were actually doing something to change his mind with all the things they kept posting and it was nerve wracking.
There were videos of Blaine in the choir room, singing songs like Bruno Mars' "Grenade" or Lewis Capaldi's "Bruises" and then afterwards he would burst into tears and everyone would go up to him and they would hug (sickening).
Then there were pictures of Blaine's bare hand with captions like "I know I deserve better but I can't help but feel I lost my one true love" with comments sympathizing with Blaine and scolding him (also sickening and cringey).
Then there were pictures of Blaine just sitting there, with his puppy dog eyes and his lip pushed out, staring off into space with comments that he was tagged in (so sickening it made him want to gag).
What did these people not understand? He broke up with Blaine, they all needed to get over it. It didn't even concern them, it was between the two of them. And yes they could all be good friends to him but they didn't have to bring him into it. Their dramatic ass videos and pictures of the 18 year old baby weren't doing anything to get them back together.
And it was a little hard to ignore all of the drama and hate when it was constantly popping up on his phone.
A text here.
A tweet there.
An image here.
A video there.
An "I hate you here, whatever it was it was getting harder and harder for him to let it roll off his back. They were supposed to be adults, mature and responsible, how was that any of that?
So when he got home that day, having worked all day at Vogue and then having missed his taxi home and having to walk home, he was done. And when he got another video from Tina of Blaine singing another depressing, heartbreak song he was even more done. And then when his next door neighbors started yelling at each other and throwing things in the next roomβ¦
He lost it.
First he started shaking, uncontrollably. Then came the tears. And then the sobs. The sobs that made him shake even harder that caused him to sink down to the floor and break down on himself.
He didn't know why he was so upset, he didn't know why it bothered him so much. Because it shouldn't and he had told himself that it wouldn't. But now as he laid on the floor of his apartment, barely able to breathe as continued crying it all became apparent to him.
He had lost all of his friends. Nick, Jeff and Sam were still Blaine's friends, hell they probably preferred Blaine over him and he wasn't about to let Sebastian in so easily, even if he was all he had left.
He had lost his apartment, he had to move without any notice at all. The fact that Rachel and Santana had that much power over him was unsettling and caused him to feel uneasy and anxious.
He had lost his dad and that was the worst of all. The one person that always used to be on his side, that stood up for him was now doing the same to someone else that had hurt him. His dad had completely disregarded Blaine's actions and had blamed Kurt's troubles on his own self, saying that he was being dramatic and out of line.
It all hurt so much.
And now what did he have?
An education at a school that he wasn't even good enough to get into against a girl who had choked at her audition and then had stalked the dean to get in (yes when he put it that way, the wound still stung). And yes he had Vogue and he loved working there butβ¦
An education and a job, no matter how much he loved them, wasn't going to fill his void. He needed love, real love, he needed friends and family and now he had lost both. He had worked so hard to acquire all those people that he had thought had loved him , he remembered how lonely he had been all his life until his sophomore year and now he was back to the start. He was supposed to be improving, taking steps in the right direction, not stepping backwards.
He wanted to keep these people in his life for as long as he could, hopefully until he had died but now they were gone. This was what he had been afraid of all along. He acted all confident and bitchy, like he didn't need anyone and that he was too good for everyone but deep down inside he was just a nobody and his friends were the people who had made him someone. Without them he was just an insecure, scared little boy.
Was he that way now?
He couldn't stop his meltdown, it was in full swing now. It's not like he hadn't had these kinds of attacks before, he usually got them when he was stressed or upset but it just hadn't happened in a long, long, very long time. It was just another reminder of the direction his life was taking. He knew it would end soon enough but he felt horrible at the moment.
The only thing he could focus on was the fact that he was crying. And he tried to think of something else to get his mind off of the fact but he couldn't concentrate on anything calming. The only thing in his mind were the messages, and the ring, and his dad, and Blaine, and Dalton and he just wanted to forget it all.
He wanted to go back in time, so he could say no at the picnic. Then he wouldn't be stuck, he wouldn't haven't gotten kicked out, he would still have his dad. If he would've known that one little word could change his life then he would've kept his mouth shut. It was so frustrating how much power one little word could have over you and your life.
Because now he felt like he was falling and there was nothing to bring him back up. He felt like he was drowning and he wouldn't swim, only going down deeper and deeper. He felt like he was floating, his heart was fluttering and there was nothing he could hold on to to come back.
His heart was beating fast. And loud. Too loud to be his heartbeat. It had to be something else. But how could he figure it out? He was so unaware of his surroundings, what was that sound, why couldn't it shut up already? It was adding to his headache.
Was it a ball bouncing on the pavement? No it couldn't be, he was sure he was inside. It was something bouncing though, or someone bouncing. Or something or someone pounding, knocking. Someone knocking at the door.
And then he snapped out of his trance, snapping his eyes shut and wincing at the pain the lights were causing his head. The knocking at the door was helping either but he slowly pushed himself up from the floor and made his way over to the door, opening it to tell the person to go away.
And he would've told them to go away...if the person at the door hadn't been the one person he needed most right now.
"Finn?" Kurt asked once he saw the taller boy standing in his doorway. He tried to wipe his tears away before his brother could take them in but Finn had noticed them as soon as Kurt had opened the door and had swooped down to pull him into a big, tight hug. "What are you doing here?"
"How could I not come to see you?" Finn asked. "I came as soon as I heard about you and Blaine,"
Kurt pulled away from him as soon as he said that. "If you're here to lecture me about how I broke his heart then you might as well just leave because I already know and I don't care,"
"What, of course I'm not here to do that dude," Finn said, coming into Kurt's apartment and shutting the door behind him. "I came here to make sure you're okay. I saw what everyone was saying about you online and stuff and I came to the loft first but then Santana and Rachel said that you weren't there, that they kicked you out and I got into a fight with them but then I just decided to leave so I could find you,"
"And how did you find me?"
"Your location dude, it's on,"
"Oh," Kurt sighed. "I should fix that,"
"Well now that I know where you are you should. But do you want to talk about it?"
"There's not much to say anymore," Kurt told him, leading him over to the couch so they could sit together. "I mean we're broken up, I gave him a chance and he took advantage of it,"
"Yeah I heard he proposed,"
"Yes he did and it was awful. We had just gotten back together Finn, I mean am I really in the wrong here?"
"Of course you aren't," Finn assured him. "You know I'd take your side no matter what, I hated Blaine anyway, you're too good for him,"
"Thanks," Kurt mumbled. "No one else seems to think that way though,"
"Yeah I also saw that but at least you have Sam standing up for you. And me too, I said some things,"
"You didn't have to do that Finn," Kurt told him. "They're your friends, don't make them upset with you just because of me,"
"Hey don't say that," Finn smiled. "I'd pick you over any of those dimwits. I'm serious besides I even if it wasn't you they were talking about I still don't like what they're saying, it's cruel,"
"So I've heard,"
"And also I kinda, maybe sorta talked to Burt about it all,"
"Well what did he say?" Kurt asked, sitting up some to look at Finn, who wore a nervous, apprehensive look on his face.
"Well it was nothing good," Finn admitted. "I stuck up for you and he told me that you were supposed to keep your word and stuff and then I said that it's your decision about it all, whether you wanted to get married or not and even whether you wanted to date Blaine or not and then he said that it was an embarrassment to him because Blaine's dad works on the Congress stuff with him,"
"Blaine's dad wasn't even at the proposal,"
"I don't know man, that's what he said," Finn shrugged. "But I asked him why he wasn't on your side and he said that you were over-reacting and stuff. But I wouldn't worry about it too much Kurt, he'll come around,"
"I'm pretty sure he won't,"
"Why?"
"When did you talk to him?"
"I don't remember," Finn said, trying to think. "I found out that Blaine proposed like two days after it happened and then I tried to call you because then everyone was hating on you but you wouldn't answer so I called Burt,"
"Oh,"
"But why does it matter when I talked to him?"
"Because after you two talked, we got into a fight," Kurt sighed sadly.
"Oh," Finn said, tightening his arms around Kurt in a tighter hug when he saw tears form in his eyes. "What did he say to you?"
"Same thing he told you pretty much. How we're supposed to keep our word and how I was being dramatic about the whole thing. And how whenever he got into a fight with my mom they never broke up so I shouldn't break up with Blaine just because we have "issues sometimes","
"And what did you say?"
"That he couldn't compare our problems to their problems because my mom would never do the things that Blaine did to me to my dad and that he would never to do the things that Blaine did to me to my mom. They fought over little things, stupid things that they laughed about after they calmed down. I wouldn't even say that Blaine and I fight, he does something that pisses me off and I basically just brush it off. The only times I didn't do that were when he cheated on me and when I broke off the engagement. And I gave him some of the problems that I have with Blaine so he could compare them to his problems with my mom and then I told him not to compare Blaine to my mom because that's disrespectful to her,"
"Well that doesn't seem too bad," Finn smiled. "It seems like something that you two can just brush off once your calmed down,"
"He doesn't want me anymore Finn," Kurt's voice broke.
"What? He said that?" Finn asked, getting angry.
"He didn't have to say it," Kurt said. "Do you remember last year around the time of "West Side Story"?"
"Yeah?" Finn said, confused as to why that mattered.
"Well around that time is when Blaine met Sebastian, you know the guy who..."
"Photoshopped my junk," Finn finished for him, annoyed. "Yeah I remember dude,"
"Don't worry, he's turned over a new leaf," Kurt assured him. "He was actually pretty nice to me when he found out about the engagement. But anyway at that time Sebastian was trying to get into Blaine's pants and one day he invited the both of us to a gay bar in Westerville. And Blaine was apprehensive at first but I said that we would go because I was worried about losing Blaine to him. So we went and Sebastian and Blaine got drunk and danced the whole night while I watched and then when it was time for me to take Blaine home he got really handsy and he wanted to⦠have sex. And I told him no but he didn't listen and he grabbed me down so I fell on top of him. And nothing happened but I was so scared Finn. And then Blaine got mad at me for saying no,"
"So do I still have to kill him?" Finn asked, not joking in the least bit.
"No, that's not really the point anymore. When I told my dad this he said that I shouldn't let it bother me because it's in the past and that for me to bring it up was being dramatic. And he took Blaine's side. I wasn't about to marry someone that almost raped me in the back of my car and he completely brushed the issue to the side. He doesn't want me and frankly I don't want him. So I told him not to contact me anymore, which he hasn't and that he could go be Blaine's dad,"
"And all of this really happened just because you broke up with that assaulter?" Finn asked. "How much power does he have over everyone?"
"You know Blaine, Finn," Kurt rolled his eyes, making some tears fall down his face. "He's an attention hogging and spotlight seeking and manipulative and that makes everyone except for the select few think he's god. When I first met him the Warblers were all over him and it's no different at McKinley. Only some of us can see him who he really is,"
"I know it just sucks. And it's not fair. You're probably going to get hate for this for the rest of your life,"
"It doesn't matter much," Kurt shrugged. "They can waste away their pathetic lives, hating on me about something that isn't going to change but I have better things to do. It just hurts,"
"Well I'm here now," Finn assured him. "And I'm not leaving,"
"Finn, you don't have to do that for me," Kurt told him. "You're going to college, you need to be in school,"
"I took off for the week. It's a pretty chill school anyway, my teachers are awesome so I told them I had a family emergency, which I did so don't look at me like that, and they said I could make up all the work I missed when I came back,"
"Okay then I guess you're staying,"
"Sure am, I have to make sure you're okay,"
"I'm okay," Kurt said. "Or I will be,"
"Well I still have to make sure,"
"Thank you,"
"So what do you do for fun around here?"
"What would you say if I said I don't have time to have fun?"
"I would say everyone has time to have fun and then I would drag you out so we could find something to do,"
"Finn, I don't have time to have fun," Kurt said dryly.
"Of course you do dude, everyone has time to have fun," Finn said, standing up off of the couch. "Let's go find something,"
Kurt playfully rolled his eyes before standing up with his brother and grabbing his stuff, before leaving his apartment.
Maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all?
Notes:
But he's wrong dun dun. I'm not going to say anything but if you consider the timeline of season 5 then you can probably guess what happens next, sorry guys I warned you this wouldn't end happily. At least we got some Furt in here ππ
I love Furt, I know I already said that but it doesn't hurt to say it again. I love them so much, we were robbed of them, I will stan them as the best brothers in the world (and for the few times I ship them as a couple (no incest)). They were so great with each other after they got over their issues in season 1
Anyway that's it for chapter 5. If you've noticed I was going over my notes for this when I found out that this actually has 7 chapters, not 6 so I changed that so we still have two chapters left. And they're both sad, they both contain deaths, one of them is suicide and I'll put a trigger warning for it but just a heads up for anyone who needs it. It's going to get really rough ππbut I promise that I will make it up to you guys after this is done, you guys deserve it! ππ
So please leave any questions, feedback or comments for me in the comment section, thank you for reading and have a great day/night! ππ
Peace βοΈβοΈ
