A/N:
Firstly, a long-overdue thanks to my reviewers: LuvAngel448, The Lady Luthien, blackflagDiamant, Dtreet Spirit, amy, and awesomepossum.
I am very sorry for the lengthy delay in updates, I have had an unbelievable amount of work in the past couple of weeks and haven't had a spare second to write.
I finally have the story planned out in my head, and I think that there will be two more chapters after this one, just so you know. I can't make any promises, but I think these last two chapters should be out a lot more quickly.
Lastly, in response to Street Spirit's questions, I absolutely loved the movie. I saw it only twice, I wanted to see it more, but both times it drew me ion completely and made me cry. I read the short story afterwards and, while I found the movie more emotional, I thought some of the lines in the story were beautiful and perfectly captured the characters or the moments. In fact, it was some of those lines that inspired this story. As for the two characters, I like Ennis a lot and could relate to him more, but I loved Jack (probably because I am more drawn to open, talkative people and I find Jake Gyllenhaal more attractive, shallow as those things may be). If anyone wants to talk more, feel free to come to my Brokeback forum or email me!
They had fought today.
They had made up afterwards, of course. It was wordless, they just came into each others arms, crying. Nothing was changed much. But it still stood out to Ennis, like it was somehow the end even as they made plans to reunite in November.
It had killed Ennis to walk away from Jack afterward, but he knew he had no choice. He opened the door of his truck, turning back for one last look before getting in and starting the engine.
Jack had that look on his face – the calm, peaceful look that came only when he was remembering. This caused Ennis to remember, too.
He let himself drift back to the days when he could leave Jack and be content in the knowledge that their brief time apart would only heighten the anticipation and the joy that was sure to come when they reunited later that day. He remembered how
As he drove down the mountainside, a quote from somewhere in his youth came to Ennis's mind. "Time passes in moments, moments which, rushing past define the path of a life just as surely as they lead towards its end."
He had no recollection as to where that came from, but it seemed fitting, in a way. He found it ironic that, when he had first come across this, he had found it optimistic and inspiring. Not that he ever would have admitted that to anyone, a person in his position couldn't afford to have dreams. Still, his younger self had loved the idea that the decisions that he made would have an impact, and that he could determine the course of his own life. The possibilities had seemed limitless.
Now, nearly a half-century later, Ennis found this same quote depressing. This was it? This was the life that he had chosen for himself? He looked back at the path he had chosen to take, and all the little moments with their big choices that had led him to this point.
During the fight, Jack had reminded him of the other path he could have taken. The image of him living with Jack in peace on a secluded ranch rose to his mind unbidden. A slow, steady ache came to his gut.
I don't regret it, he told himself. I don't regret it at all.
They could have had a nice life together, and it was all his fault that they didn't. He had been so full of fear the whole time, and Jack had just accepted it and stayed with him. Jack had cared so deeply, and Ennis had acted as if it was just a little side thing he had going on. He thought back to all the little moments in which he could have altered the paths of their entire lives with just a few words.
But I don't regret it. Of course I don't…
Before he could stop himself, he had turned the truck around and was speeding back up the mountain towards the campsite. Maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe he could just forget about his job and his old life and just run away with Jack. Maybe he could finally be happy. Maybe…
He brought the truck to a stop and looked around him. He couldn't suppress the groan that seemed to come from his very soul, so he allowed himself to just cry and let it out.
The campsite was empty.
Thanks for continuing to read. Please let me know what you think!
