Chapter Four: Drowning Sorrows

A/N: Again, I don't own any of these characters... :sigh: I also wanted to give thanks to "letgo" from for inspiring me to write this story after reading one of hers.

Several days had passed since Miroku's strangely realistic and pleasant dream, and he found himself becoming more and more depressed. He certainly didn't seem to be coming to terms with the events that had occurred. In his heart, he hadn't given up, but outwardly he didn't appear so hopeful. He constantly moped around, lagged behind the rest of the group, and barely managed to survive battles with stray demons they encountered. He attempted meditation frequently, but it brought him no real peace. And much to the surprise of his companions, he seemed to have a bizarre lack of interest in the opposite sex.

Kagome was becoming very concerned, as were the others. Even Inuyasha noticed that Miroku was not himself. Kagome didn't find it at all surprising that he was walking around like a 'zombie' and not acting like himself, but she was concerned that it may be quite some time before he was able to heal. She knew he needed time to heal and wanted him to have that time, but in the meanwhile, he was constantly putting himself in danger by being overly distracted and careless. She thought perhaps it might be best if he took a bit of a break from traveling and fighting.

Kagome stopped and looked back at Miroku, who was walking slowly and appeared to be watching his feet as opposed to the road ahead. She looked at him sympathetically and sighed. She then made her way to his side.

"Miroku?"

"Hm?" He asked, distracted as usual.

"Why don't you consider taking a break from things for awhile? Maybe you could stay with Kaede in the village, or even go and see Mushin?"

He thought for a moment. "I want to keep searching."

"Well, I'm not suggesting that we stop searching, but you have been so exhausted lately, and I think that some rest might do you good."

"I'm fine, Kagome."

"But...it just seems like you had some difficulty in the last few battles we were in... And if we do have a major battle with Naraku coming up to get Sango back, you're going to need all your energy!" She put her hands on her hips, becoming slightly frustrated with him. She thought to herself that she felt kind of like a mother scolding her child.

"So, you're still holding onto that theory?" He asked.

"Huh? Of course, it's a real possibility. I mean, why else would she just disappear like that if not Naraku! Don't tell me you don't believe that Sango is alive anymore!"

"I don't know what to believe, Kagome...but don't worry about me. I am perfectly capable of fighting a decent battle if it comes to that!" He raised his voice slightly, even though he knew she was probably right. His movements had been more sluggish lately, and his energy was severely lacking, as well as his strength.

Inuyasha had turned around upon hearing all this. "What! Miroku can't just take time off! We gotta get Sango back, and if Naraku IS still alive somehow, we have to find that b and kill him once and for all! Next you'll be telling me you need to go back to your world and take a...test or something!" He spat.

"Inuyasha! SIT!" He was thrown to the ground. "Have a heart, Inuyasha! We have all been through a lot lately! And can't you see how much this is affecting Miroku! And I wasn't even suggesting that I go back to my world!" She thought to herself. Even though I haven't been back since Sango...

She wanted desperately to find Sango if she was alive, and she wanted to be there for Miroku and the others through all of this. She knew she would need to go back sooner or later, though.

Miroku decided to break it all up, be the 'voice of reason,' so to speak, as he generally was.

"Kagome-sama, perhaps I will go and see Mushin. I should rest up so that I am in a condition to fight. Besides, I could use some personal reflection and meditation. Inuyasha, you don't want me to be useless to you, do you?"

Inuyasha gave a 'Keh!' "All right, monk, but don't take too long! I'll give ya three days, then I'm coming looking for ya."

"Thank you, Inuyasha. You really do care." He smirked.

"Keh!"

Miroku said his goodbyes and wished them all well. "I'll return in three days."

Kagome and Shippo waved. Inuyasha simply stood there with his arms inside his robes.

"That was nice of you, Inuyasha. Miroku needed some time away. All this searching has been wearing him down. Of course, I'm sure that is nothing compared to the emotional pain he must be feeling." Her small smile faded. "Inuyasha? You still haven't caught Sango or Naraku's scent, have you?"

"No, not at all." He frowned.

"What should we do?" Kagome asked, and Inuyasha glanced at her for a moment, then looked away.

"I don't know, Kagome. I guess all we can do is keep searching and hope we come across some clue."

Meanwhile...

Miroku had began his journey toward Mushin's temple. He'd managed to find Hachi along the way, so he hadn't been reduced to walking there. He sat atop Hachi in his transformed state, with his legs crossed, his hands in his robes, and his eyes closed.

"Miroku? You're awfully quiet..." Hachi commented.

"I was just thinking, Hachi. Naraku has been defeated, yet he still curses my life."

"What? You mean, you still have your windtunnel!"

"No, Hachi. My windtunnel is gone, so I am to assume that Naraku is dead...but no, it is a different curse, my friend."

Hachi wasn't sure what he meant by this, but he didn't question him further. Soon they arrived at Mushin's temple.

Miroku and Hachi said prayers at Miroku's father's grave and went inside.

"Mushin! Are you here, Mushin?" Miroku called, finding Mushin, as usual, passed out drunk and sleeping rather soundly, with a smile upon his face.

Miroku sighed and knelt down beside him. "Mushin..." He shook him several times before the old monk finally groaned and opened his eyes.

"Ah, Miroku, my boy, how are you?"

"Not well, my old friend."

"Ohh?" He sat up, slowly.

"And no palm reading, ok? I'm not in the mood for your jokes." He stated, matter-of-factly, when he noticed Mushin move to take his hand.

"What ails you, my boy?" Mushin asked. Miroku thought, Wow, he almost looks concerned for me.

Miroku sighed and began his tale. Mushin listened, and after Miroku had finished, he responded.

"I see." Mushin looked at him with a serious expression for a few moments. "You lost a woman you loved."

"Yes, that's basically it."

"Miroku, my boy. You're young, and there are plenty of women around. Why don't we go to the geisha house? It'll take your mind off things." He nudged him suggestively.

"I don't think so, Mushin. Not this time. It is true that there are plenty of women to be had, but none that I desire."

Mushin was beginning to think that Miroku was seriously ill.

"My Sango was...special. I loved her as I've never loved a woman before." He sighed and rested his cheek in his palm.

Mushin simply nodded and passed Miroku a cup and a bottle of sake. "Here, this will help."

"Mushin, you old drunkard! Drinking won't solve my problem!" He walked out of the temple and headed to the nearby waterfall. He decided to try and clear his head and meditate. Mushin and Hachi shrugged. Hachi picked up the cup and poured some sake for himself and then poured for Mushin, and they began to drink.

Miroku sat under a waterfall, donning a white robe. He began meditating. All right, I need to be aware of my thoughts and my feelings...there is sadness, anger, despair...I must overcome them...I must break this cycle...I must transform those thoughts and feelings into positive ones...I must find my peace...but I feel like there is a wall there...it won't subside... I desired and became attached, and that is why I suffer...until I let go of that, I will continue to suffer.

Miroku meditated for an hour and finally gave up, for the time being. When he walked into the temple, he met Mushin's gaze, then Hachi's. He gave an exasperated sigh and walked over to them. He sat between them and grabbed the bottle of sake.

"Give me that...what are you both staring at!" He began taking drink after drink of Mushin's sake. Some monk I am... He thought to himself, as he continued to drown his sorrows with drink.

A/N: Thanks again to my precious reviewers! You don't know how you all make my days! Please continue! Ok, so I know people are anxious to find out what is going on with Sango. As you can tell, she is still in existence, but that is pretty much all that is known. I promise you will find out, but I want to convey what the others are going through without her, particularly Miroku. Hang in there with me, and I hope you all are enjoying. Suggestions are welcome, and please review! Arigato gozaimasu!