It was an absolute waste of time, it didn't matter how much she tried to untie it to make it fit her, it would end up tight on her body making it hard to breath and move squashing her breasts to almost a painful point. At sixteen weeks she should still be able to fit into her clothes, and yet she was sitting on her bed staring down at her belly, the size of a small melon, with half her closet spread over the bed and vanity. Nothing, absolutely nothing worked on her changing figure, and it was bringing her to the verge of tears. A knock on the door disturbed her peace, Carson entering the room.
-Elsie? You need to hurry or we'll be late for breakfast.
-I know.
-Come on, out with it.
-You are going to think I'm dumb.
-Try me. Come one, what is it? – he sat next to her on the bed taking the corset from her hands and left it on her nightstand taking her hands in his. – If you need more time we can wait. You don't have to return to work today.
-I need to Charles, I'm sick and tired of being up here, and at some point, I'm going to have to face the world. It's just that… nothing fits me, and as stupid as its going to sound, it makes it all so real all of a sudden.
-It is real, no one can deny it, but it's a beautiful thing to be real. You are glowing, gaining weight, which Dr Clarkson is very happy about, and you have this adorable little round stomach that is to protect our baby.
-I just didn't think I would grow so fast. I want to keep him or her inside me forever, safe them from the world.
-We still have time, don't worry. Now, let's solve this problem with your clothes, shall we? Do you need help with your corset?
-I can't wear it, I need a maternity one already. I can't get it lose enough, the strings just won't do, and I can't close it well enough so it can be supportive without crushing my… my chest. – her cheeks were a bright shade of red, embarrassment evident on her face as she lowered her head to avoid his eyes.
-Alright, them maybe you could do with some of this modern clothes?
-I don't own any Charles. I've never had need for them. I suppose I could go with just my chemise and hope that no one notices.
-That won't do, you are far to alluring for the footman, they just won't stop looking at you.
-Playing the jealous husband already? We've barely been married a couple of weeks.
-I can't help but feel like I need to protect you from preying eyes. You are the most beautiful thing in the world and I want to be the only one to see you.
-You are the only one. I won't allow…
-I'm sorry, should have thought about what I was saying.
-You don't have to walk on eggshells around me, the world won't, and I need to learn that. You've been keeping me in cotton, and I need to see for myself where I fit once more.
-One step at a time love, I don't want you to overwhelm yourself. Hold on tight for a minute, I'll be right back.
-Where are you going?
-To solve your problem. I'll just be a minute.
He kissed her cheek, leaving her sitting on the bed, rushing to the dinning hall, where he knew his Lordship and her Ladyship would be having breakfast. He knocked lightly waiting to be allowed in before he pushed it open. It was a strange topic to talk with Robert and Cora, but is not as if there was much choice, Elsie wanted to go back to work today, and she would even if it meant wearing just her nightgown around the house. Best not to have her around like that.
-Good morning, Carson.
-Good morning My Lord. Good morning My Lady.
-Good morning, Carson. Is there something you wanted? We haven't seen you serving breakfast when Lady Mary was here, is everything alright downstairs?
-I'm afraid we have a slight problem, and I was wondering if you would be so kind as to help me, My Lady. Is has to do with Mrs Hughes.
-What could possibly have upset her? She was on her way to a full recovery.
-Is nothing related to her health. It has to do with… with the changes… I don't know how to address this.
-Well try, old boy. It can't be that bad.
-Of course, My Lord. It has to do with the changes that a child makes on their mother's… frame.
-Already? Poor thing, no wonder she's upset. I cried when I realised, I couldn't wear my favourite pair of blue gloves, my wrists were too swollen.
-Thank you for understanding My Lady. We haven't been able to find a solution with what we have, and I was wondering if you could give us some ideas.
-I have just the thing. Follow me Carson, quick. – she lifted herself off her chair putting her cup of tea on the table, heading for the door followed by a very confused Carson. Lord Grantham should have remained in the dining hall, but curiosity got the best of him once more and he just had to follow them. He knew his wife like an open book, most of the time at least, a few ideas crossing his mind. Her own clothes had been sitting in a closet in the attic for years, Mary's were fairly new, and she still had them in her room, she just couldn't part with them and well, no one was going to complain. Rounding a corner, they came face to face with a door that led to a small changing room. It hadn't been used in ages, but it was an excellent place for hiding things. – Lady Mary and I went to London a few days ago and we just happened to walk pass these lovely shops and… we just couldn't resist! We know Mrs Hughes sends a lot of her money to Scotland, we've never asked why or what for, but what she gets to keep is not enough to get all the things we know she will most definitely need, so we took it upon ourselves to get them for her. – pushing the door open the worn-out wooden door creaked, revealing a dusty room with a big black trunk resting on the left side over a very dark stone floor. – I'll have a couple of footmen move it upstairs, everything you need is here.
-You didn't have to My Lady. – Cora run the servants bell for the footman, tuning back to smile at him as he spoke. He was a bit flushed on the cheeks, but she selected to ignore it and just focus on the fact that he was hesitant about opening it though she didn't quite understand why. - I will pay for everything myself, return every single pound you have spent on this.
-Nonsense Carson, we wanted to do it. I won't accept any of your money, think of it as a present for your hard work all these years. I know that if the roles were reversed you would do it for us. It has everything and anything you can think of, from dresses to coats, shoes… You name it. – footsteps came from the end of the corridor heading their way, Alfred and James heading their way - I remember you consoling me after I couldn't put my shoes on when I was expecting Sybil; you kneeled and put them on for me, I expect the same treatment for Mrs Hughes, well, Mrs Carson. It's going to take years to remember.
-I don't know what to say. Elsie will be most surprised and pleased. Thank you, My Lady.
-Go on, pick it up boys and take it to Mrs Hughes' room. I trust you are strong enough? Its very heavy and I wouldn't want to have two injured footmen under my roof.
-Don't worry M'Lady, we've carried heavier loads. Got it Jimmy? Up!
Internally they were both cursing, they were too polite to actually say it out loud, the bloody trunk weighted a ton! Carson directed them, helping turn it around corners and pushed some of the weight off their arms by taking it upon himself to lift it while they were going up the stairs. As soon as they set foot on the corridor the put it on the floor, sweat building up on their foreheads as they tried to catch their breathes. Carson dismissed them, pushing it towards her door, scratching the floor ever so slightly. She was going to protest, a blind man could see it, but it had been such a lovely gesture from them he just couldn't bring it upon himself to reject it, Lord Knows they would need it, and sooner rather than later. Robert took Cora's arm and escorted her back to the dining hall, surprised Mary had done a thing like this, she would have fought, he was sure.
-Did Mary really buy those things?
-Only because your mother mentioned the fact that Mrs Hughes was going to need new clothes. Violet did purchase some of the items, two dresses and a pair of gloves I believe. I did get most of them, but how no to when my own mother had sent me an outrageous amount of money for Elsie.
-Your mother has given money to the housekeeper?
-You know her. I sent her a telegram about the incident and if it hadn't been for the fact that she had twisted her ankle she would have sailed in the first available boat. I told her it wasn't necessary, but it fell on deaf ears. I am putting small amounts of what's left in Mrs Hughes account as not to draw any suspicion.
-Your mother is saint, American, but still a saint. What surprises me is that Isobel hasn't been involved in any of this.
-Oh, but she has. She's given her a few of her own clothes and baby items and… it was quite lovely, it made Mary cry; she's parted with one of Mathew's baby blankets. Apparently Reginal bought two, one in white and one in a soft yellow. They hardly ever used the yellow one and so she gave the white one to Mary and now the other one to Mrs Hughes. It pained her to do so, but she felt relieved in a way. Clarkson was there you know, supporting her in every decision.
-You are all a godsend for her. If it hadn't been for all of you, I fear to think what would have become of her. I fear to think what might have happened if instead of her it had been one of you. It makes my blood boil.
-Now now Robert, don't do this, not now. We are all just fine, and she's recovering nicely, don't start with the what ifs, I would be most upset.
-Sorry dear. It just makes me so mad the way Tony is handling everything. He forgets a woman has been hurt horribly in favour of himself. Thank God Mary turned him down.
Grunting and huffing he finally made it to her door, resting the palm of his hands over the trunk. He almost missed the handle, his hands shaking terribly, but at last he managed to push it open, Elsie still sitting on the bed, but she quickly hurried to help him with the trunk, or as much as he would allow her to, which was nothing. She protested several times, but it was a lost battle.
-I'm not an invalid, let me help you, Charles!
-No, the doctor said no lifting heavy objects, and this is extremely heavy.
-An he also said you had a bad back, and here we are. Just let me push it with you. Oh Charles!
-What's done is done. Its inside so there's nothing to worry about.
-Stubborn man. What is it then?
-A trunk.
-Ladies and gentlemen Sherlock Holmes! I meant what's inside?!
-Picky this morning. Her Ladyship says it for you, a present from her and Lady Mary. They got everything in London, that's all I know. – the lock didn't require a key so carefully they pushed it open revealing the most beautifully expensive fabrics Elsie had ever seen, silk, lace and velvet seemed to be the most common ones, but she could have sworn she had seen some satin and chiffon in there and something that she suspected was fur. Everything was neatly folded and wrapped in paper with bows of different colours and the brand printed over the package.
-Charles… This must have cost a fortune! I can't… I couldn't possibly keep all this.
-If you don't her Ladyship will get cross with you, and you wouldn't want that.
-But this is too much.
Picking up a random package she ripped the paper, carefully putting it aside. Opening the box cautiously she found a stunning cotton based black dress with a thin layer of translucent silk all over it, silvery embraided flowers on the seem and sleeves, an elastic band in the back of it to adjust the dress as the baby grew. Pulling it out of the box completely she simply stared at the mid-calf length outfit too stunned to speak. There were no price tags, nothing whatsoever to suggest how much it had cost them, but by the quality and the textiles it was obvious that it had been more than what she earned in several months. He watched her in awe, simply too taken by her to say nothing.
-Charles, do you… do you see this? Genuine silk! This can't be for me.
-Her Ladyship made it very clear that all of it was for you. It is beautiful, but why should you think that is not meant for you? We might be servants, but we can still have nice things. Mrs Crawley is not a Lady by title, and she wears velvet and satin just like her Ladyship or the Dowager Countess. They are expensive, but they have been gifted to you. If they knew you wouldn't appreciate it or take care of it, they wouldn't have purchased them in the first place.
-I've always dreamed of wearing something other than cotton and linen. I know what the fabrics look like and feel like, but I never thought I would get to wear them. I wonder what other secrets this trunk keeps.
-We have plenty of time to explore them, just not right now. You know the brands, maybe you can get your… underclothes and get ready?
-I… I really don't know what to say, this is all just so… Oh, dear, I'm going to cry. – tears were running down her cheeks, unable to stop them she fanned herself with her hands, laughing lightly as she tried to blink them away.
-I assume you like them then.
-Like them? This is the most wonderful thing in the world. Not in a million years I would have thought someone would gift me such things. Even the packaging looks fancy.
-It does. Go on, get ready and I'll help you with the buttons of the dress.
-I will have to thank Lady Mary and Her Ladyship later today. – Rummaging through the boxes and wrapping papers her hands came to rest on a big brown box with the letters I.C. on the top. Lifting it open she saw a maternity corset that looked rather new along with clothes that looked more for mundane activities, small initials embroidered on the sides of the clothes. It didn't take a genius to know to whom all this had once belonged to, and although some of the clothes were a bit old-fashioned, they would work just fine for Elsie. She would have to pop in and thank Mrs. Crawley as well it seemed.
Charles had stepped outside to give her as much privacy as he could, allowing her time to dress before she required his assistance. The corset laid on her hands in a pristine white fabric with blue ribbons and cinches, and much to her surprise it had been rather easy to put on, but then again it had already been stretched and that had helped the fabric immensely to adapt to Elsie's body with rapid ease. Once the silk stockings and cotton chemise were on her voice called swiftly for him. The process was simple, and it was completed in silence, the black dress fitting her like a glove as his skilled fingers buttoned her up, most of her precious pale skin covered by the outfit. Once her old but clean shoes were on the world seemed to stop all of a sudden.
-Elsie? – she stared at the door, it seemed so far away at the moment. – Dear?
-I'm fine, I just need a minute to calm my nerves.
-We don't have to-
-I know, but in my head, I know I must. Stay close, that's all I need from you at the moment.
-I'll be there, don't fret. Shall we Mrs. Carson? – his hand hovered in the air, waiting. After a second that felt like an eternity, she took it. It managed to steady her rapid heart as they slowly stepped into the corridor for the first time in months.
There were no bruises to hide anymore, only scars that as long as she was dressed no one would know they were there, apart from her. She looked healthy, glowing, happy, no one would know of the torment in her head as she walked down the stairs, closer and closer to the servant's hall. It was so quiet, unnerving in a way as her heals echoed through the stone walls. Then the corridor came into view. She stopped and turned away, looking at the stairs letting go of Charles' arm.
-Elsie? Is everything alright? Do you feel sick?
-No, no, the morning sickness passed long ago. No, I… I was wondering… Oh… Emm… Did you… Did you handle everything while I was…
-Anna, did an excellent job, and she's proved to be a most wonderful housekeeper, but of course, she will never possess your wonderful skills. No one can be better than you. Are you sure you are alright?
-Yes. Yes, everything's fine. – of course, it was the biggest fattest lie she had ever told in her entire life. She was most definitely not fine, she feared if she turned around once more, she would see him standing there with that disgusting smirk on his face, taunting her, towering over her just like he did… that day. It was only a corridor and yet she could see his face in every stone. Breathing did nothing to calm her this time, but she had to get this done. Charles' took hold of her hand once more, making her jump slightly, pulling away just a bit before the rational pat of her brain told her that she was safe, and laced her fingers with his before tuning once more. God, it looked so long. She counted Carson's steps; it kept her mid busy until the servant's hall came into view. Everyone stood as they came in, silence falling like a ton of bricks over everyone. The air tensed around them and if Mrs Patmore had happened to come in with a knife, she would have been able to cut it and present it as a dessert. The uneasiness she had been feeling spiked, but her face remained unreadable, stern, just like always.
-Sit down. As you all can see Mrs. Hughes has decided to return to her duties after her long recovery, and although I expect you all to let her adjust, I very much hope you won't treat her any differently. She's still Mrs. Hughes, nothing has changed that.
-But things have changed Mr. Carson. – Thomas didn't hesitate to bring out the obvious as his eyes travelled from the butler to the now visible belly from the housekeeper. She didn't move, didn't place her hands over it to protect it from the nasty looks of those around her, no, she remained there, head held high. – You can't expect us to… They did something that obviously has had consequences, we can't ignore that.
-Mr. Barrow, I'm warning you, don't walk down that path. If you do I'll be forced to dismiss you.
-I refuse to treat her like I did before. She might once have been Mrs. Hughes, but now she's nothing more than a… a whore. She's Mr. Green's little mistress and she's carrying his bastard; I won't be involved in all of that. Whatever she chooses to do with that man we shouldn't be subjected to it.
-Don't you dare speak such ill words about my wife, Barrow! – his voice boomed and reverberated through the walls, shaking the room as he pointed at the young man. – You won't insult her or anyone under this roof while I'm still butler! You can't even begin to –
-No, I'll handle this. – If Elsie's eyes had possessed the power to kill Thomas would be laying in a pile of ashes on the floor, her small feet walking slowly close to the wooden table, her sparkling fiery eyes never leaving Barrow's figure. – Don't you ever, and I mean ever, say a word about what you don't know. What happened behind the door of my sitting room would make your blood freeze in your veins, it would bring you nightmares for months on end. If you had been laying there, on the floor like I was with that monster handling you like you were a toy, hurting you, laughing at your pain and pleas, if you had been me you wouldn't say that "we" did something. No. He did, I was there begging for my life while he murdered me, and if I hadn't survived, if I wasn't standing here in front of you, I'm quite sure you would have had the nerve to say that you appreciated me and all I've ever done for you. Obviously, you don't, and I won't force you to, but I won't tolerate a clueless, inconsiderate idiot as you, Barrow, to go around telling lies about MY life. WE didn't do anything, I'm nothing to him except a victim of his tortures, and if you even think of calling my child a bastard again I swear on everything I know that you won't live enough to regret it. Have I made myself clear enough Mr. Barrow?
-I…
-Have I made myself clear enough Mr Barrow?!
-Yes, Mrs. Hughes.
-Good. Anyone else would like to comment on my life? No? That's what I was expecting. This matter is closed, and I won't have any chatter about it in this house. I will make one thing very clear in case you hear it in the village; my child is not a bastard, I am married and very happily as a matter of fact, so if you hear any lies about this you are free to correct them if you like. That's all that I will say about this.
-If they ask us to whom you are married, what should we say? – young Alfred tried so hard to calm everyone's nerves down, but he feared he might not be succeeding really.
-Me. Mrs. Hughes is in reality Mrs. Carson, but we won't force you to call her that, she's quite comfortable with keeping her old name. Now, let's all have our meal and start the day.
In a way defending herself brought a bit of the old Scottish dragon back once more, it felt right, like her old self. Taking her seat next to Charles at the head of the table, Anna sitting in between her and Thomas, maybe he should move for the time being, it was obvious neither of them wanted to be close, at least at the moment. Handing her a warm cup of tea Elsie started feeling far more relaxed once everything settle into the normal set of things, just like before.
-Mrs. Hughes, I'm very glad you are back.
-Oh, thank you Anna. Mr Carson has told me you have made an excellent housekeeper in my absence, maybe you'll be my substitute once I retire, but don't think about it too much, I don't have any intentions of doing it for a very long time.
-Don't worry Mrs Hughes, I'm very happy as a lady's maid. Far less work and much more fun.
-Oh, I wouldn't know, I haven't been a lady's maid in years, I can hardly remember.
-Mrs Hughes, I wanted to tell you. The police came by while you two were upstairs. – she felt her tense and tried to place a hand on her shoulder as a reassuring move. – He's been found, and he's in jail. They are waiting for the trial, but they say that everything points to a conviction. There's a very high chance he'll be sentence to death.
-Did they say that?
-They did. Her Ladyship was present. He's been in prison since this morning, in Devon.
-Quite far from here.
-Indeed. He was on his way to catch a boat to America. Never made it.
-Oh… We are safe, at last. I never thought I would see the day, somehow, I had imagined he would free himself or never be caught. Such a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
-We can start anew Elsie. – underneath the desk he held her hand, soft steady breaths calming her nerves, the fist genuine smile gracing her lips in weeks, and it was all for Charles, just for him to enjoy, the world around them fading. From his pocket he took her keys, sliding them across the table. – Welcome back.
