"I'm Demyx," he had a toothy grin and outstretched hand, but a shadowed figured loomed in front of him, shrouding his childish vibes.
"Don't give me your shit," Axel didn't allow the new shadow to offer a greeting, he attempted to snatch something out of his hand but the shadow caught him.
"What's to give? I like it when Riku's not around."
Roxas didn't like this new stranger, and Axel must have known something Roxas didn't because he fidgeted just right so he stood between the teen and the looming threat. Why was Axel meeting him in the first place?
"Instead you're hanging with this..." gold eyes peered around Axel, "12 year old."
Said 12 year old opened his mouth to correct him, but Axel spoke louder and quicker. "Back off Xemnas," there was a deep growl to Axel's voice, Roxas never heard his smooth voice in such a menacing tone.
Demyx peeped in as if to lessen the tension, "Axel's allowed to hang out with whoever he wants-"
"I don't give a rat's ass what he can do," Xemnas cut his friend off, without breaking eye contact with Axel. "Since when did you two start dating?" '
"Lay off it, we're pretending." Axel had seemed so confident in convincing everyone else that they were an item, until now. It sent a strike through Roxas' heart, but the teen stayed silent behind the looming redhead and shadow. Quiet and out of the current civil conflict.
"Aw," Demyx was goggling at them, "You two would make a cute couple."
"Dem..." Axel's voice was back to the soft and smooth baritone that Roxas had grown so fond of. But something was off, he sounded distraught, beneath the threatening atmosphere and the warning concern he held for the other blond.
"Did you take him home to mommy yet?" The stranger was starting to irritate the shortest body in their make shift posse. Roxas shoved himself around Axel and between the two taller men.
"Yeah, I stayed the night at his place, now, as Axel said, back off, because we have places to be." He attempted to pull the redhead out of the conversation, but the shadow never let go of Axel's arm. He didn't say anything, staring at Axel with something that reminded Roxas of Zack. That look of entitlement, the gleam in his eyes like he owned whatever he saw. Even if they were people.
Finally he let go, and once he did, Axel took the lead. Maneuvering them down sidewalks and roads, till finally Roxas got him to slow down.
"Stay away from him," his words dripped like venom.
"Why?" He'd never hesitated before in his life, but the distain he could feel emanating from the taller man was frightening.
"He manipulates people, he gets them to low places, he screws them over, he's not someone worth getting to know."
"Are you looking out for me?"
"Yes," he stepped closer, face stilled completely over Roxas'. There was no hesitation in his answer, Roxas wanted to continue their back and fourth, he wanted to keep the conversation going, but the way Axel answered him, also struck him. A protective tone he'd heard in the redhead's voice, the longer he dwindled on it, the more his body began to heat from their close proximity. Roxas jumped back, his eyes shooting to the side as he continued walking.
"So... how do you know he's bad news?" his eyes watched the road, not meeting the emerald eyes he could feel darting in his direction.
"Listen," he stopped walking, he needed Roxas' full attention because he was only going to get into the conversation once. At least he told himself. "They're all bad news, even the ones you didn't meet. They're fun, but they're not someone you want to, to let know you. It's fun when it's all jokes and laughs but when it comes to wanting things, to them wanting anything, they'll do shady shit. They act like friends but they'll break each other just for fun. Don't fall for their games."
Roxas' mind flooded, but his mouth stayed tightly shut as Axel continued to stare at him. It raised a lot of questions about his friend, there was a lot he didn't know about him, and for no reason other than he was too absorbed in his ow life.
Axel grabbed Roxas' hand and physically pulled him back into the present as he they began walking again.
He didn't know where they were going, but he did know that Axel still hadn't let go of his hand. It was like having a fire engulfed around his hand and the warm was so much more than comforting but like a home he hadn't been apart of in ages.
"Why do you hang out with them then?" He broke the silence, his query surprising Axel.
He scrambled for an answer, but all that came out was a stuttering mess. After he took a breath, his thoughts became verbal in a coherent way. "When I'm not hanging out with Riku, I hang out with them."
"There's always me."
Axel stopped walking, becoming lost in thought. Roxas stepped in front of him, his hand finally slipping from the warmth of Axel's, he turned to face the redhead, silently studying his features. His brow was furrowed in something resembling anger, his clear green eyes now dim and glossed over, sclera blood shot and dark. The tattoos against pale skin, that if Roxas didn't know better, were tears stuck in place. His thin lips gently pursed while he seemed to be fighting for the right words.
"Promise me..." He finally voiced, deeply, quietly, but his words faded to nothing.
The blond wanted to wait for him, wanted to give him enough time to organize his thoughts, but the minutes were ticking by. When Roxas began to think of something to say, the taller man softly spoke.
"I know wer'e not really dating..." His voice was broken, "But, just, can you promise me... that if you see Xemnas you'll stay away?"
Roxas was genuinely concerned, mixed feelings on his own end, wanting to ask more but also not wanting to pressure Axel. "Okay," he said confidently, surprising the redhead. "You've..." he rolled his head, it was his chance to be lost in the stars, "You've respected me..." His head dropped, he wanted to say something quick and to the point to possibly help comfort his friend, but now he was stumbling over words. "I don't do backstories," he repeated, from weeks before, "Okay."
They watched each other, Axel hiding away both mentally and physically. His hood shadowing his face, his hands in his pockets, and a darkness around him that matched his clothes. He seemed like a monster in the night, his body naturally stretched to impend over his smaller companion, his limbs lanky even though they weren't visible behind the baggy apparel. Axel was troubled, that much was clear, but he and Roxas had a lot in common. One of those things being that they shut off when in distress.
Roxas blended into the darkness that surrounded him, disappearing silently into the scenery. He shared the same shadow with Axel, but in a different view. More like a venomous rabbit that screamed 'keep away', and if left alone, would fade. Nothing about the blond screamed assertive, like Axel did, instead a passive blob that would attack if threatened.
Neither of them were okay, in any light, but it took Roxas a new perspective to see just how deep Axel's demons swam.
Together they shared a moment of silence, for some unknown grievance.
"You should go home..." the taller fiend finally broke the quiet.
Roxas looked away, his head dropping from facing the stars to facing the concrete beneath their feet. He'd left there for a reason, but the gravely voice Axel used, caused Roxas to rethink. There was a time and a place, and maybe this wasn't it. All his previous demons were hushed and now hiding like kicked dogs in their cages. He nodded his head like a basketball slowly losing momentum, unable to face his bothered friend.
As they began their walk home, the roads becoming familiar now, Roxas had to check. His silence was one thing, but to see Axel so distraught was uncalled for. No one should be left alone to their thoughts.
"Are you okay Ax?"
"What happened to no backstories?" Axel didn't miss a beat, but neither did Roxas.
"This isn't, it's a here and now," neither of them made eye contact, or even attempted to.
Instead they continued their leisurely pace, eyes straight ahead. "I'm fine..." his voice sounded as believable as Roxas' mother's voice ever did.
"I'm not asking for details..." he wasn't going to drop it, "I just want to know if you're okay."
Again the silence returned, following them around like a dark cloud. The blond wanted to force an answer out of him, a simple yes or no, but he also knew that wasn't how it worked. The last thing he wanted to do was push him away if he was troubled, which was already apparent.
"No..." the redhead finally gave in, "I'll be fine."
Even with their slow slump through the streets, they reached Roxas' residence too fast. The blond was neither in a rush to leave his distressed friend, or to enter his temporary home, instead he stayed facing Axel, not looking him in the face but instead his chest, waiting for him to say something. Assumingly, when Roxas walked through that door the only dark place would be left in his mind, he couldn't say if the same thing would be true for Axel.
What happened when Axel entered his home? Did he lurk till he found his room? Did he tip toe around as to not wake the mystery women who slumbered beneath? Roxas had a seemingly welcoming environment to return to, if only he could predict the future to know for sure. He didn't want to go back, he didn't want to be responsible for any and all misfortunes he caused. And he knew he did. The moment he showed up, he did nothing but cause grief and tear off the scab from a long ago wound. He wanted answers, that was all he wanted since he showed up, but the more he asked the more scared he became.
"Ax," he sputtered, cutting off the voice in his head before the spiral was out of control, "Will you spend the night?"
The redhead stared, not exactly at Roxas, but through him. Slowly his head began to bob, his eyes drifting to look at the ground and then towards the home Roxas was referring to.
Roxas led the way to the door, listening as Axel followed closely behind. One had knocked while the other hand opened the door, the light escaping into the darkness that surrounded the two. The house had a soft glow from the kitchen, fading into the living room, the faint smell of vanilla and cleanliness crept into their senses. As Axel softly shut shut the door behind him, Roxas gasped.
Arms wrapped around him and pulled him into a tight hug, "Roxas," Tifa huffed like she had been holding in her breath since he left. "We were worried," she added like Roxas wouldn't understand otherwise.
"Sorry," the blond shrugged, avoiding her gaze.
He felt the disciplinary weight of her stare, her hands on her hips as if she was going to unleash a testimony, the force of her stare shifted from Roxas, to above his head at the redhead that followed him in like a shadow. Both the boys stood in the light, but the dense gloom was written all over their face as they avoided meeting her eyes.
She let out another shaky breath, abandoning the lecture that had been running through her head, "Please don't do that," it definitely wasn't fine what he did, and Tifa wasn't going to condone it. Cloud had a nervous break down of his own, the two of them had their own sullen conversation while Roxas 'hid' in his room, and the end result led to Cloud leaving.
She didn't like her boys being out and about when she knew they were troubled. Her gaze softened as she watched Axel, maybe Axel would be to Roxas what Riku was to Sora.
"You two," she pointed at them to emphasize, "Go lay down... you look like you need it." And with that she walked away, off to continue worrying about her biggest 'child' of all.
When they entered the room, the weight didn't stay outside.
"What happened..." the blond softly asked, joining Axel as he sat on the bed.
The redhead kept his hands in his pockets, and his hood up, avoiding Roxas as much he could. His thin lips pursed, before he slowly spoke, "I could ask you the thing," he looked over at the blond, "For someone who seems so concerned for everyone else, how about you tell me what happened to you?"
Roxas sat back, wanting to snap something stupid out, but taking a breath instead. "Not a damn thing... I... I can't stay here..." blue eyes shifted to look at his fingers folding together on his lap.
"So you're going to runaway?"
"It's not running away-"
"Did you even try to give anyone a chance?" Axel stood up, towering over the blond, visibly shaking.
Roxas didn't like that, sitting forward, satisfying his nerves when Axel took a step back, "I did try!" the shaking was beginning to rub off on him, "I gave it a shot," his voice lowered, "There's no room for me here..."
"Why? How would you know? You've been here a month and barely settled in, you've been planning to runaway since you got here! How many times have I found you out on the streets ready to leave? How many times would you have if I wasn't there?" Axel wasn't lowering his voice, and Roxas felt that itch again.
The itch to jump out the window, but where would he go? The only other person he really had, was in the room with him.
"Hell Rox," he gestured to the teen, "You haven't even bothered to take your damn hoodie off! Your shoes are always right next to you, did you really ever give anyone a fucking shot?"
The younger man rolled his eyes, scoffing as he cut the flaming redhead off, "I never take it off anywhere," it was his turn to be cut off.
"Yeah! Because you're afraid you might actually relax somewhere," he was stepping closer to the teen, "What are you hiding under it for?"
It was less of a friendly question and more like an aggressive demand, "I'm not hiding shit!" his voice rose, "Why are you exploding on me? I invited you back here, I thought you needed someone to talk to or some shit-"
The anger had blind sided them both.
Axel took a few deep breaths, walking away from Roxas to pace around the tiny room. After a few hundred steps, the taller man sat on Sora's bed, his head hanging down in something like defeat. "I'm sorry..."
It was a lame apology that Roxas decided to ignore, "What happened?" He asked again, his voice softer and barely audible, not wanted to piss his friend off again.
"I don't know..." the redhead chuckled, "What happened to you?" he turned his head, staring at Roxas, waiting for a response, "You tell me, and I'll tell you."
"Tell you what?" Roxas played dumb.
"What's hiding under your hoodie?"
"My skin," the words came out without a thought, but Axel didn't flinch. Instead he continued to stare at the blond, waiting to hear anything that sounded remotely believable. "How about I just take it off, and then you tell me what happened with you?"
Axel's eyes widened, if only a little, nodding as soon as the words registered. Finally an answer to something he'd asked that wasn't met with complete sarcasm.
So he thought.
Roxas took the hoodie off slowly, not bothering to stand up as he unzipped it. Axel couldn't take his eyes off him, until the fabric was removed, he scoffed, rolling his eyes.
Of course under his hoodie was a long sleeved shirt.
"Alright," Roxas glanced at the hoodie next to him, "So what happened to you?"
Axel bit his lip, he wanted to fight with the blond, but he also really didn't want to fight with him. "I didn't want to come here in the first place," he ran his fingers through his hair, knocking his hood down. He sensed the blond's confusion, "I never wanted to move away from the life I knew...
"I thought you liked it?"
"It wasn't my choice to move, it was my brother's. He wanted one of my mom's children to be with her, if I didn't, he would." he stayed facing the ground, rambling on in his head. Slowly the words flowed out again, "It's... you know," he picked his head up. His eyes glossy, not making contact with Roxas', "You remind me a lot of her, and I don't know how to help either one of you." His head slumped into his hands, Roxas wanted to comfort him, but he froze.
Axel was always laid back, always disconnected, always uncaring. And now he was this heavy, lethargic, desolate black mess slumped on Sora's bed. Roxas wanted Riku there, since Riku was always Axel's go-to, but that wasn't a choice. Otherwise Axel would be there and not with him.
"I don't need help," Roxas moved to sit across the redhead, "I need people to be there for me, if anything." Now was not the time to deny having any issues, but instead focus on the man in front of him. Roxas had spent all of his life trying to comfort his mother- and although he wasn't her, Roxas' was a quick learner. "I need friends," he admitted, continuing when Axel raised his head, "I need people there for me, who... who just let me be me... without question..." The blond looked at his scarred fingers again. "Since I've been here... people ask... but..." it was his turn to look to the side, "I know everyone wants to hear something from me, but... I don't want to talk," he cut himself off, "There's nothing to talk about."
There was a growing silence in the room again, not that either minded, but there was also a rawness that if not harvested soon, would expire and never be reached again. "Meeting my mom was... different, at first... but I've learned a lot of things since, and I don't think I could go back to my old life anymore... my dad... he's not who I thought he was."
"Heh..." Roxas' couldn't help himself, "I know the feeling..." He folded his hands behind his head and laid back on Sora's bed, it was something he avoided thinking about because he knew it would cut deeper if he let it.
"What's that from?" Roxas' opened his eyes, peering down to Axel who sat beside him, facing the other side of the room.
"What's what from?" Probably something Sora had done to the room...
"That scar on your arm?"
The blond tried not to jump, but waited for a few breaths to escape him, "What scar?"
"From the outside of your wrist down," still he wasn't looking at Roxas. And Roxas was still trying to act like they were talking about the weather.
He knew what scar he was mentioning, but he didn't know how far he could push.
Would Axel get mad if he lied? If he avoided the truth of what happened?
Would Axel get mad if he didn't lie? Owned right up to it like it was a dirty secret?
"It was a accident. Happened a while ago..." he tiptoed in the conversation.
"Like a car accident...?"
Roxas sat up, staring at the wall like Axel was. "No..." he didn't want to lie, he didn't want to feel like he had to, but he didn't want to chance how Axel would take it either. It beat in his mind like a drum, there were so many things he didn't mind saying, he minded how other people received the stories he had. He hated the idea that they may look at him with pity, like Roxas needed their help. He didn't need anything. They could know everything, all they wanted, as long as they didn't think Roxas was crying for help. "I fell through a window."
"How do you fall through a window?"
"Violently..." he snapped his own neck looking to the side, mimicking Axel's response but instead looking off at the wall. "I was fighting, arguing, with Zack and we started pushing each other and I went through a window." The blond said with a shrug, as if it was an apology for how he lost a game.
"You know Zack is abusive right?"
"Not to me. Don't get me wrong, he's a dick and I don't like him... but he's abusive with my mom and I know," Roxas wished the conversation was over with, "But I can't do anything about it, except be there for her. Which I did a shitty job of anyway."
"She makes black eyes look graceful," the redhead repeated, but he realized the blond was too drunk to remember exactly what he did, or didn't, say to Axel when he was drunk. Instead Roxas stared at Axel as if he were a mind reader, and a terrifying one, but mind readers are deadly when you have a lot of secrets. The man pulled something out of his pocket, the same thing he'd gotten from Xemnas on the dark road.
"What is that?"
"If I tell you are you going to think less of me?" He stared at Roxas, sclera still blood shot.
"No," it came out before Roxas could think, "Would you care if I did?"
"You're one of my only friends," he rolled the bag around in his hand, "Even if it's pretend." His lanky body climbed off the bed and went to the window, as if he didn't want to hear Roxas response.
"I'm pretending to be your boyfriend, not your friend." He stood next to him by the window, "How about we make a deal?"
Axel looked up at the teen, still fiddling with whatever was in his hands, listening to see how good of a deal he was being offered. But Roxas wasn't sure exactly what he was offering.
"What do I have to do so you stop going to that creep?"
A chuckle left Axel, he shook his head as he retracted his fingers from inside the bag. "Anything?"
"Um... I want to say yes, but you're making me concerned." Perverted images flipped through his brain, a blush slowly crossing his cheeks. He just gave Axel a wide open door and he wasn't sure if that was good or bad. His voice had reached new levels throughout the days, he'd heard him breathe an airy, warm, deep chuckle. He'd heard his voice become gravely as he growled, and the memory of it sent a shiver down his spine. He wouldn't mind hearing how he sounded when he moaned too.
"Complete honesty," his blush was wiped away, the redhead noticed it though. The blond let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, he didn't want Axel to feel the need to turn to someone he made clear was a piece of shit, but he also didn't want to have to be completely honest with someone who was just a friend. "And to not be my pretend boyfriend."
Ouch.
The blond visibly flinched, but before he could become defensive about the lack of his fantasized relationship skills, Axel continued talking. "It'd be kind of weird to be pretend dating when we could actually date."
"Yeah um," the blond scratched his head, looking away as a blush spread over his face. "That's not," he was tumbling over his words, "How, how would that work... I want my mom to get better," they both knew where the blond was heading.
"That's another life, we'll deal with it later... not right now... let's have a chapter, here and now... What do you say?"
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Uploaded October 20, 2021
