"What are you doing?" Zack stood to the side, watching Roxas like he was a decrepit insect.

"Walking in the damn house?" The house that wasn't his, not without her there.

No.

Roxas shut the emotions off.

Walking through the familiar apartment, to his room that was not his room, sitting on the floor on the bed he never had there. The police dropped him off at the door, not bothering to see Roxas inside. Which meant they also missed the slap upside the back of the head from Angeal, and his snide comment.

"How's your mom?"

Roxas held the phone tightly, wanting to break down alone in his dreary room. He'd wanted to come back, he'd spent so long thinking about it, but she was supposed to be here. She wasn't supposed to have died... there's no way that she would have, she always pulled through, why was this time different?

Did he protect her enough? No.

Did he say he loved her enough? No.

Did she know that she was loved? No.

"Stop it." Roxas told himself.

He had a problem, too many problems, but he needed to figure one out.

How could his mother have handed over custody when she wasn't awake? Why would she hand over custody? Apparently Cloud was a great guy, and Roxas was beginning to see that... But that chapter of his life was over. Cloud was gone, and he wasn't going to come back. Why would he? Axel was gone too. They were a chance he had that he blew, like everything else, and he needed to forget about it and move on. The phone in his hands was useful, if not to reconnect with the last chapter of his life.

Looking at the black screen of the phone, he thought about what he should do next. All it took was a quick look at the door and he knew he had to leave, if only for a short while at first. There was no reason to come up with an excuse, because it's not like anyone cared, he ran out the door and headed down the street. No buses here, no confusing rows of houses, it was nice and simple. Even if Roxas didn't have it memorized.

The hospital was the first try. He froze at the door, did he really want to go in there? What if Zack lied, what if she was still up there, alive but unconscious? Hesitation was gone, now Roxas was running the hallways, stopping at his mother's room. What if she was alive and in there, but didn't want to see Roxas? Frozen, staring at the blank wooden door, what if kept running through his head, what if for a hundredth time, and there wasn't anything he could do to stop the thoughts, except for physically shaking the ideas away. The door was shut. Blue eyes scattered around, looking through the tiny window, around the frame to the name. It wasn't his mother's, but she must have still been in there. Luckily, in a hospital, there's nurses every where.

"What happened to my mom? She was in here?" He bombarded the nurse, scaring her for a split second before her profession took over.

"What's your mom's name?" The stranger lead Roxas to a nearby desk, the unexpectant nurse quickly handed over her attention.

"Aerith," Roxas spoke, pausing when he remembered to breathe. There was no way she was dead, he didn't need to spell her last name, like usual, they gave him an answer. Another nurse walked around the desk, stepping closer to Roxas.

"We're sorry, but your mother passed yesterday morning," he attempted to lead Roxas to a chair, as if the teen would collapse with grief.

He wanted to collapse, hearing those words again, but he couldn't. He needed to keep going. There was no time for tears, the longer he waited, the harder this would all be. Something happened, that wasn't natural, and he needed to get to the bottom of it. For his mother.

Roxas had the rest of his life to mourn his mother, the rest of his life to be the depressed lump that he was.

"Her doctor," Roxas rushed his hand like it would help him spit the words out, "Her doctor, can I talk to her doctor? Can I talk to who ever was taking care of her last?"

The man looked back over the counter, at the nurse who was still deep in the conversation, she was already clicking away on her search.

"Okay, we can wait here," the nurse led Roxas to a small waiting room. Blue eye stared at the woman on the computer, watching her pick up the phone. What if she wasn't calling the doctor? Now his eyes were darting around, if he needed to run, he needed to have a plan.

No.

No, there was no reason to run. What were they going to do? He's asking an innocent question. He's not guilty of anything... If they called Zack, it wasn't like he'd do anything in public.

The waiting lasted forever. Especially because Roxas couldn't stop counting the seconds. Where was this doctor?

Probably saving someone else's mother.

It was meant to calm him down, but it sounded more angry in his head.

He needed fresh air, this was taking too long.

Finally someone in a long white coat approached him, he jumped up, ready to explode with questions and to receive all the answers he wanted. He cut the doctor off, there was no need for pleasantries, only answers.

"How did she die?"

"Okay," the doctor sat down, Roxas quickly following him. The man kept his hands up like Roxas was a wild animal that he needed to calm down, as if Roxas was feral and about to claw his face off. "Are you Roxas? Yes, you were here before..." he slowed down. "Where is your guardian?"

"I don't need him, can you just tell me about my mother?" Roxas wasn't calming down, and this doctor was beginning to hit a nerve in Roxas. "I think my guardian killed my mom, I need to know!" He finally yelled, he needed the answers, even if it meant sounding crazy. He definitely looked it, his body was shaking like he forget to take his meds, like someone used to being high on painkillers, and he would love to be numb, he'd love to push everything away. To forget that his mother was gone and never coming back-

No.

He needed to stop.

He shook his head, shaking the idea away.

"Tell me," he looked back at the doctor, "Please?"

The doctor began to stand, Roxas needed help, and he needed someone who was qualified in that manner, unlike the doctor himself. He glanced at the blue eyes, fighting back tears, he could hide his pain all he wanted, but it was clear with a quick look. Instead the man sat back down, waving his hand in a gesture form to the nurse back at the desk, but Roxas didn't care about that.

"Okay," another pause from the doctor, "The wounds your mother had sustained were severe... she needed a lot of stitches, and we did everything we could with surgery, but... surgery can't fix everything. We made her comfortable, and kept an eye on her while she was unconscious, but she didn't wake up... Her organs began to fail, her body was rejecting our treatment. Her mind... gave up."

"No," Roxas cut himself off. "That doesn't make any sense." The doctor stood, moving around, but Roxas didn't care, he was trying to carefully process what he'd heard. Without breaking down. He needed to stay objective. He needed to stay on point. Looking back up, it wasn't the doctor anymore, although the doctor was nearby. "What, wait, I still have questions."

"This is a confusing time,' the new person was talking even though Roxas was still staring at the doctor, "It's a lot for anyone to comprehend, time can help the brain process Roxas." The new person reached for Roxas.

Roxas yanked his arm back, "No!" He jumped from the chair, taking only a step back, "She wouldn't have killed herself, and she wouldn't have just, just given up like that. This doesn't make sense!" He shook his head, he was getting off topic again. He was straying away from his objective, he needed to get back on point before they sent him away. "No, stop," no one was moving except Roxas, "That can't be right," His eyes jumped from person to person. "She stayed unconscious? Then how did she sign a whole bunch of paperwork? How did she sign an order of protection? How did she sign a custody paper?"

The doctors kept there eyes on him, "The papers must have been signed before this incident. No one seems like they'd do this to themselves, and it's hard to understand-"

"No! You're not listening! She sent me to live with my dad, she sent me hours away to live with him, and then 'she dies and suddenly there's all this paperwork' that doesn't make any sense!" They weren't taking him seriously, and they seemed to be getting annoyed with his shenanigans. "This doesn't make any sense, I'm serious, this isn't right."

"We understand grief can be hard."

Hell no.

Roxas turned. They weren't going to listen to him. They never listened to him. Not all the times he told them that Zack was abusive. Not all the times he told people that Zack was hurting his mother. No one ever listened. And now, his mother was gone and Zack was going to get away with it again. There was nothing else to do but to run. Because running kept his mind busy, it kept the tears back, and it kept his emotions quiet. It was dark now, but Roxas needed to get to the bottom of this. No one ever wanted to listen to him, and now he needed someone to hear him. He needed someone to take him seriously. Someone to care. Running brought Roxas to the police station.

"Please, I need someone to help me." Not the best words to start with. Although they were true. "I think someone is getting away with murder." Someone brought Roxas back, they weren't going to just turn him away, but that didn't mean they would listen either. He sat in a room, rambling at a thousand words a minute. Telling everything that had happened and why he was sitting there. Roxas went as far back as the first time he remembered Zack ever hurting him, he explained his game. "He gets people to make mistakes, he causes mistakes. I'm not as clumsy as I say, my mom didn't have as many accidents as she said. It was always him, and now she's gone. He's behind it."

"Do you have any proof?"

Of course they would ask that. "No, that's your job." He snapped out, "Look, he has all these papers now and this story about how my mom signed them all, when she's been unconscious for months now! There's no way any of that is true. You could at least start by getting him for forcing her signature. Get him for something and then everything else would fall apart."

"Slow down," the cop put his hands up, "Did you go to the doctor for your nose, it's bleeding..."

"Yeah," Roxas rubbed his nose, looking at the blood that had started to flow with his frantic movement. "That's something else. He pulled me into the window, then called over people and told them that I did it myself. He called over cops!"

"Did you fill out a report?" Silence. "Do you have anyone who can support your claim? These are serious charges you're talking about, this isn't something to throw out there if you don't plan on some serious conversations..."

"Like what?"

"Well, can we start back at the beginning? Your name is Roxas? And you're 16?"

"Yeah, I'm almost 17, but what," Roxas was confused, his leg was bouncing under the table. Was he being interrogated? Did Zack tell them that he caused his mother's death?

"Have you taken anything?"

"No! I didn't! I'm, I'm not on anything! I'm trying to figure this out..." his head was starting to hurt. It was like there was a flood he was holding back and the pressure was getting to him. Water was pouring through the cracks in his skull, coming out as twitches and loud volumes. He needed someone to take him seriously before his head completely imploded.

"Who is your guardian, your father?"

"No! That's who I was with, but Zack said there was an "Order of protection" against him and I had to leave and come back here with Zack! Why would I spend a month with my dad if there was this order out to begin with? You guys are the ones who took me there! And now, I got yanked out of there and brought back here because my mother! Who hasn't been awake in months! Somehow was able to sign paperwork!" He was snapping. Hands flew to his head, maybe he could hold the dam in place. Maybe he could hold everything together for a few more minutes, at least till someone took him seriously.

"Alright, hold on," the officer stood up, leaving Roxas alone in the room.

Not how he wanted to be left. He was stuck in a room, with no windows, and only a door out. The light was flickering and his head was pounding, Zack got away with things for years, and now he was going to get away with this too? If Roxas could do anything for his mother, the least he could do was get Zack to pay for putting her there. Why would she cut herself? She'd never done it before... Zack must have said something to her, he must have pestered her until she couldn't take it. Why would she do that?

No, no, no, he was adding more water to the problem. He needed to stop thinking. Roxas dropped his head on the table, a loud thud echoed around the enclosed room. It wasn't enough because his leg was still bouncing, he was still going haywire. His blood was gasoline and someone was threatening him with a match, his body was aching to explode.

"Roxas," it was a new voice. The woman sat in front of Roxas, "We called Zack-"

"Wha- why!"

"You lost your mom, it's hard on anyone, but we can't file false reports-"

"They're not, no... what?"

"We will make a note of it, but Roxas, you need to take care of yourself, we'd like to set you up with someone to talk to, about everything that's troubling you."

Bullshit. No one was going to take him seriously.

"Thank you, Roxas I was worried about you." Zack stood in front of Roxas now, cocky smirk in place. There wasn't anything he could do, he was going to go insane. His blood was boiling, about to ignite without the need for a match, why was he incapable of helping his mother, even when she was dead and gone?

The man never took his eyes off Roxas, the smirk never falling, his eyebrows were drawn with concern, but Roxas knew what his features were saying. Zack was explaining to the officer that he was worried about 'the young teen', worried how said teen was handling the news, his eyes watching Roxas like he was trying to convince not only the police but the blond as well. He was out of ear shot, but Roxas continued to read him, filling in the blanks that were becoming smaller and smaller. It was always about Roxas and his little problems, his little fits, his little bounds of rage. Always Roxas' fault with his insignificant problems.

Zack was the good guy, the man who stepped up to fill his father's shoes, the man who cared about Roxas as if he was his own child. The smirk never fell, even as he poured his heart out to the officers about his hard life, how the love of his life just passed, and now all he had was her troubled son who was cutting the man out.

Because Roxas was self sabotaging.

When they approached the teen, slumped in the chair, waiting for the inevitable, he could tell they were all convinced. "I understand, teens can be hard headed," he heard the officer mumble to Zack, reinforcing the dark haired man's smile.

Why was this so funny to him?

He followed Zack out of the building, staring at the sidewalk in front of him. He'd spent a lot of his time trying to convince people that he didn't want their help, that he didn't need anyone. And now that was his enemy. He still didn't need their help, but his mom did. She always needed help but she never got it, because no one took her seriously. Lie after lie and everyone believed her, because why would they think that this charming ex solider would be capable of being the cause of her bruises? Even all the times the doctors were concerned, because there were too many accidents in too short of a time, but after Zack's charming explanation that corroborated her story, why should they have pushed further?

Roxas stayed behind Zack, silently being lead back to their home that was anything but a home. Zack opened the apartment door for Roxas, staring at Roxas like a snake watching its prey. The blond froze, this was the set up of a perfect accident. Doors hurt when they're slammed hard enough.

Zack raised an eyebrow, continuing to hold the door even though the blond was making no move to walk through it, "Come on, Roxas," he was beginning to get impatient, but his smirk made it seem like a friendly coxing, the blond convinced himself to see through it. But the door wasn't moving, Zack wasn't moving, and time was standing too still. If it kept up, he might start thinking about his mother again.

He curled his fingers in his pockets, holding his limbs close to his body. Pulling his body as tightly as he could before scurrying through the door, not stopping till he had distance from the threshold. Blue eyes turned around in shock, the man was still standing there with the door open, smirk still in place, had Roxas moved too fast for him? Was that all he needed to do, catch him off guard with his speed?

No.

As triumph began to fill him, Zack slowly turned his head and began walking through the door, leisurely. He meant his seemingly kind gesture? The blond was still on edge, there was always more to it, there was bound to be more to it after his talk with the officers. Now he was frozen in the unlivable living room, continuing to watch Zack like the scared prey he was.

"Have an eventful day Roxas?" Zack poured himself a drink, just a regular conversation.

Roxas couldn't think of anything to say, how was he supposed to answer a question like that?

"It's upsetting news to hear that your mom didn't make it," he looked at his cup like he genuinely meant it. "She was always so nice, and man," he took a deep breath, "She always smelt like sweet flowers basking in the summer sun."

The blonds stomach was starting to turn, his body shaking from the cold that was creeping around.

"Everything she did, she did so well... so... gently. And her laugh," he took another drink.

Roxas shook his head, he couldn't think about her, about any of it, it was going to destroy him. The last person he wanted to break down in front of was Zack, "I don't know what you want me to say." he finally broke the silence.

Zack shrugged, "Nothing, if you don't want to. But Roxas, you need help," he was suddenly standing over Roxas, "You can't go running around town accusing people of murder, a lot of people, strangers, are worried about your mental health."

The teen stopped breathing, he was playing into Zack's game without Zack even having to do anything. No one will believe him if they all think that he's crazy. Nodding his head and a look off to the side was all he could manage, he couldn't say anything to Zack, anything and everything was a trap.

Collapsing in his room, against his shut door, the held his breath, fighting with the lump that was growing in his throat. He wanted to break down, he wanted to cry, he wanted to fall apart, but he didn't want anyone to hear him. Zack and Angeal must have known that because they had their TV off, which was usually blaring loud for everyone to hear. He was shaking, keeping the emotions back, there was no way he could dwell in his head, but there wasn't anything else for him to do.

"We're going somewhere, stay here." Zack didn't sound concerned, but Roxas was glad they were going.

He listened for the door to shut, once he heard it click, he jumped to his feet, leaving his room. Watching out the window for the brothers to emerge, proof that they were indeed gone. With a deep breath he closed his eyes, a feeling of relief taking over, but it didn't last.

His mother was still gone.

No.

"I need a plan..." he spoke to himself, looking around the empty apartment. Zack wasn't around, neither was Angeal, maybe they had something in their room he could use. Racing to Zack's room, he froze at the door, his mother once slept behind the chunk of wood. The shakes were coming back.

Angeal's room.

.

.

.

I think I think too much, I'm a little bit paranoid, I think I'm breaking. Maybe it's in my blood, got a pain that I can't avoid, I think I'm breaking down. (Breaking down- I Prevail)

Uploaded October 26, 2021