The barren apartment was empty, save for Roxas, but still the blond was silent as he walked around. He couldn't enter his mother's room, and if he didn't hurry up and start moving he would have too much time on his hands to think.
What was he looking for?
"Maybe I should just sleep..." He couldn't entertain the idea, nothing was as important as finding his mother's murder. "Shoes," He started by the door. He'd never been into crime fighting shows, but he knew his mom's apartment and how she kept it, he would start somewhere and move around.
First concern, she didn't have any shoes. They already got rid of them? She didn't leave in her shoes, and they only found out the news yesterday.
Okay, not evidence for murder, but definitely something he wanted to look further into. Same for coats, her coat was hanging.
This wasn't getting anywhere.
Kitchen was empty, of almost everything, including all the pots and pans.
Zack and Angeal went on a cleaning spree, yes, that definitely points to murder. Roxas rolled his eyes.
He stared around the clean bathroom, it wasn't sparkling, but something was wrong with how clean it was. Lack of a window made the room glow with a nasty yellow color from the light bulb, no one probably ever thought the beige walls would look so disgusting, but between gross and cold, the bathroom was not inviting. No one was doing laundry and the pungent smell from reused towels was as bad as mildew.
"She cut herself in here."
That's what the story was at least, but who cleaned the mess? It seems like there would have at least been a mess somewhere, and no one in the house had bothered to clean the area... Water was sprouting in his eyes, the pathetic and small space was the last thing she saw. If she did it in the tub, did Zack and Angeal take showers over and over with her blood around? Did they slowly let the water wash away the red stains so they didn't have to lift a finger? They got to stand on her one last time...
The teen ran to the window, his head dangling over the bustling street. The air was cool, clean, and enough to distract him for a moment before thoughts started to plague him again. The people looked like toys walking around, each one on their own mission with places to be and people to see.
He needed to hurry before they got back, he never knew when he'd get another chance. That idea was halted when his pocket started to making noise, he jumped to answer it as if someone might hear.
"Hello?"
"Roxas, are you alright?" It was Axel, and Roxas wished he could feel the warmth he heard in his friend's voice.
"I don't want to be here." He was no longer in the apartment as his mind swirled, floating above his body, dissociating.
"Cloud and Tifa are trying to get you back here, but the courts are fighting with them I guess. It's not something that can't be fixed overnight," Axel began to ramble off to himself, angry but not trying to let it show.
But he still called, Roxas thought. Roxas never expected Axel to reach out, he figured once he left that was it, that chapter of his life was done and over with, maybe there was still a chance?
No. A phone call doesn't mean anything.
"Something's wrong," Roxas cut Axel off, "My mom never woke up... which means she never signed any paperwork that they say they have. Someone forged her signature, and someone wants to keep Cloud away from me?" He'd never thought about it till he said it aloud. "Something's wrong here, I'm trying to figure it out, but her doctors and the police just think I'm crazy."
"You went to the police, what'd they do? What'd you tell them?"
"Everything," Roxas laughed at his own pitiful life, "All the accidents weren't accidents. Everything, I explained how everything happened. My nose started bleeding there, and that's just the newest thing he's done."
"What'd they do?"
"They called Zack! Had him come get me, they told me I can't file fake reports, that I need help."
"I'm here Roxas," Axel finally said, after what Roxas heard what sounded like him punching a wall, "I'm here and I can help. I'm coming there, I'll help you."
"No," Roxas didn't know what he was saying, "It's far, you have stuff there, don't worry about me."
That warm voice chuckled, melting Roxas' heart, "I'm not worried, you know how to take care of yourself. But I want to help you do that."
There was no convincing Axel, the man would do whatever he wanted, Roxas didn't want to push him away but he didn't want to open up to hurt. The warmth that crept over him when he was near the redhead, was defrosting him in ways he'd never experienced, and he like a drug he wanted more.
"I'm alone right now, they already got rid of her shoes and coat, and the bathroom is clean... they haven't cleaned it, but there's no blood anywhere, nothing that should be there if that's where she cut herself."
"What about her room?"
Silence.
"Have you gone in there yet?" Concern dripped slowly from his voice.
"No," Roxas' own voice was shaking, "I don't know if I can."
"I'll stay on the phone with you if you want... take deep breaths..."
With Axel on the phone, Roxas pulled himself together, shoving the door open quickly, watching as nothing moved in the dark sorrowful room. The bed was made, she must have made it before... but someone had been sleeping on the floor next to it, their blankets and pillows were still scattered on the carpet. Roxas described the room to Axel, even if he wasn't there, maybe he would have an idea or connect dots that Roxas didn't notice. There wasn't much of anything in their room, a dresser with a TV and a lot of clothes.
Weird because most of them were Zack's, but Zack never wore anything except the same Solider uniform. Scattered near the dresser were empty medicine bottles, most the same prescription, but all for Zack. Zoloft seemed to be Zack's go to medication, except he ran out around the time his mother...
"That could be important..." Axel voiced what Roxas didn't want to think.
This is for mom, he thought, searching through to make sure it was the last date. He tucked it in his pocket as evidence for later, Zack wouldn't notice if one bottle was missing, right?
As Roxas stood up, he noticed a photo hanging on the wall, on the far side of the TV. He'd never noticed any photos in the apartment at all, except for the one he always carried.
"It's a group picture..." He stared at the photo, everything froze as the image burned into his skull, trying to make sense. "It's Zack... Cloud, Tifa, and my mom?" He didn't know they all knew each other, was that something else that he was lied to about? Or was that something he never directly asked? He tried to reason with himself.
"Cloud wouldn't have lied about it," Axel could sense what the blond was thinking with his silence. "What are they doing?"
"Hold on," Roxas came back to reality, if he could call it that anymore. Nothing felt real, everything was distant...
He snapped a quick picture, trying to hold his shaking hands still long enough to capture all their smiling faces. There was another face in the picture, it was Angeal. The man didn't look happy, he had his arms crossed and compared to the rest of them he looked like he was facing an enemy. Like the world was a nuisance that he wanted to destroy with only his vision. Cloud and Zack both had solider uniforms on, they looked so causal, smiling at the camera on a nice sunny day. Cloud had his arm around Tifa, and Zack has his arm on Aerith's shoulder. Cloud and Zack were shoulder to shoulder...
"They used to be friends?" Roxas forgot he was on the phone, "But wait, this must have been before I was born, but Zack was with my mom? How does that..." There were footsteps in the hallway, he'd spent too long in his head, "I have to go Axel."
"I'll see you soon."
There was no time to question what the redhead meant, Roxas tried to make sure everything looked as it had before he entered, rushing to get back to his room as the front door unlocked.
"Have you been in there this whole time Roxas?" The more friendly of the two called out.
Roxas hid the bottle in his clothes, somewhere no one but him would look, he put the phone on silent and tucked it back in his pocket, his hands shaking, if they found out he was snooping would they kill him too? Breathe, breathe, breathe... Slowly he opened his door.
He wanted to speak as he entered the living room, but he didn't know what to say. Zack was standing in the kitchen, over looking the living room, Angeal nowhere to be seen.
"You don't have to hide in your room, you never did before..." Zack mumbled as he threw something into the fridge, turning back to lean on the counter, looking at the blond.
"What do you mean?" Roxas vividly remembered always going out of his way to avoid Zack, and to keep away from Angeal like the plague. Something was different in Zack's voice, it was something that Roxas' had heard before, but rarely. He couldn't place it exactly, it was infrequent, but he remembered a few times he'd heard the tone, and he wanted to say it was Zack's soft tone. Where Roxas could talk to him and he wasn't the devil reincarnated.
"You were always out here," he gestured to the whole kitchen, "Out here making stuff with your mom," he stared at Roxas, as if seeking out eye contact Roxas didn't want. "Making meals, laughing," his voice was somber.
Roxas didn't like it, if the conversation continued he'd be forced to think about everything he'd been avoiding.
"She liked doing things with you," his eyes dropped.
"How did you meet her?" Roxas veered the conversation.
Zack didn't react at first, Roxas wasn't sure if the man had heard him, he seemed so preoccupied by the pattern of the counter. The man seemed like a completely different person, where was the man that smashed his face into the window a day before? Where was the man that used to call his mother names, used to light like a fuse at any and everything, and once his fuse was lit, he was an uncontrollable monster full of rage? This... lump in front of him, stood like a broken man.
"It was a long time ago..." He finally moved, turning to grab a beer bottle from the fridge, taking a long drink before returning to his place against the counter. "Before your father ever noticed her."
Roxas never expected to hear that. No one ever told him anything, and now as an almost adult, so much new information was being thrown at him. His heart began racing, wanting all the answer to everything to come into light. "He dated Tifa before?"
Zack smirked as he took another drink, waving Roxas to come closer. Slowly Roxas approached, but he stopped short, not getting as close as the dark haired man wanted.
"He was with Tifa, I was with Aerith. That's all there is to it."
"What changed?" Roxas jumped.
"War," Angeal's voice boomed, he silently stood behind Roxas, unbeknownst till his opinion came out. Zack turned his back to the both of them, continuing to drink while he leaned on the counter, taking himself out of the conversation. "Your daddy's not as innocent as he seems. He knew Zack loved Aerith, he knew his best friend has plans of a future with her, but he left his friend to die and repaid the sacrifice by stealing his woman, and his future."
"What?" Roxas didn't know who to look at, his head spinning back and forth between the two, but Zack made it clear he had nothing more to say.
"How do you feel about your daddy now?" Angeal stepped a little closer to Roxas, his body poised like it was in the photo. "A trained solider left a man behind, and moved on with no guilt," Angeal was trying to strike a nerve, and Roxas didn't know what nerve, but he was definitely hitting something. "He abandoned his mission, he abandoned his friend," he gestured to the man who was not mentally there, "And he abandoned his child." Now a finger was pointed at Roxas.
Roxas didn't like how the conversation had turned, he knew things would be upsetting, but to think his father was really so low was an idea he didn't think he'd hear. "Wait," Roxas continued to look between the both of them, voicing his opinion if only to hear more unknown secrets, "Is that why you hate Cloud so much? What- how did he leave you to die?" Now his eyes locked on Zack.
How was he supposed to solve the murder of his mother, if his father, and probably Tifa too, were such shady people? Maybe they wouldn't be there for him, hearing Axel on the phone gave him a new hope, but the facts were still the same... His father abandoned him before he was born, and now he was a teen with a whole headache of legal issues, not to mention emotional, and he expected his father to step up now? That was such a far fetched idea in hind sight.
Angeal opened his mouth and began to speak, but a bottle shattered against the wall, beer exploding everywhere. Zack remained silent, silencing his brother as well, and Roxas shook. The sound of glass shattering was an instant ring in his ears that dialed straight to his nervous system, his body was shaking uncontrollably, his voice gone, and his vision dropping to be waist high. Watching to see if anyone moved.
Zack grabbed another beer from the fridge, and Roxas backed away into his room. The 'pleasant' atmosphere gone. He silently shut his door, locking it as he leaned against it, there was a lot he was uncovering, but in relation to things he wasn't currently questioning.
His father lied. Roxas may have never directly asked the older blond, but that was a kind of topic you don't skip around, a white lie was still a lie. Roxas typed as fast as he could, sending out a message for Axel, as he looked at it, nowhere near done with his recent discovery, he stopped. Backspacing everything he'd typed, there was no reason to tell Axel. The red head wasn't around, and maybe that was for the best, unfortunately.
Roxas went back over to his window, shoving it open and contemplating jumping out. It was a few stories about the pavement, he wasn't trying to kill himself, but he needed to find a way out of the apartment.
"Dammit..." There was no way out of his room except his door. That was how it always was, but things change and maybe they added a fire escape by his window... Roxas was not lucky enough for that.
He sat on his lack of a bed, his head thumping against the wall, everything was swimming in his head, but he couldn't get a hold of anything to stop the current. Alone in his own head was not where he wanted to be, second to not wanting to be in his room. The emotions in the living room where radiating into his room, if he wanted to leave he'd have to crawl through that darkness, and that was another thing he didn't want to do.
Maybe the only thing he could do was sleep, maybe that would give him some peace, or at least a break.
.
.
.
When I tell you, "I'll be fine," I still want you by my side, please just try to read between the lines. Where's my comfort in the undefined, please just try to read between the lines. What is this poison inside of me, this sickness is my head? Put me to sleep while I find a cure for the sickness in my head. (The Lines- Beartooth),
Uploaded: October 28th, 2021
