Chapter 2

Kate's POV

I'm angry with him. And disappointed.

Lately I had been thinking the guy wasn't all that bad, but now it seems I was wrong. How could he do this? Hiding Shannon's asthma medication when she's in such a dire need for it? He even went as far as hitting her brother when he tried to get it back.

What a jerk.

Suspecting he probably just wants something in return for the inhalers, I decide to go and ask him myself. I'm not sure why, but I seem to be the only one that can have some kind of connection with him. I'm the only one he seems to be able to tolerate.

I can see him cutting wood, a little farther down the beach. His back is turned to me and I can see his back muscles through his damp blue t-shirt. It's no time for this, so I try to stop my pulse from going faster and focus on what I'm going to say to him.

Sawyer's POV

I was chopping some wood, minding my own business, when I suddenly hear her voice behind me.

"What do you want?" she just asks, cutting right to the chase.

"Excuse me?" I reply, even though I know perfectly well what she means. I expected the Doc to send her my way, since she's the only one that can bring herself to talk to me. And I've prepared my counterattack long ago.

"What do you want, Sawyer?" she repeats, annoyed.

Even if my heart isn't into it, I try to live up to my reputation by answering:

"Freckles, I got so many answers to that question, I wouldn't even know where to start."

But she just ignores me. The girl is starting to know me.

"What do you want for the inhalers?"

"Ah. Good question. Hang on a tick," I say before swinging the axe and cutting another log. "What do I want?" I repeat, just taking time to ask myself once more if I'm really going to ask that from her. Well, yes, I am. Calling over my shoulder, I reply:

"A kiss ought to do it."

"What?" she asks in disbelief.

"A kiss. From you, right now," I repeat, laughing at myself internally for even entertaining the possibility that she might consider kissing an individual such as myself. Then why ask, you must wonder? Well, I'm a complex guy. On one hand I have to admit that I'm definitely attracted to her. Of course she's very nice looking, yeah, but I like her mainly because I'm starting to think she might understand me. I want her closer; I want her to tell me I'm not that bad.

On the other hand, why would she tell me I'm a good guy, when I'm definitely not? I'm an awful person and I know it. I'm kidding myself if I think she could ever feel anything for me. Why pick me when she's got the Doc all over her? Why bother getting hurt by her rejection? Because I deserve to be hurt. As simple as that.

Folding her arms on her chest, she replies:

"I don't buy it."

"Buy what?" I say before going back to my wood chopping.

"The act. You try too hard, Sawyer. I ask you to help a woman who can't breathe, and you want me to kiss you? Nobody's that disgusting."

Ouch, that hurt.

"I've seen you, you know," she continues.

This time she lost me.

"Seen me what?"

"With that piece of paper. The one you keep in your pocket. I've seen the expression on your face when you read it, and how carefully you fold it up. It means something to you. So you can play games all you want, but I know there's a human being in there somewhere. Give me the medication," she asks tiredly.

Oh, that's what it is. The girl has been playing shrink.

"You think you understand me," I state disbelievingly, feeling the irritation grow inside at the mention of the letter.

"Yeah. I think I have a-"

"Shut up!" I interrupt her, now angry. Actually hearing her tell me she thinks I'm not so bad after all scares the heck out of me.

"You want to know what kind of human being I am?" I shouted.

As I walk up to her, I dig into my back pocket and pull out that old piece of paper from it. For a split second, I ask myself why the heck I'm doing this, why I'm trying to push her away by making her believe I received this letter. But I hand it to her nonetheless.

"Read it."

She hesitates but I force her to take the paper and shout:

"Read it! Out loud."

She obeys.

"Dear Mr. Sawyer, you don't know who I am, but I know who you are, and I know what you've done. You had sex with my mother, and then you stole my dad's money all away. So he got angry, and he killed my mother. And then he killed himself, too."

"Don't stop now. You're getting to the good part," I comment dryly when she pauses and hands me back the letter. Reluctantly, she goes on.

"All I know is your name, but one of these days I'm gonna find you, and I'm gonna give you this letter so you'll remember what you done to me. You killed my parents, Mr. Sawyer." She pauses once more before adding absently: "It's signed James Ford."

At the mention of my real name, I take the letter away from her. My gaze as hard as steel, I lean in toward her and ask, with more sarcasm than ever:

"Now how about that kiss, huh?"

I wait for a moment, knowing full well she won't do it. And although I really don't want to admit to myself, that hurts me. Now she can't even bear to look at me.

Way to go, sport.

"I didn't think so," I only say before turning my back to her and resuming my wood chopping.

Kate's POV

He says he'll tell me, so I'll talk to him again. Someone has to put an end to this madness. For God's sake, Sayid just tortured him. And Shannon needs to breathe.

Jack tells me where to find him and I walk over there. But when I see him from close enough, tied to a tree, covered with blood… I just stop. Even though I know he's done awful things to little James' family, seeing him that way just breaks my heart. He's carrying that letter around to remind himself of what he'd done, and that must mean he's not such a bad person after all…

He suddenly looks up and sees me. I walk over to him.

"So I'm here. Where is it?" I say, trying to be firm when all I'd really want to do is to comfort him.

Panting, he answers:

"Happy to tell you as soon as I get that kiss."

I can't believe my ears. After all this, he still wants that stupid kiss?

"What? Are you serious?"

"Baby, I am tied to a tree in the Jungle of Mystery. I just got tortured by a damn spinal surgeon and a genuine Iraqi. Of course I'm serious. You're just not seeing the big picture here, Freckles. Are you really gonna let that girl suffocate 'cause you can't bring yourself to give me one little kiss? Hell, it's only first base. Lucky for you, I ain't greedy."

Why is that kiss so important to him, I wonder?

I gaze at him. He's staring at me. The way he looks at me, waiting for my answer… I see a man desperate for someone to love him. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I'm moved. That's why I finally say:

"Okay."

He seems relieved and repeats:

"Okay."

Sawyer's POV

She slowly walks toward me, kneels down and looks at me.

I'm about to be saved, to go to heaven. I just close my eyes, wanting to savour every second of what's to come. Trying to imagine she's doing this because she really has feelings for me.

She leans forward and suddenly her warm lips are over mine. Right there I discover that what they describe in those romance novels I've been reading recently, out of boredom, can actually happen. I feel like I'm floating above ground, I feel like the world around us just disappeared, I can't even remember my name... Yeah, all those clichés. Caught in the moment, I slip the tip of my tongue inside her mouth and, much to my surprise, she doesn't pull back. Instead, she imitates me.

At this moment, I'm being totally true and honest. For the first time in many years, I'm not playing any game. I'm James Ford.

Just as I sense Kate is getting carried away, she recoils. It takes her a second before she's able to look at me again, during which time I close my eyes, trying to make that blissful feeling last. When I open them again, our gazes meet and I sense she's afraid I'll make fun of her just now, for allowing herself to enjoy the kiss. But I'd never do that and I wish she knew it.

Oh, I wish I didn't have to tell her what I'm about to tell her! I don't want to break the moment, to tell her she did all that for nothing. But I know I ought to do it. I look at her right in the eye and spill it.

"I don't have it," I whisper.

"What?"

She's completely thrown off.

I shake my head. Boy, in this moment, I hate myself more than ever. I'm going to disappoint her real bad and that's the last thing I want right now.

"The medicine. I don't have it. I never did."

Her features harden and I know she's going to give it to me.

"The book… They said you found it in their luggage," she enunciates sharply.

"Book washed up on shore. It went in the drink with the rest of -"

I don't have the chance to said another word. Pissed, she hits me in the face. Damn, the girl sure can throw a punch.

She stands up and walks away, leaving me tied to the tree. But I don't care.

An angel just kissed me.

Kate's POV

After my encounter with Sawyer, I go and sit on the beach. I remove my shoes and sink my toes in the warm sand.

I'm angry. I'm glad I hit him, he deserved it. How could he do that? Making me kiss him and then telling me he doesn't have the inhalers?

But having been lied to isn't really what makes me mad most, I admit to myself as I glance at the ocean. No, what hurts the most is having shown him I have some kind of feelings for him. I lost control only to find that he was toying with me, that he was dishonest.

I run my tongue over my lips and I can taste his blood. My pulse accelerates as I close my eyes and re-live the kiss. That was no ordinary kiss. We shared something during it, a connection was made between us. There was no façade, just two bare souls.

I cringe. Did I really need this? Did I really need to find someone like myself on this island? For weeks I've been trying to convince myself I'm attracted to Jack, good guy Jack. The doctor, the saviour. I think if a good person like him could give me his absolution, could like me in spite of my past actions, I'd have found redemption.

I know that he's my chance to change the way I see myself, to believe I can indeed be a good person.

But even though I hate it, I can't stop feeling drawn to Sawyer. Sawyer the swindler…

I sigh. Whether I want it or not, there is something about him, whenever he drops his guard for a moment, that just breaks my heart. The intensity in his eyes draws me to him like a magnet.

A question is tormenting me: why would he pretend to have the inhalers? Why wouldn't he even tell the truth as he was tortured? All of this for… a kiss?

Okay, maybe he likes me, but there is got to be more than that. Perhaps… perhaps he found in me the same thing I'm wondering if I found in him: someone he wouldn't have to pretend with. Someone who could see right through the walls he built around him, thus making them useless.

I proceed to cover my feet with sand, remembering how I used to do this when I was a kid, before my life became the mess it is now. I sigh. So, what if he likes me? I have to admit that although the thought is scary, it makes me feel good. It almost makes me feel relieved to know that there could be someone I could totally be honest with without being judged.

"Oh, great, now you have feelings for Sawyer," I tell myself. Like it even was an option to pursue a relationship with him. Whether on this island or not, commitment wasn't an option when you were a fugitive.

I better accept the fact that I'll always be alone. But it's not going to be easy keeping my distances with him, I realise, sighing. I put my shoes back on and slowly get up and, thinking there must be something more useful than whining I could do right now.

And then I hear the screams.