Sawyer's POV
We've been avoiding each other ever since our little talk in the jungle, two days ago. I still find myself looking around for her all the time, though. Sometimes I even catch her stealing a glance at me before quickly looking away. I hate this situation; if there was anything I could always count on on this damn island, it was how easy it was to be around her. But I still can't bring myself to talk to her. What would I tell her anyway? I really like ya', Freckles, but I'm just too messed up to be with ya'?
It's stupid, I know, because my heart has already made its mind, has already fallen for her. It's too late to change anything about that, I know it deep inside. I have to learn to forgive myself for the terrible things I've done. But it's just too hard. I've got to let go of 'Sawyer', but I'm not even sure 'James' is still in there.
I kick an imaginary rock in the sand, exasperated with myself. Am I going to pass on the best thing that ever happened to me because I'm too afraid to let go of my past? Am I even worth being forgiven? Am I ever going to be able to let go of my obsession to kill the real Sawyer?
A noise in the bushes suddenly stops my train of thoughts. Kate bursts out of the jungle.
"Sawyer!" she calls, gasping for air. "I need all your alcohol. NOW!"
It's obvious something is very wrong. So, instantly forgetting about the previous uneasiness between us, I get the bottles she asked for.
"What's going on?" I ask, putting the bottles in Kate's open backpack.
"Boone is injured. Locke said that, uh, he fell off a cliff while they were out hunting
boar."
I say nothing. I'm actually worrying about Boone and the thought is kind of disturbing.
"Is that it?" she wonders, obviously anxious to take those bottles to Jack as fast as she can.
"I'm afraid so," I reply, but she's already zipping up her backpack and putting it on.
"Do you need anything else? I can come with you," I suggest.
She stares at me for a second, trying to see if I'm serious. She must see in my eyes that I'm genuinely concerned, because she smiles appreciatively at me before saying:
"Too many cooks already. But thanks."
Before I can add anything, she's off again, heading back into the jungle.
Kate's POV
I know I shouldn't be walking through the jungle alone at night, but I don't care. I've got to go back to the beach and be with Sawyer.
Only a couple of hours ago, I delivered Claire's baby. As soon as I could safely leave her with Charlie and Jin, I headed back to the caves to check on Boone. And then I learned that he had died.
The news had a deep effect on me. I didn't know him much, but he was part of that new 'family' I found on the island. Seeing that Sun was taking care of a profoundly disturbed Jack, I did the only thing I wanted to do: run to see Sawyer.
I'm now almost back at the beach, and all I can think of is how short life is. How unpredictable, too. A few days ago I had decided not to pursue an intimate relationship with Sawyer, but now I realise that, if he's ready to, we might as well enjoy the good moments life brings us while we can. Who knows who's going to be the next one to die? And what if tomorrow were to be the day we were rescued? I'm now convinced I have to seize the happy moments before I find myself in a federal prison for years and years… or dead.
I finally arrive at Sawyer's tent. Of course, he's sleeping peacefully, unaware of the last events. He knows Boone was injured, but not how serious it was. I sit by his side and watch him for a few minutes, unable to tear my eyes of him. He seems so genuinely relaxed for once that I just can't find it in me to wake him.
He's sleeping on his back, breathing slowly, and the image just mirrors too horribly what I just saw at the caves: Boone on his death bed, in a similar pose.
I feel the tears starting to run down my cheeks. What if it had been Sawyer? I just can't stand the though of losing him…
Geez, is this is Sawyer I'm talking about? If someone had told me this just a few weeks ago, I would have laughed to their face. But now I feel differently.
I'm now sobbing and I'm afraid I'll wake him up. But just when I'm starting to get up to leave, his eyes open and he turns his head towards me. His blue eyes find mine and I instantly know there is no use in pretending anymore.
I belong to this man.
Sawyer's POV
I wake up suddenly, all my senses immediately in alert. I swiftly turn my head in the noise's direction and I see Kate. It takes me a second to realise that she's sobbing.
My heart brakes.
"Kate, what's going on?" I ask, concern lacing my voice.
She just sobs some more and I hope she didn't notice I've just called her by her real name.
"Come here," I add gently, opening my arms to her. I'm so caught up in the moment that I easily forget about the consequences of what I'm doing.
Without hesitation, she gets up and sits on my bed. Trying to comfort her, I pull her in a tight embrace and tenderly stroke her hair. I breathe in her scent as she rests her head on my shoulder. The woman hasn't shampooed in days, but I swear she still smells like flowers.
I hold her that way for a long time, trying to figure out what happened to her. The last I saw of her, she was heading to the caves with all the alcohol I had, taking it to Jack who was attending to Boone. And it hits me: Boone probably hadn't made it.
The sobs finally subside and she wipes her humid cheeks. She pulls back a little and I let her go. I know she's going to speak, but she says the last thing I would have expected her to.
"You called me 'Kate'," she chuckles.
I can't help but smile.
"You got me there, Freckles."
She doesn't add a word for a few more seconds, then says, serious:
"Boone died tonight."
I just nod, not knowing what to say.
"You have to try and sleep. You've had a hard day."
"You have no idea… I also delivered Claire's baby," she whispers, a nervous laugh shaking her body.
"What?"
I can't believe how amazing this woman is. Yet she looks so fragile…
"Here, take my bed," I say, beginning to get up.
She puts her hand on my arm to stop me.
"Stay. I… I need you to hold me," she asks almost shyly, clearly drained.
All her defences are down. I lie down again and she rests her head on my chest. I pull the blanket over us and hold her close, not letting go even when she falls asleep.
Kate's POV
When I open my eyes a few hours later, it takes me a second to realise where I am. I'm still resting on Sawyer's chest. I close my eyes again for a moment, trying to block the world around us from my mind. I'd like to feel this good, this protected forever. But I know all too well how hard this day is going to be for all of us.
I sigh internally and decide to go and look after Claire and her baby. I hope there were no complications after I left… I raise my head delicately, trying not to wake Sawyer up, but he startles me by suddenly saying:
"Where do you think you're going?"
His eyes are still shut, but I can see a tiny smile playing on his lips. I can't help but smirk, too.
"Are you ready for people to know about your softer side?"
To that he just grunts and takes his arm off from around my shoulders. I sit up next to him.
"You sure know how to break a mood, Freckles," he replies, trying to hide his amusement.
"Sorry," I say with mocked regret.
"I like it when you apologize to me."
I manage a little smile, but he can easily see my heart isn't into it.
"I'll go with you," he says, pushing back the blanket as he spoke.
At this moment, I could have just kissed him. I'm so glad he's here. I have no idea where we stand right now, but I don't really care at the moment. We're together and that's all that matters.
"You don't even know where I'm going."
"Doesn't matter."
I nod, trying to hide how it means to me. I don't think I'm doing a very good job at it.
Sawyer puts on the black shirt that fits him so well and he follows me out. We head toward the jungle, but before we can enter it Charlie, Jin, Claire and her newborn son arrive at the beach. Instantly, people start to gather around them, admiring the baby. Sawyer isn't any different. He seems fascinated by it.
I glance to my right just in time to see Jack walking tiredly on the beach. He gives me a worn off look and instantly the dreadfulness of the previous night comes back to me.
Sawyer's POV
I follow Kate's gaze and see Jack coming in our direction, but he passes us and heads towards Shannon and Sayid who have just appeared further down the beach. I then look back at Kate and I hate to see how worn out she is. She's usually so strong; it feels strange seeing her like that.
I've got to do something to cheer her up. And I know just what.
I gently touch her arm to get her attention and she slowly turn to face me.
"Hey, I've got an idea. Come with me."
She shakes her head.
"I can't leave, Sawyer, I can't let Jack handle all this on his own…"
I urge myself to stay calm, hating the idea of her comforting Jack. I insist:
"Yes, you can. He's telling Shannon right now, and then she's going to need to see her brother. It's going to be a while before she's ready to bury him…"
I clear my throat, suddenly feeling a bit emotional. I've always hated funerals.
"Where do you want to go?" she asks jadedly after a few seconds.
A small smile appears on my lips.
"That's a surprise, Freckles."
She looks down and shakes her head, amused.
"Okay."
I reach out for her hand and, after meeting my eyes for a brief moment, she puts it into mine.
