Kate's POV
"Are we there yet?" I enquire for the thousandth time and, even if his back is turned to me, I can see him trying to hold back his irritation. I repress a smile. I just love messing with him, I can't help myself.
"Almost," he replies evenly, not slowing down his pace.
I keep on following him, my eyes hardly ever leaving the sight of his broad shoulders, muscular back and tight butt. At least that keeps my mind from wandering back to the previous night's events. Unsure how Sawyer would react if I thanked him for trying to make me feel better, I decide to wait until an opportunity presents itself. He's changed in the last few weeks, but I know he'd feel uncomfortable if I let him know how much this means to me. I smile to myself: who'd have guessed, in the days following the crash, that Sawyer could be so nice and considerate?
I'm about to ask him teasingly if he really knows where he's going when, at last, we arrive at a clearing in the jungle and I gasp: in front of us is a waterfall and pool.
"Sawyer… wow… it's gorgeous," I murmur, taking it in.
He grins widely, happy to see I like his surprise. Before I can add anything, he heads for the water.
"What are you doing?" I wonder.
"What does it look like I'm doing, Freckles?" he answers as he takes off his shirt, shoes and socks.
I gaze at him, unable to move. He looks sexy as hell.
"Come on, Freckles, after all we've been through on this damn island, don't we deserve something good?"
Trying to hide my trouble, I scoff and he adds:
"What, you're going to say no? Are you some sort of navel-gazing, no-fun, mopey type?"
I smile and he mimics me, knowing he's won. I remove my shoes and take my jeans off, very conscious of his gaze on me. I hurriedly dive into the water, and, when I surface, he asks:
"It's nice, huh?"
I nod and he jokingly dunks me under the water. I do the same to him, and, for a good while, we swim and play in the water. It's been a while since I've felt so carefree and that's a delicious feeling. I can't believe how easy it is to be with Sawyer, how great we get along.
At one point, Sawyer turns and starts swimming toward the falls.
"Come on, let's go to the rock. Come on."
I follow him and we swim over toward the rocks near the falls. Then Sawyer gallantly gives me his hand and we climb up on the rocks near the waterfalls.
We exchange a challenging look. A second later, I dive into the water and Sawyer quickly follows me. We're still underwater when I feel him grabbing my waist. Smiling, I pull away from him, swimming out of his reach. We surface a moment later behind the waterfall.
Here the lake isn't as deep and I can stand without water reaching my neck. The noise made by the waterfall is very loud and there isn't much space, but I love the feeling of isolation it suddenly gives me.
I take a look at Sawyer who's staring at me. I smile playfully and he does the same; but slowly his expression transform into something else. He grows serious and suddenly he looks just like he did when he was waiting for me to kiss him, back when we thought he had the inhalers. In his eyes I can see that, at this moment, there is absolutely no pretending, no mask, just raw feelings of love and desire.
My heart is now beating so furiously that I wonder if it's going to explode. We're so close… His eyes drop to my lips and I know there is no way I'll be able to fight the urge that fills my whole body. I want him.
We both move at the same time. I bury my hands into his hair as I feel his hands encircle my waist, pulling me closer to his well-built chest. I close my eyes and I don't have to wait more than a second before his lips find mine. He kisses me so tenderly at first that I wonder if I'm going to be able to prevent my knees from buckling under me. I hold him tighter and as a reply he kisses me with more and more fervour.
At this point I don't even care anymore what he's going to do with me. I've never abandoned myself this way to anyone… His tongue makes its way into my mouth and I can't repress a moan.
He instantly pulls away from me, just as if he had suddenly been hit by lightning. I can't move, stunned by his unexpected change of attitude. Without so much as a glance towards me, he growls: "It's late, we should go back," before diving under the waterfall.
I stand there alone for a moment, frozen. Did I do something wrong?
Of course I did, I silently admonish myself as I finally follow him. He clearly wasn't ready for such closeness, to show that much of his true feelings for me. I pushed too hard too soon, sleeping in his bed, kissing him the way I did. Blaming myself for the new uneasiness between us, I hurriedly exit the water and put on my jeans.
Silently, we begin our journey back to the beach.
Sawyer's POV
I throw the ritual handful of sand into Boone's grave and, after a brief look at Kate, hurriedly walk away.
The march back to the beach was really uncomfortable for the both of us, I know it. We walked silently as I tried to understand what the heck was going on with me. Why did kissing her suddenly gave me the urge to run as far as I could? I probably hurt her by acting that way, but I just don't know what to tell her.
I walk along the beach, leaving the group behind. Flashes of our kiss invade my mind, invade my whole body. The urge I felt to grab her and kiss her was so strong it scared me to death. I've never felt like anything like that, just like I've never felt as good as I felt last night sleeping with her in my arms. But I certainly don't deserve the happiness she brings me. And what if we really were saved? What would she be expecting of me? I could never make her happy. I'm nothing in the real world.
I'm just not ready for such a powerful connection with someone, and maybe I'll never be. I've got to stop this before it's too late, before I end up hurting her. Or before she hurts me by changing her mind and choosing Jack… I sigh. It kills me to say so, but being with the Doc might be the best thing for her anyway.
I'm just so confused. I feel cornered, aching with the need of being close to her, of being totally open with her, but at the same time being totally unable to surrender to those feelings. I want to run away but there is nowhere to go, I realise, dejected, until my eyes fall on the raft Michael is building. I stop walking, considering that option. Perhaps getting on the raft would be the solution, the possibility to get out of Kate's life before I can truly hurt her.
But what if something happened to the raft? I know the odds are against the success of that venture, but I don't care. I should have died in the plane crash anyway. And in a sense, I've been dead ever since I heard the first gunshot, hidden under my bed all those years ago.
So I make the decision. I'm going to be the fourth person on that raft, I just have to be.
