Chapter 6
Kate's POV
The sun has been up for a few hours now. As I walk on the beach, I notice how people try to stay busy; eating, cleaning or gathering wood. I know exactly why they're acting this way, because I'm doing the same. We're all trying to get back to our lives, trying to forget what happened to Boone.
I myself am just returning from picking up fruits for everyone. I go from person to person, giving them fresh mangos and bananas. A little further down the beach, I can see Michael working on the raft, as he has been for days now. But I'm surprised to see Sawyer by his side.
I head in their direction, needing to talk to Sawyer again. I haven't seen him since our return from the waterfall. He's probably avoiding me and I hate it. One of us has to put an end to this, has to address what happened between us. I smile a little. Of course, that someone is going to be me.
As I come closer to them, I see Sawyer give Michael a log for the raft. Michael nods appreciatively, then seems to explain to Sawyer that he wants another one and shows him how long. Sawyer nods and enters the jungle, probably to cut it, I figure. But why would Sawyer help Michael? What is he getting in return? Dread fills my heart but my mind does its best to ignore it.
I've got to find out what's going on.
"Hey, Michael!"
"Hey, Kate!" he replies as he finishes tying the log given by Sawyer.
"I brought you some fruits."
Michael smiles.
"Thanks. I'm so busy with this I tend to forget to eat."
I grin, too.
"Is that why you enlisted Sawyer to help you? Because you were desperate?"
Michael chuckles and replies:
"I figured I'd do everybody a favour and take him with us."
My heart stops. I must have misunderstood what he meant. I have to be wrong.
"You mean… He's going on the raft with you?"
Please, Michael, say no, I silently pray.
"Yes. At least he's good at chopping wood."
At his words, my world falls apart. Sawyer is leaving. It's just impossible. Not after the way he held me last night… How could he do this? How could he do this when I finally decided to give us a chance?
Without a word to Michael, I head to the jungle, to the place where I know I'll find Sawyer. Just as I figured, he's there, swinging the axe, and the scene reminds me of that time when I came to ask him for Shannon's inhalers.
But this time I'm not going to let him of the hook that easy.
Sawyer's POV
"What are you doing?"
I stop my movement. There it comes, the big scene. I sigh inwardly; whatever she says to me, I know she'll be right. I'm a moron, I've always know that. But I also know that I can't change my mind, no matter what. It's too late for that.
"Can't you see, Freckles?" I reply casually, although I know exactly what she means
"Michael told me you were leaving."
I turn around to face her, bracing myself for the sight of her. For the sight of the woman I love.
"Old Mickey ain't no liar, Sweetheart," I reply as I put down the axe.
She closes her eyes briefly, looking like she's going to cry, then stares at me again. Softly, she asks:
"Why are you going, Sawyer? I thought… you and I…"
She looks so desperate, my heart breaks. Instinctively, my body stiffens. I know I have to push her away and I hate it.
"What, you think I could really have a serious relationship with anyone?" I say angrily. "I'm not that kind of guy, cupcake. Go get cozy with the Doc. l know he already makes you all weak in the loins anyway."
Her features harden.
"I don't want Jack, I've already told you. If that's not obvious enough, I'll spell it out for you : I've got feelings for you, Sawyer."
Her admission briefly destabilizes me, but I know I can't turn back now. She adds:
"Why is it so important for you to be on that raft?"
I stare at her: she looks really upset. Suddenly I know there is no point in trying to push her away. I owe her the truth.
"Because I want you to be happy."
She shakes her head sadly.
"Don't you understand? When rescue comes they'll put me in jail. The only chance I've got to be happy is now, while I'm on this island. And I won't be without you. Don't go… please."
This is the hardest thing I've ever done, but I slowly turn my back to her and pick up the axe from the ground. In a low, tired voice, I only say:
"I'm already gone, Freckles."
And I hit the log forcefully.
Kate's POV
I tried all that I could, trying to get Michael to boot Sawyer off the raft, trying to get Jin to give me his spot so at least I'd be with him… but nothing worked.
I'm not angry with him, I'm more sad than anything. I'm worried about him. I know what he's doing, why he's doing it. He says he doesn't want to hurt me, but there has got to be more to this, even if doesn't want to acknowledge it to himself. I think he feels like leaving on the raft might be his only shot at redemption. Taking risks to save the rest of us, but also taking the risk to die in order to save himself from his own demons.
I shouldn't be surprised, but I thought that what has developed between us could have made a difference. I wish he'd realise that in my eyes he is a good person, that I love him for who he is.
Now it's too late. In a few hours, when the sun goes up, he'll leave. Maybe forever.
I suddenly jump on my feet. He's still here and I've got to be with him while he is.
I enter his 'place', careful not to make any noise. But although he's lying on his makeshift bed, he's not asleep. He turns gloomy eyes towards me and I immediately know what I want to do. What I need to do.
In the shadows, I start to undress. I see a brief glint of surprise in his stare, but he doesn't move or speak. Once I'm done, I take a step towards him. Right before he opens his arms to me, I see that look in his blue eyes again. The look of love and need that shakes me to my core.
I lie down next to him and he wraps his arms around me. I close my eyes and for a second we don't move. But when I look at him again, I see his eyes burning with such desire, such intensity, such… fear, that I gently press my lips against his. He instantly replies and suddenly our moves are frenzied.
We have to make the most of the time we have left.
