Major Wooing (or How to Woo a Major in Ten Easy Steps)
Chapter 6
Summary: In which Rodney learns that socks can be dangerous but a flock of frenzied fans are even more perilous.
5. Small and thoughtful beats big and grandiose
As simple as this sounded, Rodney found that most of his ideas fell into the 'big and grandiose' heading. For a long time he stared at the plans for the Ferris Wheel, unsure of when it had morphed from a simple working model to a full-scale replica. Not only was it big and grandiose, it was impractical and time consuming.
The model for the Puddle Fighter had started expanding in much the same manner as designs and applications from several different alien technologies were applied to the blueprints. Reluctantly dragging his attention away from the enticing challenge of the Fighter, the scientist set it aside to re-think the meaning behind this particular topic with some exasperation.
Small and thoughtful meant more personal, though honestly Rodney couldn't believe the Major wouldn't enjoy either a Ferris Wheel or a new ship to pilot. But rules were rules for a reason, so he set about looking for 'small' things to do.
Going back to his data, Rodney finally hit upon a few ideas. The first was to make certain the Major's favorite (or at least most tolerated) MRE's were available on all off-world missions. That task was completed with relative ease, so he turned his attention to the next idea.
To Rodney's utter disgust, the evidence for true love became even more apparent the day he volunteered for laundry duty and found himself staring at a questionable article of clothing that was supposed to be a military-issued sock. He shuddered at the thought that the sock's condition was due to several days of use, while at the same time keeping a cautious watch for any threatening movements, as he prepared the laundry to be washed. A feeling of nausea rushed through him as he considered the alternate possibility - that the sock was in this condition due to only one day of wear.
A few days later another opportunity presented itself when the Major discovered his coffee mug had developed a crack in it and had to be discarded. As luck would have it, their next off-world trip put them in contact with very friendly natives who offered a wide selection of goods which included pottery.
"Dr. McKay, why are you running away from that group of frenzied women?" Teyla asked, when Rodney stopped to catch his breath.
"The Major!" He wheezed out venomously.
"The Major sent them after you? For what purpose?"
"No! No! The Major took a liking to this symbol." He held up the mug embellished with the design of a native idol. "Of course he did! He couldn't take a liking to fuzzy animals or abstract art! He's a walking, talking menace!"
"I do not understand."
"The Major broke his mug and I thought I'd get him a new one. He mentioned liking this design but, of course, it's the villagers' symbol of fertility! Anyone who displays it is considered to be available for an 'intimate' relationship!"
"So those women..."
"Yes!"
"McKay?" The Major joined them. "Is something wrong?"
"THERE HE IS! LET'S GET HIM GIRLS!" The cry went out.
"Here!" Rodney thrust the mug into the Major's hands. "This is for you!"
And he ran for his life.
---tbc
