Major Wooing (or How to Woo a Major in Ten Easy Steps)

Chapter 7 ½

Summary: Zelenka may die laughing. No. Really.

"What!"

Zelenka sighed, trying to tune out the conversation in the lab, as he scanned through the figures on the screen in front of him.

"…native plants are an excellent source for a variety of lubricants…"

Hot tea spewed across the laptop and Zelenka struggled to breathe, desperate for air between the wheezing and shocked laughter. Looking up, he nearly choked to death on a gasp of air as he watched McKay's stumbling, backwards retreat and Kavanagh's over-eager advance around the main bench in the lab.

"…see the botanist for cataloging…" McKay was stuttering through a poorly devised rebuff that was intended to get Kavanagh to leave.

But what did he expect, Zelenka thought, as he tried for another breath. Just minutes earlier he'd observed McKay absently and perversely fondling a writing stylus while deep in thought. It would have made Zelenka shudder to consider what McKay's thoughts had been but he was having too much trouble inhaling precious oxygen into his lungs to really care at the moment

"…project we could work on together, to foster closer relations between science department members…" Kavanagh's voice droned on.

It was McKay's fault. He had tried to warn him. But Kavanagh had caught the man in the hall and they'd started this verbal sparring the moment they entered the lab. Had he been able to exhale adequately, Zelenka would have snorted, knowing Kavanagh probably considered this foreplay.

It had started some months ago when McKay started showing up to work in shirts a little too tight and muttering something under his breath about variance in shrinkage. One shirt that should have cut off all circulation to the brain (and Zelenka had to wonder if that had, indeed, happened) had spun that long-haired scientist by his braided pony-tail into a breathless, besotted fool.

"…willing to take on additional responsibilities. I don't mind working late hours…"

Zelenka had noticed a few weeks ago that McKay was literally fondling everything within reach. Like a blind man tracing the contours of some unknown object, McKay's long, elegant fingers had caressed every piece of equipment in the lab. He was oblivious to how his actions affected those around him. Unfortunately, for those who shared the lab, it had Kavanagh in their faces at all hours as he drooled after McKay.

Did the foolish American not see that McKay's affections lay elsewhere?

Did those two buffoons not see he was choking to death?

A hard smack to his back jolted his body into action and Zelenka gasped for air, feeling his lungs burning.

"…get him to the infirmary…"

"…help you…"

As unconsciousness rushed in to greet him, his last thought was of the kind, handsome physician.

Perhaps Beckett would put him out of his misery while he was there.

---tbc

A/N: This chapter was written after Chapter 8 when the totally evil Goo insisted on knowing 'what' Rodney had been fondling and insisted on a chapter of Kavanagh 'chaising' Rodney about. Hence Chapter 7 1/2 was born.