All This Time You've been Hiding in My Heart

Author: Pokari, Pokkangel@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: you know it's not mine

Summary: Severus is pregnant for the last 18 years, and he isn't a Death Eater. Lucius is a spy for the light and Sirius had a big problem here.

Rate: R

Category: Romance, drama

Pairings: Sirius/Severus

Spoiler: book 1 to 5

Warnings: male pregnancy.

Time: 5th year at Hogwarts.

Note: Unbeta-ed

Chapter Two

Severus went to the Headmaster's quarter. As he had expected, the Headmaster was ready to greet him. He wished that the Headmaster were ready to answer him too.

"I was waiting for you, Severus."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Severus glared at the older wizard.

"And you would do what? Run to him and get yourself killed?"

"Is he… dead?" Severus forced the last word, and felt his feet shaky.

"Sit down, Severus." Dumbledore pointed the chair in front of him.

"Is he?" Severus took the offered chair.

"No." Dumbledore lower his head. "Unfortunately Lucius found out about the attack a bit too late. But he tracked Sirius down and portkeyed him to his house. Nobody should ever know about it."

"Not even me?" Severus' hurt tone made Dumbledore felt like he had betrayed the younger man.

"It's for your own peace of mind."

"But I feel more worried now. What if he died and I never knew. What should I say to my baby when he asked for his father?"

"What?" Dumbledore was shocked and he could barely conceal it. "You mean…" his eyes travelled down Severus' flat abdomen. "Well, that is sure a good news."

"I want to meet him."

"He's at Lucius'."

"I went to Lucius' often enough to raise any suspicion." Severus said stubbornly.

"If you're sure." Dumbledore sighed dejectedly.

"I have no classes after lunch." Severus slowly stood up. "I'll be back for tomorrow classes." He went to the fireplace. But before he took the floo powder, he turned to the headmaster. "You might want to inform the Potter boy. Who knows what stupid thing he might do."

Severus left, leaving a dumbstruck Headmaster behind. 'Not that I worried about him, but he is Sirius' godson.'

~Ö~

"Lucius." Severus glared at him when he arrived at his friend's study room.

"Severus." Narcissa walked to him and gave him a hug.

"Hello, Narcissa." His eyes softened a bit at the sight of her.

"I've been waiting for you." Narcissa smiled. "Two days more and I'll send you invitation for tea."

"She was going to do that yesterday, actually." Lucius added.

"And why you didn't?" Severus raised his eyebrow at the witch.

"Because we're waiting for you to come." Lucius smirked.

Severus felt like screaming. Everyone was waiting for him but he wondered why they didn't bother to take the initiation to inform him.

"How did you find out anyway?"

"I heard from Potter."

"Must be Lupin told him." Severus held back his smile because he knew Lucius shared the same sentiment toward the werewolf.

"He did." Severus scowled. "How is he now?"

"He's still unconscious, Sev. They cursed him many Cruciatus. We're lucky that he's still alive." Lucius looked pity at his friend.

"No." Severus instinctively rubbing his stomach, needed the extra support from his baby. "I want to see him. I need to ask him why…" He stopped.

"Why what?" The Malfows were curious.

"Why he wanted the baby after all this time."

The room was quiet after Severus finished his sentence.

"That's a good news." Narcissa smiled.

"I'm afraid you'll have to wait for your answer." Lucius said dryly.

They ignored Lucius' words. "Let's get you there." Narcissa took Severus' hand.

"I…" Severus tilted his head. "Can I stay for the night? I have to go back to Hogwarts tomorrow but…"

"You're always welcome, Sev." Narcissa cut him. "You know that."

"Thank you." He said softly.

They arrived at the room after a short walk. Severus realised that it was the same room he always occupied when he come to stay with the Malfoy.

"I thought you would want a familiar surrounding." Narcissa smiled apologetically.

"Yes, thank you."

"If you need something…"

"I'll call the house elf."

"Right. I think I leave you now."

Severus nodded absently. He took a deep breath before he entered the room. He gasped when he looked at the sight before him.

Sirius Black was apparently asleep on the bed. But at the better look, there was barely breathing. No movement, no sound. Worriedly Severus closed the door and walked to his ex-boyfriend.

He gently ran his finger on the pale face. In an almost loving gesture, worshiping even, he mapped the face again.

He never forgot Sirius' face. It was crafted in his heart. He thought about him when he's awake and dreamt about him when he's asleep. But seeing him again, he always found something new. He ran his fingers on the line that wasn't there before.

"We are getting older." Severus whispered. "Will it make us wiser?" He knew he wouldn't get answers but the silent still make him sad. "Are you now wiser enough to want this baby?" Still now answer.

"Our baby, Sirius. Are you sure you're not imagining having baby from Lupin?" Severus didn't realise that he spat the name with hatred.

"I know it's selfish but I'm glad that you're here. Though you'll never speak to me." Severus smiled sadly. "You always with him. Since you escaped from that hell, you always with him. And you never talk to me. Not even at the Order meeting. Is that because your godson favours him more?"

Severus didn't realise that he was crying. He looked at the tear that fell on his hand with confusion. "I always wonder if you ever love me." The silence finally broke his nerve. Severus put his head on the crook of Sirius' neck and crying freely.

He didn't know how long he had been crying but he stopped when he felt his baby's magic. Severus raised his head. Feeling a little dizzy before he felt the urged to vomit.

Severus ran to the bathroom just in time before he emptied his stomach. His walking back to Sirius' side took a longer time because his shaking feet refused to cooperate.

He hadn't had lunch, and his didn't have a grand breakfast, he wondered if he had anything more to heave. Severus continued studying Sirius' face, ignoring his hungry stomach grumbling.

"I thought you would like to have your lunch here." Narcissa's voice took him out of his reverie.

"I don't want to leave him." Severus answered without taking his eyes off of Sirius.

"He wouldn't be going anywhere." Narcissa said without care.

"He's your cousin." Severus pointed out.

"How could you still love him, Sev." Narcissa shook her head.

"I don't know." The sad smile came back. "He was the first boy that love me."

"And he also ditched you."

"Do you think he'll love me again if he found out that he's going to be a father?"

"I don't know." Narcissa looked a sad. "I'm sorry but I really don't know."

"Did you tell Lupin that Sirius is here?"

"And give him the chance to steal him from you? I don't think so."

"I thought you don't like him." Severus grinned.

"He's my cousin and you love him though what you see in him is a mystery for me." Narcissa shrugged her shoulder. "Come on, have your lunch and I won't bother you again."

Severus let himself being dragged to the small living room next to the window.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I think every pregnant person deserve every best meal. And here are your nutritious menus. Sit."

Severus eyeing the food served with the Malfoy expensive dishware and again felt the urge to vomit. He ran off to the bathroom.

"Are you okay?" Narcissa had waited him with a glass of water.

"I don't know." Severus' pale face looked tire. "It's the second time in fifteen minutes."

Narcissa helped him sit. "Maybe you have to check your baby."

"Just send the food away." Severus smiled shyly. "I don't think the baby likes it."

"Just try a light lunch. Your body needs it."

"What about Sirius?"

"Lucius took him in five days ago. We had Pomfrey checked on him on the second night. But his condition hasn't changed."

"Is that bad or good."

"We couldn't find out whether there's brain damage or not until he wake up."

"Oh." Severus nibbled on his sandwich.

"So, tell me how my boy is doing." Narcissa smiled, trying to change the subject.

"He's doing good. Trying to drive Potter crazy as always."

"That's my boy." Narcissa laughed. "Oh, poor boy."

"You're not sympathize with that boy so don't bother to show that pity now." Severus chuckled.

"He does really love my cousin, doesn't he?" Narcissa pondered. "Do you think we should tell him about his godfather?"

"I've told Dumbledore that he should inform the boy." Severus shrugged his shoulder.

"Well, then, he would be told when it's time."

'Poor, Potter.' Severus thought. 'Well, he still needs to wait some time to find out.'

"Take your rest, Sev." Narcissa stood up. "It will be long before he awake."

"Do you think he would be alright?"

"We could only hope my friend."

'Hope.' It sounded too desperate.

Severus walked back to the bed and decided to lie down. He carefully crawled on to the bed as not to hurt the other occupant.

Severus noticed that the bed was still too big for them. When he was sleeping there alone, he always wondered how it would feel to share it with someone. With Sirius. Maybe then the bed wouldn't feel that big and make him feel empty and alone. But he was wrong. Even with Sirius next to him the bed was still too big.

Severus felt the stir in his stomach again as he touch Sirius' face. He stopped and took a deep breath. And no, he didn't vomit.

"Maybe he just recognise you, Sirius." Severus smiled. "Maybe he's growing faster right now, to replace the time he spent sleeping." He thought happily. "I do want him earlier than eight months."

Slowly Severus lowered his body so that he was sleeping next to Sirius. "I'm yours, Sirius. No matter what happened, I will be yours. Always." Severus whispered before his tired body took him in deep slumber.

~*~

22 November 03, 11:56 pm

To:

Louise : Thanks, I don't have a beta for this fic so this far you have to stand me. Hehe

Miss Shadow Prowl : Thanks. You'll find out more now and later. Well, actually I heard about it from some groups I joined but I haven't read it. And when I'm thinking about the title for this fic (I wrote it first before I think of the title) I already forgot about the title from Sandra (but maybe it linger somewhere in my head). But it do have a nice ring, right. J

Exwhyzed : Thanks.

DeZeRa : Thanks.

Lord Angelus : Thanks.

Soph5232 : Thanks, I'll do my best.