All This Time You've been Hiding in My Heart
Author: Pokari,
Website:
Disclaimer: you know it's not mine
Summary: Severus is pregnant for the last 18 years, and he isn't a Death Eater. Lucius is a spy for the light and Sirius had a big problem here.
Rate: R
Category: Romance, drama
Pairings: Sirius/Severus
Spoiler: book 1 to 5
Warnings: male pregnancy.
Time: 5th year at Hogwarts.
Note: Unbeta-ed
Chapter Four
Severus stared angrily at his ex-lover.
"Remus…" The voice was stronger now.
slap
"Severus?" Narcissa looked amusedly at her friend.
"I… I didn't mean that." Severus looked at his throbbing hand. "It's… reflex."
"…Russss…" It sounded confused.
slap
"It's…" Severus held his hand tightly to his body. "Reflex."
"Not that I don't agree that he deserve it but I think he's trying to call you."
"Really?" Severus looked at the still man.
Suddenly Sirius' eyes were opened. He looked straight into Severus' eyes. "What was that for? Can't you wake me gentler?"
"Sirius?" Severus raised his hands to gently cup Sirius' reddened cheek.
"Who do you expect anyway?" A big yawn.
"You're awake." Severus couldn't believe his eyes.
"Of course I am, after what you've done." Sirius sulked.
"I'm sorry." Severus smiled. "I know I shouldn't do that. Your face is your only virtue."
"Hey." Sirius tried to glare with his sleepy eyes. "What are you doing here anyway? You should have known better than to come to Gryffindor dorm. Remus might be okay. James is not really bad. But Peter? I swear I might hex him one day."
Severus' heart stung at the mentioned of Lupin's name.
"Look around, Black." Narcissa spoke; half amused and half offended that Malfoy room might be mistaken as a Gryffindor dorm.
"Well, well, my dear cousin." Sirius sneered. In Severus' opinion he was so cute doing that with his eyes barely opened. "What are you doing here? Malfoy finally came to his sense and ditch you? Not that I blamed him, though in my opinion he's still a jerk."
Narcissa looked deadly at her cousin, her hand was ready to raise her wand.
"Sirius," Severus gently altered Sirius attention back to him. "I know you might find it hard to believe, but sixteen years had passed since our graduation."
"Oh?" Sirius looked back at him with confusion. "Okay." Sirius yawned. "Can we go back to sleep now?"
Severus smiled. He didn't miss the 'we'. Carefully, Severus laid himself next to Sirius, though he wasn't feeling tired. It was eleven in the morning and he didn't feel like sleeping but laying there with Sirius' arms around him was hard to resist. And soon he too joined Sirius into the slumber land.
Narcissa shook her head and left the room. She went and told her husband that the sleeping man had regained consciousness and continued his sleeping.
"Harry," Draco scowled. "I thought you promised to be nice to me."
"I am." Harry looked up from his reading, confused.
"Then don't be nice to him." Draco glared at Ron.
"He's my friend. And I don't be nice at him." Harry frowned, he was explaining to Ron about muggle electricity, part of their homework for Muggle Studies. "I only be nice at you." Harry blushed.
"Well, be nice to me now." Draco demanded.
"Nice?" Ron frowned. "How?"
"None of your business." Draco looked at his Harry. "Well, Harry?"
"Not here." Harry looked around worriedly despite the secluded area where they were and the library was a little deserted since it was almost dinner.
"Fine." Draco tilted his head. "Well, then I see you on Monday."
"Monday?" Harry was confused. "Tomorrow is Friday, we can meet after lunch."
"Oh, no." Draco shook his head, and then added in a low voice. "I'm going home after classes. I might not have lunch here."
"Why?" Harry sounded a little sad.
"You can't." Ron's eyes narrowed. "We can't leave Hogwarts unless it's holiday or we have permission. Beside, your fellow Slytherin would find out and report you."
Draco smirked. "Glad to know that you worry, Weasley. But a good thing about Slytherin is that we mind our own business. Beside, most of us do it. That's probably why you saw very little of us, Slytherin, on weekend." Draco glanced at Harry. "Well, then, see you on Monday. I need to pack now." He took a very slow step to the door.
"Wait, Draco." Harry stood and collected his things. "Can I come with you? I know it's not Christmas yet, but…" his voice fading.
Draco pretended to think. "Hmm, I don't mind, actually, but your friends… they would find you missing and that would be a problem."
"Ron and Hermione can help me." Harry said hastily.
"What?!" Ron turned to Harry. "Are you out of your mind? You're breaking the school rules. I doubt Hermione will let you leave Hogwarts, and to Malfoy' place?"
"But I want to see Sirius. Beside, Draco will be there, also Sirius and Professor Snape." Harry gave him puppy look.
"Nah, don't worry about him, Harry." Draco smiled in an uncharacteristically friendly way. "Mother told me that my uncle Sirius is getting better. He even had been conscious this morning."
"Sirius is your uncle?" Harry frowned. "Why nobody told me this?"
"My mother's cousin." Draco nodded. "And you didn't ask me."
"Ron…"
Ron sighed. "Fine, I'll cover you. But you'll leave on Saturday, and have dinner here on Friday. I don't want they questioning me when they didn't see you at meal time."
"Thank you." Harry smiled happily, but he caught himself before he hugged his friend. "Draco?" Harry smiled tentatively. "Will… will it be okay if I come with you?"
"Why not?" Draco smiled. "Come on, we'll talk in my room."
Ron rolled his eyes. Really, what Harry saw in him is a mystery. His father in the same side, so what? He still a vain, villain, arrogant bastard.
They were, well, childhood friends but when Harry came between them and had chosen Ron as his best friend and shared the same house; they had been more like rival. But the adults, namely their parents, calmly took it as a good disguise for the animosity would assure that they were on different side.
"But, Draco," Harry looked at his books and parchments and his writing equipments. "What about this?"
Draco carried Harry's large books and left them, knowing that Harry would follow him.
Harry smiled at Ron, swept all his stuff into his arms and followed Draco out. He knew where Draco's room was. His first visit was when Draco told him that he got Harry's letter from Severus, sent to him along with packages from his mother. Draco refused to go to his room and back to wherever Harry wanted to meet him, thus Harry had to follow him to his room.
Harry had to admit that he liked Draco's room. Though it was located in the dungeon, but it was comfortable and welcoming. What most important is it was secure, and he could be nice to Draco as he promised without being afraid of caught.
Hermione told him that it against school rules to get into other house territory, and since he had promised Professor Snape that he wouldn't break any rules he refused to go into Draco's room. Only because Draco had convinced him that it wouldn't break any rules and he had given his promised that he would watch Harry and wouldn't let anything happen to him that Harry resigned.
Harry wasn't afraid when he had to pass Slytherin common room to go to Draco's room. Like Draco said, Slytherin mind their own business and the common room almost always deserted.
Harry followed Draco into his room, which decorated like his room in his house like other Slytherins, and put his stuff on Draco's table, next to his books.
Draco slept alone. Personal room meant more money, but most Slytherin were rich and the dungeon like other part of the castle could be magically extended so it wouldn't be a problem.
"So…" Draco sat on the edge of his bed, carefully looking at Harry.
Harry smiled shyly and walked to Draco. He bent his head to kiss Draco's cheek. "There, I be nice to you."
Draco laughed and hugged Harry. "And you'll be nice to me only."
Harry nodded his head. "Tell me about Sirius, Draco."
"What you want to know? I only know that my mother hate him and I've never met him."
"What?"
"He'd been annoying brother to her." Draco shrugged. He stood and pulled Harry to the small bathroom attached to his room. "Let's get ready for dinner, Harry."
"Oh… okay."
Severus sat at Sirius's side, waiting anxiously for Sirius to wake up. Sirius had missed his lunch and dinner, and when he didn't wake up for breakfast the next morning, Severus was really worried.
Severus ignored his grumbling stomach. He only had a small snack for breakfast, and he didn't feel like eating. Narcissa had the elf sent his meal ten minutes ago but he just had no appetite.
His eyes never left Sirius' face. His heart throbbed faster when he caught the fluttering eyelashes and the slowly opened eyelids. He realised that the grumbling stomach also came from Sirius.
"Sirius?" Severus squeezed his hand gently, as not to startled him. "Are you hungry?"
"Yes. What time is it?" Sirius tried to get up.
"No, sit here, I'll bring you your meal."
"Thanks." Sirius smiled appreciatively. "It feels like years since my last meal."
"Then you have to eat a lot." Severus put a small table on the bed and put the tray on it.
"What about you?" Sirius asked when Severus sat back and just stared at him.
"I… I'll eat after you finish yours."
"No way." Sirius frowned. "We can share." He winked. "I can feed you."
Severus smiled. Before 'the werewolf accident', Sirius was so nice to him. So caring and loving. He hated Lupin for taking that man away from him.
After they finished, Severus put the tray away. He felt Sirius' eyes on him and suddenly feeling very conscious of his body.
"You're…" Sirius tried to find a better word, "fill out now. Not fat." He added hastily. "Er…, just around your stomach."
Severus turned around slowly and walked even more slowly back to his seat, arguing with himself if he should tell him about the baby. Somewhere in his heart he was afraid if Sirius turned him down again. Rejected their baby.
"Ow." Severus was surprised when Sirius suddenly caught his hand in a cruel grip. He tried to glare but his mind gone blank at the angry look on his former lover's face.
"You're pregnant, aren't you?"
Severus went pale. 'How did he know? Please, please don't tell me to get rid of my baby.' "Let me go." Severus tried to free his hand, but for someone who had been unconscious for weeks, Sirius was surprisingly strong.
"Not until you tell me who's that man." Those blue eyes were uncompromising.
"What man?"
"The father of your baby. That man." Sirius didn't ease his grip. "Unless you're telling me that it's another woman, though I doubt it. I'm pretty sure of your preference."
"That's a long time ago. It's almost twenty years, I might have change." Severus flushed.
"Twenty years? Is that true?"
"What do you mean? You don't trust me?"
"No, no. I just find it hard to believe."
"I bet if Lupin told you what I told you, you'd have believed him."
"It's not like that, Sevvie." Sirius' face softened.
"Don't call me that." Severus felt betrayed. "In fact, don't talk to me at all. I always know that you choose him over me."
"I don't." Sirius frowned.
"Well, then tell me why you didn't believe me twenty years ago when I told you that I'm pregnant with your baby?" Severus didn't realise that he'd been crying until Sirius raised his hand and wiped his tear.
"I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you." Sirius tried to hold the struggling Slytherin. "I love you, Sev, I do. Please don't cry. Your tears hurt me so."
"I don't believe that you think those lines are still effective to get laid." Narcissa wanted to laugh at the looks on their faces.
"Would you knock?" Sirius frowned in irritation.
"At my own home?"
Severus gave her a look. 'Give me a break. Can't a man try to win his love without such a distraction?'
"I did." Narcissa walked in. "It's not my fault that you're too busy to hear me."
"That's alright." Sirius nodded solemnly. "Now that I see you, I don't find it so hard to believe anymore."
"What's that suppose to mean?" Narcissa crossed her hands; she really hated her cousin sometimes. Well, most of the time.
"You look old." Sirius smirked.
"Really?" Narcissa snorted unladylike. "Have you take a look at yourself this lately?" She charmed a mirror for Sirius.
"Aaargh." Sirius let go of Severus and clutched his face. "I'm trapped on my father's body."
Severus chuckled. He cupped Sirius' face. "All you need is a good long bath and shaving."
"Yeah, if you say so." Sirius smiled. "Would you help me?"
Narcissa rolled her eyes. It was just liked her cousin to flirt at any given chance.
"Okay." Severus blushed. He had seen Sirius naked many times when they were lovers, a long time ago. He had bathed him using sponge and changed his pyjamas when he was still unconscious. This time, it would be different.
"I'll hope to see you at dinner." Narcissa wasn't sure whether they heard her, but really it wasn't important at that moment.
"Come on." Severus gave a tug at Sirius' hand, signalled him to take a seat in front of the vanity table, facing the mirror. "I'll help you shave."
The minutes spent in peace. Sirius looked into the mirror, staring at Severus' concentrate expression more than at his own reflection.
"Your hair is very long now, would you like me to help you cut it?" Severus asked, his hands combing the long black strands.
"Do what you want, Sev, it's all yours." Sirius grinned.
Severus smiled though his heart screamed at him. 'Will your heart ever be mine?'
"Well, well, well." Lucius smirked when Sirius walked into the living room, supported by Severus. "I never thought I'll say this, but good to see you alive, Black."
"Thank you." Sirius raised his eyebrow; he tightened his hold on Severus' shoulder, showing the sign of ownership.
"Champagne?" Lucius offered two glasses to Severus and handed one to his wife.
"Anything to celebrate?" Sirius looked at the offered hospitality.
"Well, to the returning of a family." Lucius studied Severus' pale face, he added. "Draco will come home tomorrow to spend weekend, and he will take Harry with him."
"Like father like son." Sirius frowned. "Harry is just two years old, perverted."
Lucius laughed. He liked it when he knew something what the animagus didn't, and right at this moment, he knew too much of something that the other man didn't.
"Harry is only several months younger than Draco." Narcissa smiled fondly, "And he looks so much like his mother."
"Really?" Sirius sipped his drink absently. "He's coming tomorrow?"
"He missed you, and worry a lot about you." Severus told him.
"Well, let's start early, so we could retire early." Narcissa offered her hand to his husband. "It will be a long day tomorrow with the kids' coming."
The wizards agreed with her. The dinner was relatively peaceful with the talking about Harry and Draco. Sirius acted as a good listener since he had no memories of them, and could offer no word. Severus, not feeling much of a conversationalist that night, also lent his ears.
After the meal, refusing coffees, Severus insisted that Sirius had to go back to bed. He had to sleep if he wanted to be awake to meet his godson. The Malfoys nodded their agreement and smirked when Sirius groaned, mumbling that he had enough sleep.
"You seem to know the way here." Sirius looked at Severus from the corner of his eyes. He had his hand on Severus' shoulder. He couldn't take his mind off of the swelling on Severus' stomach that keep bumping gently into his side.
"I stay with them for some time." Severus didn't offer more explanation. He didn't want to talk about Azkaban. The only good thing about this memory lost was that Sirius didn't remember the hell.
"Until now?"
"Just from time to time."
"And this is your room?" Sirius opened the door. He had noticed some personal belongings.
"Yes." Severus helped him to sit on the bed.
"Tell me, Severus, had he stayed here with you too, does everybody know about him?"
"Who?" Severus straightened his body, one hands on his back, which was getting uncomfortable to him now.
"You know who." Sirius glared. "The man, who took you from me."
"No body take me from you." Severus whispered. "You rejected me, you didn't believe me when I told you about my pregnancy."
"I didn't mean to. Remus needed me at that time. He was so scared that someone else found out his secret." Sirius' eyes begged him for his understanding.
"What about me? I needed you too."
"Really? I didn't see you look pregnant." Sirius' face hardened. "You know, big stomach like you are now. It's either you lied to me or you abort it."
Severus' face went paler. "Have it ever cross your mind that I might not be able to carry it to term, no matter I want it?"
"What had happened?" Sirius frowned. "You woke up and realised that you only dreamt of pregnant with my baby?"
Severus stood up. "I hate you, Sirius Black. You haven't changed. You favoured him over me, from the very beginning. I don't know why you bother befriend me. I wonder if you ever love me."
"You're the one to talk." Sirius scowled; he really didn't like this conversation. "You're carrying other man's child."
Severus walked to the door. "I really hate you, Black."
"Oh yeah, I bet Remus would be happier to see me." Sirius talked louder, he preferred Severus shouting at him rather than leaving him.
"Then why wouldn't you go to him?"
Sirius grimaced. He might lose his memory but he wasn't stupid. If Severus was this angry, he must be jealous. And it could only mean one thing. Severus still loved him. But that other man… maybe he should go visit Remus. He must know if Severus was seeing someone.
"Fine. I'll go to him."
Severus stood still. He walked back to the bed and pulled his wand. Soon, Sirius found himself bind onto the bed.
"You're not leaving this place." Severus glared, but Sirus found him so cute standing with his hand on his stomach. "You'll never see him ever again."
'Well, that was fine by me.' Sirius smiled inwardly. 'Wait a minute, my ring. Damn, I forgot my ring.'
13 September 04, 3:27 pm
Sorry, it took very long to update, I've been a bit lazy this lately. And to you who reviewed, thanks. Sorry if I miss someone.
Spidermonkey-Demon: thanks, but it won't be too much angst. It would soon be happy story.
Tracy: you're right, but I haven't got any beta. And if I did get it beta-ed, I will update it on my page only (sometime give lots of trouble).
chrisanimefan: yeah, I've made him better in this chapter, I'll make him take care of Severus on the next. J
Miss Shadow Prowl: now, Charlie would be an interesting to add, about your question, I think Sirius had contradictive mind. He didn't want to cause pain to Severus (pregnancy is a painful thing to him). In the end, he believed he was dying, he realised that what he wanted most was to build a family with Severus. I hope this satisfy you.
Kellie Kritz: Sirius hasn't known that it was his baby so he had no say, yet. But, he would be a good father.
lillinfields: not very much, I hope. Things' are getting better for him.
Clarice Starling: maybe, thanks for spending your time reading it.
BabyTraci: I hope this chapter answer your question.
Tiger of the Fire: thanks. But he get his little revenge (the slapping, hehe)
CrazyForYou: thanks
Arch-Nemesis: yeah, I agreed, poor Severus.
Temu: there you go
Su: happy reading.
Nachtfrost: it's okay, I know my English is not that good either, and yes this is supposing a happy ending story.
someonesgurl: you might be right, but Severus slapped him so I think he got his revenge (though it wouldn't stop him from a broken heart)
sunshine888: thank, still I understand what you mean
BloodMistress: thanks, it took some time to put my mind on this fic, hope you enjoy it.
MoroTheWolfGod: this is as soon as I can.
Sniper's Angel: thanks. I read about Yu yu Hakusho and watched the anime, but never read any of the fanfiction (I don't remember the name of the character so it kind of difficult to follow the story). Anyway, I read almost all story as long as it's not too sad, romantic and funny.
Dead With A Pulse: thanks, btw, it's a cool name.
Bristow child: thanks, I always love reviews.
