Chapter 4- "Beautiful"
"You're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful, it's true...But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you."-James Blunt, "You're Beautiful"
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Author's Notes: Thank you for the FANTASTIC feedback. I have unofficially dubbed this the "sexual tension" story. Anyone, let me know if it the tension gets too frustrating (as it did with myself.. I had to go write therapy fic, see "After We're Done" for reference) and I will try to alleviate it.. or write a random fic with lots of smoochies :). About this chapter: Chapelle forced Tony to come back, so even though Michelle doesn't see him fit, Chapelle doesn't care b/c he's pissed at Tony- so therefore, no conflict of interest between him and Michelle... yet . Also, I felt that as friends, even though they obviously have feelings for each other, they would be more truthful with each other and less inclined to worry about each other's feelings per say, I dunno. I hate ppl being pissed at each other forever, so we'll just see how this works out. But T/M's relationship is different than s3... more blunt, I guess. Please enjoy... and review... :)...please.
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The drive to the hospital was a long one. She didn't shed any tears, hell, she barely even moved any of the muscles in her face. Her eyes and her throat hurt, her eyes from the heavy amount of salt passed through them in a short amount of time, and her throat from screaming, sobbing... mourning. She made it to her destination in a reasonable amount of time, however extended it seemed, without making a peep. The vehicle was silent, save for the rumbling of the engine below the SUV's hood. She hadn't even bothered turning on the radio like she always did- she didn't need all the background noise when she already had the sound of resounding static throbbing in her stuffed skull.
As she pulled into the parking lot, her shoulders tensed, and the throbbing in her head got worse. She willed it away, pictured Tony's face, his beautiful face, in her head. With these images, her fatigue, her tension, it all melted away. She remembered why she was here: to pick Tony up, to see him. Tony was alive and okay. Tony was okay.
She said the words out loud to herself.
Upon her vocalization, she put her face down on the steering wheel, took a deep, soothing breath. Felt tears already welling beneath the surface. She wiped at her eyes. She couldn't afford to get emotional in front of him, he'd already been through so much. She was beside herself that they were making him come back in, not even three hours after he had been shot. Somehow, none of it seemed worth it.
She grabbed her purse, opened her door and proceeded toward the hospital. Unconsciously, her pace quickened, and by the time she got to the automatic doors that would lead her in, she was slightly winded. She paused there as they opened, smoothed her frazzled hair.. she had already checked her make up in car, had wiped away the mascara tracks and applied a fresh coat of powder. She took a deep breath, finally stepping through. She walked briskly to the nurse's station and told the attendant, a middle aged woman looking to be of Spanish origin, her name and why she was there in a business-like manner. She thought to herself that it was better to start the facade now- the bluntness and lack of emotion in her voice made her seem more in control, less fragile- a whole hell of a lot stronger than she actually felt. The nurse looked at her with a strange expression coloring her features. Michelle looked at her with a slightly sour expression, trying with earnest to exude confidence, responsibility and a business like facade.
Somehow, the nurse saw through it. With the same strange look upon her face, the nurse spoke with a slight accent.
"Honey, are you okay? You're looking a little..." She stopped to peer at Michelle who now looked flushed, almost lost, and stood up, coming around to stand in front of her. Her forehead was wet with sweat, the same kind that the palms of her hands were covered with.
"...sick." The nurse finished and reached her hand out to Michelle's forehead. She stood there, her mouth open in shock. She didn't know what to do, didn't know what to say.
"I'm fine," she could hear herself whispering. She felt surreal, and the thoughts that popped into her head made her uneasy, made her feel less strong, made her feel more like crumbling beneath the pressure of today's events. Lost in her thoughts, she felt herself unconsciously leaning into the nurse for support. She vaguely felt the nurse put her arm around her shoulder. Her soothing voice broke through her revere. Michelle looked at her, still slightly detached.
"Sweetheart," the nurse said, "You seem to be running a fever and you're not looking well... How bout we put you in a room, okay?" Michelle felt a jolt of panic rise within her at the nurse's words. She, he, they couldn't afford this right now.
"No!" she interjected, breaking free of the nurse's light grasp. The rise of her voice startled the older woman and Michelle immediately lowered her voice when she saw this. She cleared her throat, spoke in another tone.
"No, but thank you. I'm feeling fine" she said softly and forced herself to smile. The nurse didn't seem impressed with her pathetic and obviously forced display of teeth-baring, but sighed and nodded, going back around to her station.
"Now," she said, "Who were you looking for, Miss...?" she squinted, looking at Michelle's badge. "Dessler, is it?"
Michelle repeated the information she said earlier in a rush, her business-like demeanor lost. It didn't matter. If the nurse had seen through it, then surely Tony would. She just had to get through the next few minutes or so without revealing too much of herself, revealing too much of what she felt. The nurse, whose name she now knew was Joanna from her name tag, told her the room number. Michelle thanked the woman, began to walk off. She heard Joanna call her name, still sitting.
"Yes?" she asked, turning slightly.
Joanna regarded her with a slight smile and a look that Michelle couldn't quite decipher. "Whatever it is with him," she said, "It'll all work out, I promise you."
Michelle said nothing, only nodded her head in response. She turned, still slightly unsettled about the conversation, and walked towards Tony's room.
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She took a deep breath as she reached her destination and looked through the small window on the door. She spotted him and the deep breath was forgotten. Breath was forgotten altogether as she saw him on the bed, awake. Alive. Mechanically, she walked through the door, barely even registering that the doctor was in the room.
Tony saw her almost instantly and his face lit with a smile. It happened before she knew it, and she felt a large grin spreading across her face. She walked over to the bed, leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek, took his hand in her own. She squeezed his hand tightly, and felt her lips linger slightly on his cheek. She knew it was probably inappropriate... but God... Tony was alive. The words were going through her head like a mantra.
"Hey," she heard him whisper as she backed away from him slightly, his hand still clinched in her own.
She shook her head, her thoughts still muddled and repetitive. The word were out of her mouth before she had a chance to stop them, her tone fragile.
"You scared the hell out of me." she whispered, breathless.
He laughed slightly. "I'm sorry," he whispered, "Next time I'll take care not to get shot point blank in a major artery just for you, alright?"
His smile left her wordless, her expression one of thoughtfulness as she tried to gt the picture of him on the floor, bleeding, out of her head. They sat in silence for a few moments, neither of them sure of what to say. Tony looked to their clasped fingers, their hands that were palm to palm. He moved his fingers. Michelle went to let go of his hand all together, embarrassed by her thoughtless act of affection and desperation, but Tony held on, intertwined his fingers with her own. He looked into her eyes, willed her to say something but only saw a blush paint her cheeks. The vision of her in his office, tears welling in her eyes at the prospect of him leaving stuck with him even now, even as he was shot and desperately trying to delay the blood flow from his neck. He remembered the conversation with stunning accuracy, closed his eyes and felt every breath that came from her body, felt the warmth of her tears on his hand. He'd almost told her he loved her, almost kissed her...
The doctor's voice brought them out of their silence, and slightly scared by the sudden noise, Michelle pulled her hand out of Tony's grasp. He explained Tony's condition. Michelle nodded with understanding, gave him the number of the CTU medical ward and asked him to phone, to bring them up to speed in Tony's case.
Apparently, Tony himself hadn't been brought up to speed.
"I'm going back to CTU?" he asked, looking at her with confusion. She sighed, looked from Tony to the doctor.
"Gael was caught helping the Salazar's," she said, her face unreadable, "We tortured him, he told us about Jack... and your plan. Chapelle wants you back now." She paused, "He's not happy, Tony."
There was something else in her tone... betrayal, sadness, disappointment. She wasn't happy he'd kept it from her either.
He noticed. "Michelle..." He started. She interrupted him, looking at her watch.
"Get dressed, Tony." she said softly, turning from him. "We have to be there in fifteen minutes or Chappelle's gonna have my head." She left, giving him privacy to change. Outside the door, she leaned against the wall for support, cradling her head with her hands. She and Tony told each other everything, she could hardly comprehend that he had kept something of this magnitude from her...
She stayed in that position until she heard the poor opening behind her. She saw Tony step out, clothes in regulation CTU gear. He stepped awkwardly, obviously still slightly fazed from the wound. He saw her, and his brow wrinkled in concern. He reached out for her, pulled her into his arms.
"Hey," he said, putting his chin on top of her head, pulling his arms tightly around her. Against her better judgment, she buried her head in his chest and felt the heat radiate from his body to hers. She breathed in his scent, felt relief, relief that she had proof that he was okay, flood her system.
"Are you okay, 'Chelle?" he asked her, concern dripping from his words. He felt her nod against his chest, the sweater material making a scratching noise in his ears. He knew, at least partially what this was about.
"I'm sorry, Michelle." he whispered to her. She pulled her head off of his chest, looked at him. He noticed how frail she looked. She waited for him to continue.
"I was told to keep it a secret.. I wanted to tell you, I just... I couldn't." She nodded. He could tell that she was slightly hurt by his words, didn't quite understand. But this was Michelle. He trusted the woman, loved the woman, with his life. He only hoped that she could see that.
"It's okay, Tony." she said softly. She looked down, paused, felt his arms still encircling her. The pause lasted for a few moments. He looked away from her, still lost in thought. He was pulled back when he heard his name uttered softly. He looked to her, saw her eyes brimming with tears.
"Tony," she whispered again. She took a breath, willed the tears away. Swallowed the lump in her throat, told her that if she didn't tell him, it would be hanging over them for the rest of the day.
Her voice broke as it expelled the words.
"I thought I lost you," she said, her voice agonized, a tear spilling onto her cheek. His heart flipped then again, just like it had earlier in his office. He knew they didn't, couldn't have time for this, but he didn't care.
"Oh, Michelle," he said, and he felt her bury her head in his chest again. He stroked her hair, rested his chin on her head again, leaned down to whisper in her ear.
"But I'm still here, Chelle." he said to her. "I'm still here."
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When they arrived back at CTU, Chapelle was on Tony immediately. The plan was explained, everything fell into motion. Tony wasn't feeling well, and Michelle told Chapelle repeatedly. Chapelle only looked at her, told her that Tony had gotten himself into the mess in the first place. She checked on him repeatedly, helped him any way she could, tried to keep the fact that she loved him hidden. Paranoia was prominent within her, and she cursed herself for her earlier actions at the hospital. Nothing had happened, but she'd shown emotion and that wasn't acceptable.
Events, however, fell into place. Jack was initiated back in with the Salazars, everything seemed to be going as planned. Until a new buyer was introduced, until everything went downhill.
They watched in horror as Nina Meyers came in possession of the virus, and then were relieved as they apprehended her, with a slight lilt in their plan: she was without the virus. So, Jack took her back on the plane, took her back to CTU.
Everyone knew of Nina Meyers, knew of what she'd done, of what she'd committed against the country... against Tony. As she was brought in, Michelle watched the woman with a combination of hate and wonder. She'd done unspeakable things to Tony, to the country... and she evaded punishment often. She didn't understand her, didn't understand any of it at all actually. But she knew she'd have to try.
Chapelle walked up to her only minutes after Nina's arrival, handed her a case file as she sat at her desk.
"Michelle," he said, without looking at her, "I need you to interrogate Ms. Meyers for us."
Her head whipped around and her eyes widened. "What?" she said, "What about Tony or Jack... or someone?"
Chapelle looked at her with annoyance and little comprehension.
"Just do it," he ordered her, "Tony and Jack are busy. Just sweat her a bit, Michelle. You know what you're doing, okay?" He walked off, leaving her gaping. She sighed, flipped through the case file and made a few quick mental notes. She got a call a few moments later signaling that everything was in order, that Nina was set in Interrogation 3.
She walked toward the room, took a breath and opened the door. She was greeted with silence from the woman sitting at the table before her.
"Hello, Nina." Michelle said, tight lipped and scowling, an icy tone in her voice. "I heard that you have some information for us."
Silence.
Michelle slammed the door behind her.
