CHAPTER 51:
The Trials of "Training"

"And then he looked me in the eye and told me that I wasn't good enough. Can you believe that putz, he told me I wasn't good enough to handle her? So guess what I did! I took him on right then and there, yes I did. I showed him who was boss. Nobody messed with a Mystic, and he got what he had coming to him! Yes, yes he did." The old Kai propped his head on his hands and frowned, "Of course, that was when I was much younger. Fifteen generations ago! You were able to do those things way back when, and I sure did them, yes, yes I did! Like there was this one time…"

Goku groaned and frowned as he continued to rub Ancient Kai's back, his mind trying to wander somewhere else, the old Kai's constant babbling acting as a soporific drone at the back of his mind. He yawned in boredom, sighing heavily for the fifteenth time that day.

"… Celestial Kai and I pulled a prank on the South Kai. Bah, I must have been only a few thousand years old back then. We took his dog, or whatever the thing was, and wrapped it in toilet paper, and then after it was mummified, we doused it in water and let loose on the South Kai's planet! Hahaha–snort–hahahaaa! Ahh, those were the good old days! I – not so hard, Goku – I was such a rebel in my youth, I never understood how I grew to be such a charming young lad!"

Goku groaned again and moved his hands to massage the Kai's right shoulder, "Is it better now? Not too hard?"

The old Kai's eyes glazed a moment as he reflected on better days and he grinned widely, staring at the grassy horizon as he lay on the grass, Goku kneeling above him, rubbing his back.

"Ahh, did I ever tell you the story of how I dated the lovely West Ka–"

"–Yes." Kibitoshin Kai frowned and crossed his arms, looking away. He was seated several feet away from the other Kai, attempting to meditate, but nothing ever seemed to block out Ancient Kai's stories.

"She was such a beauty! You should have seen her, Kibito! What a body! And to think she was your fifteen-generations-great grandmother!" Ancient Kai chuckled a bit under his breath, "And I could have been your ever-so-great grandfather!"

Kibito groaned and covered his face, "We've been over this, Elder."

"I had to fight Celestial Kai over her, you know!" Ancient Kai furrowed his brows, "He told me I wasn't good enough! And I showed him!"

Goku moaned and shook his head, "Ancient Kai, you just told us this story."

"No, no, but this is the best part!"

Both Kibito and Goku groaned loudly, the younger of the two looking slightly more drained.

Goku sighed again and dug deeper around the elder Kai's spine, careful not to press too hard. "Ancient Kai?"

"Yes, Goku? Oh and Kibito," Ancient Kai brought out his right hand and gestured to the younger Kai, "can you grab me a glass of water? I'm parched!"

Kibito sighed and grumbled, "Yes Elder…" He stood up and wiped his outfit clear of grass and tried to keep a steady face as he walked to the camouflaged ice machine.

Goku watched Kibito walk off and then looked down at Ancient Kai again, unable to hide the concerned frown on his face. "Ancient Kai?" he asked again, confusion mixed in slightly with his voice.

"Hmm?" The old Kai closed his eyes and rested them on his hands, breathing out slowly.

"I don't understand something. I mean…" Goku's eyebrows frowned as he looked up to the clouds, "I don't understand how this is helping me train."

"Patience, Goku, patience!" Ancient Kai yawned into his arms and rotated his shoulder blades a bit to see if he still had feeling in them.

"I know, you keep telling me that, but–"

"–'Patience is a virtue', isn't that what they say on your planet?" Ancient Kai opened his eyes and looked to the horizon in front of him with glossy nostalgic tears in his eyes, "Why, that reminds me of a very good story!"

"No!" Goku brought his hands up and stumbled back before he managed to regain control of his reflexes. He groaned audibly, sniffling as if he were about to endure the worst needle of his lifetime, "Please, anything but a story!"

"Oh pfft! Stories are what makes one wise, Goku." Ancient Kai shifted in the grass and leaned his chin on the green blades, suddenly frowning uncomfortably. "Oh no, no, this won't do."

Goku placed his hands on his knees and looked up in confusion, "Huh?"

"This grass!" The elder Kai sat up and ran his fingers along it, "It has to go."

"It… what?" Goku blinked and looked around, "Go where?"

Ancient Kai then stood up, wiping a few blades of grass off his outfit. He then looked down to Goku with a proud grin, "Goku!" His grin turned into a bright old smile, his crooked teeth reflecting the ever-present light. "You are hereby assigned a new training mission!"

Goku suddenly shot up, excitement flooding his face, "Really?" He couldn't contain his joy as a surge of adrenalin pumped through his body. He began to bounce back and forth between his two feet as he clenched his fists and felt ready to power up, "You name it! I'm ready!"

"As of today…" Ancient Kai brought his right hand up, closed his eyes, and cleared his throat regally, "I dub thee…" He waved his hand about casually, "my official landscaper!"

Goku stopped cold and suddenly felt all his blood leaving his face as he echoed incredulously, "L…L-landWHATer?"

"Yes, yes!" The old Kai turned around and flicked his wrist at the countryside, "All this. It has to go."

"B-But…" Goku's eyes went wide as his jaw dropped, "W…what exactly is that?"

"Here!" Ancient Kai held out his right hand and with a giant POOF, a large lawnmower materialized out of nowhere. "You can start with the lawn."

"The… the lawn?" Goku looked around quizzically, the expression on face completely lost and confused. "What lawn?"

"This lawn." The Kai spread his hands out and turned in a slow circle. "My lawn."

"But… But all I see is grass."

"Exactly, Goku." The old Kai gestured to the fields again and nodded, "All of it needs to be mown. Right now. I want it done by lunchtime!" With a haughty grin, Ancient Kai handed the lawn mower to the boy and nodded once in contentment.

"Aw, man…" Goku looked at the machine, "But the whole planet is covered in grass. That's so much…"

Ancient Kai raised an eyebrow, "Ahhh! I see! You don't want to do it?"

"No no, I'll do it. It's just…" Goku frowned down at the lawnmower, "How do you turn it on?"

"Oh it's simple, really! It pretty much runs itself!" Ancient Kai took a step closer to Goku and looked down at the handle, "You'll see what I mean. Here, press the blue button."

"The blue…?" Goku frowned and looked down, noticing several buttons on the machine, "That one?"

"Yes, that one. But, Goku, before you turn it on–!"

With a proud grin, Goku pressed the blue button.

The lawnmower suddenly roared to life. Dust and soil arose from around it in clouds as it gained a tremendous power.

"See, that wasn't so ha–AAAHH?" Goku suddenly shrieked as the lawnmower took off with him in tow. As speedy as a bullet, the lawnmower zipped forward, going faster and faster as it roared louder and louder. Goku held on for dear life, screaming at the top of his lungs as the wind stung and choked him. His hands were a death grip on the handle as he felt his gi start tearing under the sheer force of the air friction. Everything seemed to be roaring. He was deaf, the wind was so loud around him as his voice was muted in the thunder of the storm. He must have circled the planet several times within the second, the lawnmower was so incredibly fast.

Goku became aware what was happening several seconds into it, as his brain suddenly caught up with his body. He tried to let go of the handle, but the impact of the wind prevented him from being able to open his hand. He tried to grimace under the effort, but the minute he opened his mouth, his bottom lip became a victim to the wind, and his whole mouth became distorted as he grunted, doing everything he could to free himself from the thing.

He remotely heard Ancient Kai screaming something over telepathic waves, but the wind's roar blocked out any thoughts that Goku was able to form. All he knew was that he had to get his damn hand off the handle! Concentrating his energy, Goku raised his power level and tried to push his ki in the opposite direction of the demonic device, hoping to slow it down, but the more power he tried to summon up, the more he felt drained.

DON'T FEED IT! The thought rang loud and clear even through the storm in Goku's head. IT'S FED BY POWER LEVEL!

What am I supposed to DO! Goku continued to grimace in the roaring wind, watching the world flash by in colors and stripes, mostly blurs.

MOW THE LAWN!

Goku would have growled if he could have, but he was finding it hard to catch his breath in such a tremendous hurricane of wind blasting him at hundreds of thousands, perhaps even millions of miles per hour. And then, suddenly the answer to his problems dawned upon him. He would have smiled if he could. Wait, I know how to stop it!

With a silent scream, Goku charged up to Super Saiyan and before he could be drained, pushed his power even further, raising it as far as he could go. Suddenly, with a burst of power, he ascended to Super Saiyan 2 and continued to let it rise, concentrating on raising it even further, but at this point, he was feeling his power beginning to drain even more.

No, wait, Goku, what are you DOING?

With his second-level power, he pushed as hard as he could in the opposite direction of the stupid mechanical device to which he got himself glued. Although it was temporary, he managed to slow it down enough that his hands slipped clear. With a powerful THUD that sent him sliding several miles along the surface, Goku skidded and rolled, shrieking more from surprise than pain as he came to a complete stop.

"Wow." Goku blinked and shook his head, his ears still ringing from the roaring. "Wow."

Suddenly, he was blown to the side as a blurring thing whirred past him, almost taking off his left arm if he had been any closer. "WOAH!"

Goku? Goku, can you hear me?

Goku frowned as he tried to pinpoint the Kais' energy. Finding it a few miles away, Goku blasted off with his second-level speed and within a few seconds, found himself at ground zero. He landed behind the old Kai and walked up to him casually, smiling mischievously.

Goku? The voice of the old Kai blasted through his mind, ringing ten times as loud now that Goku was standing behind him.

Goku tapped Ancient Kai's shoulder and grinned, "Yeah?"

"GOKU!" The old Kai spun around turning a pale purple, "Oh you almost gave me a heart attack. You… Wait, you…!" The elder's eyes widened suddenly, as a realization struck him, "But if you're here, then who's driving that thing?"

Goku frowned in confusion, "What thing?"

"THAT thing!" Ancient Kai pointed outward just as a blur made its way past them, issuing a loud supersonic boom that shook the ground. "My lawnmower!"

"Oh!" Goku blinked twice as his brain tried to turn a few gears. "I guess…" Goku frowned slightly as he couldn't find the answer, "Nobody?"

"NOBODY?" Ancient Kai shrieked and put his hands to his balding head, "NOBODY? Great Lord of Kais!"

"Hey you two, I'm back."

Ancient Kai and Goku looked up to see Kibitoshin Kai walking up the hill with two drinks in his hands, "I got water for both of you in case you both wanted–"

The old Kai's eyes widened as he rasped out loudly, "STAY THERE!"

Suddenly, the blur came back, roaring past in another supersonic boom. The impact of the wind knocked Kibito Kai back and sent the two cups flying in the air, spilling water over the freshly-cut grass.

Ancient Kai wailed in desperation while flinging his hands up, "Runaway lawnmower on the loose!"

"Oh no, not again!" Kibito growled and shook his head as he picked up the cups, "That thing lasts for days!"

"My poor baby!" Ancient Kai dropped to the ground and kissed the grass, "My lawn's going to be ruined!" He hugged the grass for a few seconds as another whirring blur passed by, closer to Kibito's direction, and then stood up with a scowl on his face.

Goku frowned slightly and shifted his stance as he powered down. With his black hair once again free in the breeze, he put his hands nervously behind him, "So…" He looked down and kicked a dirt patch among the grass, "Now what?"

"I guess we wait, depending on how much energy you put into that thing." Kibito scowled, "It'll mow the planet one row at a time. It mows in a spiral."

All three of them stood there a moment, looking blankly toward the recently mowed row, when suddenly another blur boomed past them, knocking them back a few feet. The wind shook the ground as it went on, and they both looked after where the blur vanished before turning their heads to the opposite direction and saw the blur once again return in a giant boom.

But there was something about this one blast of air that got all three of them to stop and look at each other. There was something more powerful about it; but even as the blur left, the power was still there. It radiated from around them, seemingly coming from all directions at once.

"What the…?" Goku looked up to the sky and frowned as he felt a powerful surge he had not felt in a long, long time. But it was so long, he had a hard time placing it. "Is that Gohan?"

"No." Kibito shook his head, "That can't be him. But I can feel him. He's definitely out there."

Ancient Kai coughed and frowned slightly toward Kibito as the blur roared by again. "Where is my ball? My ball!" He looked around concernedly as if he had misplaced it somewhere, "My ball!"

"Shusugoro and Sugoro are watching something on it." Kibito frowned, "But this is curious, indeed."

"King Yemma damn it all!" Ancient Kai stomped his foot, "Get me my ball!"

Kibito grimaced slightly, but held in his complaint, "Yes, Elder Kai…"

As Kibitoshin Kai walked off, Goku couldn't help but frown as he continued to look up to the sky. "That's so odd…"

"Hmm?" Ancient Kai turned to Goku as the blur whizzed by again, "What is?"

A moment passed as they looked at each other, each wearing a concerned frown. The wind ruffled Goku's locks as his eyes stayed glued to the older Kai, his mind reeling with realizations and surprise.

"That ki." Goku's frown deepened as he looked to the Kai, "It's coming from Snake Way."

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–5/17/05–