UPDATE (2/18): Due to unforeseen circumstances, aka the Texas snowstorm, I will be unable to publish new chapters this weekend as planned. We have not had consistent power to charge my laptop or access wifi and do not anticipate having enough in the next few days to be able to post on Sunday. I apologize deeply and hope that y'all can hang in there one more week while we get things back to normal.
A/N: Mature scenes to follow that include graphic sexual content. Please be aware if you choose to proceed.
Chapter 13: The Crate
Elaine
"Are you serious?" I had giggled as Pheme explained it to me, our immature laughter echoing in my mind.
"Yes," she swore and yanked the comb through my hair. "It's what men like."
"I don't know if I can do that," I blushed and swallowed hard.
"I don't know if you will have much of a choice," she grimly remarked.
It was unlike Pheme to be so glum, but she was just being honest. "What if it hurts?" I asked, nerves swirling around in my belly.
"It will be quick the first time," she reassured me, the comb getting tangled in my hair. "After that, everything will be tolerable."
Tolerable. I opened my eyes, cutting off the memory in my mind. Every inch of my body writhed and twitched with nerves as water trickled down my skin.
After our encounter with the so-called 'pit viper,' I desperately felt a desire to wash off the filth that coated my skin. The water was refreshing and invigorating as it glided down my sides onto the floor.
It wasn't just tomorrow's party I was nervous about. My own words echoed in the back of my mind as I ran my fingers through my hair.
Would you prefer I attend tomorrow's festivities naked?
I noticed the way his eyes deepened at my suggestion, how the corner of his mouth curled into a smirk like a predator, tempted to take the bait— who wanted to take it between his teeth and claim his prize.
I wanted it, too.
You don't even know what you want, my mind quipped. You wouldn't even know what to do if he—
Pheme taught me all that she knew, but seeing as we grew up with a mentality that forbade the notion of reciprocity, I had no idea what to expect. The way the older girls put it, we would forever be left to pleasure ourselves only in our own beds— for men do not buy courtesans for her satisfaction.
Nonetheless, I knew what I felt each time his hands grazed my skin, how my heart fluttered when he wrapped his arm around me, how electricity surged between my legs when he kissed me... and I wanted more.
He would never hurt me, I pacified my worry. He knows what he's doing... and I trust him.
I closed my eyes again while the water poured down my face and beckoned my imagination to the forefront of my mind. I pictured Kylo as if he was there, in the shower with me, his dark, hungry eyes examining me. I could practically feel his calloused, tender hands take me into his arms, his soft lips press against the side of my neck. I envisioned his lips at the base of my throat, tasting every inch of my skin, his hands winding down my sides, kneading my supple body.
I bit down onto my lower lip to suppress any noise, my breath becoming full and heavy. He was right outside the door, surely able to hear any moans that echoed off the tile walls, and I was aware that I may not be able to contain myself.
As my vivid dream took shape, my thighs began to quiver and press together, stifling the arousal between them. My fingers mimicked his in my mind, gliding with the water down my hips until they paused just below my belly. My heartbeat pounded in my ears, blocking out the sound of water that spattered around me.
Kylo, I called out in my head. Pleasure and desire swirled inside of me, begging him to slip a finger between my folds.
Suddenly, I felt his presence in front of me, as if he was there, kneeling before me. I didn't have to imagine it anymore, I could feel a gloved hand on my hip while his other trailed down, closer to my center. Though I didn't open my eyes, I could see him just as clearly as I had the first time he took off his helmet.
"Is this what you want, Laina?" his smooth voice filled my ears as my clit pulsed in eager neediness.
"Yes," I gasped under my breath, the hot water rushing over my face again as I wavered under the stream. My eyes danced behind my eyelids as they squeezed, every muscle in my body tensing in anticipation. I didn't know how this was possible, nor did I care. My longing for him, his touch, had overpowered all sense of reason.
His lips met my thigh, placing a tender kiss against my sensitive skin as his leather finger pushed through my folds. He swirled the juices around my clit slowly, methodically, tortuously. My legs buckled and widened their stance, granting him further access to my throbbing slit as my mouth popped open, rendered speechless by the overwhelming pleasure.
"Does this feel good, baby?" he asked, kissing my thigh again.
My head fell back as my hips rocked forward into his hand, unable to render words. The waves of pleasure rhythmically rocked in pace with his fingers, my breath taking on its steady beat. I had never felt another sensation like this, someone else's fingers making me feel this way, making me a needy, blubbering mess.
"Don't stop," I whispered as my head rolled from side to side, the water splashing against my cheek. The stream hit my breasts perfectly as if to assist in inducing my arousal.
"Mm," he sighed in the back of his throat as he stood up, keeping his hand firmly on my pelvis. His deliberate, excruciating circles around my clit began to weaken. "Do you want more, Laina?" he murmured, his breath tickling my skin.
"Yes," I breathed. "Yes, I want you." My hips bucked in agreement.
He grinned at this and rubbed my cheek with his other hand. "I'm sorry."
"No, please, don't stop," I whimpered faintly, feeling his pace begin to come to a halt. No, no, no! My mind protested.
"Shh," he cooed softly and kissed my forehead before removing his hand from my aching slit. "Trust me, baby girl."
Disappointed and rejected, I readied a sharp glare. But when I opened my eyes, I was met only by my reflection in the glass doors, my arms outstretched against the tile wall, legs parted, just as he left me. Even when I looked through the glass in search of him, he was nowhere to be found.
How!?— What!?— I felt him— my mind needed answers. My swollen clit, however, was even more infuriated.
I bitterly hopped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my dripping body. My heart hadn't slowed its rushed pulse, pounding in both my chest and between my legs as I dried off.
While I reflected on how easily his image made me melt, how the sheer thought of him made my legs buckle with desire, I realized the power he held over me. With a flick of his finger, I would do anything he wanted because I wanted him. The awareness of his ability made me dizzy, or perhaps it was the lack of release after coming so close to the edge. I chewed my lower lip while his words resounded in my ears as if he whispered them again.
Trust me, baby girl.
The only problem was I had inherent trust issues. While I had the utmost unwavering confidence that Kylo would never do anything to intentionally harm me, my brain couldn't help but keep a guard up, erect a wall to protect myself, just in case. There was still so much I didn't know about him, who he really was, where he came from, the extent of his powers.
I held my breath as I tip-toed out of the bathroom, my eyes scanning for his figure. He was casually propped on his usual leather chair, blithely reading messages on his holopad, carelessly unaware of the scene that had taken place in the shower. He didn't even raise his eyes as I made my way to the dresser to retrieve my clothes. Part of me was relieved that he hadn't heard my whines and moans, while on the other hand, a deeper side of my subconscious groaned in wishful disappointment.
"Can I ask you something?"
Kylo lifted his eyes from the tablet, an eyebrow raised in curiosity. "Of course."
I wrapped my legs underneath me as I sat opposite him on a couch. "That lady, the one from the elevator—"
"Elara," he promptly corrected.
"Yeah, her," I continued. "She's a general's wife, right?"
He nodded once.
My eyes squinted slightly as I tried to find a polite way to proceed. "What is her life like?"
Kylo's eyebrows furrowed as he set the holopad down on the coffee table between us. "I'm not sure I follow."
"Well, does she have a position in the First Order?" I felt my shoulder rise slightly.
"No," he replied.
"No duties or responsibilities or anything like that?" My eyebrows knit together.
His lips formed a line as he studied me. "No."
"Then what does she do all day? Are there other wives? What do they do? Aren't they bored?" I heard my thoughts pour out of my mouth before I could refine them.
Kylo sat back into the chair with a heavy sigh. "Elara lives a rather lavish lifestyle, as do the other wives. From time to time they go on trips to various planets for events, parties, and receptions. As far as how they spend their time on the ship, I can honestly say I've never paid much attention."
My lips twisted in suspicion. "You never wondered what a woman like her does on a ship like this? Bored all day with all of these soldiers around—"
"What do you think she does?" he interrupted, the tiniest hint of a smirk rising in the corner of his mouth.
I paused for a moment, afraid that I had insulted his...friend. "Am I allowed to speak freely?" My eye nearly twitched as I asked permission to speak, but some habits die hard.
He gestured approval with his hand, signaling that this was a safe place. I took a deep breath and prepared for the repercussions of my words.
"I've seen women like her before. The husbands are a third older than her, she's adorned in whatever expensive jewels or fabrics she purchased that week, barely draped on his arm as if that was the most amount of physical contact they could tolerate. I've seen the way they look at each other, the indifference for the other person. The mutual respect that each of them has a secret life that the other doesn't care in the least bit about, as long as it doesn't impede on their own. I suppose the only difference between the women I've seen and Elara is that she does not seem in the least bit concerned about her public image, consequences for her actions, or what people might say about her activities. And I am willing to bet she is the one to fear not because she is outwardly intimidating, which she surely is, but because she has no fear."
When my eyes finally rose from the floor I noticed his eyebrows had risen as if he was impressed or astonished. I couldn't discern which. I anxiously waited for him to respond, completing that I might have gone too far. It was clear in the elevator that they had a relationship, but I didn't know what that meant. Dread began to fill my stomach until he chuckled heartily.
"I must admit," he shook his head, the grin lingering on his face. "I think even she would have to applaud you for that accurate description."
I let out a soft sigh of relief.
"She's not all bad, though," he politely commented. "She's very resourceful if you get on her good side."
"I bet she is," I quipped and couldn't hide the smirk that spread across my lips. "So is that the same for all of the general's wives?"
"Come again?" he raised an eyebrow.
"That lifestyle," I shrugged, trying to act casual. "Are they all like that?"
Kylo shook his head. "No, not all of them."
"But they all don't work for the First Order?" I clarified, leaning forward.
His inquisitive, brown eyes locked on mine as he tried to figure me out, searching through my indifferent facade for my true intentions. "May I ask you something?" he returned, ignoring my question.
Heat rose in my cheeks, knowing he was onto me. Maybe he looked into your mind again, my subconscious snarked. I nodded in response.
"What's piqued your sudden interest in the wives?"
I swallowed, unable to formulate a complete sentence in my head. All previous composure suddenly evaporated as I bit the inside of my lip, embarrassment flooding my senses. My hands twisted in my lap to divert my eyes away from him. "I was just curious," I finally answered, not that I was fooling anyone.
Kylo leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Laina," he calmly requested my attention. Once I looked up at him again he continued, "You can talk to me."
Trust me, his voice resounded inside my mind. With a deep breath, I broke through the wall in my head and exposed my thoughts. "Do you think your wife, one day, will be like them?"
His startled face froze, processing my question. Other than breathing he didn't move. I couldn't tell if he was struggling with what I asked or didn't have an answer to respond with, but either way, I immediately regretted asking.
"I'm sorry," I blurted and tried to backtrack. "That was a dumb question—"
"No," he suddenly cut me off, holding his hand up. "No, I don't think she would be like them."
I hesitated but settled back into my seat, hanging on his every word.
"At least, I hope not," his eyes fell onto the table away from me. "I hope she would resent the idea of dull dinner parties and monotonous daily routines. Regardless, her schedule may not allow for such leisure, seeing as the Empress of the First Order would have responsibilities—"
"Empress?" I repeated, bewildered.
A flicker of a smile lit up the corner of his mouth. "If I am to be Supreme Leader of the First Order one day, it stands to reason that my wife would be the Empress, would it not?"
I blinked, the realization settling in my mind like heavy boulders tumbling down a steep hill. Nerves furiously racked inside my stomach at the recognition that no matter how hypothetically we spoke about the future, a part of me wanted to be in his. And that would mean—
"Kylo, I—"
Before I could finish the automatic doors opened for a meager soldier flanked by two troopers waiting in the hallway. Kylo promptly stood and left me on the couch, still dumbfounded by the conversation that was left unfinished.
Empress of the First Order, I recalled, my head becoming dizzy. You're no fucking empress.
"Bring it in," he directed the troopers who carried a large, metal crate between the two of them. It resembled the same ones from the cargo hold that haunted me in my dreams. They set it down in the middle of the room before saluting their commander and promptly leaving.
"What is that?" I asked, trying to peel my thoughts away from the sense of dread that pooled in my belly.
"I believe this is for you," he strode to it and punched in a code on a keypad. With a metallic hiss, the top released and popped off, allowing him to remove it. Curiosity seized my attention as I slowly rose from my seat to join him, eyes peering at the contents of the metal box.
In Mama's house, all of your belongings were hand-me-downs from previous girls that had been sold. Just as I had taken Pheme's things when she left, there were surely girls who were enjoying them now that I was gone. Nothing truly belonged to you other than the marks on your body.
The crate before me was filled to the brim with various items, from hair combs to shoes, jewelry to jars of makeup. Almost everything in it glimmered in some way as I peered into the crate, trying to see if it even had a bottom.
"Elara ordered for you this time," Kylo explained. "But I will arrange for you to pick out your own shipments in the future."
I couldn't find words to string together in a phrase. Instead of leaving him in silence, I nodded politely and reached for a bag wedged between some heeled boots and what looked like a hand purse.
When I unzipped it, a pool of black gems and fabric poured into my hands. I held it up to see the length of the garment that promptly fell onto the floor next to the discarded bag. Every inch of the dress was adorned with black gems and jewels that sparkled as I examined it. The neckline plunged into a deep V that would inevitably stop just above my naval. The back and sides plunged as well, presuming that the thin straps alone were strong enough to hold up the entire dress. The skirt was sheer and detailed with lace-like flourishes that flowed down the train.
As I gawked at the heavy gown, I felt anger begin to bubble in my chest. Deep, plunging neckline... low, revealing back... sheer skirt. Every one of my tattoos would be on display for the entire First Order to see.
"Let me hang that up for you," Kylo offered, his voice startling me as he took the dress out of my hands.
I felt tears sting my eyelids and chewed my lip to keep them at bay. There's no way Elara knew about my tattoos, she had never seen me until today, and they were fully covered. Regardless, I knew that dress was for tomorrow night, and I was all-too-aware that I had no choice but to wear it.
"Do you mind if I leave this until tomorrow?" I called out, eyes shifting away from the container. "I think I want to go to bed."
"Of course," he emerged and set the lid back on top of the crate.
"Thank you," I blurted. "For the, uh..." I motioned my chin over to it.
He nodded in response and kissed me on the forehead. I didn't want him to mistake my unsettledness as a lack of appreciation of his efforts.
I was surprised at how fast I fell asleep that night. Dreams consumed my mind as soon as I crawled under the sheets and settled against the pillow. It was like I was being suffocated—as if every time I inhaled, my ribcage tightened and pressed against my lungs. It wasn't until I saw Pheme's face that I was able to ignore it.
"I've missed you," I hugged her tightly, pressing my face into the crook of her neck. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't smell the sweet scent of citrus or flowers in her hair.
She didn't say anything back to me. She didn't even hug me back or play with my hair. Instead, she remained motionless in my arms, as if I was hugging a stranger.
"Pheme?" I pulled away to look her in the eyes. The once vibrant, breathtaking blue was replaced by a dull, gray shade. "What's wrong?"
"Who are you?" she asked, her voice even and confused.
I stared into her lifeless face. "What are you talking about?"
My lungs began to tighten again as I took her face in my hands. "Pheme, look at me, it's me, it's Laina," I began to pant, frantically trying to get her attention. "Pheme, please, please, it's me!" Tears sprung into my eyes as I clung to her.
I squeezed her hands until I felt like I was holding nothing. I quickly opened my eyes to find that Pheme had disappeared, replaced by a woman with long, dark hair and bright, green eyes. She dawned a black gown with a long, royal cape pooled at her feet. It took me a moment to realize I was staring at my reflection.
"Who are you?" The reflection repeated with my voice.
I didn't get a chance to reply as my lungs squeezed until the blackness engulfed me. I abruptly awoke, gasping for air as my eyes shifted around, bewildered. Kylo lay still, asleep on his side, facing away from me. I took a deep breath, relishing the freedom my lungs felt. It wasn't until I caught a glimpse of the metal crate in the dim lights, waiting patiently for me to enjoy its contents, that a shudder rocked through my spine. I heard the voice whisper in my ear again:
Who are you?
