A/N: For being so patient with me while I've been dealing with the GRE, a historic snowstorm, and power outages, here's the latest chapter published early! Enjoy!
Chapter 14: She has Risen
Kylo Ren
Kylo
Her whimper echoed in my mind long after she fell asleep next to me. I stared up at the ceiling as I thought about her again.
I want you, she had said. Of course, I was aware that she felt the same way about me as I did her, but now that fire that lit inside my chest was fanned, fueled with fresh timber, and doused with gasoline. The sensation felt uncontrollable, like a craving that turned into starvation. She wanted me, and I had to have her.
It was relieving to know that we shared the same intentions and though it took every ounce of strength and control to not barge into that shower to take her then and there, I knew she needed to wait. She was not one of the whores I had spent time with on Canto Bight or village maidens that had snuck into our ship. She was not quite ready for what I had in store for her.
Laina whined in her sleep beside me as she dreamed, her chest rising and falling with every breath. I peered over to determine if it was a good or bad dream. When she remained silent again, I assumed that she hadn't woken.
I couldn't stop my mind from crawling back to thoughts of her, kneeling before her, pleasuring her. The way she sucked in air as if she forgot how to breathe, how her thighs quivered under my force touch, how her wet, warm folds glistened for me. Even now, I felt the same strain against my pants that I did then as the fire inside me steadily burned for her.
Confliction reared its shameful head when I recalled the expression on her face when she emerged, wet and flushed, frantically searching for answers as to how what she just felt was possible. I had demanded so much from her: explanations for her memories, her feelings, her thoughts. And yet rarely did she command the same of me. Or perhaps she was too afraid to ask. Still, I hid it from her, seeing as she did not press the issue or even mention it for fear that she had dreamt it up all on her own.
No, baby girl, I thought with a smirk. You couldn't begin to imagine what all I could do to you.
I hated parties. Frankly, it wasn't the festivities that irked me, more so the people that attended them.
That morning I woke with instant dread of the evening's event, wishing there was some way to avoid it. Perhaps no one would miss my presence, seeing as their eyes would be fixated on the weapon's demonstration. However, one rat in particular surely would notice, and would promptly alert my master that the Commander of the First Order did not attend.
Oh, the joys of leadership, I groaned in my head as I ran my fingers through my hair. I did not rise to power for fucking social affairs.
"Mm, bad dreams?" Laina murmured as she rolled onto my chest, her hair tickling my ribs as it tumbled down my side.
At least there was one perk to the torturous evening. "Actually, I slept so well that I curse my responsibilities as Commander," I grinned and rubbed her cheek with my thumb. "And you?"
She lowered her eyes and sighed. "I slept," she shrugged. Before I could inquire further, she asked, "Do we have to go tonight?"
A woman after my own heart, I grinned. "If I must suffer through it, so will you."
"You could leave me here," she proposed.
"You must be tired of your confines by now, aren't you?" I rebutted with a raised eyebrow.
"So you admit it," she sat up, the sheets pooling around her.
"Admit what?"
"You have been keeping me captive."
Dammit. I rolled my eyes and sat up, propping my weight on my arm. "Were you not the one begging to stay here?"
She pushed her long hair behind her ear. "I'd rather stay here with you than—" She stopped herself and bit her lower lip. I didn't need to hear whatever else she was going to say, I understood.
"What are you afraid of?" I asked, staring intently at her.
Her green eyes wandered around the bed before meeting mine. "What will they think of me?"
My eyebrows furrowed as I read her face. Here I thought perhaps she didn't want to go through the same charades of social gatherings as I did; when in actuality, she was frightened of what they thought of her. I felt a strong pull in my chest as I sat upright and reached for her hand.
"They won't think anything more than you are the most gorgeous woman they have ever laid their eyes on," I insisted. "They wouldn't dare think otherwise, not if they value their life." Part of me hoped that perhaps Hux felt so inclined as to even approach her; I would finally have a reason to run my saber through him until he was unrecognizable.
She mulled it over and let her head fall to the side as she considered it.
"I will not let anything happen to you," I reassured. "You are safe with me."
A faint hint of a grin pulled on the corner of her soft lips as she nodded. Satisfied that she felt at least somewhat better about it all, I kissed her on the forehead and stood to ready for the day, though everything in my body wanted to stay with her, kiss her, glide my hands up her shirt and—
"Where are you going?" she asked as I pulled my tunic over my head.
"Unfortunately, I have duties that I must see to before this evening," I explained and wrapped my belt around my waist. "I will not be back until tonight. Will you be alright by yourself?"
She nodded while I pulled my gloves on and watched longingly as she curled up into the sheets like a tiny kitten, laying against my pillow.
Lastly, I locked my helmet into place as I crossed the room. Before I left, I glanced back at her, coiled up in my bed and waiting for me to return. I sighed heavily, trying to focus on the task at hand rather than her body as I stormed down the hall.
"Explain something to me," I spoke with my hands clenched behind my back. "You are the most lethal, feared assortment of assassins in the galaxy. And yet, you couldn't complete the simple task of tracking down an outdated, rusty hunk of junk!?" I slammed my fist into a nearby monitor as it exploded into fragments of shrapnel and sparks.
I was exhausted. The day had been worse than I originally anticipated, filled with asinine meetings that continually indicated how little I could presume anyone on the bridge valuable.
The knights arrived just as I had prepared to escape to the privacy of my chambers, back into Laina's arms. Though my head pounded, legs ached and my patience was thin, I roused to greet my brothers from their mission. However, my brief spike of optimism was quickly extinguished when I was informed that even my best men were unable to find the BB-8 unit.
None of them spoke as I drew my hand from the wreckage. "Where was the Falcon last traced?"
"We lost them in the Western Reaches," Ap'lek answered.
"So, you decided instead of continuing the search to find the BB-8 unit, which contains the only map to Skywalker, you would return to me, empty-handed?" I disputed, my jaw clenching beneath my helmet.
"If you're looking for someone to blame, then you'd better address me, Commander," Vicrul snapped. "I decided to call it off."
My entire body tensed as I turned to face him. He had separated himself from the rest of the knights, stepping forward to claim responsibility. I inhaled sharply as I stared at him, helmet to helmet, as he held his ground.
"Leave us," I commanded to the others, who promptly trudged from the chambers without speaking.
I trusted my brothers. They had never failed me before, and the rage of yet another failure mixed with disappointment produced bitterness in my chest.
"You know you can't treat them like those boys on the bridge you love to toy with," Vicrul remarked and folded his arms over his chest.
"Then you should know it is wise to not fail me," I countered.
"For fuck's sake," he scoffed. "Since when do you sound so much like that bag of bones you report to?"
"You're not a fool, brother," I cautioned. "Do not insult my master in front of me."
"That's exactly what I'm talking about," he stepped closer. "What is going on with you? Ever since Jakku—"
Laina's face abruptly appeared in the forefront of my mind. It was immediately when I arrived back on the Finalizer after the failed mission on Jakku that I stumbled upon her, as Hux's prisoner. And ever since then, all of my efforts had been marked with failure. A lost prisoner, a rogue stormtrooper, an elusive BB-8 unit, the missing map to Skywalker. All reasons for my master to doubt my abilities as his apprentice and future Supreme Leader.
"Do not mention Jakku to me again," I advised. "I will only remember it as the day that I failed."
Vicrul shook his head, exasperated. "Brother, you trust me, don't you?"
I sighed deeply and relaxed my clenched fists. "Of course."
"Then trust me," he insisted. "This is important to you, so it is important to us. You do not need to treat us as if we are those blasted bucketheads. They vanished in the Western Reaches, they could be anywhere, on any of those planets. We came back to recharge, refuel, and we will depart shortly— if it so pleases you," he mocked.
I rolled my eyes and nodded, his ease pacifying my fury. "See to it that you do," I sighed and relaxed my stance, feeling the same old casualness that I always did when around Vicrul. "If it were any other night I would entreat that you take me with you," I grumbled.
"And here I thought you enjoyed parties," he teased.
"There are more important things to be concerned with," I muttered and began to pace away from him.
"Sure," he agreed. "Like what Miss Elaine will be wearing— or should I say, not wearing—"
My head whipped over my shoulder as his words registered in my head. My jaw clenched again at his sudden boldness. "That's none of your business," I seethed.
"Then don't make it my business," he quipped, tapping his helmet. On the battlefield, our force connection was especially useful in giving us the upper hand. In our personal lives, however, it was especially bothersome.
"Look," Vicrul added. "I believe she's good for you. Maybe you'll finally be able to relax if you—"
"I appreciate your advice, as always, Vicrul," I interjected, heat rising in my face.
"Of course," he replied and slapped me on the shoulder. He was surely smirking under that helmet, proud of his ability to aggravate me. I was confident that Vicrul wouldn't let me down, now assured that he understood its great importance to all of us. I turned to take my leave, more satisfied than when I had arrived.
"But don't forget," Vicrul called after me. "Take your time! Don't rush it!" I could hear his chuckles even after I rounded the corner into the hallway.
Nosey fucking pervert, I thought.
I lingered in the hallway outside of my chambers, hesitating.
What is the matter with you? I growled to myself as I clenched my fists. Every inch of my body was tense, from my jaw to my feet that grounded myself in place. Though I was reassured that Vicrul wouldn't disappoint me again, there was enough doubt in my mind that I would never acquire the map to Skywalker. And in doing so, I would never fulfill my destiny.
The notion blinded me, made it impossible to see anything but my future failures and the desecration of everything I've worked so hard to achieve. It burned in my veins like acid, corroding its way through my body as it overpowered my senses.
I couldn't let Laina see me like this. My eyes forcefully closed, wincing away from the image of her, afraid of me.
For as long as I lived I would never be able to purge my memories of her face that glared in fear and anger when I had shouted at her. How her soft, green eyes studied me, trying to find any hint of an explanation for my sudden outburst. How she had walked on glass, attempting to diffuse my fury so that she would not be on the receiving end.
I realized I would forever live with the guilt and burden of knowing that I could do that again to her at any moment. The weight was almost enough to bring me to my knees.
For as long as I could remember my thoughts were consumed with finding my uncle so that I may finally destroy the last fragments of my past. But Laina's power over me began to grow, smothering everything else in my mind until Skywalker was seemingly a faded memory. I wanted her with me all the time, wanted to share my world with her, wanted her to rule at my side. But could she live like that, with me, like this?
Knowing that I couldn't put it off any longer, I forced my eyes open and allowed the automatic doors to announce my entrance. Once again, I felt the urge to drop onto my knees.
The contents of the crate had exploded all across the room, from shoes scattered around the foot of the bed to various jewelry and clothes draped over the back of the couch. In the middle of what looked like a battlefield, Laina clutched the back of her gown with one hand and looked over her shoulder, relieved at my sudden intrusion.
"Oh, thank gods, could you help me?" she pleaded.
Her hair draped over her shoulder like a waterfall made up of brown curls. It trickled down to meet the strap of her black dress that clung to the corner of her shoulder, where the fabric slid down her side to her lower back until it finally gathered in her fingers at the bottom of her tattoos. The train pooled around her feet in a glittering, dark puddle that even I wanted to dive into.
As I replaced her hands with mine, I caught a clear glimpse of her tattoos that I had yet to examine, perfectly framed by the plunging gown. They started at the base of her spine and scoured their way up between her shoulder blades, a web of triangles and edged black lines that countered her soft, curved figure.
I secured the buttons on the gown and took a step back to gaze at her, thankful that my helmet hid my dumbfounded face.
"Thank you," she murmured and turned around so that I could see the front of her. I was suddenly aware that my heart was pounding in my chest as my eyes took in every inch of her.
Though the back was rather eyecatching, she was absolutely devastating to look at once I could see her face. She pulled her hair to the side as I studied her, a soft blush forming on her cheeks as she felt my gaze. The straps plunged down the front between her breasts, displaying the tattoos that covered her sternum. The jewel detailing and swirls of the fabric coated the sheer skirt that hugged her body as it flowed to the floor. It was as if it was made for her.
"You look—" So many words flooded my brain at once. Immaculate, stunning, beautiful. "Exquisite."
She grinned slightly, the blush deepening in her cheeks. "I didn't think I would be showing this much...skin," she mumbled and wrapped her arms around her torso.
I suddenly felt ashamed for oggling her, especially in the places where the dress ended and she began. Embarrassed, I diverted my eyes and pulled my hands behind my back. "I asked Elara to pick one out for you," I explained. "In the future, I will see to it that you choose your attire."
Laina nodded with a polite grin. "Is that what you're wearing?"
My eyebrows furrowed as I glanced down at my tunic and robes. "Is there something wrong with that?"
She stepped closer to me, placing her hands on my chest. "I guess I assumed the Commander of the First Order would dawn a sparkly suit or fur-lined cape for such an affair," she taunted as her grin spread into a devious smirk.
A smile spread across my lips as she gazed into my helmet. "Are you going to keep this on all night?" She murmured and placed a hand on the side of it.
"For the demonstration," I clarified. "But I suppose I can allow the First Order gaze upon the face of their Commander for one evening," I sighed and wrapped my arms around her. I immediately thought about later this evening, how undoubtedly she would need my assistance in unzipping her gown, how regardless of what food and drink would be served tonight I would have a craving that only she could satisfy...
"I guess we can't put it off any longer, can we?" She lamented and picked up the train of her gown.
"I suppose not," I groaned, holding out my arm to her.
I stared at her for a moment, a sense of pride washed over me as she took it, clutching the black fabric in her hand. I thought back to the first day I draped her in my bed, weak and wounded. The nightmares that I saw in her mind, her torturous memories I relived. Through all of her pain and suffering, she endured. Perhaps even grew stronger than before. And now, as I looked at her, I noticed she stood a little straighter, held her chin a bit higher. I could practically feel her heart pounding in her hands, but she barely showed an ounce of hesitation. She was ready.
It seemed that the wounded creature rose to be more powerful after all.
