Chapter Ten

January 1864

The months Louise anticipated drifted into years and still the War Between the States did not end. Despite a crushing defeat at Gettysburg and continual losses, Robert E. Lee and the Confederate army refused to yield. The fighting drew further south and came at them from the west as well, and South Carolina was no longer the haven it had been in 1862. Every day there were more and more wounded soldiers on the road making a slow but definite retreat. Lily, Isobel and Lou tended to them when they came, feeding the hungry with what little they had and dressing their wounds. Morale was low, men were starving while their Northern foe continued to be resupplied. The Confederate army was ill-equipped, decimated by illness and desertion, but still the war did not end.

The family encountered an increasing number of Rebel soldiers, and Lou never failed to ask each and every one of them for news of her husband's regiment. She did not give up hope that the next day someone with news of Kid would come down the road. It was a futile hope in Isobel's opinion but she was not so cruel as to tell Lou. Some days that hope was the only thing that kept her going. Lily and Jack were likewise very careful not to broach the subject with Lou. They had soon learned that she was not ready to hear of the possibility that he had been killed years before.

Lou continued to write letters to Kid, and repeatedly contacted Confederate authorities for news of him. She still methodically checked the army's prisoner lists whenever they became available in Columbia, hoping somehow that he was in a northern prison away from the fighting. But she never found his name, and never heard from the War Office of his whereabouts. She was repeatedly informed that any information was, regrettably, unavailable at that time.

Despite her outward insistence that he was alive, it was getting harder for her to believe that Kid would return safely. Lou never revealed her fear to anyone. When she wrote to him she kept her letters full of news of their daughter in case they were somehow getting through to him. Virginia was growing so quickly that she had plenty to write about. Lou described her first step, her first word, the first time she laughed out loud. They had just celebrated her second birthday, though it seemed like only yesterday she was a baby.

Lou was heartsick that Kid was missing it all — that he hadn't even seen his beautiful daughter. She wished more than anything that he could see Ginnie just once, to recognize the familiar blue eyes she had, and a way of smiling that would melt the hardest of hearts. She wished Ginnie could meet her father, to have him protect her and watch out for her. One day, Lou repeatedly promised herself and her daughter. One day he had to come home to them.

But the day was a long time coming. A few months earlier in desperation Lou had resolved to travel to Richmond to find out once and for all if Kid was still alive. But the fighting in Virginia and North Carolina had escalated and Isobel refused to let her leave. She would not let Lou forget that she had a daughter to protect and it would do no good to go off and get herself killed when Ginnie needed her. Lou finally acquiesced, but not knowing for sure if Kid would ever come home to her was eating her up inside. She didn't know how long she could last not knowing the truth.


One crisp afternoon in October, Isobel and Jack returned from Columbia after purchasing their supplies for the month. They would invariably return from these excursions with disheartening news of how little Confederate money was worth now days, and the family would have to make do with the little provisions that were available. The children still ran to greet the wagon as it rolled slowly into the yard, just in case Isobel had been able to find some treat for them like molasses. Lou waited on the porch with Lily and laughed as Virginia and her cousins tried in vain to see what was in the back of the wagon. Jack was subdued as he drew the reins to a halt and Isobel looked haggard. The journey was long and Lou made up her mind she would be the one to go next time.

"Don't tell us, you couldn't even get flour this time," Lily called out gloomily. It was getting harder and harder to put food on the table for a passel of growing children.

"Things are bad in town. Hell, they're bad all over," answered Jack grouchily. His wife raised her eyebrows in surprise for it was usually Jack who made a joke of their circumstances so they would not worry so much. But this afternoon he scowled a black frown as he jumped down from the wagon. The children were scrambling in the back and poking through the packages, and Jack uncharacteristically snapped at them to stop. "Come on you kids, into the house. Leave that."

Lily was about to protest so he would let the children have some fun, but Jack silenced her with a grave look. He pulled at her arm and led her into the house. "You too," he said gruffly.

Lou turned questioningly to Isobel, and when her friend's eyes met hers Lou felt her heart skip a beat. Isobel looked more than haggard, she had been crying. Her eyes were clouded with worry and fear though she tried not to show it in front of the children.

"I need to talk to you," she said to Lou quietly.

Lou could not move. Ginnie dawdled behind the others who had already gone into the house. She could tell there was something wrong with her mother.

"Momma?" she whispered, tugging at Lou's skirts.

Lou did not take her eyes off Isobel, but she patted Virginia's head absently. "You go on in the house now. Everythin's all right."

Her daughter took an uncertain step, trying to make up her mind whether or not to believe her, then Lily bustled onto the porch and took her by the hand. Lou heard the door shut and she walked mechanically down the steps towards Isobel. She had a small package in her arms underneath her shawl but she was trying to hide it.

"Come over to the loft," Isobel said gently, taking her by the arm.

Lou did not reply but allowed herself to be led. When Isobel seated her beneath the old poplar tree next to the barn she withdrew the package and handed it to Lou.

"This was waiting in town for you."

Lou found she could not make her voice work, no sound escaped her lips. She fingered the package gently and read the faded words on its face. It was addressed to her in an unfamiliar hand and the post mark was from over a year ago. She looked questioningly at Isobel.

"I tried to find out why it has taken so long to get here, but Randolph said there's hardly any mail getting through these days." Isobel was trying to remain calm for Lou's sake but she knew all too well what came in such packages. She had eventually received a similar parcel from Rob's commanding officer after he was killed, containing some of his personal affects. She had wanted to spare Lou the pain she had gone through herself when she found out her husband was gone, but if she did not give her the parcel they would never know for sure. Isobel understood that it was pain itself to be uncertain.

Lou continued to finger the package slowly but she made no attempt to open it. Her eyes were wide and unseeing, her face pale and drawn. Isobel was about to offer to open it for when she finally took a deep breath and split open the brown paper. In an instant a bundle of letters spilled onto her lap. Both Isobel and Lou held their breath and she reached out tentatively to pick one up. Lou's hopes soared, thinking that they were all from Kid, and the absence of word from him had been nothing more than an ineffectual wartime postal system. But then she looked at the envelope closely and recognized her own handwriting.

Lou felt herself go dizzy as she read Kid's name on the front of the letter. Hastily she grabbed at the other letters in case there had been a mistake. But they were all the same — all addressed to Kid from her. Lou recognized the letters she had written to him when she found out she was pregnant, and the ones after Virginia had been born. They were all here, unopened.

Isobel bowed her head when she realized what Lou had received. Kid had never gotten any of her letters, had not known about his daughter. She could not think of the words to comfort Lou after such a discovery. As she stared at her feet in misery, Isobel noticed a folded sheet of paper that had fallen unnoticed to the ground. When she picked it up and read it her worst fears were realized.

"Lou," she murmured.

Her friend looked at her with imploring eyes, not able to hear any more bad news. Isobel looked down at the letter and began reading in a dull voice.

"…It is my sad duty to inform you that your husband has been officially classified missing presumed lost in the victorious Manassas engagement. Your husband's brave sacrifice for the Confederate States of America will be forever remembered, and his memory honored by all who believe in our Glorious Cause…"

Lou did not wait to hear any more. She rose unsteadily from her seat, the letters fluttering to the ground. Shaking off Isobel's comforting arm, she walked numbly towards the small creek a short distance from the house. Isobel watched in silent misery, unable to intervene, as Lou waded into the ankle-deep water. She stood unseeing and oblivious to the cold water.

Her mind was blank, unable to comprehend what the letter meant. When she regained her senses and let herself feel the consequences of those words, she felt herself falling and was unable to stop. Isobel wept as Lou sank slowly to her knees and remained there in the water, listless, as dusk fell.