... 4:30 AM – somewhere in Hogwarts …

Something tickled his nose. Not that he really minded, whatever it was smelled quite nice. Trying to scratch that itch he came to realise that his arms were currently not available. To his right lean muscles kept his arm in a tight lock, whilst on his left it was quite softly … cushioned… yeah… let's go with that… which left the question what or rather who was draped over him.
His blurry thoughts became a bit clearer. He remembered dragging Tori and Theo with him out of the hall…

-Flashback-

…going up the stairs towards Gryffindor tower only to find collapsed hallways and broken staircases. It was when they walked onwards to the Ravenclaw commons, when a petit blond missile in form of his little sis barrelled him over. Which, come to think of it, explained his hurting back. And chest… as she had continued to punch him there yelling "Stupid, stupid, stupid ... 5 Minutes later… stupid, stupid." Before collapsing on him, drenching his jacket in her tears.

With a kiss to the top of her head he lifted himself and his new attachment up. Luna holding onto him like a spider monkey, they continued to walk, whilst softly talking to her. Harry patting her back he talked softly to her. "There, there. I'm back sweetie. You can come and take a nap with your brother/sister-in-law and me."

The small voice from under his chin answered "You're not going to leave me again? Please don't go back to pushing up the daisies, they're fine as they are."

"I promise sweetie." Going into the next empty classroom they would pass he conveyed with a look, that they'd make their bed here. Years of sneaking behind the backs of the faculty, and one nosy old man, had ingrained a certain routine in the trio. Whilst Tori was busy levitating some tables together and transfigured them into a very comfy looking bed -including her usual there-are-never-too-many-pillows addition- Theo walked the perimeter of the room, warding it from spying ghosts, poltergeists, extendable ears and sealing the door via a handy transfiguration that blended the passage with the surrounding stonework. Meanwhile Harry had called Spiffy, the head house-elf.

"Great Master Harry, Destroyer of Basilisks, Avenger of Widows and Orphans, Saviour of Britain, Knight of Gryffindor, Friend of Dobby and all Elves…"

"Harhar, Mr. Chuckles…. What did I tell you about how to address me?" he interrupted the monologing elf.

"But I'm Spiffy, not Chuckles… and Mr. Harry Potter told Spiffy to only do it when it's funny, or punny, or to annoy annoying peoples." Spiffy replied with a cheeky grin that was mirrored by Harry.

He very maturely poked his tongue out. "Very well, the fact that this little fluffy spider monkey is chuckling herself excuses your litany of humbug," raising his voice "and yes I can hear you snickering over there."

"Never get's old watching you being sassed by a house-elf." Theo called back from the door. "I'm nearly done."

Harry continued "Okaaaaay. Spiffy, please tell the other house-elves to take care of themselves when going through the rubble. If you find anything dangerous pop over to one of the skeleton guards and let them handle it, they'll follow the elves' commands. Also, take care of the provisions, I'm sure many are beyond starving or would at least appreciate a nice cuppa now that the biggest danger here has passed *cough* literally *cough*."

Walking over to the bed he kept talking to Spiffy, who listened attentively "Oh and please send Winky with our usual stuff, plus the Luna special. She knows exactly what I mean."

-Flashback over-

Which is how he found himself in this lovely position being cuddled by three of his most precious people. The others grumbled, slowly waking up, when with a *pop* a small kitchen table filled with all their favourites came to be right beside their fluffy accommodation, a second later four chairs popped in.

He couldn't even shake Luna awake before said girl was already sitting at the table, clutching a tub of vanilla pudding to her chest, nearly inhaling the yellowy goodness.

The sudden disturbance finally woke the other occupants of the bed. He pressed a chaste kiss to both their lips and extricated himself, filling two plates with right combinations. A cup of coffee, black of course, and a chocolate croissant were prepared for Astoria, whilst Theo got a nice bacon and egg sandwich, (no spam please) and a glass of freshly pressed orange juice. Getting a kiss on the cheek from both sides, they took their places besides him, Luna, still in her pudding-frenzy, sitting across from them. They finished their breakfast at a very sedate space -pudding-frenzy excluded- not ready yet to face the reality outside their little bubble.

But all good things have their time and time stops for nobody. Having shared his magic with his lovers it was time to explain what had happened in the forest.

His retelling was often interrupted. Be it by hugs, soft kisses, a little crying and the offer of consolation-pudding. Despite being surprised by the revelations of Death (and his poetic streak) or as he (or … it?) of course called it 'the marvel index of a mind forever' they were incredibly proud of Harry, even if the thought of him sacrificing himself made them almost as mad as the fact that Dumbledore had kept it a secret for this long. Had Snape not shared this particular information with his last breaths, who knows what could have happened.

Not telling Harry would have had him probably fighting for decades, till either he couldn't take it anymore or he ultimately fell in battle at Voldemort's hand.

Finally, back in the moment, they reworked their plans for Hogwarts, with the accumulated mass of people in the castle, and Harry control over the magics of life and death, they could repair the damages in mere hours. Making their way to the great hall hand in hand, Harry carrying a sleepy pudding-monster on his back, with a little help of a Featherlight charm, they surveyed the damages.

The elves had cleared out most of the rubble, taking it to the Room of Requirement, damaged paintings and crushed suit of armours had also been removed. It left the castle quite a bit colder, the castles magic felt depressed in face of all the destruction.

They stumbled upon a subdued Ron and Hermione, trying to repair a few of the damaged and unmoving staircases to reconnect the cut off floors.

Ron was the first to register their arrival. Seeing Harry, he let out a snort. "Ah Lord Malfoy, how nice of you to join us plebeians."

Trying to stand tall and aristocratic without jostling Luna he donned his best I-have-shit-under-my-nose sneer and replied "Indeed, you lower folk can only be too proud to breath the same air as me, look upon my luscious hair glistening like the gold I filled Minister Fudge's also glistening backside with. My peacocks feast on the fields on which the fucks grow that I intend to give about you. Alas they are barren and Nagini feasted upon the birds' pristine white bodies."

The group burst into laughter. Theo adding "Don't you think Lucius ended his sentences with 'my master will hear about this'".

"Now Theo don't be mean", Tori chided him "he is after all Draco's sperm donor. And we like Draco."

Hermione chimed in "we do?"

"Yes, you do", came a voice behind her causing a small squeak to escape her. Draco gave her a short hug from behind. "You're my favourite mudblood after all." Earning an elbow jab to the stomach he let her go and strolled over to Harry. "Good to see you Scarhead." They shared a fistbump.

"Good to see you too, Ferret! Nice going with the acting, I hear you played the role of the snivelling shit marvellously."

"If seeing my sperm donor grovelling was good for anything, then my acting skills in front of ol' Tommy. You mind if I carry my girlfriend from here?"

He gently pried her arms from his shoulders and levitated her over, changing the piggy. "You know if you hurt my little girl…"

"Ok… first off… how often are you going to repeat the shovel-talk, and second if you call her your 'little girl' you sound as if you were her father. Going from the grey hair you seem at least old enough." Draco retorted and started to run away, dodging the tickling hex coming at him.

Arriving in the great hall, passing two skeleton guards, the group was first hit by the sudden silence followed by thunderous applause that would have shut up a wailing banshee. The four house tables had been brought back and extended. Every bench was filled with cheering order members, praetorians and schoolchildren. At the head table the remaining teachers stood and pointed to some free chairs when the chant began. "SPEECH, SPEECH, SPEECH…"

Tori gave him a little push, Hermione dragging him forwards by the arm, when he seemed to have frozen in embarrassment. "Go on then. You can ramble your way through every conversation whilst simultaneously offending half the populace or making people so confused they don't know what you were talking about in the first place. A little speech isn't going to kill you… again." Hermione urged him.

"You do realise, that Death himself calls this his … Dead Jokes?" He said and continued to walk to the front. While the others were taking a seat, he cleared his throat a few times. Already having reapplied the Sonorus (by the gods, he never imagined he'd have to cast that particular spell so often) the "Hem, hem." sent shivers down many spines. Pupils and Adults alike had only negative memories regarding this particular… sound.

"Hem, hem." He realised it was almost the same reaction as shouting Voldemort in the middle of Diagon alley, this definitely would be his go to if he wanted to shut a room up.

"This victory is mine, it belongs to me, I own it, and what it is too." Several muggleborns and half-bloods burst out laughing. Astoria sent a stinging spell at his backside and stage whispered "We're transmitting this on the wireless, so get your act together luv."

"Oops… please excuse this little jest. It's too silly, too silly by far. Now then, magic's children of Britain and the world, this is Lightning speaking. Or if you prefer to be boring, Harry Potter or Undesirable #1. I've been voted #1 -for a bit over a year now I think- by Voldemort Weekly and would like to thank all my haters and detractors, I could have never made it this far with you.
But let us turn serious for a moment. Voldemort was not the main problem of our society. He was merely a symptom.

A symptom of a society that is utterly hypocritical. We treasure magic, but mistreat those that have it, calling intelligent beings 'creatures' or 'half-breeds' or any number of disgusting slang. After the last war this society decided, that it was best if it stayed exactly as it was, when it birthed its first Dark Lord on British soil in centuries.

Tom Marvolo Riddle, the Dark Lord Voldemort was a product of a society that values the imaginary purity of its blood over magic itself. He was left alone in the muggle world, much like myself. Abandoned by those that could understand him and love him. When he finally re-joined his world. He was treated as filth. A mudblood in Slytherin. He was treated with suspicion by -then only a teacher- Albus Dumbledore and sent back to the muggle world were a gruesome war was fought. Denying him a home in the magical world.

When he finally found his ancestors, he thought he would be something better. Something greater. But even the Slytherin name could only elevate him to a half-blood. At 16 he committed his first murder in Hogwarts itself. Foisting the blame on Rubeus Hagrid.

When he graduated he was on his way to become the monster we saw defeated… yesterday? Was it yesterday? Never mind. It is a fact, that this could have been prevented. But even after his supposed defeat at the hands of my MOTHER, this society, that had been bled dry by hatred for each other still couldn't move forward and make progress. Or at the very least never again repeat the failures of the past. It is said that those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it. And you did.

I was an eleven-year-old boy, mistreated and neglected. A half-blood banished from the world that should have taken care of him. Beloved one year, hated the next. Bullied, cursed, slandered in the press and in the end hunted down like a fugitive.

This war could have ended replacing one Dark Lord with another. That it didn't is NOT the work of Albus Dumbledore, the ministry or my 'adoring' public. It is thanks to the love I received from those that stood and still stand by my side. It is thanks to those coming to me for help, not in the desire that I may solve their problems, but to be taught how to help me."
He spotted Kingsley coming from the Antechamber towards him.

"This is why you won't be getting a Dark Lord. But this country will no longer be a mockery of democracy. A tyranny hidden by money and greed and the supposed purity of blood. We will centralize this country, bringing magicals together instead of separating them."

Kingsley stopped beside him and handed him a box, roughly a foot by foot.

"As such, I have taken the Ministry's Heartstone. The very foundation of this country's ruling body, granted by agreement between the muggle sovereign and the first council of wizards."

Gasps and mutterings broke out in the hall. The beratement most of them didn't expect. Effectively dissolving the governing body of Wizarding Britain was unbelievable.

"The Heartstone will be joined with the one forged by the founders of Hogwarts. This castle will grow as it once did. Magic is not our right, it is our responsibility. And by the gods I swear we will bring this society back to bloom. Not with overwhelming violence or acts of terror, but by working together to reach a better future. We have been pawns to purity, might and the 'greater good'. We are not pawns! We are no longer going to be the laughing stock of the magical world. Ladies and Gentlemen, Beings of all species, I declare WE. ARE. BACK. IN. THE. GAME!"

"Oh cool, I'm getting my own after credits scenes?" Harry asked.

"Harry?"… "Yes…?" … "Just shut up and enjoy it!"

Chained to the wall in Argus Filch's office a gaunt pink-clad witch came awake with a start. Taking stock of her surroundings, she realized she was alone, and the shackles were not inhibiting ones.

With a ripple and pop in her place was a small pink toad, jumping towards the door.

In the depths of Gringotts a meeting was held. Around a massive table of hewn stone sat the elders of goblin kind. A particularly mad looking goblin (to be honest it could just be his face) was wearing a gasmask. Sadly, all the other elders realised to late they should have asked why exactly he was wearing it.

To answer: because of the gas.

A man was running through the halls of Buckingham Palace. Stopping in front of a double door he knocked and was bid in.
"Your majesty… we have a problem."

"What is it Sir Arlington?"

"The war against the Dark Lord Voldemort is over…"

"How is that a problem good sir?"

"They have declared their independence…"

In Hogwarts a highly amused Hermione grinned unabashedly at Harry, till he could no longer bear it and had to ask "Why exactly are you so gods-damned happy?"

"Well Harry… you realise you just took over Hogwarts?"

"Not really, I mean Minnie is still the Headmistress."

"Yeeeeah… and you practically dissolved the ministry and our whole government"

"I mean yeah, we agreed it had to be done"

"Then you declared you, and by extension we, would fix the country."

"Like, who else is gonna do it?"

"You realise, that you practically declared yourself our king and ruler. In fact it wouldn't be wrong to say, that at the moment you ARE the government."

"Oh, fuck all kinds of duck."

"Ehm… Mione… what is Mrs. Norris chewing on over there?" he asked wide-eyed. "Is... is that a pink toad?".