My first Final Fantasy VIII fic. I don't want to say much about it before you read it, so I'll just say I've included some extra stuff after the story's finished!

A Woman left Alone

The alarm was sounding, its shrill cries bouncing off the walls in the confined space, the clock rattling slightly on the wooden table next to the bed.

Quistis Trepe, former instructor with a current hangover, groaned in exasperation and silenced the clock by stretching out a slender arm and thumbing the "snooze" button down roughly.

Her head ached painfully, but she grumpily conceded that after last night's drinking it aught to. She rolled over onto her back, and finally opened her eyes slightly and stared up at the ceiling of her small room, her brow furrowed with worry.

This is how her day normally started, but usually without a hangover. She would waken, and would then lie unmoving in her bed for a while, trying to get herself motivated to get up.

Though lately it seemed to her that she was spending more and more time lying there each morning, unwilling to rise.

She sighed, thinking ruefully that you knew your day was going to be bad if you had already had enough of it even before you got out of bed.

Her eyes were suddenly drawn to the billowing curtains in her room, and she noticed that a strong sea-breeze was wafting in; the Garden must be once again flying over the sea.

She sat up in bed and collected her glasses from her bed-side table, putting them on without much thought; just going through the motions.
More awake now, and with her head still thumping, she got out of bed and crossed her small room to the bathroom en-suite, and removed her glasses momentarily to splash her face with water. She felt truly awful, and she hoped that it was only the alcohol's effects, but suspected that it wasn't.

The sad thing was, she reflected while having a quick shower, letting the water massage her neck gently, that she hadn't even been partying last night. Of course, she never partied, but it just made it all the more sadder when you're alone and you're chugging back shots, she thought tiredly.

Out of the shower now and dressed in her usual pinkish skirt and top, she fixed her hair while studying herself in the mirror, grimacing as she noticed she looked even more pale then usual. Her light blue eyes stared back at her, and she found that she couldn't look at herself for long, and spent the rest of her time in front of the mirror with her eyes fixed on her hair, away from her face.

She did her hair so that a long, thick strand of it hung down both sides of her face, going down below her shoulders and resting on the front of her body, and left the bathroom.

The traveling, hulking school she was in lurched suddenly, but Quistis had grown used to its sometimes erratic movements, and simply pulled her slanting belt and knee-length boots on quickly and left the room, figuring that the sooner she went out, the sooner she could come back and crawl into bed once more.


Her first stop for the day, as always, was the school cafeteria, an airy, pleasant room shaped in the shape of a circle, with a rounded enclosure to one side where the students bought all their food. Most of the students living at Balamb Garden received all their money from the school, and since the cafe had a monopoly on the food supply business it was a good way for the money to be recycled right back into the hands of the Garden.

Quistis stood in the short line that had already formed and ordered a black coffee from the plump service lady once she had reached the counter. She nodded her thanks, picked up the saucer and cup carefully, and headed over to an available table that was tucked away behind a large pillar, surrounded as all the other tables were by small potted trees.

She kneaded her head gently with one of her knuckles, closing her eyes momentarily. When she opened them again she got a shock to see a small, pleasant-looking girl wearing a black dress and matching black uniform -clothing most instructors wore- standing in front of her table and beaming down at her.

"Gee, Xu! Give people warning if you're going to do that!" Quistis snapped, partly because she had jumped skittishly and felt stupid about it.

Xu giggled, taking no notice of her friend's tart behaviour, and helped herself to a seat at the table, sliding a tray bearing fruit and coffee into the middle of it.

"Still on a diet, then?" Quistis asked unnecessarily, leaning forward and taking a grateful sip at her coffee.

Xu inclined her head. "Got to watch the figure!" She said happily.

Quistis rolled her eyes, even feeling annoyed by Xu's cheerful behaviour today.

"Xu, you're perfect as you are," she said, in the tone of one who has had to repeat the same thing many times previously.

Her friend shrugged and started eating a banana, and Quistis studied the girl.

The two had known each other for a while now, and she was Quistis' best and only friend, apart from the gang from the orphanage that she had helped defeat the sorceress Ultimecia with. The two girls were such polar opposites that occasionally people wondered how such a friendship could exist, but Quistis knew that they weren't all that different, really.

Sure, she thought, Xu was a lot more cheerful and easy-going then she would ever be, but she had also seen the girl boss people around and give orders in a manner so stern that it surprised her. At one point the two had both been instructors together, which had served to strengthen their bond further.

"So," Xu asked, raising an eyebrow coyly. "What did you get up to last night?"

"I drunk myself into a stupor...Alone." Quistis immediately said, not feeling like side-stepping the issue.

Xu slammed her fist into the table angrily, causing the cups to rattle and making near-by students turn their heads in alarm towards them.

"What?" She snapped, as if Quistis had just said the worst thing possible. "Did I hear you right?" She went on, leaning forward. "Remember how I told you I knew a cute guy who wanted to get to know you? Because I remember! I remember writing down his room and phone number onto a piece of paper and handing it to you, and telling you to go meet someone new and have a good time!"

Quistis remained silent, sipping at her coffee. She had been expecting this, so she decided to just let Xu vent.

She was still talking: "Did you even look at that piece of paper?" She demanded, stabbing a finger in the air towards Quistis.

"I glanced at it." Quistis admitted.

"And then what? You threw it out?" Xu asked.

"I threw it out, yes."

"If we weren't in the cafe I would so scream right now, you know that, right?" Xu said, glaring at Quistis.
"Yes, I suppose you would," Quistis sighed, suddenly feeling drained.

Xu sat back and gave Quistis a look of concern mingled with pity.

"Quistis...how many times do we have to have this conversation? You're depressed, we both know that. You need to get out there and meet someone, you know...get a life. Doing nothing but study all day can't be good for you." She said, holding Quistis' eyes with hers.

"Thank you, mother," Quistis mumbled, but went on quickly because Xu had drawn in a breath to keep lecturing her: "Yes, I know you're right. But I can't just...just throw myself at someone because I'm feeling down, okay? I don't have sex just for the sake of it."
"Other people do," Xu said, somewhat sulkily.

Quistis' blue eyes flashed dangerously, and Xu held up her hands in defense.
"Hey, you know I'm only trying to help!" She said. "I thought it would be good for you to get your mind off a certain someone."

"I don't think about Squall in that way anymore." Quistis said, hoping her face wasn't burning. "He's just a friend, and he's with Rinoa, and that's the way it's always going to be."

Xu leaned forward conspiratorially, her expression smug. "That's not what you told me last week," she teased.

"I was drunk then!" Quistis snapped, loudly enough for the whole cafe to hear.

She stood up hurriedly. "I'm going to the library, okay?" She said icily, and walked away from the table, trying to ignore the looks she was attracting from the students.

"Aww, don't be like that Quisty!" Xu pleaded, but Quistis left the cafe without a glance back.


Sitting at a desk in the middle of the library, Quistis tried to calm herself down. She knew she had been too short with Xu, who was really only trying to help and be a friend, but it bugged her that Xu was right about everything.

Squall would always be a secret desire for her, and it pained her greatly that nothing could ever happen between her and him. She had suspected she didn't have a chance with Squall even before Rinoa had come into the picture though, so she had always been prepared for the rejection. It didn't stop it from hurting, though.

She sighed, pretending to read through a book on spells while her mind dwelt on her problems. She had been going through a downward spiral since after they had defeated Ultimecia, she knew. Her mind went back to the big celebration that had been thrown for them at the Garden, and she remembered looking around the room at her friends and seeing the relationships that had sprung up.

Selphie, so energetic and playful, had formed a relationship with Irvine, the womanizing cowboy. Even Zell, the loud-mouthed ball of energy, had found someone to love in a girl who worked in the library, and of course Squall had Rinoa.

She was the only one alone. Truthfully, she had always been alone, so she should have been used to the sudden isolation, but it had hit her hard. She had tried to get over it, and get on with her life, and at that point she discovered that she didn't have a life. She didn't want to go back to being an instructor, had no interests to keep her occupied, and had seen enough of the world.

Looking unseeing at the book in front of her now, she suddenly felt so empty. And the worst part of it was she couldn't really open up to anyone about it, apart from Xu. She had always found it hard to tell other people what she really felt, and more often then not ended up pushing people away, so really this was all her damn fault, she thought.

That's why she had felt such a connection to Squall. He had been so awkward and shut-in, keeping his guard up and not allowing anyone close to him.

Quistis had known exactly how he felt, and had longed to be the one to hold him in her arms and teach him how to open up, but in the end it had been Rinoa to do that for him.

Oh god, Quistis realised with sudden alarm, I think I'm about to cry.

She knew that she could not allow herself to burst into tears in the middle of the library, so hurriedly she stood up and made to leave, to run back to her room and shut herself in, but something stopped her.

Oh no. Not now...she pleaded, as who should walk in to the library at exactly that moment but Squall himself. She looked around wildly, preparing to do something drastic like dash in between the bookshelves and hide, but Squall had already seen her, and was walking towards her.

She wiped at her eyes behind her glasses quickly, making sure they were dry, and put on a smile that felt fake to her as Squall nodded a hello.

"Hello," she said politely. "What's going on?"

"I've been looking for you, actually," Squall admitted, and Quistis worriedly wondered why.

"We haven't seen you in ages, so I wanted to know how you're going," He said.

Quistis noticed how much more comfortable and confident Squall was with himself now, and reflected that it was mostly Rinoa's doing. She suddenly felt a pang of jealousy towards her friend.

"Oh, I'm okay." She said, waving a hand. "Pretty busy now days."

Yeah, right. Maybe busy coping with hangovers, but not much else! She thought cruelly.

Squall nodded. "Yeah, I know." He paused, and Quistis could tell he was about to say something that made him feel awkward.

"I'm not good at this sort of stuff, but...have you been okay lately? Nothing bothering you? You've seemed a bit sad and not yourself lately, so I was wondering if there was anything I could do to help?" He said, and it half-sounded like he had been rehearsing what to say.

No, there's nothing you can do to help. You especially, Squall.

Quistis flashed him a smile. "I've just been worn out with work, that's all. Sorry, but I was sort of leaving when you came in...I have to be somewhere." She said apologetically.

"Okay. I want to see you again soon though," Squall told her.

Quistis nodded and waved goodbye, trying to walk away from him calmly and like she hadn't a care in the world.

But if even Squall has noticed how bad I'm getting, she thought as she power-walked hurriedly back to her room, then it must mean that I've sunken down even further.


After calming herself down in her room for a bit- she didn't allow herself to cry- Quistis decided to forgo her usual day of studying and classes, and on an impulse headed into the Garden's Training centre,a pristine jungle environment that housed several monsters for the students to fight.

Easily avoiding the monsters (she had had several lifetime's of fighting experience, she figured), she went to the over-look that was mostly used by love-struck couples, and leant on the tall wall that framed the area.

Sighing, she breathed in the warm, sticky air and stood for a while, just gazing out over the over-look and listening to the steady hum of cicadas and other insects droning near-by.

Thankfully, the spot was currently empty, so she could have some solitude.

What am I doing? She asked herself. Why can't I seem to snap myself out of this depression?

She could almost foresee what was going to happen with her life. Since she couldn't make herself better, and since she wasn't so depressed to do anything drastic, she would just continue feeling this emptiness day after day, until sometime in the future she would die, unfulfilled. She shivered suddenly, despite the warm weather.

And then the idea hit her slowly, forming in her mind. Why didn't she just end it? End her pathetic existence at Balamb Garden, running errands, performing the occasional lecture, and studying...throw all of that away, for of course she was miserable and tired of it all.

But could she do it? Could she go through with it? She knew in her heart that if she didn't force herself to do it now, then she never would.

Suddenly filled with a sense of purpose, she left the Training centre at a brisk pace, returning to her room to pick up her whip and attach it to her belt. She figured it was the only thing she would really need on her.


It was night when Quistis finally made herself climb the steps towards one of the Garden's highest points that branched off of the Auditorium area. At the top of the steps was a round enclosure, plain apart from a couple of benches, with a low fence that was the only thing between her and the dark, swirling sea some fifty meters below. A single warning sign near the top of the stairs told students to be careful. Quistis took a deep breath of the cold night air and walked to the edge of the surface, holding onto the flat railing of the fence and looking about her.

The sky was dazzling, alight with stars, the light from the moon shining down onto the surface of the black sea. Quistis could actually see the giant rotors of the Garden below her some ways down, and imagined her body falling and getting torn apart in seconds.

The Garden changed course slightly to the left, heading towards land and some tall cliffs, and Quistis felt relieved. She had been hoping that the Garden would stray close to the cliffs that dotted the land around this area, and for once her luck had held out.

The cliffs loomed closer, and Quistis let her eyes fall to the jagged rocks that lined the base of them, sticking half out of the sea, the waves crashing against them in a white, foamy splendor.

If she jumped now and fell, the rocks would split her apart like a rag doll.

She took another deep breath and shakily climbed the small fence so that she stood perched balancing on the top-the top surface of the fence was wide enough so that she needn't worry about falling off straight away.

The cliffs came closer still, and her muscles tensed in preparation.

"Quistis!" A shrill voice screamed behind her. "No!"

Cursing, Quistis turned her head to see Xu struggling up the last of the steps, panting heavily and running across the open area towards her.
"Stay back!" Quistis warned, causing Xu to halt a few meters away, her eyes wide.

"You don't know what you're doing!" Xu said worriedly, casting a fretful eye at Quistis' feet.

"I know exactly what I'm doing."

"No, you don't! You're grief-stricken and depressed, but that doesn't give you the excuse to do this!" Xu wailed, tears lining her eyes.

"What, should I just get down and resume my horrible life here?" Quistis snapped. She should have just jumped, she thought, and then she wouldn't have to listen to her friend trying to make her feel guilty.

"What about me?" Xu cried. "You can't just leave me here by myself! You're my best friend, Quistis!" The girl was crying now, beside herself with grief.

"Oh, stop being such a drama queen," Quistis said, causing Xu's eyes to widen even further despite her crying.
"A...a drama queen?" She spluttered. "Look what you're about to do! Is it because you can't get boys to like you? Is it because you're...gay? Because if you are, and if you come down, maybe you and I can have a...a relationship. I mean, I'm not really gay or interested in women, but if that's what it takes to get you to live I'll do it!"

Quistis could not believe what she was hearing. "I'm not gay!" She exclaimed, and then stopped, realizing what else Xu had just said.
"Did you say that you want me to come down so I can live?" She asked gently.

"Yes! Of course! Suicide is not the answer, think of what else life can offer you!" Xu pleaded, still tear-stricken.

Quistis started laughing then, causing her friend to take a step backwards out of shock.

"Suicide?"She repeated, giggling with mirth. "Xu, I'm not here to kill myself!"

Xu gaped up at her. "Then what are you doing? And how do you think it looks from over here?"

"I left you a note explaining what I was doing!" Quistis exclaimed. "In your room, where I knew you would find it. Didn't you read it?"

"No! I've been worried as hell and looking for you for the entire day, I haven't even been back to my room!" Xu defended.

Quistis sighed, but with humor, and looked back out towards the cliffs once more, which were right beside her now as the Garden continued its path down the coast.

"No wonder you're confused," she said. "I don't have much time to explain, but I've decided to leave Garden for a while. Right away. I need to get out of here, because I'm feeling suffocated."

"Then come down and wait until the Garden docks somewhere so you can leave!" Xu said, a confused look on her face.

Quistis shook her head. "I checked with Cid, and we're not scheduled for a stop for about another week. I can't wait that long, I'm already going crazy!"

"So what's all this got to do with you standing on a railing and looking like you're going to throw yourself into the sea-careful now," Xu warned, as a steady breeze blew by.

"Gee, Xu, you've been at Garden for how long now?" Quistis said gently, a smile on her face. "What's the other way that people can jump ship-literally jump ship?"

Xu's eyes widened. "Don't, it's too dangerous! Wait a week, I promise I'll make it fun for you if you hang around! One slip and your dead! Every day I'll do something different, like make a fool out of myself by speaking in gibberish when I'm teaching, or-"

"Goodbye for a while, Xu." Quistis said, cutting her off. "I'll be okay, I promise you that much."

And with that Quistis turned, the wind buffeting her body, and tensed her muscles in preparation as a cliff with a grassy top moved in front of her. She jumped forward into the air, her stomach falling as she experienced weightlessness and glimpsed the impossibly long fall below her.

This was such a bad idea, was the last thought that flew through her mind, and suddenly the ground was just before her, the grass waving in the wind. One of her feet touched down on the soft surface, and she fell to her knees right next to the edge of the cliff, her heart beating wildly.

She glanced up at the side of the Garden moving laboriously along, passing her cliff, and saw Xu run to the fence, her face ashen, and peer over at her with relief.

"Made it!" Quistis called over to her. "Take care of yourself, Xu!" She said with a wave.

Xu just stared over at her, and it seemed to Quistis that she was thinking hard about something.

"I'm...I'm coming too!" She declared, climbing up onto the rail.

"What?" Quistis cried in disbelief, having to shout now as Xu moved further away from her. "Don't! You idiot!" She yelled.

Moving as fast and carefully as she could along the tops of the cliffs, Quistis ran beside the Garden, shouting warnings and insults at Xu wildly, trying to get her to get down.

"You won't make it, you've already missed the safest spot to jump off!" She cried, but if anything her words seemed only to make Xu look more determined.

"Shut up! I know what I'm doing!" Xu returned, sticking out her tongue in concentration and eyeing the cliffs in front of her.

Quistis suddenly tripped, falling hard to the grass below her, and looked up in time to see Xu jump. She hadn't chosen a good spot, and the Garden had moved away from the cliffs slightly.

Oh god, Quistis thought, watching in horror.

Xu had missed the cliff, and she watched in absolute dread as her friend disappeared below the edge.

She made herself get up, her legs shaking, and moved to the edge of the cliff, already starting to cry. Her sobs came loud and fast, and the guilt she felt was unbearable.

"Stop being a drama queen and help me up!" Xu's voice suddenly came to her, and she gasped and looked over the side of the cliff to see her friend clinging grimly to the rocks.

Getting down on her knees, she reached out a hand and helped her struggle the rest of the way up and over the edge, where they both fell panting to the grass.

"Told you...I knew what...I was doing," Xu managed between breaths, chuckling.

"You're an idiot," Quistis chastised her, but she was smiling with relief. "What made you do that, anyway?" She asked her.
"I told you, I wanted to come with you. You're going to be just wandering all over the land, right? Well, that sounds like fun! I've been with Garden for so long that I can't remember the last time I had a vacation." Xu said, smiling. "Plus, I figured I could help you get out of your slump at the same time."

Inside, Quistis felt relieved. She had spent all day planning on leaving Garden, and the one thing that had been clear to her was that it was going to be a lonely journey. But not anymore.

"Thanks," she breathed.

"Cid's going to kill us though, I hope you know." Xu added.

"Oh yes. One of his most prized students and a full-time instructor deciding to jump ship? He'll be livid." Quistis chuckled.

The two women stood up, and Quistis gazed about at her surroundings.

"I don't suppose you actually know where we are?" Xu asked dryly.

"Somewhere on the Western Continent."

"Oh, good. That helps."

Quistis fixed her friend with a look. "Hey, it was your idea to join me...I was just planning to walk until I reached the nearest town or interesting place." She said.

"Well let's go then, I'm already hungry," Xu whined, leading the way down the grassy side of the steep cliff.

Quistis could not help but smile. This was something new for her; something she knew she had to do. She had been stuck in the past for too long, and now it was time for her to make some new memories.


To illustrate what I was trying to avoid with this fic, here are some out-takes that everyone can enjoy (except for Grandpa)!

1) A Maiden saved from Death?

...She took another deep breath and shakily climbed the small fence so that she stood perched balancing on the top-the top surface of the fence was wide enough so that she needn't worry about falling off straight away.

The cliffs came closer still, and her muscles tensed in preparation.

"No!" Came a shout of alarm from behind her, and Quistis turned around to see Squall running up behind her, in all-out hero mode.

"Quistis, you can't do this!" He shouted, stopping a few meters behind her.

"But I must!" Quistis cried dramatically. "My life is not worth living, as nobody loves me!"

"Quistis, you're wrong! Because...I love you!" Squall declared.

"What? No, that can't be. You're with Rinoa, and you two are in love." Quistis protested, crying tears of loneliness and angst now.

"I'm only with her for the look of things!" Squall admitted. "But all this time I've been wanting you!"

"Oh, Squall! Take me now!" Quistis squealed, and Squall rushed forward in slow-motion, his arms thrust forward...only to trip, and barreled into Quistis, sending the two of them flying off of the edge and towards the sea below. But they were in each other's arms, and knew the joy of love, so they died happily and...together.


2) An unlikely Suitor!

...Suddenly filled with a sense of purpose, she left the Training centre at a brisk pace, returning to her room to pick up her whip and attach it to her belt. She figured it was the only thing she would really need on her.

Outside of her room, however, who should she bump into but the blonde antagonist, Seifer!

"Yo, watch where you're going!" He told her coolly, smoothing back his hair with one hand.

"Get stuffed Seifer, I hate you so much that I think I'm going to throw up in my mouth just by looking at you for too long!" Quistis snapped at him.

She truly hated him, and if he was the last person in the world, she wouldn't be with him, she thought.
Seifer looked hurt. "But instructor! Erm, I mean, ex-instructor! I was just coming to your room to give you these." And with that he produced a bouquet of roses from behind his back.

Quistis blinked at them. "Why are you giving me these?" She asked, taking the roses from him.

Seifer looked embarrassed. "The thing is, even though I hate you and am glad that you got fired from your job as an instructor, I also am secretly...in love with you." He confessed.

Quistis stared at him. "That's ridiculous! Why would I ever want to be with you after everything you've done to me?"

"Because we have this chemistry thing happening?" Seifer suggested.

Quistis shrugged. "Fair enough."

And she jumped into his arms, smooching him all over, and the two returned to her room for a night of unlikely but wild passion.


For my first Final Fantasy VIII story, I wanted to focus on a character that does not usually get much attention. There are heaps of good fan-fics out there about Squall, Rinoa, Zell, Selphie, and even Irvine, but only several about Quistis.
A confession: I don't really like Quistis as a character, and never really usedher in the game. Not because her personality is bad or anything, but just because Square did not give her much of a background, a love interest, or much to do in the story, so I ended up using other characters instead.

So, I figured that I'd try my hand out at writing a fic with Quistis. I started out by thinking about a good person to pair her up with,romance-wise, and then realised that therewas no-one.
If you read my two out-takes just above this, you'll see me poking fun at Quistis having a romance with both Squall and Seifer, who she is most commonly paired up with. I just think that there's not much chance of this happening, if you think about it. Squall has Rinoa, and it's made pretty clear that they're inseperable in the game, and I can't see a girl like Quistis being with someone like Seifer.

So, at first at least, Quistis will be without a pairing. While she still likes Squall, she accepts that there's no chance of anything happening.

I tried not to make this cliche', and didn't want to use the plotline that goes something like: girl tries to kill herself because boy doesn't like her, and then realises that boy does like her, and all is well.
Shortly after starting this story I also realised that Xu is a perfect companion and friend for Quistis, so I'm going to have this story focus on her as well.

I don't expect this to get that much attention, but if you do read this, please leave a review about the story, or the out-takes or anything! There should be more to come.