Robyn sat cross legged on the couch staring blankly at the engagement ring she held in the palm of her open hand. She'd not taken it off before now. She'd never had reason to. It felt strangely wrong to have removed it, as if she were betraying someone. The truth was that she was betraying no one. It wasn't needed anymore, that's what she kept telling herself in her head but her heart felt differently. They argued constantly, her heart telling her that she still loved Kit and her head telling her she was better off without him. Their conflict was driving her crazy and tearing her apart. There was no right answer was there?

Deciding to listen to her head as her heart had caused her so much sorrow in the past she closed her hand into a fist, the ring still rested in her palm. Getting up from the couch she ran upstairs and narrowly missed knocking the descending Robbie the rest of the way down them. Ignoring her father's questioning she ran into the bathroom and flung the ring into the toilet, she had to be rid of it.

It took nothing more than three seconds for Robbie to realise what Robyn was going to do and he ran back up the stairs. He made it to the bathroom in time to see Robyn flush the toilet and watched as the ring disappeared in the frothing water. It was gone and could never be retrieved. He caught Robyn as she began to fall backwards, the weight of the emotional trauma of the last two days catching up with her.

"We should have been married by now." Robyn sobbed overcome with emotion.

There were no words of comfort that Robbie could offer his daughter. All he could do was hold her as she clung to him and let out all of her pent up emotions. He hoped this was the first step of the healing process that Doctor Cole had told him to anticipate. If it wasn't he didn't know what he'd do.

Kit sat down at the breakfast table bleary eyed. He'd not slept properly in days with pre-wedding nerves and with the guilt that filled him from attacking Robyn. His mind kept replaying the dreadful events, events that should never have taken place. He'd taken all of his pain and anger at Grigori's return out on the woman he was supposed to have loved more than anything in the world. Despite everything he still did. She was his world, his reason for living and he'd thrown her away. She'd tried to help him and he'd thrown it back in her face with a clenched fist.

Who he was now he didn't know. Had he ever known? Robyn had helped him find himself, he wasn't Kit the drifter he was Kit the clown. Kit the lover. Kit the loved one. She had altered the course of his life and had given him the strength to settle down, the strength to change. She'd done so much for him and destroying her was the way he'd repaid her. The very thought made him sick to his stomach. He wasn't any of those things she'd made him; he'd made himself Kit the monster. He'd lowered himself to level of those like Cain and Lily, those that went out of their way to hurt Robyn. He was a monster.

"Carpe Diem." A voice said breaking into his thoughts and scattering them.

Kit looked up, "You what?"

"Carpe Diem." Doctor Cole repeated glad that his house guest hadn't slipped into a coma as he'd suspected. "It means seize the day."

"I still don't follow."

"You're upset about Robyn. It's been three days since the wedding, go and see her. Talk to her. You still love her and that is the first step to getting things back on track. Talk to her and find out how she feels. You can't shut her out; you need her as much as she needs you."

"What makes you think she still loves me? It's too soon anyway. I couldn't face it."

Doctor Cole shook his head, "If you're worried about what sort of reception you'd get from Robbie and Sportacus I can assure that if they were going to do anything they would have come here and done it already."

"They know where I am?"

"Yes, because I told them when I went to see Robyn."

"How is she?"

"Eat your breakfast, take a shower, have a shave and we'll go and find out. You can sleep in the car."

Kit knew there was no room for argument. Not having an appetite he skipped breakfast and went upstairs. Entering the bathroom he shut the door and looked at himself in the mirror of the cabinet above the sink. He looked rough, really rough. His eyes were red and dry looking, the colour of his face matched the colour of the walls of the cabinet and he'd not shaved for a couple of days which had resulted in quite the shade of stubble.

Slowly he peeled off his pyjamas and threw them in a heap on the floor. Turning on the shower he got straight in and stood under the sting of cold water. He didn't feel the need to turn up the temperature. This was only a small way of punishing himself for what he had done but it was adequate compared with what was to come. There would be more to come. His whole life had been turned upside down and he couldn't stand the pain anymore. It hurt too much. Nothing was the same anymore. It was all different. His whole life had been one big lie cooked up by one man. One man had torn everything he believed in to shreds and had locked him in the darkness.

Robbie was downstairs getting some sleep; he was emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted. Despite his own feelings about what had happened Robbie had stayed strong for Robyn's sake. It was his job to. If he fell apart it would make things worse and would leave only Sportacus to take care of his daughter.

Sportacus was sat beside Robyn on her bed. Silence reigned in the room that neither of them were inclined to break. There was no need to. There was nothing to say. Curiosity enticed Sportacus to ask after Robyn's feelings about Kit but reason told him to steer well clear of that subject. She was in no condition to go over what had happened.

Robyn pushed herself up into a more comfortable position causing Sportacus to look at her. She'd barely moved in the hour that he'd been there and this was the only sign of being alive she'd shown since he'd gotten there.

"How long have you been here?" Robyn asked noticing Sportacus' presence for the first time.

"A little while. I thought you'd noticed I was here ages ago."

"I didn't. I've not been myself lately. Things are a little hazy."

Sportacus frowned a little in concern at Robyn's words. She really didn't seem herself at all. Realising that she probably hadn't had anything to eat or drink for a while he went downstairs to fetch her something. He was careful not to wake Robbie as he walked into the kitchen and made Robyn a 'Sportacus Club Special'. He had to remember to put it on white bread and not brown as Robyn hated brown. Something he'd objected to but had eventually gotten used to.

After pouring a glass of fruit juice for Robyn he carried it and the sandwich upstairs. He found Robyn in much the same way as he'd left her and it seemed she hadn't realised that he'd left at all. Much to his relief she ate her sandwich and drank her drink with no resistance. When she'd finished she laid herself back down on the bed and fell asleep. Listening to the sound of Robyn's breathing Sportacus too fell asleep after a little while.

Without turning off the shower or wrapping himself in a towel Kit stepped out of the shower and walked over to the sink. Opening the cabinet door he reached in and pulled out a packet of spare blades for his razor. Seventeen years of repressed pain burned within him as he opened the packet and pulled out a blade. Resting one of his hands on the ridge of the sink he pressed the blade to his wrist. In his head he repeated an internal mantra:

Things would be better this way…