"So, what are you hiding from?"

Madara levels a glare at Obito over his computer monitor. "What could possibly make you think that I'm hiding?"

"Other than the fact that you're eating in your office by yourself? You always eat with your best buds," Obito says while nodding towards the package of inarizushi on Madara's desk.

"Tobirama is not my 'best bud' as you so eloquently put it," Madara corrects.

"Sure, but you tolerate him, so you can eat with your 'man-crush.'"

Madara isn't entirely sure what Obito is implying about Hashirama with the air quotes on his own slang, but he knows that he's being mocked. "Just drop off the documents and leave, brat."

Obito brings a hand to his chest and gasps, "Hey, hey! This is a professional work environment ! Leave the name-calling at home or I'll call HR!"

Madara narrows his eyes. "You wouldn't dare."

"Wouldn't I? I'd love to see Rin lecture you on workplace sensitivity," Obito snickers.

Two can play this game. "How will she find the time with you constantly crowding her office?"

Obito's grin falls as his brow knits. "How do you know about that?"

"We can hear you arguing with Kakashi in the next building from here. Well, I say 'arguing,' but he usually ignores you, doesn't he?"

Grimacing, Obito finally hands over the folder. Madara accepts it with a smile as Obito mumbles a half-hearted goodbye and leaves him in peace.

~xXx~

Obito grumbles as he returns to the sales and human resources building from the skyway. While his hands are stuffed in his pockets, he feels some loose change and decides to indulge in a snack from the vending machine. Placing the coins into the machine, he selects a bag of chips that he likes well enough. Unfortunately, the bag gets stuck halfway during its descent to the collection tray.

Obito groans, "Fuck me."

"Oof, that's rough, buddy," says Naruto who just happened to be passing by.

Obito tiredly rubs his face and replies, "Tell me about it."

"Ya think it'll fall the rest of the way down if another one falls on top of it?"

"Worth a shot," he says while shrugging. Naruto inserts a few coins and selects the same item. They watch as the spiral hook slowly rotates to release the bag. It tips forward and lands on top of the first. Their eyebrows raise as the two bags teeter on their precarious perch. Unfortunately, they stabilize.

Naruto and Obito groan. She asks no one in particular, "What are the odds?"

"With our luck? One-to-one, probably. Anyway, thanks for try—what are you doing?"

"Getting our snacks," she states matter of factly with an arm already shoulder-deep into the machine. Their purchases remain undisturbed on the fourth row up while her fingers barely brush the bottom of the third row.

"I don't think your arm is long enough. Anyway, get your arm out of there before you get—"

"Uh oh."

"—stuck," Obito finishes with a sigh. Turning to walk away, he reassures,"Hang on, I'll go get someone."

"Wait! I just remembered a question I had for you," Naruto says.

Turning back to her, Obito raises an eyebrow. "Can't it wait?"

"No, cuz I'll forget, ya know. Do you know where Madara works? Sasuke just told me to get back to work when I asked him, but I figured you might know," Naruto explains with a scowl.

Obito has no idea why Naruto might be looking for Madara, but he knows that their personalities are like water and oil. Madara is likely to get a headache just from Naruto's energy. Trying to keep the devious hint out of his smile, he answers, "His office is on the top floor of the administration building. You can't miss it."

Naruto smiles up at him. "Thanks!"

~xXx~

Later in the day, Madara ducks into a meeting room when he sees Uzumaki knocking on the door of his office. Just as he's wondering how she found his office, Tobirama walks into the room. His tone is equal parts surprised and suspicious when he comments, "You're early for the meeting."

Generally, Madara shows up to any meeting Tobirama calls exactly one minute before it is set to start. The resulting scowl fighting to emerge on Tobirama's face serves as Madara's entertainment during what amounts to a lecture with an unnecessary amount of criticisms and micromanaging sprinkled on top for variety. Quickly redirecting his gaze elsewhere and taking a seat in his designated chair, he retorts, "I'm always early for the meeting."

Tobirama narrows his eyes and huffs, but says nothing more as their coworkers file into the room. A foreboding feeling haunts Madara throughout the endless talk about how they aren't as efficient as they could be.

~xXx~

Thankfully, Uzumaki left before Madara was forced to return to his office after the meeting, but his luck runs out the next morning. On the way up to his office, she happens to spot him in the elevator and calls out, "Maddy! Hold the door for me!"

Madara blanches and repeatedly stabs the "close door" button. By some miracle, the elevator doors outpace her sprint toward him. He breathes a sigh of relief and nearly gives into the urge to lean his forehead against the wall. If the other occupants of the elevator have any thoughts on his actions, they wisely refrain from sharing them. Madara has put the event behind him by the time the elevator reaches the top floor, but the welcoming committee dredges the past up again.

Criminally upbeat for the hour, Naruto forgives him for deliberately closing the elevator doors with a smile. "Guess ya didn't hear me," her rosy cheeks balloon before she exhales, "Eh, morning cardio is good every once in a while, right?"

There must be some way to avoid this interaction. Unfortunately, Tobirama has already seen them, so calling in sick is no longer a viable option. He briefly considers bringing this to the attention of human resources, but immediately discards the thought. Whining to someone else that a girl is bothering him is just juvenile. Thus, Madara decides to handle the situation like the grown man he is—by ignoring it.

Uzumaki jabbers as she follows him to the door of his office. His lack of responses doesn't discourage her in the slightest. With only two pockets on his person, the key to his office must be actively hiding from him with how long it takes him to locate it. Finally, the door to his office swings open and he turns to Uzumaki just as she invites, "So, anyway, are you free to have lunch today?"

Before he can rudely decline, Hashirama steps out of the neighboring office. True to form, he fails to read the room and asks, "Oh, Madara, do you have lunch plans today?"

Immediately, Madara corrects, "N-Ye-I thought we were going to eat together like always?"

"Actually, we missed you yesterday. Did something happen?"

"I had a lot to get done, so I worked through lunch, but that won't be a problem today—"

Uzumaki cuts in, "So, you do have time?"

"Why don't we all have lunch together," Hashirama cordially suggests, much to Madara's horror.

"Sounds good to me! Madster, you're gonna love my surprise, ya know! Look forward to it," Uzumaki says with an alarming amount of excitement. With a blinding smile and an overly-familiar pat on the back, she disappears around a cubicle divider and back to whatever level of hell is set aside for him.

Before returning to his office, Hashirama pats him on the shoulder and says, "It's great that you're finally making more friends!"

Madara stands frozen in the doorway of his office while he wonders what just happened.

~xXx~

With far too much fanfare, Uzumaki exclaims, "Ta-dah! Inarizushi ramen!"

Madara glares at the instant ramen cup Uzumaki places in front of him. He would glare at the situation in general if he could. The possibility that this is just a one-time occurrence that he has to suffer through grows less likely with every passing second. Not only do Uzumaki and Hashirama get along great, but she has managed to wring a few amused snorts out of Tobirama.

He couldn't care less about Uzumaki and Tobirama's expectant looks, but the pressure of Hashirama's gaze forces him to sample the nightmarish concoction. Madara supposes that it isn't the worst thing he has ever eaten—not that Uzumaki will ever be any the wiser. Wordlessly, he pushes the remainder toward a delighted Hashirama.

Uzumaki whines, "Aww, you don't like it?"

"No," he swiftly denies and pulls his inarizushi containers toward him.

"Dang! I thought you would like it for sure, ya know."

She knows nothing about him, but she was sure he would like it? Ridiculous. However, Hashirama's presence prompts him to reduce his cutting remark to a grunt. Madara retreats into himself as the conversation carries on without him and Hashirama pilfers half of Naruto's unprotected lunch. Unfortunately, this coping mechanism means that he completely misses Uzumaki's suggestion and only catches the Senju brothers' approval of the idea.

~xXx~

Madara would love to know why the optimal spot for the new water cooler is outside his office. Only the foolish would dare approach his office for hydration they could easily obtain from the sink on the opposite side of the office. Anyone with even a sliver of common sense will continue to do just that.

Of course, Uzumaki is the first to partake in the foolish coworker trap. In between sips from her paper cup, she has the gall to cheerfully remind him, "Now you don't have to go to the other side of the office for water, ya know!"

"Splendid," he responds without an ounce of sincerity.

~xXx~

Madara has grown used to the intrusion in his daily life. Due to Uzumaki's chattiness and a lesson learned about not keeping tabs on her, he knows more about her than he does some family members. In contrast, she still has no idea that she effectively scaled the corporate ladder to the top of the company by forcing her way into Madara's social circle—much to the chagrin and astonishment of her coworkers.

He learns that she has connections of her own when Dosu tries to get her fired for some petty reason. The head of Human Resources and Uzumaki's father, Namikaze Minato, steps in and does everything short of ordering a hit on the fool. Madara toyed with the thought of getting rid of her as well, but he sets the idea aside when Dosu doesn't come back from his "suspension."

Nepotism would explain how a dullard like Uzumaki got the job in the first place. Madara feels like a fool for not noticing the glaring family resemblance sooner. It's probably because Namikaze is actually professional and competent. Meanwhile, his spawn makes a horrendous error every other week. Clearly, the apple fell very far from the tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Charisma is the only personality trait shared between parent and child. Despite how often she is the butt of the joke, Uzumaki is very social and has no problem integrating with any group that catches her fancy. Thus, it is utterly baffling that she fixated on Madara, the office recluse. If career advancement isn't her objective, what other reason could she possibly have?

Initially, Madara thought Uzumaki latched onto him because he reminded her of her other obsession, Sasuke, but it turns out that she clings to everyone—Uchiha or not. Despite her notoriously short attention span, she still hasn't moved on to the next unfortunate soul after months spent hounding him.

~xXx~

As always, Madara's good fortune has landed him a spot on the company retreat. Because the gifts keep on giving, Uzumaki sees it as an opportunity to deepen their "friendship." He has managed to keep her from learning his address, but he gets a preview of what life will be like once she finally gets her hands on the information when she ends up in the neighboring hotel room.

Thanks to her, he perfects the art of pretending he isn't home, but that doesn't stop her from trying to invite him everywhere. She successfully draws him out of his room a few times with Hashirama's help, but their buffer disappears when they start the team-building activities.

Whoever thought a cooking class was great for building camaraderie needs some more ventilation in their skull. Madara tries to be partners with Hashirama, but Uzumaki gets to him first. Not only is he stuck with the last person he wanted, but their collective culinary expertise is on par with a child that just learned to use the microwave. Expecting them to work together to make something like a soufflé is unrealistic, to say the least.

Their attempt at fine cuisine reeks of failure as they attempt to glare the concavity and overflow into the correct shape. Uzumaki asks, "Why does it look so bad?"

It is extremely tempting to blame it all on her, but Hashirama and Tobirama managed to make a picture perfect soufflé despite the former's tomfoolery, so it would be the same as admitting that he can't do something that Tobirama can. Madara would rather die. He declares, "We may have lost this round, but we'll win the next one."

Uzumaki's eyes are fiery as she heartily agrees, "Yeah, we will!"

~xXx~

Some might be tempted to say that team-building exercises aren't a competition. They only say so because they fear an overwhelmingly shameful defeat. Tobirama may pretend to be a "mature adult," but a string of losses visibly grates on him. It pleases Madara deeply.

They may have their differences, but he and Uzumaki make a great team. Between her networking and his cutthroat tactics, they utterly dominate the exercises and if there was a trophy, it would be theirs without question. Her drive to succeed rivals his own and she would easily climb the corporate ladder on her own merit if she was always this competent.

~xXx~

Perhaps Madara is riding the high of a landslide victory, but suddenly Uzumaki isn't as annoying as usual. Apparently, the sight of Madara almost enjoying Uzumaki's presence finally prompts someone to enlighten her. He nearly jumps out of his skin when he opens the door of his hotel room to a passionate exclamation, "You're the boss?!"

"One of them, yes," he confirms.

Despite the newfound knowledge that he is her superior, she barges into his hotel room as always. Uzumaki settles in one of the chairs in his room while she comes to terms with the situation. Unsure of how to proceed, Madara settles in the chair across from her and waits. They were about to get dinner, so he assumes she'll wrap this up quickly.

Eventually, she asks, "Is that why you always call me 'Uzumaki,' despite how many times I've told you to call me 'Naruto?'"

"That was a bit of revenge for the plethora of horrid nicknames you have addressed me with," Madara explains without shame.

Uzumaki nods. "Yeah, that does seem like you. Guess this finally answers the question of your hair."

Eyebrow raised, he asks, "My hair?"

"I thought the boss was too scared to ask you to cut it, ya know."

"Hashirama has never once been afraid to ask me anything. Tobirama has made some strong hints, though."

"Hashirama is a boss, too?!"

What is it about him that attracts idiots?