Chapter 15 "Mud and Blood"

Jessie hated being in the squad room. She always felt like she was choking. The silence was enough to make her feel claustrophobic. The squad was divided and Jessie like it was all her fault. And it was so confusing!

Jessie wasn't speaking to Fin, John, and Olivia. Only Elliot and Don. Fin wasn't speaking to John, Olivia, or Jessie. Only Elliot and Don. Elliot wasn't speaking to John or Olivia. Only Jessie, Fin and Don. John and Olivia tried talking to Fin, Elliot, and Jessie, but finally gave up. They were only speaking to each other and Don.

Don was the non-biased party who told them all who they had to speak to because the only way to engage them all in conversation was to have them work on a case together. They didn't let their bickering get in the way of their jobs. What they did was far too important.

So Olivia and Elliot were still partners as were Fin and John. Jessie resumed her role as the somewhat floater and went wherever Don thought she needed to go and would often go with her himself on a case.

Jessie had to admit that she often felt quite out of place though. She'd entertained the thought of transferring to Gang division more than once. Gangs would more than likely jump at the chance to have her on their squad.

She'd often confided in Don about these thoughts but Don was always quick to remind her that what she was doing there at SVU wasn't just for her. It was for all of the victims who she'd helped and the people that she'd possibly saved by bring a perp to justice.

"Now that you're here I honestly don't think this unit could function without you." Don said truthfully. They were sitting on a bench in a neighborhood park eating hot dogs from a cart a block away. Jessie was addicted to those things despite what derogatory comments Munch had made about them being made out of cat. Munch always has to find something to gripe about, Jessie mused.

"Ya'll functioned just fine before I got here." Jessie replied while wiping some ketchup off her face. Don had relish, mustard, ketchup, and jalapenos on his. Jessie's hot dog looked puny with only her ketchup.

"Maybe so," Don said, his mouth still partly full. "But you brought a certain kind of spark to this place. A little country to this city. I'd really hate to see that go." Jessie rolled her eyes.

"What is it with you New Yorkers? All of yah talk with yah mouths open!" Jessie said, mimicking a New York accent. Don laughed and swallowed.

"Well I'm sorry little lady! I guess us city folks weren't brought up with your manners and Southern charm!" Don in turn mimicked her accent. Jessie giggled.

"I reckon I have to stay with SVU. What would you do without me?" Jessie teased. In the past month that the squad had been out of sync Jessie and Don had become friends of sorts. Jessie looked up to him. She saw many qualities in the captain that her father had possessed and that brought her an odd sense of comfort.

"I would be lost!" Don said dramatically. "But I wouldn't be the only one." He added. Jessie smiled.

"Yeah, I don't think Elliot could go on without me." Jessie rolled her eyes. "Every morning Elliot asks me where his badge is. And every morning it's in the same place. His coat pocket." Don chuckled.

"Yeah, Elliot would miss you, but he wasn't who I was talking about." Jessie cocked an eyebrow. "Fin would be a little shy of devastated if you were to leave." Jessie frowned.

"He'd be glad to see me go. Hell, he'd pack my desk up for me and send me packin." Jessie said with a little more sorrow than she had intended.

Don sighed and turned to Jessie. "I may be old but I ain't blind. I saw the way you two looked at one another and the way you still look at each other when you think no ones lookin." Jessie almost jumped in surprise.

"But Elliot…" Don cut her short.

"Elliot's dumb when it comes to you. He can't see what everyone else does. Even Olivia saw it. She just wanted Elliot to be happy so she pretended not to."

"Olivia and John just wanted to win a damn bet." Jessie said angrily. By then the pair had finished their hot dogs and were walking along a path that circled the park.

"I know that's how it seems but its only partly true." Don said. Jessie grunted. "Olivia and John saw something special in you the second they met you. We all did!" Jessie stopped and looked up at Don, tilting her head like a confused puppy.

"You've got a glow about you Jess. John and Olivia saw it right away and instantly knew you were perfect for their partners. They knew you would open Fin and Elliot up. And they were right."

Jessie shook her head. "But I hurt them both." She muttered, looking at the ground. "Elliot just don't know…" Don smiled sadly.

"I knew you did a little more than sleep on your little Valentines Day undercover operation." Don smiled mischievously. Jessie snapped her head up.

"How the hell did you know?" Jessie exclaimed. Don laughed.

"I could of easily put in another couple. In fact, that would had been more orthodox than sending two of my detectives into a room to "sleep" if you catch my drift." Don winked. "John and Olivia weren't the only two doing some matchmaking."

"So, you've been helping John this whole time and he didn't even know?" Jessie asked, shaking her head. This was almost too much for her brain to handle.

"No Jess, I was helping you." Don said smiling. "After I conspired with Olivia with the janitors closet scam, I knew I'd screwed up. It was Fin you wanted, not Elliot. Ever since I'd been trying to think of a way to fix it and I saw that case on Valentine's Day as the perfect opportunity."

"But if Elliot finds out…"

"Yeah, I know, he's gonna blow his top." Don nearly laughed. He was all too familiar with Elliot's temper.

"Elliot knows. He wont admit it but in his heart he knows where your heart is." Don said. Jessie glanced up at the trees. It was now May and the trees were beautiful and full of thick green leaves. They reminded her of her farm back in Texas.

"I blew it with Fin." Jessie muttered. "I couldn't tell him how I felt when it meant the most." Don put an arm around her and they began to walk again.

"You'll have another opportunity," Don promised. "Destiny has a funny way of working. She waits till you least expect it and then suddenly opens a door and guides your feet." Jessie laughed.

"And here I thought you were a cop. Don Cragen, intellectual incognito."

"Don't tell anyone." Don winked and then smiled. It was a smile Jessie instantly recognized. A fatherly smile. She'd missed those smiles.

"Lets head back." Don said and they walked back to the car. When Jessie opened up the passenger door she thought about what Don had said. She hoped that destiny would soon open a door for her.

Fin was sitting at his desk, bored and frustrated, waiting for Jessie and the captain to come back from lunch.

Fin missed Jessie and he knew that it showed. He hated the tense silence that seemed to have consumed his work place. It was so confusing about who was talking to who that it all out pissed him off. He was tired of tiptoeing around everyone and most of all he was tired of watching Jessie from afar.

Fin knew he'd pushed Jessie away out of anger. He wanted her to love him so badly that he'd just pushed too hard… And he'd pushed her right into the arms of another man. That's why Fin had decided that staying away from Jessie would be the best thing to do.

She and Elliot seemed to be happy and he didn't want to cause any more trouble. He loved Jessie and he didn't want to hurt her anymore than he might already have.

When Jessie and Don walked into the squad room Fin stood up, trying to banish the thoughts of how beautiful Jessie looked that day. God, he thought, I miss her kiss.

"I checked out that Davis kid," Fin said to Don. They were looking at a young college kid named Jeremy Davis for a rape homicide. "He was known in his old high school for his violent temper and behavior toward the females." Fin added. Don shook his head.

"Well looks like his behavior followed him to college. You, Munch, and Jessie pick em' up and bring him in for a little chat." Don said. Jessie, Fin, and John picked up their coats and were out the door.

They were driving around the campus of Hudson University looking for Jeremy Davis, who seemed to of disappeared off the face of the earth. His roommate had informed them that they had just missed him.

Sitting in the silent car was too much for Jessie. To her, silence was almost suffocating.

"Ya'll think this guys a runner?" She asked. It had started to poor down rain right as they left the station and she didn't particularly want to get wet.

"He might be." John turned around and gave her a sympathetic look. She was always the one who had to chase the perps down. "But he's on the football team and is rumored to have a Black Belt." Jessie sighed and sat back.

"Freakin perfect." She muttered.

"Its show time." Fin said and hit the breaks. Their guy was walking down a sidewalk talking it up with some chick. Jessie jumped out of the car and flashed her badge.

"Jeremy Davis, you need to come with me please." Davis gave Jessie a panicked look and started back stepping. Jessie lunged forward but was a few inches shy of his shirt and bolted down the sidewalk.

"Go!" Jessie screamed to Fin and took off running after their perp. Fin took off with his tires squealing and throwing water all over the girl Davis had been speaking to.

Jessie ran as fast as she could after Davis. She started going through her options in her head. Davis was a big guy, as he no doubt had to be to be on a college football team. She could see that she was following him to a place Fin and John couldn't drive into. He was headed down some dingy alleyway between two buildings.

She didn't know if he had a weapon and she knew that she couldn't take a guy with a Black Belt! Jessie would just have to hope she could hold him off till the Calvary arrived.

Jessie ran into the alleyway about thirty seconds after Davis and nearly slipped on the thick mud on the ground. She looked frantically around and saw Davis had somehow disappeared. Jessie took out her cell phone and called Fin.

"I lost him." Jessie said, breathing hard.

"Where are you?" He asked.

"I'm in this alley between the…" Jessie suddenly felt a sharp pain on the back of her head. Her phone flew out of her hand and Jessie fell to her knees, her vision blurring. She touched the back of her head and then looked at her hand. It was covered in her own blood.

She looked up and saw Davis staring down at her, brandishing a heavy looking pistol. She was staring down the barrel of a gun. I'm gonna die here in the mud, she thought. Jessie's life began to flash before her as she saw Davis begin to squeeze the trigger. She closed herself and let memories take her away.

She saw herself sitting on an old John Deer tractor with her father. She saw herself washing dishes with her mother. Her old friends in Texas, her old partner sitting beside her in the hospital after her rape, her first day in New York, and the first day she met the rest of her squad. Olivia, John, Don, Elliot, and Fin all flashed before her eyes.

Fin was her last thought.

And that's when she heard the click. The gun wasn't loaded.

Jessie jerked her eyes open in time to see Davis swing the apparent empty weapon at her, catching her on the side of the head. She flew back, her face covered in blood and her hair caked with mud. She wanted to give up. She wanted to pass out. Her body felt heavy and her head was throbbing.

Davis stood over her, grinning down at her. His smile was sick and twisted. He was enjoying seeing her in pain. He enjoyed her defeat. And that pissed her off.

Davis lifted his leg to kick her and Jessie felt adrenalin rush through her veins as anger brought her back from the edge of nothingness. There was no way she was going to let this twisted prick beat her.

She caught his foot with her leg and jerked with all of her might. She saw him land face first in the mud. She kneed him in the center of his back between his shoulder blades and put all of her weight down. She cuffed him and did her best to hold him down.

Her body began to sway. She had to close her eyes because of the blood and rain seeping into them, making them sting. Her body was weak. She'd lost too much blood. Jessie felt herself begin to fall to the ground.

Right before she hit the mud, a pair of strong arms caught her and cradled her.

"Detective Odafin Tutola. I need a bus!"

She could hear Fin's voice. She knew she was in his arms but his voice sounded so far away. She felt Fin try to wipe the blood out of her eyes.

"Jessie, just hold on baby!" She heard him say. He may have been yelling but to her it sounded like a whisper.

Jessie heard the wail of sirens. She felt herself being hoisted up.

"Jessie, baby, can you hear me! Stay with me!" Fin yelled.

"Keep her awake! We don't know what kind of head trauma she's got!" A stranger said.

"Jessie, stay with me. You've got to stay awake baby! Come on! Look at me!"

Jessie forced her eyes open. She was in the back of an ambulance. She winced as someone shined a light in her eyes.

"Jessie, baby look at me!" Fin touched her face.

"Davis?" Jessie croaked out.

"John's got him. He's on his way to the station and then he, Olivia, Elliot, and Don'll meet us at the hospital."

Jessie's eyes got heavy again. She couldn't keep them open much longer.

"No Jessie! Stay with me!" Fin yelled. Jessie looked at him with a weak smile. "Jessie please," He begged, his voice breaking. "Baby, you have to stay with me. Please don't leave me."

Jessie felt her body being pulled into darkness. Her eyes fell shut despite her effort to keep them open. And then her whole life was consumed by a emptiness so thick that sound didn't even exist. The last thing she thought she heard was Fin's voice whispering "I love you."

Fin held onto her limp hand the rest of the ride. The image of her lying in his arms, bloody and beaten, made him shiver with fear. They were both soaked from the rain, but her hair had clumps of mud and blood, and was stuck to her face.

How could I be so stupid, he thought angrily. I should have never let her go after that guy alone. They couldn't tell through all of the mess exactly what had happened to her so Fin didn't even know how badly she'd been hurt or even if she would be alright.

When they arrived at the hospital Fin was told to stay in the waiting room and someone would be with him momentarily. A few minutes later Elliot, Olivia, and Don rushed into the room and assaulted Fin with a barrage of questions. The only question that registered was when Don asked where the hell John was.

"He took Davis back to the precinct and was supposed to get you guys and come here. He ain't with you?" Fin said.

"He called us. Told us what happened and said he was on his way here. He passed Davis to a uniform to bring up. We haven't seen him!" Olivia replied. Fin shook his head.

"Well where the hell is he when I need him?" Fin said angrily. Only Munch would pull a Houdini right at that moment.

John had gotten stuck in a traffic jam on his way to the hospital, which only gave him additional time to mull over his guilt of how he had partaken in royally screwing the squad. There had been so much blood on Jessie's face. John knew that head wounds bled a lot, but still…it was Jessie. And Fin! Oh God, Fin looked like he was about to have stroke when he saw Jessie so beat up! This made John feel even worse. He was part of the reason they weren't together.

By the time John got to the hospital he figured everyone would be in her room. He snuck in a back door he found open and made his way down a sterile hallway.

John didn't like hospitals. They gave him the willies. The last time he'd been in one he'd been shot in the ass. John rubbed his pants where his small scar was, remembering the pain. That'll make your butt pucker, he thought wryly.

John looked into every room he saw with the door open and was shocked to actually get lucky! He saw Jessie lying motionless in a bed, her head wrapped in a white bandage. John looked over his shoulder and saw no one else around so he let himself into her room.

John sat in a chair by her bedside, reached for her hand, and took it gently. The only sounds in the room were from Jessie's heavy breathing and the beeps of the heart monitor.

John absently wondered where the others were but figured they would join him soon enough. He noticed they washed the mud and blood out of her hair and off her body. She looked peaceful just lying there and he immediately felt a rush of guilt come over him.

He felt so guilty for hurting someone so sweet and kind. She'd been a good friend and he'd damaged that friendship, perhaps beyond prepare. He wouldn't know till she woke up and he planned on being right beside her when she did.

Elliot, Don, Olivia, and Fin all sat in the waiting room for what felt like hours, even though they knew it hadn't been that long, each lost in their own thoughts.

Elliot had gone up to the front desk a dozen times asking about a Detective Jade Harper or Jessie Harper, but he kept being told to wait until a doctor or nurse came out to see him.

Elliot sat in a chair, his head in his hands. He hadn't been that scared in a long time. Not even when he and John had been shot in court.

Olivia wanted nothing more than to comfort Elliot but she knew better. He was still angry with her, and rightfully so, and she was probably the last person in the world he wanted to speak to.

Don sat next to Fin; a hand lay comfortingly on his shoulder. Don had only known Jessie for about six months but he already felt toward her almost like he did Olivia. Like they were the daughters he'd never had. His heart ached at the thought of her in any pain.

Fin was lost in a whirl of his own thoughts. He saw flashed of her covered in her own blood, just lying there in his arms, completely helpless, while blood flowed from wounds on her head that he couldn't even see. How lifeless she'd looked in the ambulance.

Then he remembered the night that they had made love. How soft her skin was and how tender her kiss felt. How right they felt together. How perfect

A grim looking nurse interrupted fin's thoughts.

"You all are here about a Jade Harper?" She asked sadly, looking down at the chart in her hands. She was a tall, robust blonde headed woman with Pirelli in gold on her nametag.

"Yes. I'm Captain Don Cragen with the NYPD. Jade is one of my detectives." Don said, taking a deep breath. They all stood up. Elliot's muscles tensed. He was so afraid…he reached out and touched Olivia's arm.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this but…" Nurse Pirelli sighed heavily. She felt awful about giving out this kind of news, and especially about cops. The four people in front of her seemed very different but very close.

"I'm sorry but Ms. Harper didn't make it."

Immediately Elliot crumbled to his knees, Olivia going to the floor with him.

"No!" He sobbed, scorching hot tears cascading down his face. Olivia, also crying, held Elliot and rocked him back and forth.

"You can wait to identify the body." Nurse Pirelli whispered and slipped away to make her rounds. She still had a young lady asleep from medications after being knocked around a little. She was one of the lucky ones, Nurse Pirelli thought, taking one last look at the four grieving people.

Fin felt his knees buckle. He fell back, nearly missing the edge of the chair. He looked at Don, who had a few tears running slowly down his face also. Eliot and Olivia were still on the floor.

Don put an arm around Fin and pulled him into a hug, needing comfort as much as much as wanting to give it. That's when Fin's tears broke loose and his whole body began to shake uncontrollably.

Fin had seen death and experienced loss but never of this magnitude. Fin knew he had just lost his soul mate.

"I love her Don. Damnit! I love her." Fin whispered over and over, only loud enough for Don to hear.

"I know Fin." Don said, letting his own defenses down and his tears flow heavily. "I know."

Authors Note: Dun Dun Dun! Alright, here's another chapter! Hit me up with lots of reviews folks! Love ya'll-Ali