Chapter 16 "For What It's Worth"
Jessie felt like she was under water. She tried to force her eyes to see but she was still trapped in what seemed like a never-ending darkness. She wanted to move but her body felt like lead. She was just floating…
Suddenly, it felt like the world fell away. The water drained. Jessie was falling. Falling toward this huge orb of light. She fell for what seemed like hours. And with great force she hit the light.
Jessie blinked. She felt a warm cloth dabbing her cheeks gently.
"Sleeping Beauty has awaken." John chuckled. Jessie squinted at him.
"What happened?" Jessie asked groggily. She tried to sit up but the paralyzing pain in her head made her think that lying down was probably her best option.
"You got smacked around with the handle of a pistol." John said grimly. He folded up the washcloth and put it on her forehead. "What's the last thing you remember?" He asked.
The memories came rushing back to her. She remembered being attacked from behind in the alley and also remembered part of the ambulance ride. And Fin… she remembered Fin begging her to stay awake. Whispering that he loved her…
"Passing out in the ambulance." She said, her voice slurring in pain. The only light in the room was a dim lamp across the room. It wasn't even enough light to read from but to her, it was agonizing.
"Where is everyone?" Jessie asked. John shrugged.
"They probably got hung up somewhere. Sorry, you're stuck with me for the time being." John said wryly. Jessie laughed a weak sounding laugh.
"I thought I was gonna die John. Near death experiences tend to put everything in perspective for me. I don't feel like being mad at you and Olivia anymore." Jessie muttered. Her voice was strained and pain filled. John gave her hand a light squeeze. He was glad to have been forgiven.
A few minutes later a blonde headed nurse came through the door.
"Well, I'm glad to see you're awake, dear! I'm Nurse Pirelli!" The plump woman smiled. "Are you her father?" She asked John, which earned her an over the glasses glare.
"No," Jessie said, half giggling. "He's my best friend." John smiled and gave her hand another squeeze.
"Well, Ms. Harris, you're a very lucky young lady." Nurse Pirelli said seriously.
"Harris? My last name isn't Harris." Jessie said, raising an eyebrow at the nurse. The nurse looked at John for confirmation, as if Jessie had amnesia or something.
"Her name is Jade or Jessie Harper." John said. The nurse's face went pale and she looked as if she'd seen a ghost.
"You're Jessie?" She choked.
"Yes…" Jessie said, carefully pulling herself up into a sitting position.
"But I just…you're supposed to be…oh God!" Nurse Pirelli stammered, holding on to the edge of Jessie's bed to support her. John stood up.
"What's going on?" He asked, his tone serious. It was never a good thing when hospitals made mistakes. The nurse took a deep breath.
"The charts must have been switched." Nurse Pirelli said, more to herself than to John or Jessie.
"So what does that mean?" John asked. He was about to lose his patience with this woman.
"I just told about four people you were dead." Nurse Pirelli admitted reluctantly. John whipped off his glasses and his jaw dropped.
"WHAT!" Jessie yelled and then winced as her head pulsed with pain.
"Where?" John asked with urgency. Nurse Pirelli told him which waiting room and John took off like a rocket. I've never seen him move that fast, Jessie thought absently. Then she turned a sharp glare to the nurse.
"I am so sorry dear." Nurse Pirelli said, her voice a little shaky.
"Shouldn't you go fix your mistake? Tell people who is really dead?" Jessie snapped. The nurse nodded.
"Would you like anything before I…"
"Out! Get out! I swear if I wasn't hooked up to this I.V I'd…" Before Jessie could finish Nurse Pirelli mumbled something about a replacement nurse and fled out the door.
Jessie rubbed her temples.
"The madness never ends." She grumbled.
John ran as fast as his older body could carry him toward the waiting room. He knew the others were probably frantic. When he saw the four detectives, they were all sitting down, sniffling and no doubt discussing their next course of action.
"Where the hell have you been?" Fin asked, his voice laced with misery. He didn't have the energy or the will to yell.
Don stood up, a grim look on his face. His eyes were red and puffy from crying, a were the other three's.
"John…" Don started but was cut off.
"She's not dead." John said.
"John, I know its hard, but…"
"No! I just came from her room!" Elliot, Fin, and Olivia's heads jerked up from the floor and they stood up quickly.
"The charts got switched. Jessie's very much alive!" John explained. A second later the four detectives and Captain Cragen ran down the hallway toward Jessie's room.
Jessie greeted them all with a warm smile as they burst through the door light a herd of elephants. Elliot wanted nothing more than to smother her with hugs and kisses, but he knew from the look in her eyes that she was in quite a bit of pain.
He leaned down and kissed her forehead so gently that it felt like a feather to Jessie. Olivia stood on the edge of the bed, a few stray tears falling down her face. Jessie wanted to break the awkward silence.
"It's a miracle! I'm back from the dead!" Jessie laughed. Elliot smiled widely. Don stood by Olivia, smiling down at Jessie.
"It really is a miracle!" Don laughed.
"We were afraid we'd never see you again." Olivia said quietly. Elliot nodded, not quite trusting himself to speak.
"I love you Jessie. I was so scared…" Elliot finally whispered.
"Hey," Jessie said gently, reaching out and patting his hand. "I'm here now and I don't plan on goin anywhere anytime soon."
A few seconds later the replacement nurse came bouncing in. She was a bubbly bleach blonde headed young woman who Jessie had an automatic disdain for.
"Hi! I'm Wendy and I'll be your Nurse!" Wendy said in an extremely loud voice. Jessie winced and covered her ears. That's when Jessie saw Fin for the first time since her five co-workers had shown up.
He was standing in the corner, his hands buried deep in his coat pockets, looking at Jessie as if seeing her for the first time. Jessie almost cried out to him as she saw the tears that were slowly making their way down his cheeks.
"I need an Elliot Stabler to come with me. There's some paperwork you need to sign." Wendy said sweetly, giving Jessie a warm, inviting smile. Jessie frowned. Wendy was still talking too loud.
Elliot kissed Jessie's forehead.
"I'll be back soon sweetie." He said softly.
"I'll go with you." Olivia offered. Elliot nodded and the two detectives left, being lead by the giggly Wendy.
"Do you need anything? Are you thirsty?" John asked Jessie from the foot of her bed. Jessie nodded.
"We'll go find you something to drink." Don said, leading John out the door, partially closing it behind them, leaving Jessie and Fin alone.
Fin didn't move a muscle from where he stood. He didn't speak. He didn't know what to say. What do you say to the woman you love after you've turned your back on her? Found her bloody, lying in the mud? Then think she was dead? What the hell was he supposed to say?
Jessie didn't know what to say either. She'd hurt Fin as much as he'd hurt her. She didn't know how to tell him how she felt. Had she missed her chance? Or was this situation destinies way of opening another door for her and giving her one last chance to make things right?
Fin walked slowly to her and sat on the edge of her bed. Jessie saw his eyes were read and irritated and his cheeks were still wet from tears. Jessie reached shakily for his hand. Fin raised her hand to his face and kissed the palm as silent tears again escaped his eyes.
"God Jessie," He said, his voice breaking. "I thought I lost you." The emotion in his voice broke her heart.
Jessie pulled Fin into a bone crushing embrace, ignoring the intense pain in her head, and whispering words of comfort to the crying man. Fin ran his hands through her hair and kissed her cheeks.
"I'm so sorry," Fin whispered over and over. Jessie pulled back until they were eyes to eye and kissed his cheeks again, kissing away all the tears.
"Me too." Jessie said. They sat in silence for a long time, just holding one another. Jessie wanted nothing more than to kiss Fin, tell him she loved him, but she knew that it would only cause more harm than good. She decided that after she got out of the hospital that she would end it with Elliot and tell him the truth.
After her second scrape with death Jessie decided she'd better fess up and face the consequences. She was finally ready to do the right thing.
"Fin, do you think its possible to love two people at the same time?" Jessie asked.
"I don't know. Is it?" Fin asked. He looked into her eyes with so much intensity that Jessie nearly gasped.
Jessie sat for a few moments, mulling this over in her mind. Yes, she loved Elliot. He was a great man. She couldn't help but love him… but it was different with Fin. She needed Fin, and Jessie Jade Harper had never needed anyone else in her life.
Fin had struck a chord deep inside Jessie. He made her want for a future that six months ago she'd thought was an impossible dream. Someone she could come home to, do the dishes with, and wash clothes with. Wake up beside every morning and fall asleep every night safely in his arms. Jessie used to think that a life of adventure was all she'd ever want or need…until she met Fin.
"Yeah, I think its definitely possible." Jessie said, grinning up at Fin. Fin leaned down and kissed her cheek gently.
"Me too baby." He said. "Me too.
Little did they know that Elliot was just about to open the door when he heard Jessie ask Fin that heart wrenching question.
Elliot backed away from the door as if it were a leering monster about to attack. He stood alone outside her door, paralyzed with his shocking realizations. He was thankful Olivia had left him to go use the rest room.
Elliot sat in a chair that was pushed up against a wall, as if it had been waiting for him. He admitted to himself then that in his heard he'd always known. He'd ignored all of the red flags, even eventually dismissing the Christmas card, because he didn't want to believe that Jessie was in love with another man.
Elliot wanted to be angry but found that he couldn't be. Had it not been him sobbing in the waiting room floor only an hour ago because he thought she was dead? Elliot was just happy that she was alive!
He made a decision then. He loved Jessie but he knew they weren't meant to be together. He knew that he had to let her go.
Fin came out of Jessie's room and saw Elliot sitting in a chair, looking miserable.
"Hey, you alright man?" Fin asked.
Elliot took a deep breath and rose from his seat. He looked Fin in the eyes as if to ask a silent question, and at that second Fin knew Elliot had heard his and Jessie's conversation. Fin simply nodded. Elliot nodded also and then did something Fin didn't expect.
Fin had prepared himself to be yelled at or punched but not for what happened next. Elliot stuck out his hand to Fin.
"I know you'll take care of her." Elliot said shakily. "You're a good man Fin. I'm glad its you." Fin shook Elliot's hand firmly.
"For what its worth…I'm sorry." Fin said sincerely. Elliot just shook his head.
"Lets talk to Don, John, and Olivia. I've got an idea." Elliot said and Fin nodded.
They walked down the hallway to find their friends together, side-by-side, Elliot filling Fin in on some of Jessie's choice habits that he felt Fin should know about. The two men knew that things would be different from then on. How could things go back to normal?
Then again, for what it was worth, since Jessie had joined the squad, nothing had been quite normal, and both Fin and Elliot thanked God for that.
Authors Note: HAHAHAHA GOTCHA! Everyone thought I was this terrible person cuz' I killed but I didn't haha! I couldn't resist. Well folks, after this chapter I believe we only have one more and then an epilogue. Keep giving me lovely reviews! Come back and see what Elliot's bright idea is. I'm sorry this chapter is short but so will the next two since we are coming to an end. Read and review folks!
