Here you go. Hopefully this lighter one makes up for the last (darker) chapter.

XD I have no idea what this is or how it was planted in my mind and just what possessed me to write it, but it was funny so I couldn't resist XD Now, before I begin, DO NOT TRY THIS XD This is just for fun, but DON'T actually try this.


''Wait, what! You can't be serious! I was just kidding!''

''Well, I wasn't...if the moneys still involved.''

''W-well,'' the first man stuttered. ''Of course, b-but!-''

''Nonononono,'' the other held up a hand, ''No 'buts,' that's a dangerous word. It makes you think too much.''

''Dick, he's never going to do it!''

''So what, Mason?'' Viper shrugged, smirking as he leaned against the wall, arms crossed. ''I want to see him try.''

''But he wouldn't talk to us, then certainly not him!''

''Says who?''

''You won't do it,'' Mason said, turning to his old squad mate, ''You can't!''

''Why not?'' he shrugged. ''I walk in there, get the info, and get out, and you pay me; free money. Look, look, you just don't know how to talk to him, see? Watch this.''

Turning with his usual perk, Dick practically skipped into the psychiatrist's office.

As he did, Mason's face went pale and he started pacing in tight circles, muttering to himself.

''Oh kriff, oh kriff; dis is bad, this is bad!''

Viper just stood back, watching his friend in amusement.

''Don't worry; it won't work.''

Mason stopped, a slightly haunted look on his face.

''Viper, this is Dick we're talking about.''

He tilted his head pointedly...and Viper's smirk vanished. Then they dashed to the door and pressed their ears to the wood, trying to hear what was going on on the other side. It was obvious they hadn't completely thought this whole thing through and only now (too late) did they take notice of that.


The office was neat and tidy when Dick walked in. As typical of most medical offices, it was a sterile grey-white color with hints of green and brown popping up occasionally in the form of plants and furniture. Two guest chairs sat in front of the main desk where the doctor sat, the man looking down at some flimsi-work when Dick stepped in. One of the men whom he had worked with back when he was still under Commander Titan, he was an older man with a slight, concentrated frown on his face as he inspected his work.

Upon glancing up at the new visitor (whom he knew rather well), however, he closed his eyes to resist the urge to roll them.

Oh boy.

Opening his eyes again, he sighed to himself, taking in the pleasantly plastered smile on Dick's face. It was the one he always had when he was trying to pull something...as passed experience had shown; so naturally, Trig was righteously suspicious.

''The negotiations will be short, I presume?'' he asked.

''Oh of course!'' Dick replied, the smile never leaving his face. ''I just need to ask you some questions.''

Sighing again, the other man nodded tiredly.

''That's what I'm afraid of,'' he said, ''Alright, sit down.''

It always amazed Trig how, where ever he went, Dick never stopped smiling like a mannequin if he was trying to do something that was generally considered a rather bad idea. All this to say, he was either in trouble, or he was going to be...one way or the other.

That in mind, he cautiously shook Dick's hand.

The adventurer shot him a wounded look which he ignored. He just lifted a skeptical eyebrow and asked, ''Having any problems I should know of?''

As if on cue, Dick's expression instantly brightened dramatically. ''Oh yes!'' he replied, before taking on a sorrowful air, shy in many ways.

''You see, because I've been gone a while, I'm having trouble getting used to...uh..well..'' his face flushed slightly again, ducking his head. ''Talking to people.'' he muttered. ''It's gotten harder.''

He glanced up hopefully, biting his lip. ''Any suggestions?''

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Trig shook his head to himself. ''I deal with mental disorders and illness, pal. Not social status.''

The embarrassed, self-berating look came to Dick's face again, though he tried to hide it.

''Buuuuut, maybe I could give you some advise?''

Magic.

''Anything!'' he smiled, ''I'd be so grateful!"

Trig nodded, wondering why he was doing this to himself.

''Well, first thing is to be confident - now, no, don't worry. It'll be fine. This part just takes practice. Second - this one may seem weird but just stay with me on this one - if there is some one specific you are trying to talk to, try to see or overhear what they are interested in so you can look it up if you don't know anything about it. Then you would have the general idea of what you're talking about. You may sound like an idiot, but whoever it is can at least appreciate the effort. Third - for some one like you, this next one will be hard - once you say something on the topic and you're finished with the first thought, STOP TALKING. This will give the other person a chance to comment and you will get a chance to think about what you are going to say next.''

He glanced up. ''There's more I could add. This enough or you need more?''

The younger man's smile only grew. ''No, sir, that was perfect! Thank you so much for taking your time to - ''

Trig waved him off, ''Another tip; start flattering some one and they'll wonder what you're up to.''

''Oh. Well, nothing really. I just have a problem with talking to fifty percent of the population.''

''Eh,'' Trig bent down to reach a lower cabinet on his desk, paused...straightened to stare up at him. ''Fifty per- What the Kriff do you need to talk to fifty percent of the population for?! The only ones who do that are primary care doctors and even they haven't met that.''

''Oh yes, but you see, fifty percent of the population is women.''

He paused, letting that sink in for a bit before Trig's eyes went wide.

''Dick, you son of a-''

Laughing, he scurried out of the office, prancing over to Mason and Viper.

''Gents,'' he grinned, holding out his hands on either side, ''My winnings, if you please?''

They both paused, growling a little when he wiggled his fingers in response, then slowly handed it over, muttering that he had cheated some how. After all, how could one not rethink it if the challenge had merely been 'how to talk to women?'

But as he pranced off, they couldn't help smiling. After all, they reasoned, there was always next time...


Het einde (Dutch) the end


XD he may be a good guy, but he can act. XD Haha, yes, while funny, this is another one of those 'Don't try this at home' things. And while I personally don't agree with what they just did, you have to admit, it does make for a funny situation.

Anyway, that's all for now folks, I hope you enjoyed it! :D