The Human Technological Wonder Chronicles
Excerpts by the SpecOps Sangheili Chief
Transcribed and translated by Bass GSX
Thanks for the reviews—I really appreciate it. Oh, and, to the people who have called the Covenant stupid: They're not stupid, they've just never seen stuff like this and think that it's a military training...well, yeah, they are stupid.
ooo
Day Two: Military Training Devices Part Two
As we delved deeper into the fiercely competitive Human military sims, we found numerous simulations designed for usage in the dank, cramped dwellings these Humans call "houses". These simulations are activated using various computer systems referred to by strange names. There is the (translated by essential meaning) "Human Sporting Event for Fun Multi-sided Three Dimensional Prizm", or, literally translated (and this name makes no sense to me) "GameCube", the "Frolic Place of Deployment the Second", or (yet again, nonsensical) "PlayStation 2", and the "Crossed Container of Various Things", or (once more, ridiculously translated) "Xbox". These simulations are called "video games" by the fledgling humans. The Humans are far more insidious than they appear. They make their weapons of war seem like games and fun to their young...this will make the offspring violent and vicious. We underestimated the Humans in tactical thinking and on the home front. Our strategy should be rethought as we research their culture more.
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"As you can see, this device is another ingenious plot to strengthen the Human military. This current 'video game' is titled 'Ruler of the Dominant Ancient Middle Eastern Kingdom of Earth: The Penultimate Fighter Residing Inside', or, if you prefer, 'Prince of Persia: Warrior Within'. This game illustrates a young Human battler escaping from a large, Lekgolo-like monster called the 'Daah-haa-kaa'. It also shows the sinister Human plot at an attempt to master the ability to warp time. Dangerous indeed", the SpecOps Elite rumbled, shaking his fist at the screen where Prince was running along a wall as the Dahaka's tentacles shot out of the wall. The Arbiter was in deep concentration as he ran from the evil black beast, and the white Elite sighed.
"These so-called 'games' even suck our own troops out of reality. Here is a sample, and yet another awaits us", he commented. The Elite motioned to a pair of Grunts playing Super Smash Brothers: Melee.
"These two Unggoy are currently immersed in a game about uber-powerful destruction siblings. They select their representative and then battle, using strange battle techniques and odd weapons. However, this game is dark to the bone, showing samples of Human terrain as a familiar reference point for the Human youth. Indeed, it is the epitome of-" the SpecOps leader began, clenching his fist.
"My large, fire-breathing, shield-less Lekgolo crush your petite, woman Demon clone!" the blue-armored Grunt giggled.
"Me no care! You step on bomb and die!" the other one in red armor cackled, double- then triple-jumping back to the stage in Hyrule Temple. The first Grunt gibbered in anger, shaking his arms.
"As you can see, this device even causes antipathy and anger among friends. But, it becomes worse. Some games, such as 'Occupier of a Space Corruption the Fourth', or rather 'Resident Evil 4', demonstrate ways to destroy the sinister Flood to fledgling Humans. This plot unravels into frightening twists as we find new 'video games'", the SpecOps Elite sighed. He walked on to show a Brute playing Donkey Konga.
"Now, here is an intriguing Human training sim called 'Beast of Burden Misspelled Name for a Form of Dance Involving Drum Beats'. This game demonstrates a machine the Humans are developing to use as a mind-control device on our Jiralhanae forces. Through a strange concept, it is insidious and ominous, showing the deviousness of our Human foes. If they can control our Jiralhanae, how long will it be before the Unggoy, Kig-yar, Yanme'e, and Lekgolo...maybe even the Sangheili become mindless pawns of the Humans in their destructive march to the dissolution of the Covenant! These dirty, scum-sucking Humans are devils to the core and are on par with the parasitic Flood! They deserve no less than the havoc we wreak upon their pathetic planet! We shall crush them as dust underneath our boots, and scrape them as excrement from our feet! ...but I digress", Kiya'Gradolee roared. He moved further into the bombed out apartment complex, chock-full of Covenant playing video games.
"Ah, yes, here is my next subject: the 'Entertainment Form Young Male Human Fledgling', or, literally translated, 'GameBoy'. This sinister 'console' is a portable military training sim, with 'cartridges' that hold different programs. However, each one has the same basic principle: Teach the offspring how to kill effectively", the white SpecOps leader growled. The camera peered over the shoulder of a Jackal who was spaced out playing Tetris.
"This sim teaches logic and programming tactics. It seems so simple, even a Kig-yar such as this one can learn. See how it mimics the way that we program our AI and shields? Each block fits into a certain place, forming a wall that, when a straight line is formed, is destroyed. You 'finish the level' when all the blocks are gone, just like the program for our AI is complete when all the barriers are destroyed. It seems the Humans know more about us than we originally speculated", the Elite noted.
"And this 'game' is called 'Sparkling Metallic Orange-Yellow Transition Metal Globe of Gas that, through Nuclear Fusion, Produces Its Own Heat and Light: The Time That Has Been Forgotten', or, as some insist on calling it, 'Golden Sun: The Lost Age'. Either way, it is an interesting idea. Human forces, through holy powers, fight honorably in turns. Each combatant waits for the holy Prophets to bless him, and, when he has received permission, he attacks his infidel foe, striking him utterly from the face of the planet. Indeed, it appears the Humans have some idea of how combat should be. Alas, when in larger groups, they prefer to fight their own way. But, that is not the point", the Elite commented. He turned to face the camera.
"The point is that the Humans are hatching a violent and demonic plan to train their young into seasoned killers, built to destroy Covenant! They will strike back at our seemingly invulnerable offensive! Even now, they seek to pollute their children's minds with heresy and evil!" the SpecOps leader snarled. An Elite in black armor strode up to him.
"Honored Leader in our Holy Conquest. We have found a Human 'game' that may be of interest", the Elite bowed, handing 'Gradolee a copy of Halo 2.
"'Sacred Rings the Second'. Mockery! This is pure heresy and blasphemy! More evidence of the plan to wipe the Covenant out of the universe! Surely, this 'game' has nothing to do with combat and everything to do with propaganda! It will be of no use to our men, as it will not hone their skills at anything! Burn it! Strike it from the records! On this, I rest my case", the SpecOps Elite screamed, hurling the game against the ground.
"Kiya'Gradolee, out."
XXXEnd Day TwoXXX
