The Human Technological Wonder Chronicles
Excerpts by the SpecOps Sangheili Chief
Transcribed and translated by Bass GSX
Chapter Four: Military Training Devices Part Three-The Warehouse
Our horror surmounts as our investigations continue. The Humans have so many ways to taint their offspring's minds that my mind reels. During a patrol, I and my squad stumbled upon a place called "Toizz-Ahrr-Uhsss", a warehouse for things that corrupt young Humans' minds. While searching the installation, we unearthed a peculiar thing called "ack-shun fig-yerzz". These small and seemingly harmless representations of various Humans are made out of some synthetic material called "plahzz-stick". Anyway, these "fig-yerzz" have joints, allowing them to move in life-like motions and resemble Humans or other things. Indeed, these "fig-yerzz" warp the young Human minds into believing they can fight like these "fig-yerzz". However, my words cannot describe these transgressions. I should rather like to show you.
XXXEnd Written SectionXXX
XXXBegin Audio-Visual RecordingXXX
"Brother, is the camera on? Oh, it is?" Kiya'Gradolee asked. He turned to face the camera.
"Honored Prophets. This small device is what I have found is called an 'ack-shun fig-yerr'", the white Elite noted, holding a Power Ranger action figure. He twisted its limbs and turned its head about.
"See? The Humans mean to mimic the way that their kind moves. Also, some of these 'fig-yerzz' come with attachments or strange weapons. This is to pollute the fledglings' minds into thinking they, too, can fight with weaponry and technique beyond belief", the SpecOps leader commented. He walked along further down the aisle of the store and pulled a packaged Darth Vader action figure off a shelf.
"This creature is called 'Dahrth Vey-durr'. We suspect he is supposed to be a twisting of our Sangheili brethren. Indeed, Human fledglings are taught to fear him. And, see his weapon? A corruption of the sacred tool of our kind, the Energy Sword", Kiya said. He moved on.
"Some of these 'fig-yerzz' have internally recorded audio tapes. Here, allow me to demonstrate", the white Elite noted. He tore Teen Titans figure off the shelf and ripped its packaging off. He squeezed it several times before finding its button.
"Titans, go!" Robin's voice sounded. 'Gradolee dropped the toy, hissing.
"This horror of horrors. Perchance, these 'Tyy-tehnzz' are the same as the 'Spahr-tehnzz'. If so, these 'fig-yerzz' are familiarizing the Human fledglings with the 'Spahr-tehnzz'. That will mean the young ones may even want to become a 'Spahr-tehn'. This could mean that the next force of Demons will be gigantic, maybe even too much for our forces to destroy. Indeed, this is only one of many of the terrifying facets of Human culture", the white Elite noted. He walked further on and froze. A Grunt and the Arbiter were playing with Legos.
"Ah, yes, the 'Limb Attached to the Foot Used for Walking-os'. Interesting and quirky objects they are. They have strange, round parts on top and holes on the bottom. The design allows them to be constructed into various shapes and buildings. Surely, this is yet another Human plot!" the SpecOps leader roared. The Arbiter gave him a skeptical glance, but said nothing.
"These Humans will teach their children how to build machines of war using these 'Limb Attached to the Foot Used for Walking-os'! Then, the offspring will be more disposed to creating these weapons and shall become ruthless killers and engineers!" Kiya shouted. The Arbiter and the Grunt had just finished building a Phantom dropship out of Legos and the Arbiter pretended to fly it around using his hand. The SpecOps leader snatched the Lego out of his hand and dashed it to the ground.
"Do not fall into their trap, Arbiter! It shall corrupt your mind and make you into a monster!" he growled. The Arbiter drew an Energy Sword.
"Mahmep and I spent twoHuman hoursbuilding this, and you destroy it as if it were nothing? Have you no respect for works of art?" the Arbiter snarled. Kiya'Gradolee replied by drawing his own Sword.
"I do not wish to fight, Arbiter, but-" he began. They heard yells and roars from a few aisles over. The Arbiter and the SpecOps leader rushed over to see what the commotion was, and the camera shook a little from the running of the cameraman. They came around the bend to see a pair of Elites growling and shouting curses while playing Rock'em Sock'em Robots. The Arbiter chuckled, but Kiya began to get angry.
"You slime! What are you doing? This Human nonsense! It is...wait, what is...?" he started. The white Elite examined the Robots more closely.
"'Large Naturally Forming Condensed Mineral Formation Third Person Plural Direct Object Form of a Personal Pronoun Piece of Clothing Worn on the Foot Third Person Plural Direct Object Form of a Personal Pronoun Mechanical Humanoid Structures'? Preposterous! Yet, what if the Humans are making devices like these? They would be greatly superior to any weaponry we possess! Even our Fuel Rod Cannons would not hinder these machines, if they are large enough. These prototypes the Humans are testing on their young are frightening. If they are ever mass-produced, then the Covenant as we know it will be finished!" he gasped. Pressing the button that made the Robots punch, the SpecOps leader tilted his head as he hit the other Robot in the chin and made his head pop up.
"Interesting...these machines have a weak point in their chins...no doubt the Humans are perfecting that flaw at this very moment, waiting for us to make a mistake. Then, they shall unleash their forces and destroy the foundation of our culture! Surely, the Prophets must be warned! These Humans are unworthy even of public humiliation of our Covenant! May we crush them before they ever release these horrors!" Kiya'Gradolee snarled, pounding his fist into his palm.
"'Gradolee, be clear-minded. These Human objects are merely toys, and-" the Arbiter started.
"Heretic! I thought you, the Arbiter, would be the most truthful here, yet look at your pathetic views! You enjoyed the Human 'motionies' and play with their weapons of war! The High Council shall punish you if they hear of this! Speak softly, and do not preach these views, lest you receive worse punishment than you already have!" the white Elite roared. The Arbiter rolled his eyes and walked off.
"See how these Human objects corrupt even our finest soldiers? They must be quarantined and studied in controlled environments, lest they take over our entire society. Ah, my time runs short", he said.
"Kiya'Gradolee out."
XXXEnd Day FourXXX
