Summer Solace Part III

3-7-06

How couldn't I love you?

Harry stole a glance toward Draco during Potions and his stomach flipped uncontrollably.

I hold my breath, and wait for tonight---tomorrow night, the night after, and until we are gone from this place where they will judge us and sneer and not understand.

Memories of what life was like before his meetings with Draco flooded back urgently, pressing him with guilt and self-loathing. How had they been so hateful? How could they misunderstand each other to see one another as only simple things--Slytherin or Gryffindor, son of a Death Eater or the Boy Who Lived? Impossibly could things ever be so simple and one-dimensional.

Harry shook the thought out of his head and resumed taking notes from the tome settled to the left of his desk. Why did Draco have to sit there so comfortably, minding his own business, so beautiful and so out of reach? Some mysteries are not meant to be solved. Some mysteries are just the things to keep life worth living.

Snape sent a dissatisfied glare in Harry's direction, but kept his mouth shut. He wasn't in the mood to spend his precious energy reprimanding the boy.

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Draco tasted like peaches. Peaches, and pumpkin juice. He was so sweet. Harry's hands ran through his hair like snakes through the grass. The earth was once again soft and inviting, foliage sweating and crushed beneath the boys' bodies.

"I was dying during Potions today," Harry confessed wistfully. "I couldn't stop staring at you."

Draco's face was split with a grin through blushing cheeks. "Well, we're here now."

Harry's lips grazed the other boy's, pressing intently. They rolled over again, shirtless, hands straying across skin and clothing. They lay still finally, boyish grins on their faces and hair in their eyes.

"Can I ask you something, Draco?" Harry's eyes became somber. His companion nodded in response, his lighthearted grin slightly fading at the tone. "Did you really mean it that first night? That you wanted to--well, the lake," he concluded, stretching for the words, but only able to stare out at the water.

Draco rested on his side, his gaze fell on the silver tips of gentle waves as he pondered what he could possibly say to explain. "Everything had become too heavy," he began, "School, my parents, everything I thought I felt for you before just built up to the point where I realized that none of it seemed worthwhile. What was the use in hating you, in hating them and myself? I had nothing to live for." His eyes burned a bright grey color in the night glow as he struggled to keep tears from welling within. The balmy night air suddenly became irritable. Draco scratched slowly at his chest, bringing out long pink stripes on his skin.

"Hey, don't--," Harry reached for his hand, trying to quell whatever he had set his mind on.

"No, Harry, you don't understand. You and I are different, and don't try to say that isn't so." His voice was hurt and aching, clawing at the inside of his throat as it fell on nervous ears.

"But really, love, not all that's true anymore," Harry forced a smile he hoped was convincing. "I'm here. Right beside you, right beside this lake and I know it's not the answer. I couldn't stand what--if you had--what I know now." None of his words seemed to make sense, but it was all in an attempt to flesh out what was real and what was not. His eyebrows furrowed with discontent, waiting for whatever Draco might say next.

"I still don't know what to do," Draco whispered. "I know you're here now, and I couldn't take it if you weren't with me. I'm lucky you were there that night to stop me." He paused thoughtfully and looked into Harry's eyes. "Imagine what we would have missed."

Sorrowful grins appeared on both their faces, afraid to put into words what things would have been like.

"Feels like fate," Harry concluded. Draco brushed his lips on the other boy's and caught his lower lip between his own.

The stars in the sky cast sidelong glances at each other knowingly, proud that the boys had finally figured out fate's plan. Again they danced, rejoicing in what was just the beginning of a beautiful solace.

Harry gently kissed the long reddening traces on Draco's chest, soothing them with his touch, and in turn washing away bits and pieces of the doubt they held in both their hearts.