Chapter 6: Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Atsuko
I felt like making Atsuko out of character. I wanted to see what she was like when she's sober or something like it.
It's time to have a little more fun. Who better to learn the basics of life from than the ever famous Atsuko Urameshi. She's done it all. Partying, raising Yusuke by herself, having little or no conscience. If you have any questions, she's the one to ask. You'll understand what I mean momentarily...
Normally, you'd think that this particular lush would stagger into the classroom with a beer bottle in one hand and a party popper in the other hand. But not this time. Atsuko was ready to teach, and party poppers are Yuko Katori's specialty.
Miss Urameshi stood at the front of the room in a formal pose, looking very professional. She studied each and every student before starting her speech.
"There are very basic things you need to know about life," Atsuko started. "And these basic things are how to keep food on the table, when to party, and how to keep from ending up with unwanted house mates. In here, you will learn how to party."
Not too many understood the last bit of that sentence, seeing as how most anime characters aren't the brightest light on the Christmas tree.
Everyone was frozen with fright, and it wasn't the kind of fright that Murrue was able to deliver. It was more of a surprising fright than intimidating. I mean, we all thought that she would be drunk as a skunk, and I would have thought so, too.
"Moving on, I feel it's time to get into some detail and start off fun," Atsuko stated. "We'll learn more about when to party. You! The blonde girl. Come up to the front of the class."
The blonde girl, Cagalli, did as she was told and went to the front reluctantly. She knew Atsuko, and that she wouldn't be this serious about teaching a room full of sixteen year olds how to party. She also knew that getting this woman to call her Cagalli wouldn't work.
Atsuko went behind her desk and bent down to pull out several bottles of liquor, and yes, this is how you spell liquor. It's not 'likar', el muy stupido uno.
"Which do you believe, out of this selection, is the best kind of liquor to get a party started?" Atsuko inquired.
Cagalli examined each bottle before saying, "Um, Jack Daniels?" pointing at that very bottle.
"Very good," Atsuko started. "But for what kind of party?"
"Uh, I guess for parties of the year."
Atsuko looked really hard at Cagalli before shrugging and saying, "Works for me. In general, what is the best drink for a birthday party?"
"Sake."
"Graduations?"
"Corona."
"New Years?"
"Russian River Valley Champagne."
"Christmas?
"Mouton Cadet."
"Easter?"
"Cognac."
"And how did you know that?"
"That's typically what you drink at brunch."
"Thanksgiving?"
"Brandy."
The rest of the class looked at Cagalli like she was an alien. Who knew that an Orb child knew so much about party drinks? She even know's more about it than Atsuko Urameshi, the Party Animal of Japan.
"W-well," Atsuko stuttered. "Who taught you so much about alcohol?"
"I'm the daughter of the Prime Minister of Orb," Cagalli replied simply.
While Atsuko just stared at her student, stunned beyond belief, a young boy was muttering to himself.
"Well, lets see here. I could auction Sango's Hello Kitty panties starting a fifty bucks on eBay, and then we have the naked pictures of Flay. I could use those to blackmail her into going out with me for a month, being able to have my way with her. And then maybe I could get a hold on her panties, auctioning them off at seventy bucks. There's no reason why I can't get a high price for those babies since she posted those photos on the net, and quite a few hackers must have seen them. It's all good. I'll be rolling in the dough." The boy, Miroku, if you haven't already guessed, (in which case dammit, this ain't for you) snickered, plotting his dirty moneymaking plans. Too bad he didn't notice the silence of the room. Every word was heard.
Cagalli instantly stormed over to where Master Roshi's rival was sitting, ready to pound his face in.
"So!" Cagalli shouted. "I'm only going to assume that you're the one who stole my favorite Tweety Bird panties last year!"
Whilst Miroku cringed under Cagalli, about to face the wrath of the young girl who had gone Seed mode, many of the other males occupying the room had nosebleeds, their heads filled with views of the otherwise tomboyish blonde about to commit a ghastly homicide in very revealing lingerie. And that is how you spell lingerie, baka roba. (A/N: I'm pretty sure 'roba' means ass in Japanese, correct me if I'm wrong.)
Thinking quick, trying to save Miroku a great deal of pain and her so far best student Cagalli from time in the slammer, she jumped on top of her desk yelling, "Let's get this party started!" She then threw random bottles of vodka and courvossier and sake and all kinds of other drinks to random students. Luckily, Miroku caught a bottle of Vodka coming right at him.
"Sorry, Cagalli," Miroku said, aiming the bottle towards her mouth. "But this is the only way I can keep my life without hurting you, getting you drunk." He then popped the bottle and poured it's contents, no, sloshed it's contents into Cagalli's mouth.
Cagalli stood frozen to the spot with a glazed look on her face before she started giggling and hiccuping. We just have to move into her point of view! You'll love this!
Cagalli's P.O.V.
Right before I was about to start choking the living shit out of Miroku, he splashed this weird tasting drink, I think it was vodka, into my mouth. I swallowed a lot of it and now everything looks funny. All the colors of the room started swirling like tye-dye, and for some reason I started giggling. I don't know at what, but I was giggling madly the way Lacus does whenever my idiotic brother makes a fool of himself in front of her.
"Heh, heh, heh. Little boy blue. He needed the money," I said, staggering across the room.
"Cagalli?" a faraway voice called to me. "Cagalli, are you okay? What happened?"
So I answered the voice, "It all began when my mommy dropped me on my head."
Third person P.O.V.
The person who asked Cagalli what happened was none other than Kira, who was there only because he was playing delivery boy. Cagalli's irregular, I guess you could say, behavior scared him to no end, so he very stealthily slid the message he was to deliver onto Atsuko's desk and left the room slowly and quietly without making any sudden moves until he closed the door. Then he sprinted back to his class as if his life depended on it at that point.
Me: That's chapter six.
Hikaru: We wanted to go on longer but we really need to work on the next chapter.
Me: But don't worry. The next chapter will definitely be funny. It's Murrue's studyhall.
Hikaru: Until then, read, review, enjoy, and ideas & suggestions are always welcome.
Me: Most importantly, review! And one more thing, I know so much about alcoholic drinks from my dad.
