Working that first week with Eddie Diaz was strange for Buck. No longer being the probie on the team felt good, but at the same time it didn't feel like Eddie was the probie either. Sure he was the probationary firefighter, but he got along with the rest of the team so well and stepped in to help on medical calls with Hen and Chimney like he'd been working with them for years. It had taken Buck almost three months to fully be in sync with anyone on the team when he first joined the 118. It made Buck feel insecure but at the same time, he was becoming friends with Eddie outside of work quickly too.
Eddie's second shift was a 24-hour, and it found Buck learning of the guy's six year old son, Christopher. Eddie had gotten a call from his Abuela so that the boy could talk about his day before bed. Buck had walked in on the conversation in the kitchen when he needed a snack while everyone else was trying to get some early sleep before another call came in. When Eddie had ended the call, he had shown Buck a photo of his son and Buck just melted. Two days later, Eddie invited Buck over to officially meet Christopher. They ordered takeout and watched Disney movies until it was the boy's bedtime; then Buck and Eddie sat and talked for a while before Buck returned home.
It was now four days later and the team was on another 24-hour. Buck had shown up with chocolate chunk muffins that were gone within the first five minutes of their shift as everyone waited for Bobby to cook them lunch. Though they didn't partner together often as Buck was stuck more on medical calls helping Hen and Chimney (being five months pregnant as a firefighter was counterproductive as Buck couldn't run into burning buildings anymore). Bobby had told Buck that Eddie was to be his partner on the job, that Bobby had gone searching before Buck had learned he was pregnant.
"Hey."
Buck looked up from where he was stashing away a medpack into the truck. Eddie was jogging over to him, carrying the jaws of life with him.
"Hey, what's up?" Buck turned his attention back to the truck, making sure the medpack was secure before stepping back to close the compartment door.
"So, we have tomorrow off," Eddie opened the compartment door where the jaws are stored.
"We do."
"Christopher wants to go to the zoo."
Buck chuckled, "Do you need a GPS guide to get there, or are you asking if I know what's worth actually seeing?"
Eddie secured the jaws before turning his attention to Buck, closing the compartment door. "Actually, Chris asked if you would come with us to hang out."
Buck looked at Eddie, "Really?"
"Really," Eddie nodded, "He's been asking to hang out with you again since the movie night."
A smile slid onto Buck's face and his eyes lit up, "Yeah, okay. I'd love to."
"Good," Eddie nodded again as they turned as one and headed back towards Bobby to see what else needed to be cleaned up from the car accident they had been called out to. "If you wanna come over just before noon we can get lunch before we go?"
Buck started nodding slowly before he grimaced, "Oh, I uh, I have a doctor's appointment at eleven tomorrow, doesn't usually take more than an hour but it's across town from your place, but I can meet you at the zoo?"
Eddie turned his head to look at Buck as they reached Bobby and Voyta, "Everything okay?"
"What?" Buck looked confused for a second before he understood what Eddie was asking and he chuckled, "Oh, yeah, yeah, everything's fine. It's my monthly checkup." He placed his hand over his stomach.
"Oh, of course." Eddie nodded in understanding.
"We're all packed up boys," Bobby said, "Go get back in the trucks."
"Aye, aye, Captain." Buck mock saluted Bobby and turned to head back towards the captain's truck as he couldn't actually ride in the ladder truck or engine at five months pregnant now.
Eddie followed him, "Okay so, we can still get lunch at the zoo when we meet up?"
"Yeah," Buck pulled the passenger door open, "They've got a few good restaurants inside the zoo, that would be good. See a bit, eat, see a bit more."
"Sounds good," Eddie patted Buck's shoulder before he turned and jogged back towards the ladder truck as Bobby came over to the truck to drive himself and Buck back to the station.
When he had first started showing, Bobby had sat him down to talk, that even though he was still allowed on calls, that it would be best if he took the captain's truck or rode in the ambulance. Buck understood, it wasn't a good idea for him to climb into the tall trucks. So he wasn't driving himself, Bobby always drove with him (usually being the one to actually drive).
"Have you decided if you're going to learn the sex of the baby?" Bobby asked as he started the truck.
"I don't know," Buck sighed, resting both hands over his stomach after buckling his seatbelt, "Like, I want to know but at the same time I've thought about just waiting."
Bobby hummed and they fell into silence. Buck fiddled with his seat belt, and chewed on his lip as he contemplated something.
"You can tell me anything, kid." Bobby spoke up as he continued to look out the windshield. "Ask me anything, you know that right?"
Buck peered over at his captain, trying to decide if it was worth it. Coming to a decision himself, Buck nodded and turned his attention to his hands in his lap.
"Do you-" He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Is it normal- I mean, he's dead and I-"
Buck clamped his mouth shut and continued to fiddle with the seat belt. How were you supposed to tell your captain, a man you looked up too like a pseudo-father, that you're seeing your dead fiance, talking to your dead fiance ? How was he supposed to say that and not look like he was crazy? He already felt crazy, even when it made him feel better, but letting someone else know ? That scared him.
"You know," Bobby started, "I used to talk to Marcy at night after she died."
Buck's eyes shot up and his mouth opened to say something. He didn't know what he was going to say. Bobby didn't normally talk about the family he lost a few years before he moved to Los Angeles. It wasn't long ago he had opened up to the team about them but they all knew not to bring them up. They had to wait for Bobby to say something, and that was rare.
"I knew she wasn't really there, but it felt like she was." Bobby continued.
Buck swallowed again and gave a jerky nod, "I know he's not really there. I just feel like-"
"Like you haven't lost him?"
"Yeah," Buck sighed, closing his eyes to keep the tears at bay.
Buck opened his eyes after a moment, just as Bobby pulled them into the parking lot of the firehouse. Bobby parked, turned off the engine and turned in his seat to look at Buck.
"Buck," Bobby started, "You're not crazy. You're grieving. There is so much that's been turned upside down for you since that night. If talking to Adam to keep yourself sane, or keep him in your life, then talk to him. Even if it's in the middle of a shift and you're sitting on the couch, I'll send everyone away to do chores downstairs."
Buck gave a short humorless laugh, "I still dream of that night, and when I wake up in a panic-"
"It's a comfort."
"Yeah, I don't feel so alone."
Bobby sighed, shifting once again in his seat. "So it only happens when you're alone?"
Buck nodded, "In the apartment."
"Buck-"
"I know," Buck sighed, "I know okay. You and Hen tried talking to me about moving after I freaked out at his funeral and being in the apartment."
"It's the last place you saw him, the last place you had with him. If I had had the ability after losing Marcy and the kids-" Bobby trailed off.
Buck shrugged as he looked out the windshield and at the parked cars of the crew.
"Hey, look, why don't you come home with me tonight, have dinner with Athena and I, stay in the guest room tonight. I'll drive you to your appointment tomorrow."
"I uh, I'm going to meet Eddie and Christopher at the zoo after my appointment, so I need to drive myself," Buck smiled over at Bobby. "But dinner with you and Athena sounds nice."
"Good, then you'll follow me home and we'll make dinner. If you want to learn that vegetable casserole I made last week, we can make that."
"Yeah?"
Bobby chuckled as Buck's eyes brightened, "Yeah."
Before either of them could say anything else, there was a knock on Bobby's window. They both turned to see Hen standing there, a questioning look in her eyes. Buck unbuckled himself before opening his door to slide out of the truck. Before he closed the door he turned back to his captain, who was just pulling the key from the ignition.
"Thanks, Bobby."
