Forbidden Shadows

Chapter One:: Dreaming of Dreamers

W00t! I updated so quickly! Aren't you proud of me? and, the prologue was confusing because it's just the climax of the story. And it's meant to be like the part in the season 5 finale of buffy where buffy does something and everyone's doing different things but they all turn to look at buffy. It's like that but with kel.

Five Weeks Ago

Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan, the Protector of the Small, mounted her horse and looked back down once more at the group gathered before her. "You'll be alright without me?" She wanted to be sure.

"For the millionth time, Mother, yes." The speaker was Fanche, with a slightly irritated but mainly teasing smile. Kel saluted her mockingly and turned her horse. "We'll see you in three days, then."

"We" referred to the group of knights and soldiers gathered at the front gate of New Hope, about to embark on a journey to Mastiff and make their monthly report to Lord Wyldon. Once again, Kel was acting the worrier.

Milady never changes, Tobe thought almost happily as he hoisted himself into Peachblossom's saddles. Then again, neither do I.

The gates of New Hope opened, and Kel set off with her warriors. It wasn't a very long way to Lord Wyldon, but once again Kel had to endure Neal, who was missing his wife terribly.

Ever since his wedding celebrations that Midwinter, Neal had been talking non-stop about his lover Yuki, back in the capital after announcing that she wasn't going to get involved in the war. Today, Neal was complaining about not getting a break for at least three months, and how she's probably have forgotten him by the time he's back at Corus.

Kel cut him off halfway through his complaints. "For the Goddess's sake, Neal, complain elsewhere, when I'm not around." She told him. To the astonishment of her and maybe even Neal himself, he listened to her. The trip continued in silence.

A few hours, two cast horseshoes and one lost report later, the company finally arrived at Fort Mastiff. Kel sounded the trumpet, announcing that they were friends, and received the customary reply.

As the group passed through the well-guarded gate, Kel sighed again with envy at the amount of people Lord Wyldon had under his command. She was almost used to it now, but it still bugged her every time she saw the more trained army and was reminded of how pathetic her own was.

They reached the middle of Mastiff, and Owen rushed up to them. He hadn't changed a bit since the last time Kel saw him, and it was hard to see him as the boy about to take his Ordeal of Knighthood in a few months. He looked more like a bubbly teenager, going off to a new adventure.

"Kel! Neal!" he greeted with enthusiasm, though Kel noticed that he kept strictly to his manners, "It's good to see you again."

Their horses were taken to the stables and they were hustled to the guests quarters. "My lord says he will be seeing you shortly." Owen informed them, "but he asked to see Lady Kel right now, in his headquarters."

Kel frowned slightly, fair eyebrows coming to rest an inch from each other. "What does my lord need me for?" she asked Owen, even as he lead her out of her rooms and into the corridor.

"I don't know," Owen admitted, sounding slightly worried, "he hasn't mentioned to me."

Kel reached Wyldon's quarters and knocked politely on the door. "Come in." Wyldon said from inside.

"You asked for me, my lord?" She enquired.

"Take a seat," he bid her, while pouring her a glass of apple juice, "how are you, Lady Knight?"

"I'm well, sir," she replied guardedly, her eyes never once leaving his face, "and yourself?"

"I'm good too." They sat in an awkward silence for a while before Wyldon finally looked up from his empty cup into Kel's eyes. "I won't beat around the bush," he told her, "what's happening at the moment is the war's finally picking up again after so many months of Maggur recruiting. They still haven't lost their edge, even without the killing machines, and we need every fighting hand we can. I'm sending all the knights in this region to the forts, and some of the soldiers, too."

"Sir?" She prodded, not sure of his meaning.

"However, I'm met with a rather difficult situation with you," he explained, "I know you're useful where you are. So useful, that I don't know if I dare to take you away from your post and give it to someone who might neglect it. I also know your skills with a sword and with a glaive. I know that you'll probably be needed where the battle is. So I wanted to ask you what you think."

So this is what Wyldon had been thinking. Kel found herself confused about how she felt. She'd thought she would give anything to be away from the refugees and in the thick of the real fighting, but the truth was that she'd learnt to love her position at New Hope, and it would be hard to leave.

And if Wyldon was sending such a large proportion of knights to the frontline, that meant less soldiers for refugee camps. Her people will need her.

"I don't know, my lord," she finally replied, "I'll do whatever you decide for me."

He nodded slowly. "Lord Raoul rides for Steadfast with his squads and the knights I'm sending there right now in five days. Let me know if you decide to go with them at least a day before time."

"Yes, my lord." Kel bowed herself out of the room, so much more on her mind than before.

She somehow made her way back to her rooms, even lost within her own thoughts and utterly confused. She had wanted real fighting, hadn't she? So why did she feel so bad? Why did she not want to desert her people?

Because they're her people now. She felt as if they were part of her. She wanted to stay with them, but she also wanted to see real battle. That's why she had become a knight in the first place. She wanted so badly to have both, but you can't have your cake and eat it, too.

And I'll see Dom at Steadfast, a voice inside her said. She blinked. What was that supposed to mean? True, she missed Dom, but not enough to base the whole decision on him.

Five days later, Kel mounted her mount at sunrise along with the rest of Lord Raoul's men. She was careful not to ride near Neal.

She knew she would miss New Hope. But she's miss it in between beating back Scanrans and combat training. Maybe, just maybe, it'd be worth it.

And anyway, she'd see Dom again.