When had Amber begun to see right through Eula? Amber was chatting away lively to the others about telltale signs and how easy it was to tell if Eula was flustered, wishing for company, or putting on a distant act. Listening to her was addicting, watching her a delight like Eula knew it rarely from people and more from judging art and music. Amber's liveliness, happiness, passion, and wit were burning brightly, the shine warm and Eula loved basking in it, be it in its direct attention or just next to it.
But one thing Eula couldn't stop wondering about.
If Amber knew her so well, how come she didn't notice the longing in Eula's touches, her glances, her words? How had she not understood yet what Eula tried so hard to convey, told naturally with every of her breaths? To Eula, the understanding of what she felt for Amber was like exhaling in Dragonspine and clearly seeing her own breath escape upwards in a small cloud, an easy sign, though the easiness hardly as easily falling from her lips. Telling ... was impossible.
Amber however ... did she know that her warmth had melted away frozen defenses, steadily worked through skin, and settled right into Eula's heart and soul? Did she know?
Eula turned her head and caressed Amber's side profile with her gaze and a fond smile, drinking a view painted by the pale moonlight of a full moon. Amber was talking animatedly, arms and hands gesticulating to bring her point across, and her face expressed clear joy, then indignation for a second when she complained about Reckless Pallad with a frown.
"By the way, I think that ice baths are a very healthy routine, especially to make the blood pump! As an Outrider, I think I should join you more often with those. It will be good for my blood circulation!"
"Still, such matters shall not be treated lightly, Amber. You must exert caution with extreme temperatures and prioritize your health smartly."
Amber broke into open laughter and she bumped her shoulder against Eula's arm, trying to shove her out of the rhythm of her steps playfully.
"Don't worry, as long as you're with me, nothing bad can happen!"
Eula's heartbeat set out for one, two beats, then returned in double the force. She shook off Amber's hands from her arm (less effective than the words had been) and walked on decisively, tilting her head forward so that her hair would hide her quickly reddening cheeks. Did Amber know that the things she said showed that she was the sweetest and most caring person in all of Teyvat? Did she know that she was a blessing to have around?
How could Eula tell her?
"Eulaaa, stop running away, I'm supposed to lead the way here! I know where we're supposed to be going, Eulaaaa, slow down!"
"Why do you assume that I am running away? A member of the Lawrence Clan always faces challenges with pride and honor. Mark my words, for that, vengeance will be mine!", Eula huffed and immediately squeaked when arms wrapped around her midriff from behind and boots buried into the snow left and right as Amber hung back with her entire weight. "What do you think you're doing?"
Two more steps, a longer trail of boot prints in snow, then Eula gave up walking and grabbed for Amber's hands, looking to loosen the grip. Instead, Amber tightened her hold by shifting her weight again, this time forward (almost knocking the both of them into the snow) and pressing against Eula's back. She pushed her face against the bare part between Eula's shoulder blades, and Eula froze stiff mid-motion of turning around.
"Don't be mad at me." Amber's breath melted on Eula's skin. Eula was hyperaware of every point of contact, but also Amber's tone. Amber brushed the tip of her nose sideways, rested her cheek against Eula's back. "Please", she asked.
"I'm not." Eula turned slowly, very slowly, not trusting her knees to not give in under her. She had the balance of a dancer, knew how to wield a claymore in a way that rivaled and outshone others - and yet in this very moment, when she turned in Amber's arms and shily reciprocated the embrace in a sort of comfort, she felt like she had never been more unsure on her feet.
"Okay." Amber put her head back to meet Eula's gaze and the disheartened tug of her lips turned into an open smile that showed her teeth. "Your smile is so beautiful, Eula. I'm always happy to see it. Thank you for that. I'm glad that you're not mad."
Eula cleared her throat and averted her head, retracting her arms from where they'd been loosely around Amber's waist. As if she could ever be mad at Amber ...
"We should make haste. I don't want to miss out on the ice lake."
"Miss out?" Amber let go too and put her hands on her hips. Eula mourned having to miss out on Amber's warmth now instead - the place where her hands had rested felt naked and cold. "Well then, I can't disappoint a lady tonight! As an Outrider, it is my duty to fulfill your wishes and lead the way!"
Back in high spirits, Amber jumped past Eula to lead the way this time. With a breath to collect herself, Eula squared her shoulders and followed Amber down the mountain, but unfortunately for her, she had a longer way to go for composure than just flat breathing. All the time, she had to keep her arms pressed tightly to her sides, curling and stretching her fingers to not reach out and take Amber's hand; or better yet, entangle their arms and walk together.
Eula was tired and keeping the fantasies down was hard. Holding back with Amber was hard - but talking ... confessing. Was harder. Just, now, with only the two of them, Eula didn't have to confess. She could use the night's cover and reach for Amber's hand though.
Why not?, Eula asked herself. Why ... not?
With nervous goosebumps creeping up and down her spine, Eula sped up just a little so it wouldn't be too obvious that she walked faster, watching and counting the rhythm in which Amber swung her arms as she walked. Would it be natural to simply take her hand, would it be too much? Should Eula ask for permission?
Amber wouldn't mind.
Eula stretched out a hand slowly, stretching her fingers for Amber's. She sucked her lower lip between her teeth, reached a bit more and -
Amber joined her hands behind her back, turned on her heel and shouted: "Tadaaa! We have reached the desired destination! Once again, a full success in navigation!"
Amber giggled, ignorant to how Eula had almost collided with her and quickly dropped her arm, looking alarmed. "I'll even find the way back to Albedo's cave as long as the moon keeps shining! It wouldn't be wise to wander through Dragonspine with a torch, especially not at the moment. We could be easily spotted."
"Yes." Foolish Eula, to feel disappointed, the sting of regret worse than a knife's blade. Vengeance would be hers - next time, she'd succeed. Fate wouldn't play her like this a second time! "Hmm ... Ah, yes. Next time, we can walk the way in half the time and be more efficient."
"Yup!" Amber popped the P, walked over to a small rock at the lake's shore and dropped down onto it. Immediately, the snow on and around it began to melt, vaporizing around Amber wherever she touched it with bare parts of her skin. She didn't pay it any attention. She yawned behind raised hand. "I'll be sitting here, and you tell me when we can make the way back? I hope I won't fall asleep in the meantime."
"I told you it was fine to stay behind if you're sleepy. I would've been fine on my own." Eula crossed the distance between them, stopped next to Amber and lifted a leg onto the rock, reaching for the thin belts holding her boots in place. She didn't say that she loved Amber's company more than anything. (She didn't know how to. She hoped that Amber knew.)
"But I wanted to go with you." Amber closed her hands around the boots at Eula's ankles, helping her take it off without problems. "You know that I like helping you. You're my special friend, Eula."
I know.
Eula undid the belt on her other thigh, sliding out of this boot on her own. The crunchy feeling of snow beneath her toes was grounding, a contrast to her burning cheeks. The whisper of snow and ice was more familiar than the touch of fire. And yet, why did Eula have to long for it so hard?
She pulled off her gloves and dropped them onto the stone next to Amber, followed by her cape and the shirt part of her outfit that was connected with the sleeves, leaving the black corset that was one with her trousers but baring her shoulders and arms. The cold wind hugged her bare skin from behind, making Eula think about Amber's arms around her instead. It would be easy to sit down next to Amber and press into her side. If Eula had the courage, she could ask to drink from Amber's lips with hers like Eula's eyes and ears did with Amber's words every day.
Nothing was harder.
"I won't be long", Eula promised, turned around and walked into the freezing water until she threatened to wet her clothing.
If to Eula snow and ice were grounding and the wind a silent comfort, then the ice-cold water of this lake was cleansing and clearing Eula's mind. She often came here after training or when something upset her in and outside of Mondstadt. It had happened regularly early on after she'd picked up socializing and training, had grown into a habit, then changed meaning after Amber had entered Eula's life as a permanent piece of it.
Now, Eula could look at Amber and feel relaxed and relieved instead of having to run to Dragonspine and dip into the cold nothingness the water's touch promised. Now, Eula could talk freely, and Amber would always listen and often understand. To be honest, the change of Eula's feelings for Amber ... it had been a gradual process, probably at the same pace as thick ice needed to melt. And Eula wondered - when Amber looked at her, at the exposed core and melted defenses, what did *she* see?
With a deep inhale, Eula bent forward and dipped her upper body under water, uncaring that her hair and accessories would be wet as well. The cold penetrated all of her senses for a moment and captured her breath in her throat before recognizing the flow of elemental energy within Eula and releasing again. Eula stayed underwater, counted her heartbeat and only when it had slowed down to normal again, only then she straightened up with a start and swung her head back, sending her hair flying back against her back with a slapping sound.
Trembling, Eula reached onto the water surface and lifted cupped bits of it onto her shoulders, moving along the depths to keep her blood circulating. This was refreshing, just what she'd needed after these couple of days of adventuring. Adventuring was fun, but relaxing was too.
(That's what she needed regularly when it caught up to her that she didn't have the courage to confess to Amber.)
Eula stopped her aimless circles around the lake after a while, looked up and realized that her aimless walking had turned her face-first back to Amber again, who was sitting with her elbows on her knees and chin on hands, squinting at the water with half-closed eyes. Eula had turned subconsciously, drawn like a moth to the flame, and was just as captivated by it - by her. By Amber.
Seeing Amber like this was familiar to Eula too. In the evenings, when Amber had pushed herself past the point of exhaustion but didn't want to admit it, she felt more like a candle, burning evenly and lazily. And Eula wanted to hold her like one. Eula got to see this side of her; often, she was the voice of reason when it came to sleep.
When will you have the courage?, a critical voice asked. Exact your vengeance. Tell her.
Eula moved through the water toward Amber, parted it before herself but stayed in it so that it barely reached her trousers. Amber sleepily opened one eye and side-glanced at her, swaying from side to side.
"We should head back. You're barely keeping awake", Eula chided lowly. Amber huffed.
"It's really beautiful here at night, in Dragonspine, at the lake. Didn't Albedo and the Traveler draw today? They should've drawn this. This is such a lovely sight, Eula."
"It is", Eula answered, softly, not talking about Dragonspine. Not the lake. "It is a lovely sight. Always has been."
Amber blinked at Eula, stretched her arms over head and stretched at length with a yawn. This too was familiar to Eula - Amber was doing it again. Pushing herself.
"Do you think some ice will wake me up? We still need to walk all the way back up again."
"It's dangerous." Eula's eyes hardened, ready to argue. She wouldn't mind carrying Amber back to Albedo's cave either. The ice bath wasn't exactly necessary.
"Only the toes. The feet?" Unstoppable, Amber was already pulling off her own boots and thigh-high socks, and when her bare feet touched the snow, she started jumping around as the snow hissed below the touch: "Ay, ay, ay, ay!"
"Isn't snow enough? I could put some behind your neck as an act of vengeance. I think that would suffice for all the times in Good Hunter and your keen observations during dinner this evening", Eula remarked amused, moving closer to the lake's edge. She couldn't stop Amber like this, but she would keep close watch and allow a minute of ice bath before dragging Amber back to the cave by force, if necessary.
"No no, I'm f-fine. J-just watch me." Amber jumped to the edge of the ice plate and without hesitation but with tightly shut eyes dipped her legs to her knees into the water. She pressed her lips into a thin line and dug her fingers into the ice, obviously holding back any sounds.
"If it gets to cold, immediately draw back." Eula closed up, placed her hands gently on Amber's and concentrated her Cryo energy into the ice plate so that the other woman wouldn't melt what she was sitting on. That wouldn't do if Amber melted through the ice and got wet completely.
Now, all acts of kindness had always made Eula swear her vengeance, ever since she could remember. This time was no different, especially because Eula should've read Amber better.
(Amber wasn't pushing past her exhaustion to prove something; she was doing it for Eula and Eula alone. Sometimes, Amber was frustrated that Eula didn't understand the hints.)
Cold in almost an instant, Amber moved her legs apart and encircled Eula's waist, pulling Eula closer and dropping against her simultaneously, face buried in the nape of Eula's shoulder in the next moment. Eula hadn't seen that coming and suddenly found herself pulled into this tight hug, still holding onto Amber's hands and infusing the ice under Amber with Cryo. Startled by Amber's proximity, Eula's focus of elemental energy shifted out of control and dissipated all around them, freezing the water a good distance around Eula completely.
Eula was so shocked that she tensed and held her breath, because of several reasons: warmth and cold.
"Huh." Feeling that Eula froze, and noticing that she couldn't move her legs, Amber opened her eyes and tilted her head to look at Eula, whose eyes were wide in shock and embarrassment. Another look to the side, an uncomprehending long stare at the ice, then the puzzle pieces moved into place. Amber gasped.
"Oh Barbatos, I'm so sorry, Eula!", she exclaimed apologetically, tone pitches higher than usual. "I think I've crossed a line! I didn't mean to! Oh how terrible of me!"
Frantically, Amber moved her hands and pressed them on the ice around Eula's waist, channeling her Pyro to unfreeze Eula. That shook her out of her stiffness, the feeling replaced by a new onslaugh of emotion.
"No, Amber." Burning red, Eula grabbed Amber by the shoulders, straightened her up so that they were face to face with each other, interrupting Amber's efforts. "It's fine! It's ... fine."
It wasn't fine. The last time Eula had lost control over her elemental energy had been years ago and she'd worked day and night to never repeat it. Strong emotions, Eula had always acted on them since then, had always worked things out. But then, losing control was fine because it was Amber and Eula felt deeply for Amber - but then again, it wasn't fine that Eula couldn't just say it out loud and put into words how much Amber meant to her. And right now, Amber looked like she'd break out in tears for reasons that were not true.
Eula could explain. Eula had to say that her loss of control was nothing to worry about, it was simply strong feelings for Amber.
She could do it.
"No no, really, in some minutes I'll have us unfrozen and we'll be okay! See, I can almost move my legs again! Oh, Eula I'm so sorry for this! If I had just listened to you and let the ice bath be!"
"Amber, it's my fault." Why do you take it so close to heart, Amber?, Eula wanted to ask impulsively. She knew that it was a terrible question. This was not how Eula could start a confession. She gripped Amber's shoulders tighter, meeting Amber's wide eyes, hearing her erratic breathing.
"No, I-"
Before Amber could begin to finish the sentence, Eula's lips found hers. The kiss was hard, desperately trying to convey everything Eula felt, and over too quickly – and when Eula moved back, the terror of what she'd done trickled down her spine way worse than anything else could. She had wanted to talk. Words.
"Amber", Eula breathed, shocked by herself, "it's my fault, my feelings, they – I can't …-"
Eula watched how Amber's shoulders began to shake, and Eula let go of her shoulders, for a moment terrified that Amber would free her legs, jump up and run. Amber would leave.
Apologies were already on Eula's lips, but she was interrupted by bubbly laughter, a sound Eula hadn't expected, that made everything negative die away. Amber was laughing joyfully, reached up, cupped Eula's face and pressed their foreheads together, shoulders shaking from laughter. Hot tears fell from her eyes too and Eula couldn't help it: she stared, still wordless. But she looked at Amber like at a second sun, wondering silently, waiting, barely breathing. Had she fallen asleep along with Amber and was dreaming this up?
"Amber?", she finally asked.
"I'm so glad." Amber's voice broke and her smile turned upside down when she cried harder. Her fingers brushed along Eula's wet hair, searching, finding, holding. "I'm so glad, Eula. I didn't know if it was okay and if you wanted to and now it's okay. It's not your fault."
Amber pressed her lips against Eula's, pressed another one at the corners of her mouth, at the arch of her upper lip. Those kisses tasted salty, but they were the sweetest Eula had ever had.
(They didn't notice that the ice had long melted around them. Some weren't bothered by the cold and some had enough warmth to share anyway.)
