~ Chapter 42 ~
So I sit here divided, just talking to myself
When a voice from behind me, that was fighting back tears
Sat right down beside me, whispered right in my ear
Said, I've been dying to tell you
That trying not to love you, only went so far
Trying not to need you, was tearing me apart
Now I see the silver lining, from what we're fighting for
We just keep on trying, we could be much more
'Cause trying not to love you
Only makes me love you more
Rosalie had been watching Isabella ever since she had unloaded what amounted to a century of repressed guilt and denial on Isabella; and publically no less. Normally Rosalie would never have left herself so open to ridicule or recrimination that way, but for once Rosalie didn't care in the slightest. Her focus wasn't on the others, and how they might react to what she said. What was important was how the dark-eyed woman would take her open and honest confession.
At first Rosalie assumed Isabella would scoff or immediately rebuke her, but instead she seemed to take it in stride. However, something in Isabella's eyes made Rosalie think that she wasn't as cool as she seemed to be acting externally. It was just a feeling, nothing more tangible than a flicker of a look, but it was almost enough to convince Rosalie that something was amiss.
Isabella was very good at keeping up her dark and foreboding mask, but that mask was nothing on the one that Rosalie had been wearing for years. She spent a good majority of her life pretending she was a shallow pool of a person. Honing her thoughts so that Edward would never be clued in, deliberately making selfish remarks so that her social status within the family was very specific. After nearly two centuries of observation, and analyzing the minute social cues needed create a successful stage presence, she had managed to craft for herself a persona whose motivations and action's were very predictable.
It wasn't that she consciously wanted to conceal herself from the family. She just had gotten in the habit of hiding her true thoughts from men at an early age, and when she realized that Edward was a telepath she learned to do the same with him for own privacy. The byproduct of that skill was an almost second hand ability to gauge what people were thinking. Most of the time it was an irrelevant talent, especially when living in the same household as a telepath, but on occasion it came in handy.
In Isabella's case, Rosalie recognized subtle signs that told her that the mask Isabella had very carefully put in place, was in fact a front to hide any and all inner turmoil, and that mask seemed to be slipping. Mostly it was the subtle shifts and flicks of Isabella's eyes, those micro expressions hinted at something was building inside of her, something that could possibly be more than Isabella could handle. Or perhaps it was the subtle way she seemed to be getting worked up, even though they weren't really talking about anything consequential. For most people the relative levity of the conversation should be bringing down her stress, not increasing it.
Then like she was hit by a bolt of lightning, realization struck her; it occurred to her; Isabella probably hadn't had a moment alone since the explosion, at least. Which meant she had been occupied for a week straight. For someone whose world had been knocked completely off its axis, that was a likely taking a heavy toll on her psyche. Couple that with everything that had occurred in the last couple of days, it was a lot to happen to someone without any time to process or think things through.
In the past Rosalie might have ignored the information, stored it in the back of her vast memory, and hoped that she would be able to deal with things in her own time. That was the past, and this was a situation where she didn't have to make the same tired choices. She had meant every word of her confession, and could sit idly by as someone she said she cared about was in emotional conflict. The only problem was she didn't exactly sure how to approach her, let alone how to separate her without making it obvious that she was just trying to give Isabella some time alone. She almost smirked, if this Isabella was anything at all like the girl she used to be, she very much needed some time to go over her thoughts, and she needed to do it alone.
Rosalie's brow was furrowed in thought as she half paid attention as Emmett and Eliza were tossing out ideas for rooms for the design of the new house. Then it dawned on her, she could use Bree as a plausible excuse. The conversation had already run away into a deeply elaborate plan, and Emmett was currently extolling the need for an indoor pool, so this was the perfect opportunity. She moved around the group slowly, until she was standing next to Isabella who stood like a statue staring into fire, clearly not listening to a word anyone was saying.
"Could I have a word with you?" Rosalie whispered softly, but loud enough for the group to hear.
"I guess… about what?" Isabella tore herself away from her silent contemplation. She had completely exited the conversation, trying to take the time to sort out her own thoughts, but she couldn't concentrate enough to do it very well with so many people around. She had been mulling over the idea of just slipping away to think, but couldn't quite figure out how to do it without breaking her own rules. She had put those rules there for people's safety, and while she wasn't all that concerned that she was in any danger, she felt it the height of hypocrisy to say one thing and then turn around and immediately do the other. If this situation had been back at the Volturi, she'd have just shaken her head, gone off on her own, and taken the scolding from Aro, and the standard sneer from Caius. God, she already hated being a leader.
"Something personal, do you mind speaking alone?" Rosalie said trying to be tactful, with a slight nod of her head away from the group, but Isabella just glared at her. Rosalie tilted her head to the side and let her eyes settle on Bree, and then she shifted her gaze back to Isabella. It took two repetitions for Isabella to realize what Rosalie was intimating.
Once Isabella realized what Rosalie wanted to talk about, she narrowed her eyes at the blonde in suspicion, but nodded once.
Together they moved from the group, Isabella slowed when they were far enough away that she was relatively certain that none of the others could overhear them if they tried. However Rosalie kept walking further away, not slowing until they were into the trees of the forest. Isabella frowned but decided it was easier to follow her. She figured it was very unlikely that Rosalie was trying to lure her someplace so that she could attack her.
Rosalie turned around once they were a small distance into the trees, clearly deciding that she had found a suitable spot, and looked Isabella in the eyes. The words on her tongue died as she met Isabella's blank expression. Rosalie was still a touch startled at how much the intensity of those red eyes changed Isabella's face. She seemed like the absolute definition of an apex predator. As a vampire it was in her nature to embrace her more instinctive and predatory side. However right now that part of Rosalie was screaming at her to flee from this greater predator.
The effect was eerie to Rosalie, because as a vampire she wasn't used to encountering superior predators. Clearly after the display she had seen with the newborn army, it was no stretch to believe Isabella was a formidable warrior. Still, it was such a departure from the girl she had once been. It brought up a question in Rosalie's mind, one that she wasn't quite ready ask, what had happened to her?
"Are you sure about training Bree?" Rosalie asked suddenly, even shocking herself slightly at her abrupt start.
Isabella looked at her for a long moment then frowned, an expression that quickly turned to a scowl. "You expect me to leave her helpless?" The anger in Isabella's voice at the mere suggestion of the idea was clear.
Rosalie was quickly shaking her head, "Of course not. I would never suggest something like that, I just mean…" Her voice trailed off as she tried to think on how to put her question into words. Rosalie abruptly turned and stepped away, finally taking her eyes off Isabella's face as she ran her hand through her hair.
Isabella simply watched Rosalie, giving her time to compose her thoughts.
"Look, I've had time while you were… unconscious to get to know Bree. She's not…" Rosalie sighed and trailed off, frustration leaking through. "She's had a hard life, she's not even had time to be a kid. You've seen her, how excited she gets by the smallest things. She's a good kid."
Isabella's scowl darkened further, if Rosalie had seen it she would have recoiled from the danger it represented. Her response was clipped. "I am well aware of how little time she's had to be a kid, believe me when I say… I know exactly what she's gone through and the life she's had."
Rosalie turned back to look at Isabella surprised at the sudden edge in Isabella's voice. She opened her mouth to tell her that it had taken her days to persuade Bree to open up, when she remembered what Bree had told her about the visions she'd seen from the others, and their ability to talk to one another. Rosalie nodded slightly and deliberately softened her tone. "I'm not saying I want her to be helpless, or unable to defend herself. I'm just not sure she's… oh hell. What I'm trying to say, without sticking my foot in my mouth, is that I'm not sure she's going to be like you and Eliza seem to be. She just doesn't seem… to have the same level of ruthle- I mean… she doesn't strike me as a warrior, no matter how much she wants to stand by your side."
Isabella expression instantly softened as she understood Rosalie's concerns, she nodded a little bit. "To be perfectly frank, I'm not sure if she does either. Whether she will be, or won't be as... proficient in death as we are, isn't entirely the point. She's young, and has never had what you would call a stable living environment. She's learning what it means to have fun and be safe. Safe will probably be my area, while fun is something more up Eliza's alley than mine."
Rosalie frowned a little bit, "She's going to need more than just having fun and feeling safe. Family is about more than that."
Isabella managed a small smile, "I know, but it's a start. And I guess it's a good thing that she's got an "Aunt Rose and Uncle Em.' to help out."
The corner of Rosalie's mouth twitched before she broke out into a full grown laugh for several seconds before her face turned serious again. "So you still want to train her to fight like the two of you do?"
Isabella responded after a moment of careful thought. Her voice was deadly as she clearly considered the matter. "No, but I can't refuse to train her either. She wants to learn, and I won't hold her back. She will make her own decision as to what kind of fighter she is. I have the feeling that she is going to feel obligated to try and be like Eliza or worse yet, me."
"You don't want that?" Rosalie asked, her eyes intently focused on Isabella's expression, checking for signs that she wasn't being honest about her intentions.
"I want her to be her own person, no matter how that turns out. If she turns out like Eliza, I'll be okay with that. About the last thing I want for her is to turn out like me." Isabella said, a haunted expression crossing her face for a moment.
Rosalie thought about commenting, but instead she let the moment pass, knowing that any rapport she had built would be destroyed by her trying to press for too much too soon. Instead she replied, "Bree can be stubborn, so I guess I'll just have to watch her back if she ever does get into a combat situation."
Rosalie smiled at Isabella, until she took in Isabella's suddenly dubious expression. When Isabella didn't say anything to go along with the comment Rosalie was forced to ask, "What?"
"What makes you think you're qualified to watch her back?" Isabella asked bluntly.
Rosalie clenched jaw and stared at Isabella for a moment, "I know you're deadly, I can see it in your posture, I can see it in your every movement. That doesn't mean we're pushovers. Carlisle might not be someone that could ever take a life again, but he knows perfectly well that pacifism in our world is suicidal. He trained us until Jasper joined, then Jasper took over. I know you never really got to know him, but he trained newborns how to fight in wars for decades. He..."
Isabella shook her head cutting Rosalie's explanation short, "Then explain to me why you never seem to have your guard up! If you're so well trained, how can you justify walking through life in such an oblivious way? If you were attacked right now, a new Volturi recruit could get through what I've seen of your defenses. Even when you flattened Edward, if he had been prepared, or competent in the slightest, he could've taken you down with minimal effort." Her voice was impassioned, and it was clear she felt very strongly about her point.
Rosalie blinked at the interruption, and hesitated for several seconds as she processed Isabella's rebuttal. " I always assumed when I was in the presence of family, keeping a careful eye on my surroundings was enough. Though I'm not so proud to deny that I have things to learn about combat. I meant it when I said I want to train with you, when you start training Bree."
Isabella frowned and slowly nodded her head, "I guess you wouldn't always need to be on your guard. Look I'm not judging anyone's skills, I'm saying I don't know what those skills are until I've seen them for myself. I know you want to join in, but you do realize that the training is probably going to be extremely frustrating for you? Even more so than it is likely to be for Bree."
Rosalie frowned at that. "Why?"
"Because… you may have experience that will make up the gap, especially at first, but Bree is going to be faster and stronger than you, and I will be going at her rate, which means it'll probably be a very steep, yet quick learning curve. I don't have time for hand holding. Though she's likely to hate me a little, and get upset more than once, I think Bree's probably stubborn enough to persevere." Once more Isabella's voice wasn't accusing merely bland and factual.
Rosalie shrugged a little bit, "I know I'm not as fast or as strong as you, and I never will be. If you push me to my limits I cannot go any further, so I have no doubt that I will never be able to match you or Eliza, or even Bree."
Isabella frowned, "Trust me, I know." She rolled her eyes, it took five years to realize that the guard recruits she was sparing with couldn't ever rise to her level of speed and strength. So she managed with what they were capable of.
Rosalie almost grinned at Isabella's reaction, since Isabella looked almost conspiratorial about that fact. "The truth is, I don't really know how you're different, or why. Like I'm completely in the dark why you hated us beyond our abandonment of you. I'm not pushing, I just need you to know I'm in the dark, and that I'm literally diving into the shallow end of the pool with you. Look, train me, I'll do my best and hopefully I'll improve. As for Bree, I will respect her wishes provided you do the same."
Isabella nodded once. "Of course, as for the rest. Give me time, trust isn't forged in a day."
"I know, and I hope you know that I'm trusting you. Bree is really something special, I'm so glad you and Eliza stood up for her, and brought her into your family." Rosalie smiled a little bit, glancing back in the direction they had come.
Rosalie's approval had never entered Isabella's mind, but it was nice to hear. She managed a small smile in return, then furrowed her brow.
"What else? I mean is that all you brought me out here for?" Isabella was again suspicious, because she wasn't sure that their previous conversation required this much privacy, but Rosalie didn't seem to be surprised by the question.
Rosalie simply smiled and shook her head. "Now that I have that off my chest. I'm gonna get out of your hair. There has to be a ton of things you need to sort out about everything that's happened. Have you even had a moment alone since the explosion?"
Rosalie's question caught Isabella completely off guard, she didn't think the blonde was capable of that much empathy, or had the ability to read her quite so clearly. "I... thank you." Isabella said after a long moment.
"No thanks required." Rosalie said softly, before she turned and ran off without so much as wave goodbye.
Alone for the first time in what felt like weeks, at first Isabella didn't quite know what to do with herself. So she sat under a tree, closed off her side of the connection to her daughter's as much as she could manage, and started to think about everything that had happened. She didn't really want to conceal things from them, but she also didn't want to expose them to her raw emotions while she was still sorting them out in her head.
It was just that she wasn't sure exactly what she was feeling, and that lack of clarity, and the sheer level of confusion those unfocused moments caused, were entirely alien to her She was used to making decisions on missions, she was used to following her instincts. They had served her well. Yet even when she was in charge of herself and Eliza there was a distinct goal, this situation was far more amorphous.
She didn't know which way to go next, and she didn't know why. Did she really need Aro to tell her what to do? Was she that dependant on a voice of direction? No, she refused to believe Aro's prejudices had any value. Besides, she had spent most of her existence choosing her own path. So what now? Why was this different?
She knew it was a question that she already had the answer to. She knew what was weighing on her. She was used to being the only one who had to deal with the consequences of her actions and decisions. It was different now. It was a scary truth that if she messed up, a lot more people could end up dead besides herself.
That wasn't the only thing bothering her. The sudden feeling of a group, and the ease that her daughters both seemed to have slipping into it, troubled her to no end. She didn't need their bond to know how much they both liked the sudden swelling of the coven. To suddenly have a social outlet where they both were accepted, and not instantly branded as freaks or outcasts, was very appealing for both her daughters.
Isabella wasn't so sure. She pondered if letting the Cullen's in, and dropping their guards down so easily was as dangerous as she felt. Yet she couldn't shake what Rosalie had said.
After so many years of hate, or blind indifference, could she really accept these people into her home and life again. Could she ever trust them the way she once had? When she was human, she loved them all, they were a part of her. A part that had been ripped out when Edward forced them to leave.
Alice.
Was that the real focus of that betrayal? If she could forgive Alice, how could she possibly hold the rest of the Cullen's as traitors when they so clearly regretted their actions? Still, they had left whether they were manipulated or not. They left her defenseless when the bitch came and took her, tore down her human body, and forced her into that hole in the ground. Into that hell.
That wasn't even the worst of it. The bitch had also killed, and likely tortured her family too. The Cullen's had failed them as well, just by not being in town. Just thinking about that stuff brought up all kinds of rage, and she could feel it drawing the attention of her daughters, so she quickly turned her mind to Alice. Focusing on her seemed to help calm her, but at the same time the mere thought of her seemed to bring on a swell of emotions that worked against Isabella's need for calm. She couldn't deny it anymore, even to herself, that she desired Alice. There was no deep emotional soul searching required when it came to that truth.
However, Alice brought out something deeper inside her as well. She felt this… terrible need inside her, more than just attraction or desire. She felt something indefinable, but somehow familiar. A sensation that expressed itself as a need to be close to Alice, but it was more than that. She felt the need to claim Alice, to make it clear to the world that Alice was hers.
Alice's confession about her vision of them together hadn't helped. Were they really supposed to be together? Back then it would've been difficult to process, that many changes in lifestyle would've sent her into a tailspin, but at the same time she knew somewhere deep inside that it was the way it should've been. Had that been her life, none of this would've happened. She could've been happy, and maybe even innocent of true horror and violence.
Then Joham would've killed Eliza. Joham would've used and discarded Bree. And their Coven would likely be dead by that newborn army. So there was no point in conjecture about another life that could never be.
In this life she felt like nothing more than an assassin using a dagger to backstab and kill at the behest of others. Although occasionally she felt like nothing more than a weapon at times. The question that bothered her was a simple one. Was she really the assassin, or was she only the weapons she wielded?
It was an impossible train of thought, which forced Isabella to shake her head in frustration. She had been happy being the weapon. No, that wasn't quite true. She had been okay being a weapon. A weapon the Volturi used, since that was all that she was to them. Yet she knew deep inside if she was going to beat them, and keep her family safe, she would need to be more than a weapon. Her new purpose had to be more, and that meant she had to become neither the assassin nor the weapon, but the one that sends the assassin on her missions. Which was a role she had never even considered before, and a role she wasn't entirely sure she was suited to.
Yet even that mind boggle wasn't really the problem. There were no answers if she simply danced around what really dominated her thoughts, which were truly focused on one thing, Alice. Alice had set something loose inside her, and the monster that had once constantly urged her to share her anger and pain with any in her path, was suddenly pushing towards a different thing, connection to another living being. Except the instinctual urges were to maim or destroy, but to claim her utterly and completely.
The sheer intensity of the emotion scared her. Scared her in a way few things really could anymore, since she'd seen the kind of darkness most couldn't comprehend. She had stared into the abyss, and embraced it when she felt it staring back at her. She's made the shadows her home, and had even faced death and came back kicking. There was no fear, except somehow a vampire with short black hair and amber eyes managed to stir something inside of her that made her want to run as far and as fast as her immortal legs could take her.
Or... she had to have her, body and soul. She wanted to consume her, to possess her in a way she had never felt about anything before, but that was dangerous, it ventured far too closely to the relationship, that she had with Edward. That almost made her want to laugh, she didn't have a relationship with Edward, she was nothing more than a possession to him. Could she do the same thing Alice? If all she felt was an urge to take her, was she any better than the smug asshole that ruined her life?
Isabella's thoughts lingered on Alice as she turned over how she felt about her. Her thoughts eventually drifted to their interaction from a few minutes earlier. She hadn't wanted to go shopping. She generally hated shopping. She'd hated it back when she was human, and ninety years hadn't reversed her dislike of it, but somehow Alice got her way. Isabella frowned at that, it was another unexpected parallel to her relationship with Edward. She had given in and agreed to do something she didn't want to do.
Isabella hadn't been able to see it when she and Edward were together, but his casual way of convincing her to do things she never really wanted to do, was instrumental in keeping her meek and human. That control over her was both humiliating and intolerable, especially after everything that had happened to her in the intervening years. If Edward had met her now, he would be terrified... of course he was terrified of her. He assumed a vampire version of her would be the same as she was when she was human. None of them knew what had happened to her, none of them could understand why, because they didn't know the cause.
She almost wished she could inflict him with the decade of horror she suffered through. The pain, the insanity, the darkness. It made her smile at the perverse thought of his suffering, except he wasn't really worthy of that level of pain, that revenge would be saved for Victoria... if she ever came across the bitch again. She felt the anger spike again, and once more, almost out of reflex, her mind turned back to thoughts of Alice.
Isabella's brow furrowed at the conflict of Alice's seemingly innocent request provoked in her. She could never be manipulated in a relationship like she had been with Edward. An unexpected surge of anger rose inside her at the thought of Alice doing the same things to her that he had done. She would never accept that sort of treatment again. She started to feel hollow once more, if she lost the prospect of Alice she knew she would atrophy inside. While she didn't want to lose Alice, she wasn't going to subjugate her personality and who she was just to please someone else. She couldn't do that to her daughters, couldn't do that to herself. She had to confront Alice, to end this before it got too far.
She stood up, ready to do exactly that when a bolt of realization hit her that was so strong it made her jaw drop and practically unhinge.
She was wrong. There was a difference. A huge one.
All the times she had gone to do something she hadn't wanted to do with Edward, he'd always manipulated, or outright lied to get her to do things; and it was always under the guise of "for her own good" or "so she wouldn't miss out". When he'd taken her to prom because "she might never have another chance", she should have known right then that he'd never turn her. If he had planned on turning her, he would have known she would've gotten a chance to go to other proms. The irony was she would never have objected if he had simply said that it was something he wanted to do.
Alice hadn't tried to manipulate her. Alice had been honest with her. She didn't tell Isabella she had to go shopping for her own good, or because it was something she had to do, or was just going to miss out on. Alice hadn't tried to coerce or trick her at all, she had simply asked her to go, and had point blank said that it was something she wanted to do. That it was something Alice would enjoy, something that would mean a lot to her.
No emotional blackmail, not even the slightest subtext of the withholding of affection or approval.
Then there was the other thing. Her definition of their diet. When it had been brought up earlier, it felt almost like a guilt trip, as if Alice were trying to convert Isabella and her daughters. Only it wasn't Alice that brought it up, Jasper had. Jasper suffered long and hard to gain his ability to control his thirst, she knew that first hand. So his objections were totally understandable.
Alice's definition...was just that, her own interpretation of their diet. She wasn't trying to manipulate, she was just expressing her own thoughts. Isabella wasn't sure how to take her thoughts on the matter though. Was she saying that she wanted Isabella to give up human blood for her? Both dilemma's circled through her thoughts like sharks, but she didn't have much time to analyze those thoughts before an unexpected voice startled her out of her internal reverie.
"So where's Rosalie? I thought you said we weren't supposed to go off alone. One of the rules." Alice's voice came at her from the side, and was only slightly admonishing. Mostly she seemed to be teasing her.
Isabella started slightly, amazed that anyone got that close to her without her realizing it. She turned towards Alice, and let her eyes run up the simple blue jeans, and light blue top she had on, before looking up into her eyes.
"Rosalie's idea. She thought I needed some time alone. She's within shouting distance if I need her." Isabella didn't really know why she felt the need to defend her actions, since she would've normally tried to maintain an indifferent air. She could feel her own frown, and the intensity in her fixed stare directed at Alice's face. Alice smiled, and shrugged slightly.
"Can I join you?" She asked softly, this time Isabella did manage to shrug. It was all Alice needed though, as she shifted gracefully to lean into the tree that Isabella had been standing next to. Isabella sat back down, and Alice slid down with her. The intervening seconds were silent, uncomfortably silent.
Alice wasn't used to breaking silences in an uncertain manner. Most of the conversations she had with people, or other vampires could be foreseen and she'd manage to avoid pitfalls and social problems. Her inability to see Isabella made that impossible. While it was very refreshing, facing the unknown, it was also very intimidating for her at times like this. Feeling conversations like this would be important, but one that she could bullocks up if approached wrong. Not for the first time, she wished fervently to share the link that Bree had described to them. She wished she knew what deep thoughts Isabella was mulling over in that beautiful head of hers.
Isabella didn't know what to say that wasn't antagonistic, so she sat in silence. Her primal urge to claim Alice warring with her conflict over her own thoughts and actions.
It was Alice that broke the silence. "You're a little bit overwhelmed aren't you?" Her voice was soft and slightly uncertain but without any trace of accusation.
Isabella frowned a little bit, wondering if Alice was able to read her mind. "I'm… yeah. It's a bit overwhelming. To go from worrying about watching out for myself and Eliza, to having a coven of eight, ten, if you include Leah and Seth, and twelve if you count Mei and Kira for the moment. I didn't mean to drag you all into this you know?" Although a little bit of her anger and frustration spilled out in the reply, it was a plea for understanding.
"That's not entirely what I meant. Sure being in charge has its share of potential pitfalls, but I was thinking about everything else. You're surrounded by people that you thought betrayed you. You were nearly killed by people you trusted, you have a new daughter... and then there is what is going on between us... if there is something going on between us." Alice's voice dropped to barely a whisper at the end, as if she were saying it more to herself than anything else.
Alice slid her hand along Isabella's arm and then intertwined their fingers together. "You know you didn't drag me into anything. I chose you, I will always choose you. I was absolutely serious when I said I refuse to leave you again. The others followed because they wanted to. You're special; whether you believe it or not."
Once again Isabella felt that calming peace descend on her when Alice's hand slid along her arm. It immediately quelled the anger inside of her, even the stuff that seemed to be directed at Alice.
"What did you mean with the whole diet thing? Did you want to push me into it?" Isabella managed to make her voice not sound accusatory, but it was hard. Alice gave her a slightly hurt look and shook her head emphatically.
"No... not at all. I was trying to give you both sides of the argument so you could weigh your decision with all the facts. I thought you would want to hear what I thought about my diet." Alice said defensively, but also a touch apologetic. She felt ashamed of how she phrased it, if it came across as a demand or a plea.
Isabella thought about it, and it didn't take more than a second to realize she was being truthful, but it did bring up a simple question. "Do you want me to follow your way of doing things? I need you to know that when I was conscious enough to know better, I did my best to hunt down thieves and murderers. I wasn't always successful but I did my best." Isabella had never felt the need to justify her feeding habits before. In truth she had never really consciously feasted on the innocent, except once at Aro's behest.
Of all the things she had done under service to the Volturi, none of them felt particularly evil... except for the one time he demanded her to join them in one of their banquets. It was before Eliza had come into the picture, and her own rage was such that it took every ounce of self control to feed the way she did. It was the only thing that she felt kept true to herself or at least the person she had once been. That she couldn't be a monster entirely, that she wouldn't let herself be like the bitch.
"Not exactly. I want you to follow what you feel is the right choice. If you feel the need to feed from blood bags, I won't admonish that choice. If you want to hunt down murders, I won't stop you. I just want you to be who you are."
"You want to know who I am? I killed humans that smelled foul to me, tracked them as they trafficked in illicit gains which caused pain to others, or committed outright murder. I avoided the feasts, they were barbaric... but more than that I wasn't sure I could resist partaking. One afternoon, Aro was in particularly vindictive mood. He was impatient, and wanted to send me on my first mission, so I was rewarded with a place in their banquet hall. My presence was mandatory." Isabella's face was distant, suddenly she was lost in the memory.
"I know what happens there, you don't have to go on if you don't want to." Alice said trying to ease Isabella's mind about the obviously painful memory.
Isabella barely acknowledged the question. "That's just it, you don't really know. I went in feeling sure I could resist, that I could be better than the rest of them. I didn't have any moral compass though, I thought I was following a code, but it was all an illusion. I went into the hall, there was a massive table set up with dozens of people on it. All of them were naked, and awake. Their hands and feet were bound in leather straps, and they were gagged. Aro was so happy that I was there, and led me around to a seat near the head of the table."
"He set me in front of a teenage boy, no older than I had been when I was turned. He looked at me with terrified eyes, and something clicked inside of me. I couldn't figure out why for a long time, but he reminded me of who I was when the bitch captured me. Helpless and fragile, and human, it set me off. Everything went red, and I went insane. I ripped him apart, fed on him and three others before the guard tried to stop me. I ripped the heads off of the two guards present without thinking, before turning and feasting on four more innocents before the rest of the guard showed up to restrain me. Aro wasn't angry, he was thrilled. That contrary reaction actually calmed me down more than anything. It was a trick he learned to control me when I went off the handle, he learned enough about me to understand that I reacted poorly to anger and even worse to threats, so he made a point to never be angry with me. I still can't say how I really felt. It was almost a relief to cut loose like that." She shuddered slightly at the memory.
"The next day I was sent to South America, and it was there that I encountered Eliza. She changed everything. I had crossed the line, and was right on the edge of becoming a true and irredeemable monster, and I had barely enough conscience left to care. Then Eliza bit me, and somehow… that… no, she pulled me back and made me human again. Now there's… you, I don't think I could live with the idea that I was the one that got you killed, or any of you come to think of it." Isabella's strained to pull out of her memories, bringing the subject back around to her original topic.
Alice's voice was soft but very firm. "Before the Cullen's, I killed indiscriminately. I didn't know any better, I was simply following my instincts. I woke up in the dark, with no memory of who I was. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't even know my full name. Mary was my human life, where I had parents, and a sister named Cynthia. I went through something too, a crucible that changed me into who I am now. But that still took decades to form, I'm very different from the Alice that woke up that first day. She was an animal, a predator with fantastical images of a family that could never be. Once I figured out that my visions were real, it became a journey."
"You know when I first saw you in that cafeteria, and I saw that vision of you I thought that was it. I'd found my place in the world. I thought the wait was over, and I could finally live in the light again. Climb out of the darkness I'd been living in for what I've known of my life. Then you were gone. Just gone, and out of loyalty and love I stayed away. No matter how much I hate Edward for doing what he did, as much as I hate myself for it, the reason was true in the moment, even though it tore me apart."
Alice had been staring at a pine needle she had plucked from the ground, breaking it exactly in half, then those two pieces in half again, until all that was left was a small pile of little brown dots in the palm of her hand. She was waiting for Isabella to say something, but she wasn't quite brave enough to look up. So she continued after a few more seconds of silence.
"You know we're not children. Well… Bree sort of qualifies, but only because she really hasn't had the chance to really live. We know the risks of going up against the Volturi, considering their record, and..." Alice finally looked up to assess Isabella's reaction, and found herself staring into those pitch black eyes. It took a bit of inner resolve but she didn't turn away, instead she met Isabella alien glare with one of her own. "I told you, and I'm going to keep telling you and proving it to you. Nothing you can tell me will change it. Never again. I will never leave you. I don't care what happens."
Without preamble or statement, Isabella's free hand reached over in a blur. Alice flinched slightly, only to breathe a sigh of relief and excitement when Isabella slid that hand through the hair at the back of her head. Then Isabella's whole body lurched forward like a ghost in a scary movie, before mashing her lips into Alice's in a fiercely hungry kiss.
Alice let out a startled gasp that turned into a groan as Isabella pulled her half on top of her, an embrace Alice melted into as her lips meshed with Isabella's. Alice gave in to her long unrequited love, and forgot all the reasons why it was a bad idea to get that intimate.
Isabella didn't think she had any reservations, and let her lips move against Alice's for several long moments before her tongue followed suit, exploring Alice's lips and mouth, and didn't mind that she seemed to have no control against the hunger that was spurring her on.
Alice had never imagined being in this position, that Isabella would actually let her in enough to be intimate. So she start to shift her body sliding it fully on top of Isabella's, semi straddling Isabella's sitting form, her hands resting gently on Isabella's hips. Alice let out a sigh of pleasure as she pressed into the embrace, as she gently began to rub herself against Isabella. The sensations pouring through her seemed to get stronger each time they made even partial contact, and Alice wondered if she might burst into flame from the heat that seemed to be radiating from inside of her. Then she slipped her hands up and underneath the sides of Isabella's shirt to rest lightly on the skin along her ribcage just above the ridges of her incredibly toned stomach.
The reaction from Isabella was instantaneous. Blind terror grabbed her and took over, an extreme need to fight the… thing that touched her made her lash out, and she pushed against Alice with all her strength to get her as far away from her as possible. Alice flailed as she flew through the air helplessly, crashing into a tree several meters away. The moment Alice's body made impact, Isabella's sudden burst of terror broke and a need to protect took over.
Isabella was horrified that she had lashed out, that all her worst fears were in fact, true. She stopped in mid-step when she saw that Alice was already on her feet, dusting herself off.
"See, I'm not a delicate flower. No harm, no foul." Alice said, though her words trailed off as she saw the horrified expression on Isabella's face. She instantly blurred over the Isabella, and tentatively pulled her hands into hers. "I shouldn't have touched you like that. I'm sorry."
"You're apologizing?" Isabella shook her head in confusion. Trying to sort out her sudden reaction, and Alice's response was leaving her completely bewildered.
Alice looked down with obvious guilt. "Yeah, I know what you went though, and I got lost in the moment." Her voice was soft, and full of self-recrimination.
Isabella pulled her hands away, and turned around feeling a bit overwhelmed, before she walked several steps away to get some needed distance from Alice. She couldn't understand how Alice could be so calm about her lashing out like that? So she stood there breathing in and out deeply, while trying to ignore Alice's intoxicating scent of cinnamon and lilac's that seemed to permeate the air around her. It felt almost like she was swimming in a lake of warm honey, it was thick and sweet, and nearly impossible to keep a float in. She wasn't sure drowning in Alice's scent was a bad thing, but she couldn't let her passions get the better of her.
Alice let the fear cross her face when Isabella turned around, she wasn't about to let her know how much it frightened her when she went dark like that. The specter of that floating skeleton that rose from the ruins of her house was an indelible imprint on her mind. That was a kind of power that couldn't be ignored, and for the first time she honestly didn't know what Isabella was really capable of.
Isabella didn't know what to do. She knew where her own reaction came from when Alice touched her like that, it was the same instinctual fear she knew was tied to her time in the void. That decade in a hole, when the shadows had become a part of her. She knew it was irrational, but she couldn't help it. In a very real way her fear wasn't about hurting Alice, she was scared of Alice.
Alice watched as Isabella stood stock still, her back rigid and tense. Minutes passed, and Isabella didn't speak at all. The only positive sign that Alice had of her was the fact that she hadn't moved since she turned away from her. Alice wasn't sure if she should act first, but she didn't have a lot of other options, except to wait.
Alice spoke softly, even though she couldn't entirely keep pleading nature of her question out of her voice. "Talk to me, please. I need to know what you're thinking. Did I cross a line?" She took a tentative step forward to close the gap between them, careful to make noise so that Isabella was very aware of where she was. She was glad her fear hadn't crept into her voice, the last thing she needed was Isabella thinking her show of rejection and violence had gotten to her.
Isabella opened her mouth more than once to tell Alice it was okay, that it wasn't her fault. Not that she could form the words to express the thought. She lowered her head and just wanted to run away, she could even feel her daughter's starting to push at their connections in worry. At least that she could address.
"I'm fine. I'll fill both of you in later." Isabella's voice drifted across the ethereal tether like a pulse of knotted emotions, and although both Eliza and Bree wanted to respond, neither of them pushed back for answers. Somehow during the very brief distraction sending that message caused, Alice had somehow moved around her. She was standing a couple of feet in front of her, and was looking up into her face with a touch of hopeful expectation.
"See, all in one piece. What's wrong? Is it the touching thing, because honestly I mean to cross that line. Although come to think of it, I don't think I'll ever not want to touch you." Alice didn't expect much, and was careful to keep her voice playful and gentle.
Isabella's eyes were a brilliant red when instead of the terrible black they had shifted to when she pushed Alice away. She tiled her head to examine the smaller woman with a touch of uncertainty clearly written across her expression. Then she crossed her arms in front of her.
Alice watched Isabella's reaction, though most of her attention was on Isabella's eyes, she noticed when Isabella crossed her arms. Normally that would be a prelude to building anger, but in this case, she realized that it wasn't a building anger, it was the classic defensive posture. She couldn't quite put her finger on what Isabella was thinking or feeling, and her whole attitude was throwing her off.
When Isabella finally spoke again, her voice was very flat. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to react like that." She looked Alice straight in the eyes, but she was definitely closed off.
Alice frowned, this wasn't going the way she wanted it to.
Isabella's jaw clenched several times in frustration, she hated feeling out of control like this. Even when her rage was at full steam, she had a measure of understanding. She could ride the wave of her frenzy, and direct it to cause the most destruction. This... this was different. A part of her felt an urge to lash out, to shout accusations at Alice, to show her exactly what was wrong.
The other part of her was desperate to let Alice be as familiar with her, as she was starting to be. Isabella wanted to be touched, to be able to accept those touches. She could see in Alice's eyes something heavy and pure, and a very big part of her wanted that more than anything, but she couldn't return the sentiment. She knew she felt something, but she couldn't define it. It was something elusive, something primal.
Isabella kept her voice her voice flat, but added a bit of cold indifference to it. It was clear that she was exerting every bit of control possible over her instinctual side. "It's nothing you did. Not… really."
Alice's expression didn't change. She could clearly tell Isabella wasn't being entirely forthcoming, but she was willing to let it pass if Isabella let her in a little bit farther.
Isabella tilted her head back, to look up at the sky, mostly to avoid any recriminations or disgust that appeared in Alice's face as she talked. "I just... when you touched me like that, it just reminded me... She used to do that before she hurt me. Touch me gently, sometimes for seconds, sometimes for minutes, because she said the anticipation of the pain to come was almost worse than the pain itself."
Alice sucked in a breath, her eyes going wide as she made the connection. She almost let out a whimper for the pain Isabella was clearly reliving. She couldn't deny her own pain though, the idea of being someone who reminded Isabella of Victoria; someone who'd tortured Isabella in the most inhuman ways, was like a stab in the heart.
"Is it… just me who reminds you of her? Or do the others remind you of her too?" Alice tried to keep the hurt out of her own voice when she replied quietly, and was entirely unsuccessful; but she had to ask the question.
Isabella managed a ghost of a smile, "No, it's not like any of you have flaming red hair and a smile so smug and self-satisfying that you just want to rip it off." She let a touch of her true anger towards Victoria peek out, and she quickly bottled it back up, but the viciousness in her voice was never meant for anyone but the bitch.
Alice shook her head slightly, "That's not what I meant. I meant any of the other people you've been with?"
Isabella frowned at that, looking down into Alice's eyes, confusion crossing her face. "Sometimes some of the vampires I've fought remind me of her. Not for long though..."
Alice took a breath deeply, clearly Isabella didn't understand the question, but it was one she needed an answer. "I don't mean people you fight. I mean any, partners, you've had."
Isabella frowned a little bit. "I was pretty much a loner, and since I found Eliza on my first real mission, I've only really had her as a partner."
Alice blinked at that, shock riding freely on her face, "You and Eliza? But, I thought… you were mother and daughter? Not… partners?" Alice's eyes were wide in disbelief and a touch of indignation. She was starting to question if her entire understanding of their relationship was skewed.
Isabella looked at Alice totally befuddled. "We've been partners pretty much since she came into my life. Yeah I know it's weird taking her into dangerous situations, but she really can handle herself, and I trust her implicitly. I taught her to fight, and despite her occasional flightiness, she can be serious when she needs to be. There's no one out there that I trust more to watch my back in a fight. I'm not throwing her into dangerous situations for the hell of it. I'm not that bad of a parent. I'm not sure she'd let me leave her behind anyway, and she never reminds me of Victoria if that's what you're asking."
Alice blinked several times and then bit her lip tightly for a moment, if this were any less serious of a conversation, she would be howling in helpless laughter on the ground at the nearly slapstick level of miscommunication going on. Instead she shook her head firmly. "No… that's not what I meant. I didn't mean partners in the sense of combat, I meant have you ever felt that way with your... um… lovers?"
Isabella blinked in surprise, and gave Alice embarrassed look. She hadn't understood the question Alice had been tip-toeing around, and because it caught her completely off guard, she blurted out a reply before she put any more thought into it. "There haven't been any." Isabella blanched as soon as the words tumbled out of her mouth. She was so mortified that she flinched and turn away from Alice, so she didn't have see her reaction.
"Oh." Was the only thing that came to Alice's mind. She regretted the response immediately. That idea hadn't even occurred to her given Isabella's beauty.
The idea of Isabella not taking any partners after so many years was such a bizarre concept to wrap her head around, that Alice had to take a moment to compose herself. It was as if a bolt of lightning had struck her. For the first time since they had reconnected, Alice could see a glimpse of the shy and sweet girl she had once known. Somehow a part of the Bella that she had once known and loved still survived. It was something, a small something. A piece of the Bella she knew she would never get back.
Alice also understood the implications of what she'd just been told, and knew how vulnerable and weak Isabella must've been feeling after admitting something like that. If touching has been such a problem for her that she never relented to physical desire meant that for Isabella to initiate such an embrace, and to do so multiple times, told Alice just how much Isabella felt for her. It gave her a new appreciation for Isabella strength of mind. No one can escape that level of torture and abuse without scars, and the fact that she was able to be so calm when confronted with something so intimate, that was connected so directly to that meant there was a chance for her to heal after all.
Alice thought about it for a moment, then an idea occurred to her that might work to bring Isabella to a level of intimacy that would allow her to retain a measure of control over the situation.
"Isabella, would… you be willing to try something with me?" Alice asked, her voice gentle and reassuring. She wasn't sure if her plan would help or hurt things, but she was going to try anything she could to reach Isabella.
Isabella slowly turned her head back to look at Alice, and was surprised when she didn't see anger, or hurt, or disgust on Alice's face. Instead she just saw caring and concern. So she nodded slowly, wariness and caution twisting her face into a slight scowl.
Alice reached out and gently laid her fingers on Isabella's arm, keeping her eyes on Isabella's expression the entire time, and then she slowly guided them both to the nearest tree. Alice slowly backed up until she felt the bark of the tree trunk, and then stopped Isabella when she was a foot away from her. Isabella looked at her with a puzzled expression, but made no move to stop or step away.
Alice didn't say anything, instead she lifted Isabella's left hand and moved it so that her palm was resting on Alice's right wrist, then she gently forced Isabella fingers to wrap around that wrist so that she had a firm, but gentle grip. Then Alice moved her right hand and rested it lightly on Isabella's left hip, where it had been before she'd slipped it upwards when they were kissing before.
Alice's didn't break eye contact as she slid her left hand down to lift Isabella's right hand upward, and slowly wrapped Isabella's fingers around her own throat, squeezing gently, until Isabella, somewhat reluctantly let her hand rest at Alice's throat without letting it fall. The confused expression on Isabella's face only increased as Alice then took her free left hand and slid it back through her own hair and pressed the hand between the back of her head and the tree truck.
Isabella's expression shifted to complete befuddlement as Alice looked up at her. Alice's voice was soft when she spoke. "May I touch you like I did before?"
Isabella blinked several times as it struck her just what Alice had done. She had put herself in an utterly vulnerable position. Not only could she stop any touch with ease, she could incapacitate or even dismember Alice with a minimum of effort. Alice had put her in absolute control of their embrace by putting herself in a completely vulnerable position, and Alice for her part didn't seem frightened in the least. Isabella hesitated a moment and then slowly nodded her assent.
Alice's eyes remained fixed on Isabella's as her hand once more slipped slowly up under her shirt again, to very slowly brush along Isabella's side.
Isabella closed her eyes, as she worked to quell the storm of emotions inside of herself. Alice's touch seemed to be provoking two different emotions. That same fear was welling up inside of her again; it was the urge to run, to get away from the touch because it was going to hurt her. It felt like any moment now the touch was going to shift, and she was going to feel the snap as a bone was broken. At the same time Alice's touch seemed to be combatting those same urges. That strange calmness seemed to be radiating from where their skin came in contact. It undeniably helped as she fought to get her instinctive urges under control.
Alice felt the hands on both her neck and wrist tense several times, but Isabella only went so far as to actually squeeze Alice's wrist once. Alice immediately halted her touch every time Isabella flinched, until she nodded to continue. Then Alice continued to explore her stomach and ribcage under the shirt, inch by inch.
They stayed that way for several minutes, Alice just caressing Isabella's belly, and Isabella adjusting to the touch. Isabella had slowly began to calm her fears, and had lost most, though not all, of her tension when Alice spoke again quietly, "May I use my other hand?"
Isabella opened her eyes to look at Alice briefly before closing them, tensing up as if bracing herself again. If Alice used her other hand, she wasn't in such a vulnerable position. Intellectually Isabella understood she was still safe and in control, but she still was slow to overcome the reluctance she felt. After some time that dragged on for minutes, in which she was grateful Alice didn't push, Isabella nodded wordlessly. She closed her eyes again, clearly bracing herself.
Alice slipped her hand gently from behind her head to reach forward. She saw Isabella's eyes flutter open in surprise as her fingers lightly brushed back and forth along Isabella's cheek. Clearly it wasn't the touch that Isabella expected, but after her surprise passed, it was also clear that it wasn't unwelcome.
Alice watched her tense slightly at the simple contact, and then smile shyly. It took all of Alice's self-control not to let out a whoop of joy when she saw Isabella close her eyes again. Then she slowly, and tentatively turned her head to nuzzle Alice's hand, coaxing her to caress her cheek. The two of them remained like that for several more minutes before Alice spoke up again. "May I kiss you?"
This time Isabella opened her eyes to stare into Alice's, and her response was almost immediate, her voice very small yet heavy with emotion. "Yes, please."
Alice smiled and leaned forward slightly, making no attempt to move her hand from beneath Isabella's shirt, nor any move to remove Isabella's hand from her neck or wrist. She stood on her toes slightly to overcome the difference in height, and the slight awkwardness of Isabella's arm pressed between them. Then Alice pressed her lips very gently to Isabella's.
Isabella let out a little sigh of pleasure as her lips met Alice's in a kiss that was utterly gentle. It was the first tender kiss for the two of them; and for both of them it was an entirely different sensation. It wasn't better or worse than their earlier kisses, but it was far less frantic, and less urgent and yet it almost felt deeper.
The first Alice became aware of a change was when she felt Isabella's hand dropped from her throat, then a second later she felt Isabella's hand let go of her wrist so that she could move it around her to the small of her back. In the next instant Isabella pulled Alice gently closer, so that there was nary an inch left between their bodies. Their kiss didn't change though, it didn't become urgent or demanding, it remained slow and gentle.
Isabella felt like she was floating as she kissed Alice. It was different than anything she'd experienced before, and it made her pull Alice in even closer so that there was nothing left between them. She practically sighed into the kiss, feeling Alice pressed into her like that. They seemed to fit together perfectly.
Isabella realized in that moment, that for the first time in a long time that she felt utterly at peace and even more… somehow… for this brief moment she felt whole.
When they finally parted lips, Alice looked up and a shy smile broke across her face. Then her smile grew wider when she found that Isabella's eyes weren't pure black like they usually were after one of their kisses. Alice wasn't sure what that meant, but she took it as a positive sign. She traced every bit of Isabella's face with her eyes, while Isabella seemed to do the same to her. Then Isabella seemed to shift against her slightly as her hands traced up and down her hips.
Alice found herself lost in Isabella's eyes and all of a sudden felt a an uncontrollable urge to express her deepest and most desperate truth, and without conscious control her mouth began to move around the words that were irrevocable.
"I love you." The gentle lilting of Alice's voice couldn't been more unexpected. Even Alice didn't quite know how to absorb her own declaration.
They stood unmoving, Isabella body slowly turning rigid when it had been but a second before melting so easily against Alice's. After a moment she was as hard and unyielding as stone, for all intents and purposes she was a statue.
Alice ran her eyes over Isabella's unmoving face a few times before she was able to put her thoughts into words, but when she did she kept her voice clear and strong. She met Isabella's gaze with pride as she started, "I'm not going to apologize, because I've wanted to say that for the longest time, and I'm not saying it to the girl I knew as Bella, I'm saying it to you... Isabella. My dark angel. I know you need time, and I'm not going to force you into anything. I've spent so many years regretting not saying the things that I wanted. I'm not trying to scare you off, and I'm not asking to reciprocate, because I know that's hard for you still... but… I love you, and I will happily spend eternity with you proving that I will never leave your side, no matter what comes at us. That's what I couldn't say before, that's what I meant by 'never again'."
Seconds ticked by, and Isabella remained stock still and unmoving, yet made no attempt to move away. Alice searched her face for any signs of acknowledgement or reaction, but her face was frozen into an expressionless mask. She didn't quite know what to do, pleading and crying wasn't going to do a thing... and she couldn't take it back even if she wanted to. She had finally said the thing she had needed to say since the first moment she laid eyes on Isabella all those years ago. There was no turning back.
Isabella was locked in her own struggle, years of anger and pain, warring with the other feelings that she still wasn't used to sorting out inside herself, and yet the one thing that kept going through her mind was no... no it wasn't possible that Alice could love her, not when she was such a monster. A monster drenched so deeply in red that it had forgotten what it once was, it's tattered soul painted black. A monster born in a darkness at the edge of a yawning abyss, the void from which nightmares clawed and scrapped their way into dreams. Love... it was an impossible thing. A concept that died when she was human, a faint candle flame snuffed out by shadow.
Yet her need was undeniable. She had to have Alice, and Alice wanted her. The wall was down, and there was nothing to stop her from claiming what she desired. Alice was telling her that she wanted her forever. Her instincts were screaming at her to claim her and take her. To proclaim to one and all that Alice was hers.
Her mate.
She thought about pushing against Alice. Forcing her to understand her need for her, giving her a chance to back out, but the look in Alice's eyes told her that it was pointless. Even if it wasn't love, even if it was... there had to be something. Alice represented a future she never thought was remotely possible. That the candle could be relit, that something resembling love could come back and wash her soul clean. She wanted to push away from it, to run and keep that future as far away as possible.
Isabella twitched, the first motion she had made since Alice's declaration. It was her body reacting to the impulses moving through her. Half of her wanted to flee, and the other half wanted to take what Alice was offering. She couldn't run. Inside of her the emotions were crashing. Thoughts that she had not entertained in years. Is this what love felt like? Isabella had to have her as part of her life. She had to feel like she was a part of her, and there was only one way for that to happen.
"Mom... what are you doing?!" Eliza's voice screamed through the connection. Isabella was too far gone to hear her as anything more than a buzzing sound, as she bit into Alice's neck and let her venom go. Alice screamed, half in agony and half in ecstasy as they collapsed the forest floor in each other's arms.
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Author's notes-
1) *grins* I hope you all liked this chapter. Needless to say. BELLICE! Yay!
2) Holy CRAP alot of you liked (and were blown away) by the revelation of Charlie and Angela. We got a TON of reviews from that chapter. All thanks on that go to Samantha Minuet. Everything from the plot, to the timing and execution on that revelation is ALL HER. She's awesome like that. She also deserves my massive thanks as she and i argue and bicker and hammer out these characters so they stay true to what we've written. (seriously. On the day we posted this chapter we argued for almost 2 hours about ONE LINE of dialogue.) Her patience is saintly. She's not once threatened to STAB me to death with a with a rusty half inch nail.
3) Samantha Minuet's Co-Author's Rambling Commentary: So yeah, we just did that. I have to say I don't think either of us intended on bringing Alice into the family when we started writing this chapter. In fact this wasn't even the chapter we were going to write for 42. Yet it feels right, it is the natural reactions of the characters. I hope all of you agree. So until next time... I hope to read a ton of reviews like your massively wonderful reaction to chapter 41.
4) Samantha is totes right. We didn't intend to put this chapter here, we intended it to be the next one. However it fit better here. Even then we planned for their relationship to become official. For them to end up a real couple. We very much DIDN'T expect to end up having Isabella bite her when we started this. However we went with the characters. And it felt right.
A couple of notes on that- Bella DOES feel for Alice. However her admitting love is still something she has to come to terms with. She IS still messed up in the head remember?
Also for those of you who are worried about the part about Isabella claiming Alice. please remember she's had these instinctive urges she's been dealing with to claim her mate. It's not sudden. Given all the upheaval and turmoil her self-control snapped.
Samantha put it best to me. When they come together there isn't going to be any angst or questioning the relationship between them. The two of them are going to be like a force of nature. One of those relationships that just IS.
5) Sharp-eyed Shout Out- Our thanks go to muhahahaha666. Who has been taking the time to go back and review every chapter, and even caught an error in one of our earlier chapters. Thank you very much.
Second shout out goes to peanutbutter679 for commenting on the visual reference i have for Mei in my profile thank you!
6) All those who've been clamoring for Bellice. Let us know how you think we did this chapter! We're eager to hear!
Read and review!
