December 6, 2015

The pizza wasn't great. Jim got it from a hole in the wall joint after a patrol with Jefferson, but pizza night wasn't about quality pies. The empty box sat on top of a pile of old newspapers on Lee's coffee table. The place she settled into was small, but she made do with every surface in the apartment. Her bed was pushed up against the wall, next to the sofa. A long, narrow table stood against the opposite wall. The side across from the sofa was designated the TV stand, and the side across the bed functioned as her work bench.

Lee was laid out on the bed with her legs propped up against the wall. She had changed a lot in the span of a year. She cut her hair to her shoulders and dyed it blonde. It was just last month that she decided that she needed an upgrade. She changed her suit, got new tech, and ditched the mask. She looked more like her mentor than ever, but the change wasn't just physical. Lee Bishop ceased to exist. With Dick's help, every trace of the person she used to be disappeared. Every record that had been created was wiped out, and they brought back an identity that Ollie tried to bury.

Annabelle Lee Obispo committed to her role on the Team. She lived off of the inheritance that her mother left her. Most of her time was spent in the Cave, training new recruits the same way that Canary trained them. All of her friends were the same people who had her back in the field. She was more immersed in the lifestyle than anyone ever anticipated back when she first donned the mask.

When Jim first asked her about it, she said that she was sick of hiding. He still didn't know what she meant by that, but he could see how much growth she accomplished by deciding it. It was part of a series of choices that she made entirely for herself, unobstructed by anyone else's expectations of or fears for her. At this point in their friendship, he knew that she liked to prove people wrong, and he couldn't help but feel a little bit proud of her whenever she succeeded. She seemed less burdened, happier, and more confident.

"I think you should do it," Jim asserted from his spot on the sofa. She had just mentioned something that Dick brought up to her a couple of days ago, and it was clear that she was on the fence about it. It had been a while since the two of them mulled something over like this. The last few months had been what most people could consider normal. Not a single word of code names or missions had been spoken between them, but traces of her heroic life were always visible. Whether it was bruised knuckles, darts littered on counter tops, her tattered uniform discarded on the floor, or the nights when a sudden crime called for her immediate attention, there was always something a little bit extraordinary with her.

"You think I'm ready to be some kid's mentor?" she arched a brow and wore a sardonic smile. She still felt very much like a kid herself. She was, what, twenty-three? Almost twenty-four, really. She still ate instant ramen and got cheap groceries because she poured most of her money into maintaining her equipment. She didn't have any friends to speak of outside of the life. Ollie still thought she'd be better off settling down in a nice neighborhood working a nine to five, and she knew he'd always be a little bit disappointed that she didn't go to college. She didn't know what the hell Nightwing was thinking. All he told her was that there's a kid in El Paso who could learn a lot from her.

"I think it'd be good for you to have someone who you're responsible for."

"I'm responsible for a lot of people," she pointed out. By definition, being on the Team made her responsible for every kid who stepped onto her ring for training. She was responsible for them, and she was responsible for the people who started this thing with her.

"Not the same," he pointed at her with a bottle before taking a swig. "Think about your relationship with Dinah. Don't you think it's different from how she is with the others?"

"Of course it is, but it's more than just that." She rolled onto her stomach to face him, "Di's my hero. She saw something in me that nobody else did, not even Oliver. I wasn't like Dick or Roy. I didn't have any skills to speak of. I couldn't hit a target. I didn't have great balance. There was nothing special about me, and she didn't care. She built me from the ground up. Do you have any idea how much she invested in me? I'm not ready to do that for someone else, Jim."

She regarded him with an earnestness that made his breath catch in his throat. He hadn't been expecting it. This was far from the first time it happened, but it always caught him by surprise. Sometimes, he'd look at her in moments of thoughtfulness or reflection, and her chocolate colored irises would be shaded by thick lashes while loose waves framed her face. Other times, it happened when they were watching game shows, and she'd have her hair thrown up haphazardly. Her t-shirt would be stained with pizza grease, but her smile would stretch across her whole face. Still, other times, it happened when she fell asleep on his couch on the nights when she showed up for pizza even after whatever mission she just finished.

He shrugged it off and gulped down the rest of his drink. She knew better than him what she was ready for, and he respected that boundary. Although, it was starting to feel as if there were too many boundaries between them. She kept herself at a distance from him, and he was certain that it had to do with his brother and the face he had. He knew, logically, that it wasn't just him. No matter how close they became, he had met her too late. She didn't let anyone get as close to her as the founding Team was, and a part of him wondered if that was why Dick wanted her to take on an apprentice.

"Do you know why I went to her?" she asked him suddenly, and his impossibly blue eyes shot up to hers. It didn't unnerve her anymore how similar he was in appearance to his brother, but there were times that she forgot their friendship was still so new.

"No," he admitted.

"Roy and Ollie were on the news one day," she said while swirling the contents of an amber bottle, "and it was bad. When I say that I thought Ollie was going to die, I'm not exaggerating. He pulled through, and they kept doing what they were doing, being heroes, saving people, keeping the city safe… They did all that, and I was at home. After what happened, I asked him to mentor me the way he mentored Speedy, and they both flipped their shit. Ollie shot me down every time I told him that I wanted to do what they were doing. I stopped asking, eventually, and then, I brought it up again as a joke. GA won't teach me, ha ha. I didn't mean anything by it, but Dinah was sitting there. She looked straight at him, and I swear, I'll never forget the way she asked him why not. They had a big fight about it, but after that, we spent the next six months training non-stop."

Her peers had no idea how important that moment had been for her. Even Artemis and M'gann didn't understand what it was like to have a woman step up for her like that. Of the original Team members, Lee was the only one whose mentor had been a woman. Maybe it didn't matter for the rest of them, but she never had anyone to look up to the way that she looked up to Dinah. Dinah never held back, and she never held Lee back. She never compared Lee to Roy or Dick. Dinah never asked that her apprentice be less of a girl or less proud of who she was. The entire world would be watching and waiting to see a young Latina hero fail, and Dinah taught her how to manage that immense pressure, even if she didn't always understand it. In the end, Lee learned far more from Dinah than she could have ever learned from Oliver.

"How can I take on an apprentice when I'm not done being one myself?" She knew that he didn't have an answer, and part of her wondered if it was really fair to be bringing this up to him when he hadn't known much more than the deep floors of Cadmus where they first met.

She wore her guilt far too openly, and Jim set his bottle down next to the couch and threw himself onto the bed beside her. The springs bounced as he settled onto his side, and he punched her arm playfully, "Keep an open mind, Belle. Who knows, maybe the kid needs someone like you."

Bug had no idea what she was expecting when she met Blue, but the mild-mannered teenager who Nightwing introduced her to didn't seem like he needed much mentoring. According to the file that she read before coming up to the Cave, he was doing just fine. He seemed nervous when she met him, and it made him seem younger than sixteen.

"What does he need me for?" Bug asked her leader while watching the boy spar Cassie. He was measured and well-timed, but there were times when his movements even surprised him. Intuitive, sure, but unpolished and not entirely in control. That being said, she didn't think there was anything that he could learn from her that he couldn't learn from Dick, Conner, or M'gann.

"He was operating solo when Christopher, Guy, and Nate came across him," Nightwing replied.

"Yeah, almost six months," she acknowledged, turning to face him with her arms crossed.

"Almost the same amount of time you trained with Canary when you started."

"Under supervision in extreme conditions. What does that have to do with anything?"

"She pushed you, hard," he stated factually, and Lee shrugged it off as if it didn't matter that she had worked harder and pushed herself to go further than the rest of her peers.

"I wanted her to," she defended her mentor's training technique. They knew as well as she did that Canary wasn't one to take it easy on them because they were just kids, and anyone who ever stepped into her ring at the Cave knew that Bug didn't, either. Their world was harsh and unforgiving, and she prepared them for that.

Dick turned and regarded her evenly, "I'm not judging. There's nothing wrong with how you and I were trained, but where would we be if nobody was there to tell us when it was time to stop?" Unbidden, Cheshire's painted mask came to mind, and Lee cast it as far out of her mind as she possibly could, reminding herself that there were people out there who had been pushed too far too early.

"What makes you think he can't figure it out himself?"

"I'm sure he can. I know that all of them can," he corrected himself as he turned slightly to gaze back at the new generation of young heroes, "but it's easier when you have someone you look up to standing by."

It was a valid point, and she didn't have anything else to say about it. He seemed to think that all was said with that, and he kicked off the wall that he was leaning on, ready to join in the next spar. "I don't need a project, Dick," she said to his back.

"No, you don't," he agreed easily after stopping in his tracks. He looked back over his shoulder at the indignant woman that Lee had become. She had always been a little bit reckless, but she never put them in danger. She never went so far that they couldn't bring her back, but anyone who knew her well, anyone who knew how she fought, could see how she was drifting away from them. They relied on each other in ways that even the League didn't understand. They were the first ones to know what it was like to come of age in this lifestyle, and they were the ones who helped each other get through everything from first heartbreaks to first Team deaths.

"You need to remember what it was like when we started this Team," the way he said it was different from they way he had been speaking earlier. He meant it as both her friend and her leader. They worried about her more and more lately. She wasn't talking to them about things the way she used to, and it felt as if her motivations had changed since the inception of the Team. It wasn't the family she used to see it as, it was a distraction from and an outlet for the loss and betrayal from Roy's departure. She just didn't see that, yet, and the former Robin hoped that a mentee would help her remember why she was really there.

After the kids' training session, Lee thought that she'd at least try to take Dick's advice. She did something that she hadn't done in ages, and by the time the younger heroes in training were done with their showers, there was a batch of freshly baked cookies ready for them.

"Oh, cool!" Gar's cheer sounded first before he even got to the mess hall, "Cookies!" The kids raced to the kitchen and swept up the first batch hurriedly.

"Thanks, Bug!" Karen chirped happily.

"I didn't know she could bake," Tim commented as he nibbled on one of the treats.

"You thought we lived on my cooking?" M'gann laughed, throwing a wink at the woman who taught her how to properly use the kitchen.

The Team came and went in a flurry of 'thank you's and 'see you later's. It was quiet by the time their newest recruit came through the kitchen. He snagged one of the remaining cookies and mumbled a shy 'thanks' when he passed her. He was almost out the door, on his way to the zeta tube, when she called out to him, "Espera, Jaime."

He stopped just at the door and turned around with a surprised look on his face, "Hablas español?"

She smiled at the younger boy, "My father's lengua materna. I thought it'd be good to check in with you. I know we can be a bit… intimidating."

"No, not at all," he said a little bit too quickly. "It's cool. I like it here."

"Good. I'm glad." She felt awkward. It wasn't often that she chatted with the kids one on one like this. Most of them had someone who they could confide in. Tim had Dick, Gar had M'gann, and Cassie had Conner. The older recruits were perfectly fine transitioning to the Team. She never felt the need to make herself available like this. What did the others talk about with the kids? She had no idea, but she kept talking anyway. "I can't say I know what it's like to be in your shoes. I never had to hide what I do from my family, but I imagine that it's hard. One of the good things about the Team is that there are other people here who do get it. I…" What the hell was she doing? M'gann gave these kinds of talks, not her. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably at the look of rapt attention shining back at her in the new Blue Beetle's eyes, and she wondered if she had that same look on her face when she first met Dinah.

"Mira," she started again after taking a deep breath, "this lifestyle isn't easy, and I'm not gonna lie to you. Sometimes, we lose people, and we can lose ourselves behind the masks. The younger you start, the harder it is to make something that even resembles a normal life. I'm in no position to be a mentor to you or anyone else, but if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here."

He nodded seriously and she could see that he was already starting to understand the gravity of the choices he recently made. "Thank you," he said with a gratitude that she wasn't sure she deserved for doing close to nothing. Still, she smiled at him with a little bit of relief, feeling glad that she made the effort, no matter how small it seemed. She couldn't wait to tell Jim.