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'Thoughts'
"Speech"
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KING ARTHUR:
Fallen Knights Return
Chapter Five – Fate Calls the Brave
Later that night, after all the children were settled, Sandrina sought Tristan out. It had bothered her all day as to whether she had offended or upset him in any way. For some strange reason she could not fathom, it would distress her greatly to know she had been the cause of any hurt or anger to him.
She found him in the stables; though having now found him, she did not know what to say.
He looked so desolate standing there watching his horse eat his hay, remaining totally still; it amazed her how he did that. Sometimes she would touch his arm, just to ensure he was still breathing.
Tonight he was obviously deep in thought; and she thought it would be better to approach the usual way. She walked over and laid her hand on his arm. He swung round, surprised to see her.
She immediately raised her hands "sorry, sorry; I didn't mean to startle you."
"You didn't; I just didn't realise it was you." a calm voice and chocolate eyes rested gently on her.
"I wondered…..if I upset you today, or made you angry; either really?"
"Why would you think that?" His brows furrowed, clearly puzzled.
"You said all those things to me and then left. You sounded …..tortured."
"I was - you……affect me in ways I'm not used to; you and Bethan. She is as you are. She speaks to you gently and holds your hand. She comforts me, a man old enough to be her father, when I should be comforting her."
"You may well do so one day; one day she'll take a spill off a horse or get into a fight she won't win, for a change, and she'll run to you crying – instead of laughing like she usually does.
Something will happen where she'll need you Tristan, mark my words. Of all of them here, and we both adore all the knights, you are the favourite."
"Hers….…or yours?"
They both stood motionless through the pause that followed…..
"Both."
He smiled then, a real smile that reached his eyes. "You affect me….here." he touched his chest where his heart was. "I don't understand it. It has never happened to me before." He looked at her "This is not like me."
"I can see that; that's the most you've ever said to me since we arrived - I think that's the most you've said to anyone since we arrived." She smiled back.
He shook his head "Actually Bethan and I have long discussions - a lot. She has an old head on young shoulders, as my mother would say. She is a captivating child; I am so sorry she was born out of such…. has had to grow up fast. With the life we've led, the other children; she can't just be a child really – not like the others. That's my biggest regret for her; it's nice to see her with Lucan, as they have such fun together. She's not like that with the other children; she always feels she has to be in charge if I'm not there, to mother them.
As to having her; I love her so much - I'm just grateful to have her in my life, I don't care about how it came to pass. She has brought me so much joy. She makes my sun come up every day; because of her, I believe that there is still good in most people. Do you know what she said to me today?"
"Nay."
"She told me she loved you because you always made time for her….as Bethan, you put her at ease. She said the others were fun - Bors lets her run amok with his own tribe; Dag always has a funny story and of course there's always Lucan there too" they both smiled knowing how she and the boy were inseparable.
"Gawain and Galahad play silly games with her; Lancelot lets her fool around with the shields and things; and Arthur talks to her about our life before we came here and tries to teach her things.
But you - you're the only one who lets her be herself, talk about the serious things that worry her, or things she finds funny. You teach her to fight, to track and scout and you let her chatter about everything and nothing. She truly adores you - and yet, apparently, you make her sad; me too, if the truth be known."
Tristan had been standing impassively through this, though inwardly touched, but suddenly his face clouded "I do? Why - how?"
"She feels your loneliness, your isolation; so do I. Tristan, I know you're a scout, I know you have to spend huge tracts of time on your own – but it can't be just that, so what is it? What did I do today that upset you so much?"
"You sang."
"I know I'm not any good, but…."
A long finger touched her lips as he stepped towards her "You are actually very good. But it was not your voice, it was the song. It…touched me."
He sighed "I have spent 15 years convincing myself I needed no one, and no one needed me. That it was better that way; that I should live only for the kill, nothing more.
Then today you sang that song, and 15 years of work collapsed around me. I can't explain it, it affected me the same way you do; in here." He touched his chest again.
"You affect me; I find myself looking for you – if I don't see you, I'm crestfallen. I stand always to the side, usually I watched the others have fun; but now I'm happy just watching you…..breathe, move - I…" he stepped towards her, his eyes almost glowing, and went to…..…...
"Tristan! There you are! We have a problem - you're needed!" said Jols.
Tristan eyes shut down, the warmth immediately leaving them, as the soldier in him took over. He immediately turned and walked away from her.
At that moment, San shot Jols a look that made him pale and step back. All the horses started to fidget and the hawk flew into the night with a frustrated cry.
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Lancelot, who had found them moments before but had been unfortunate enough not to be able to intercept Jols, despite his best efforts, cheerfully would have killed him where he stood. As the other man was leaving, he knocked him to the ground.
"Oi! What was that for!" Jols exclaimed picking himself up, as the other knights came for their horses.
"Dolt! He was about to kiss her - would another minute have made much difference!"
"Well I didn't bloody know, did I!"
Why do you think I was waving like a lunatic at you Jols; mayhap you thought I was trying to swat a large fly!"
"Who was kissing who?" asked Gawain and Galahad at the same time.
"NO ONE! That's the bloody point!" cried Lancelot in exasperation. "Look, Tristan nearly kissed San - until this bloody idiot barged in and wrecked everything!"
Bors stalked over to Jols; he adored San and wanted her to be happy, preferably with Dag - but if it had to be the scout "Why did you do it!"
"I HAD to, alright! He was needed – Arthur said. So I fetched him; I didn't bloody know they were about to get all sodding soppy on each other!"
Bors shrugged "He has a point - we'll think of something when we get back. Get them both drunk, lock them in a room together ……..let nature take its course!"
"You know, pigs are more romantic than you Bors" despaired Lancelot.
Just then, Arthur arrived…..
"Knights! We have a small faction of Celts forming on the south side of the wall. It is not a large contingent, but they can be vicious.
Merlin is moving some of his Woads into position, but we need to deal with them before they reach the fort.
Come knights - it is time to defend OUR land, and OUR freedom!"
He strode to his horse; his helmet remodelled and his banner gone, to show he was no longer a Roman - but a Briton.
The others all mounted up; Lancelot, Dagonet and Tristan cast a long look at Sandrina. Dagonet's one of alliance, Lancelot's one of comfort and Tristan's……his was warm and at the same time desolate; then they rode out.
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As their gaze broke a fear so overwhelming rose up in her, that it almost choked her….. "WAIT!" she cried "WAIT!" But they were gone.
She ran to her room, grabbed her sword, her bow and arrows and her daggers. Shoving the daggers in the holders built into the back of her breeches, she shrugged on her armour. She swung her bow over her shoulder, slotted the sword into its holder on her back and then donned her quiver of arrows; she only hoped she had enough…
She sighed, it had been a long while since she had used these, but fear drove her…..
Merlin's words ringing in her ears "Fear is good, it keeps you on your guard and your wits about you. Only a fool drops their guard". Well her fear was telling her she had to be with them, fight with them. She had to….to protect them.
It was ridiculous she knew, how could she protect them – knights….warriors, for Heaven's sake….but still, the feeling would not go and she had to follow that feeling. It had never failed her before.
She stopped momentarily, and sticking two fingers from each hand into the ash of the fireplace, she wiped the thick black lines on her cheeks; her Sarmatian heritage, her tribe, still strong in her.
Merlin stood in the door to her room, watching her, as she snatched up her weapons. She turned to him, blue eyes turning a stormy grey with warning "Don't stop me."
"I will not, you are listening to your instincts; you are following the pull of your own destiny. I will not stand in your way, child. But have a care for yourself – listen to your soul, it will help you defeat your enemy and save your friends."
"Merlin….." she touched his arm "I…"
"Go" he smiled "I value your friendship equally as much, but your destiny is calling…."
She flew past him – and he watched her go. He sighed, he hoped she would not let her feelings for the knights, and one knight in particular, cloud her abilities.
She ran to Hunter; the horse the knights had gifted her with when she had decided to stay. It was the horse she had seen on her first night there, and he was her loyal friend.
Mounting him, she started to ride to the gate – just as all the children, including Bethan and Lucan, came running with Vanora.
Bethan's eyes widened in horror, she had seen her mother go to battle too many times, and Sandrina's heart broke for what she was about to put her daughter through again.
She pulled the horse up, quickly trying to quell the fear of both her daughter and the other children in her care.
"Bethan! Stay with the others at Vanora's!" The other woman nodded "I love you Bethan, I love you more than the stars and moon!
Mark me!" she called out proudly and forcefully to all the children, as she had on so many other occasions "I will let naught harm befall you and I WILL return…one way or another…I will return to you!"
Lucan ran forward "Take care of Dagonet! PLEASE San…..take care of my father…I could not bear to lose him again! He is all the world to me!" his voice faltered, thick with emotion.
She nodded; impulsively slipping from her horse and patting the boy on the head she knelt to hug her daughter, who resolutely fought back the tears that threatened her large blue eyes, "I will come back to you Bethan, trust me…."
"I trust you Mama….as I trust Tristan to save you, as you would save him. But please …please do not leave me in this world alone…." Her voice trembled, but she would still not shed the tears.
"Brave girl, you are my heart's delight…..whatever happens this day, you will never be alone. Always remember that…..somehow I will always walk through this life with you Bethan" her own voice trembled with unshed tears, and the child hugged her so tightly that Vanora thought she was trying to stop her leaving; but a moment later Sandrina was gone in a flurry of dust.
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Vanora stared at the little girl who only now broke down and collapsed to the ground in tears "MOTHER! Mother……..Tristan save her please, keep both you safe for me!" she whimpered into the dirt, her tears forming dirty puddles.
"Come little one, come…."
"NAY! Leave me! I will not move until they return – one way or another, I will see them back to me!" She shrugged off the woman, defiantly standing once again – angrily wiping the tears from her face…
Lucan too, his arm around his constant companion, his own heart tight with fear, stood resolutely with her. Both sets of eyes – one a deep blue and the other a sea green - fixed on the closed gates before them.
Vanora felt as if her heart would break to see them…..and only hoped that their loved ones would return. She turned and gently shepherded the other children, some of Sandrina's quietly weeping, away.
The other residents of the fort looked on in wonder and pride, many with tears in their eyes, at the two small children standing defiantly by the gate…………..waiting……..
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Fate had called the brave, and the wheels of destiny turned again……..
