January 24, 2016

By the time she got home, it was just about dawn, when the first rays of light cast the night out of complete dark and into a soft gray. She didn't feel right sleeping at Jim's after that conversation. The question he asked nagged at her. Was she still in love with Roy? No? Maybe? She couldn't say yes like she used to, but did that mean she didn't love him still?

After all, this was Roy. This was the man who had pulled her out of the line of fire when Brick and his thugs meant to riddle her with bullets. Roy who had danced with her at prom and spent the rest of the night sitting on the roof of Royal University's union building because she couldn't see herself spending another four years tucked behind a desk in school. He was the one she went to when Roddy hunted her down to satisfy their family curse and dug through dirt and gravel with his bare hands to reach her when her cousin buried her alive at their ancestral home.

Their relationship had been far from perfect, but they tried to make it work. Little by little, they worked on being better people for each other. They compromised and learned how to live with the limited time they could realistically share together. For a while there, even despite his absence she really thought that it was going to work.

Lee collapsed on her bed and pulled the covers over her head. She had just wanted to know what Jim thought. She valued his opinion. She cared about what he had to say. He talked with her openly. He didn't hold back his opinion for her sake, and he was comfortable when she did the same. Jim told her what it was like for him when the genomorphs moved above ground. He talked about his job and how he ended up working at a night club in Metropolis. It was the closest thing to a normal friendship that she ever had.

She looked forward to seeing him. Whenever he texted her, she always answered him as soon as she could. She went out of her way to help make his day go by a little easier. When she brought up what Snapper said, a small part of her hoped that he would tell her not to go.

It reminded her of those early days with Roy…

No. That was a dangerous road, and it wasn't fair of her to even consider. Jim trusted her because she didn't compare him to his brother, and he wasn't even attracted to her. Their friendship worked. She couldn't risk ruining that. Her entire relationship with Roy completely fell apart because of their romantic relationship. The more she thought about it, the more she realized how bad they were together, but that didn't mean she didn't love him. Jim was steady and secure, and spending time with him made her feel safe. It wouldn't be fair to him if she ever even considered anything other than friendship.

Her ex's brother? What kind of person would that make her? Besides, she didn't think of him as just Roy's brother anymore. He was her friend, and if she pursued him, that would just make him, what? A rebound? A distraction? She couldn't reduce their friendship to that. She could already imagine how he would reject her and reason that her desire for him stemmed from the similarities he bore to her ex. Even if what she felt could be the beginnings of a real attraction and genuine desire, it would end the same way, and she wasn't up for more dramatic tragedy in her life.

She thought that Jim smiled at her differently than how Dick and Wally smiled at her. She thought it was different from the way he smiled at other people, and she could have sworn that his fingers curled around her shoulder when they were sitting next to each other watching his game shows.

It must be a figment of her imagination. He was just comfortable with her, and all of those things were just the way Roy showed his affection for her. It wasn't necessarily true of his brother. Maybe she just wanted to feel wanted. Jim's easy-going nature could have just given her the impression that he wanted her to be there with him. It had been a long time since she had to interpret the slow signs of a developing attraction, and she knew that she was probably wrong. He had never shown any real interest in her, not like Lucas, who openly flirted with her and invited her out for drinks and dinner.

She just needed to get out more. That was it.

It was way too early in the morning, now, but if she got some sleep now, she could text Snapper later and see if he still wanted to get drinks…

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Jim couldn't get any sleep after Lee left his apartment, and it took everything he had not to invite her to stay the night. Except, after that conversation, he wasn't sure where it would go if he did that. It wasn't often that they talked about Roy anymore, but whenever they did, he had started to feel something new. Annabelle Lee was an incredible woman. Beautiful and vivacious with a spark that never seemed to go out, even when she was at her lowest. He had never worked along side her, but he knew how accomplished she was and how capable she could be in the field. He knew what his brother felt, and he understood what could have driven Roy away from a life with Lee. Lately, he couldn't help but think that he would be better for her than his brother.

He had been jealous before, easy. Once he realized what he was, envy like he had never imagined gripped him. He wanted a life. A real one. He wanted the schoolyard memories, the puppy love, the ratty apartment, and the white picket fence. He wanted all that, but he wasn't programmed for it. He could long for it all he wanted, but he was created to be Guardian. Security and action were encoded in his very flesh and blood. He couldn't just drop all of it for the mundane civilian lifestyle, but when he was with Lee, none of that mattered. She knew who and what he was, and she understood. She'd shown up bandaged and bloodied on his door step, and he had tossed her an ice pack without a second thought. On the nights when he was restless and angry, she'd spar with him in silence. They understood fists and bruises, but they knew pizza and game shows just as well.

He wasn't just jealous of Roy. Frustration and anger towards his brother built up the longer he got to know the other clone's ex-fiancee. Red Arrow had everything Jim had ever wanted. How had that not been enough? Jim knew, of course, it wasn't that easy. Roy was a complicated person, coming to terms with an identity that Jim would never know in full. But was that enough of a reason to leave Lee with such a mess?

Jim heard a knock on his door at whatever ungodly hour they were at, and he stumbled through his apartment. He wondered, briefly – hopefully – if it was her, and a part of him leapt and stuttered at the thought. Maybe she had been thinking about it as much as he had…

He opened the door and blinked in surprise. The person waiting had his hands stuffed in an old pair of smart jeans and seemed just as uncomfortable standing there as Jim felt. "Hey, can we talk?"

Jim drew the door open wider and stepped aside, still confused but not at all resistant as Oliver entered his home. "Yeah, sure." The retired Guardian watched the blond man examine his living room, and suddenly, he felt like he should've done more cleaning. He had only heard from Lee's former employer on a handful of occasions. First, when he and the other genomorphs had come to the surface. Then, he and Ollie had spoken about Roy and Cadmus's interference with their lives.

"So, what brings you here?" Jim asked carefully.

"Nightwing has reason to believe that Roy's back in the United States," Ollie stated. He looked significantly older thant the last time they spoke. The stess of what was happening to his family clearly took a toll on him. "We just haven't figured out where."

Jim froze as if a bucket of ice had been thrown over him. "Does Lee know?"

Oliver looked up at him, scrutinizing him helplessly before sighing and leaning against the window, "No, she doesn't. Look, I know these past months, you've been a lot of help to her, and I appreciate that. I know she's an adult, and it's not my place…"

"We're just friends," Jim blurted out, but the outburst only illicited a questioning raise of Oliver's brow.

"Right. Like I said, it's not my place. None of this has been easy on any of us. Nobody knows what Roy being back means, but he hasn't contacted us. We're trying to find him before she realizes he's here and, I don't know, talk some sense into him?"

"What? Like an intervention?"

"He needs one, Jim. He's ruining his life."

"What about Lee?" The question hung between them, and Ollie turned to gaze out the window. Something protective flared in him and a spark of irritation came into his voice, "You can't keep her in the dark, Oliver."

"What good will it do to tell her? She's happy. She's in the field. She spends time with people. I can't…" Oliver's strained voice died out as he shook his head. "I can't let him keep dragging her down."

"She deserves to know."

Ollie raised his eyes to Jim's, and the clone nearly fell back from the pained, angry look on his face. "You have no idea how hard it is to watch two of the people you love most in the world tear each other apart over and over again until they're nothing but shells of who they used to be."

A pregnant silence followed, and Jim was reminded how much of her life he was a stranger to.

"If you need me to be there," Jim said slowly, "I'll be there, but you can't just let her find out on her own. It won't work. No matter how happy she seems now, she's never not going to be hurt by what happened between them."

"I know," Oliver Queen moved away from the window and made his way to the door, only pausing when he was standing shoulder to shoulder with Jim. "That's why we can't ask her to spend any more of herself on this. Don't tell her, Jim. As her family, I'm asking you to keep this to yourself."